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Ok FSU folks,your opinion,personal matter

Discussion in 'Off The Beaten Track' started by Andrushka, Nov 10, 2011.

  1. Andrushka

    Andrushka Well-Known Member

    Ok,I wanted to get your opinions on something I am dealing with at the moment and have made a decision on.And I am now being told I am being silly about.

    Ok back story.I befriended a girl at church about a year ago who is very much the opposite of me,but that was fine.We got along well,I only see her once a week.So aside from what I had seen at church,that's all the insight I had into her character.Well recently,we changed to a different Life Group and she joined Facebook.(probably a bad idea) A few weeks ago she started complaining that this or that person offended her in the life group.I honestly didn't see her basis for being offended,so she switched to a different life group.Well upon her exit she posted a rant on fb,mind you most of the people from her former group are on her fb.And she ranted about people offending her and she became hostile towards the entire group,I am still in that group. I was shocked.On top of that,she apparently angered and insulted someone I've known longer than her resulting in her being blocked by that person. I spoke to her about her behaviour and she ignored me and made excuses. Her behaviour really bothered me alot because most of those people had never done anything to her and in reality,none of them had really done anything truly offensive.And it gave me a not so pleasant glimpse into her character.So I tried to distance myself from her and sit elsewhere during services etc...Not working. So after discussing this over with a few people whom I have great respect for their opinions,I decided to end the "friendship". I told her that what she did really bothered me and that I don't want to hang out anymore.

    What do you think?Honestly.
  2. nubka

    nubka Well-Known Member

    I hope she doesn't go balistic when you tell her... :eek:
  3. Andrushka

    Andrushka Well-Known Member

    I already did.I wrote an email rather than a face to face confrontation. I normally deal with that stuff in person but I already confronted her once in person about what she did. I did not want to create a scene because I will not tolerate someone going balistic on me.
  4. nerdycool

    nerdycool Well-Known Member

    I don't think there's anything wrong with ending a friendship in a case like this. It's obvious you don't want her as a friend anymore, so by keeping her as a friend, you'll just make yourself miserable, and you will likely end the friendship at a later point anyway. Besides, a friendship is a give & take deal. It sounds like she's not giving much in return.
  5. soxxy

    soxxy Guest

    Just don't drag it out. You've made your decision, it sounds to me like the right one given the circumstances.
  6. Veronika

    Veronika gold dust woman

    I think it's much better to be honest and tell her why you are letting her go as a friend...rather than cutting her out of your life. I hate it when people cut you out with no explanation.
  7. Andrushka

    Andrushka Well-Known Member

    I gave her an explanation.
  8. Veronika

    Veronika gold dust woman

    I know, I was praising you. :)
  9. CynicElle

    CynicElle Well-Known Member

    I don't think you're being silly, and even if I did, so what? It's your call who you want in your life. If you've tried to talk things over with her (and it sounds like you did) and she's not receptive, I don't really see why breaking things off is a bad thing.
  10. BigB08822

    BigB08822 Well-Known Member

    I don't see the problem. It sounds like you were more acquaintances than friends, anyway. This is what happens when we meet people. We learn more about them and decided they are or aren't right for us and we either pursue the friendship or move on. Usually you can do so without saying anything but since you tried this and it wasn't working, you had no choice but to speak up or continue trying to dodge her every week at church.
  11. Andrushka

    Andrushka Well-Known Member

  12. Andrushka

    Andrushka Well-Known Member

    :lol: yeah I am running out of people to make excuses to have serious conversations with."I'll see you later,I need to talk to someone!". ;)
  13. skatemommy

    skatemommy Well-Known Member

    Sadly, Facebook has become a place for some people to vent when they have no interpersonal skills. It is a cowardly way to lash out at those around you. You have given her ample opportunity to explain herself and or make amends. You have taken the high road...perhaps you can point her to someone in the church who has experience in counseling those with marginal personalities.
  14. allezfred

    allezfred Master/Mistress of Sneer Staff Member

    You need space.
    RedRover, taf2002, IceAlisa and 5 others like this.
  15. Andrushka

    Andrushka Well-Known Member

    She knows where to get counseling at church.The problem being,she doesn't think she has a problem.I tried to point out her actions were not ok,so it's not my problem anymore.

