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Living at home and paying rent

Discussion in 'Off The Beaten Track' started by mkats, Jun 23, 2010.

  1. Freespirit

    Freespirit Active Member

    I appreciate your comments and you make very valid points. I think it's safe to say that each situation is unique and there are no definitive solutions. What works for one family, may not cut it for another.

    MOIJTO Banned Member

    My son just moved home again, he needed to reduce some of his expenses to be able to have money when his band tours Israel and Canada this summer. He has expenses with his business and since he cannot afford health insurance we do not expect him to pay rent, he does buy his own food etc. Money only goes so far.
  3. Skate Talker

    Skate Talker Replaced the display under my name

    I moved back home when my brother got married and moved out. Parents were living 1/2 year as snowbirds and wanted someone to stay in the house. We had an arrangement that I can't exactly remember but think was 10% of my wages and chores while they were home and all expenses while they were away.

    Due to my father's health issues after a few years they no longer went south for the winter and I completely took over his house maintenance and yard work and also paid $100/week as my contribution to household expenses. I understood this was a major bargain and took the opportunity to save faithfully. As it turned out I was laid off 7 years ago and have been so thankful that I had those savings - it enabled me to continue my contribution, take only casual jobs and spend some quality time with my parents before it was too late. My mother never would have been able to stay in the home she loved so much if I hadn't moved in so although I recognize what a soft time I had of it I like to think the benefits went both ways.
  4. smurfy

    smurfy Well-Known Member

    Definitely make the offer. Shows maturity, responsibility, and understanding that there is no such thing as a free lunch. If they refuse, definitely SAVE, and do something like buy something, chores, whatever.
    There are so many folks that mooch, it is nice to see something thoughtful.
  5. numbers123

    numbers123 Well-Known Member

    it is a difficult thing to let go of the mommy parent role with adult children. One must let go of the curfew or friends (opposite sex or not) rules. But the child must also own up to adult behavior and think, what respect would I give another landlord or community living.

    A difficult situation - can be wonderful or hard feelings depending upon the maturity of all involved.
  6. Garden Kitty

    Garden Kitty Tranquillo

    No need to duck - like most things there is no one right answer and the important thing is that each of the parties involved try to act considerately and responsibly given the facts of the situation. It certainly sounds like you did all that and more!
  7. lise

    lise Well-Known Member

    My parents never made us pay rent if we were students which i was. However, with y brothers, my parents had them pay "rent" and they would put the money in a savings account for them when they were ready to move out. All my brothers had their down payments for their homes by the time they moved out.
  8. Jenny

    Jenny From the Bloc

    There can be other factors at play here. One is that some parents might take pride in being able to provide for their children, and consider it a bad mark on themselves if their child has to pay them.

    Another is that as I understand it, mkats went to a very expensive school. I'm not asking for details, but just bringing up the idea that she may have significant student loans to pay off, or her parents might have made a significant investment in her education. If there is debt, parents might prefer that she focus on paying it down rather than paying them rent. If they paid for her schooling, then paying rent could be a way of paying them back, at least symbolically.

    mkats is a smart gal and I believe has a good relationship with her parents, so they should be able to talk it through.

    My one piece of advice has been alluded to by others - if an adult child lives at home, for the parents sake, be part of the family. Join them for meals, help out with chores, spend some evenings with them, introduce them to friends who visit.

    It's hard for parents to see their babies grow up and no longer need them, so this is a great time to transition the relationship and show them that they still matter and that you still want them to be part of your life, even when you eventually take the big step and move out.
  9. Tinami Amori

    Tinami Amori Well-Known Member

    Good! For! You! For such decent approach to living with your parents and not expecting it to be “free”!

    Never mind what others “don’t pay”….. They’ll be on welfare someday or “living off someone else” which such attitude… You can't live "in a place" and not pay....

    The fair thing to do is to count the number of people in your house, you being one