    Exactly!And I am taking it! lol
  16. IceAlisa

    IceAlisa discriminating and persnickety ballet aficionado

  17. Rafter

    Rafter Well-Known Member

    What in the hell is a "life group"?
  18. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

    I agree. You don't need negative people in your life.

    Who's saying this is silly? I think this is perfectly rational.
  19. barbk

    barbk Well-Known Member

    Andrushka -- What your former friend did sounds an awfully lot like what one of my family members did when she was in a bad place with respect to her mental illness. At other times she could be quite sweet and loving, and then wham - you'd get a letter in the mail, or she'd write something in her blog or on facebook that would just be awful. I just had to keep telling myself that it was the disease talking.

    Just something you might consider as a possible explanation ...
  20. Grannyfan

    Grannyfan Active Member

    It's the latest name for a Sunday School class or Bible study group. Sometimes they meet in homes and on days other than Sunday.

    Regarding the poster's original question, it's been my observation that people who are easily offended will eventually leave whatever church they're in and attend another one until they get offended there. They're rarely interested in forgiveness--seeking or giving--and don't care anything about mending relationships because they seem always to see themselves as the wronged, never in the wrong. Maybe she'll move on to her next church soon.
  21. Andrushka

    Andrushka Well-Known Member

    One of our mutual friends,I think she just feels stuck in the middle.I already told her that if she wants to sit with the other girl in church so she's not sitting by herself,it's fine with me,she and I can hang out after church.

    Our life group aka Sunday School class actually meets at church.I think it's just a phrase that sounds more grown up than Sunday School lol

    I imagine she'll bounce around from class to class.All in all,she's been to atleast 3 thus far.One thing that made her angry,the class clown made some smart remark when she said something with a big word and he said "Can you say that in English please?",she took offense to it. As I mentioned in the first post.Nothing happened that was truly offensive.
  22. PDilemma

    PDilemma Well-Known Member

    There's a class clown mocking people's vocabulary at church? Seems the name change isn't really making things grown up.

    And, I don't understand, you can't sit in the same pew at church with someone because she posted something you didn't like on Facebook? Because that seems like the extent of the relationship from what you posted here. There is more, yes? Or your church requires a level of interaction within the pew that I have never experienced???
  23. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

    And some people are really just that mean when the doors are closed. Mental illness should only be an excuse if you know that the person in question actually has a mental illness.

    That's a good attitude, but also one that's very high school. :lol: I thought adults weren't supposed to hold grudges like that? (I guess not...:lol: )

    I dunno, being made fun of like that would have offended me. Partially because I prize my intelligence and partially because I'm not Caucasian. :shuffle:

    But lashing out over Facebook was the immature response too. :p
  24. Andrushka

    Andrushka Well-Known Member

    She does tend to hold grudges,I don't. I didn't see it as making fun.He wasn't being ugly by it.I'm not entirely Caucasian myself. My response to her when she mentioned it was that he just showed his lack of intelligence.Everyone else understood.

    There are "class clowns" everywhere in life.Someone is always going be immature,it's life.

    W are not required to sit in any one particular place,you sit where you want.And I don't want to sit with her,anylonger.Her disagreeable behaviour extends beyond just facebook and she has a tendency to follow me around at church.I don't want to be associated with someone who is insulting people who haven't done anything.Especially when I am attempting to make friends.
  25. Andrushka

    Andrushka Well-Known Member

    Just a quick update,saw her Saturday and Sunday and things went well.She didn't get an attitude she just went her way and I went mine.So it appears*knock on wood* that it has turned out ok. Thankyou all for your opinions on this,sometimes an opinion from an outside source is necessary.:)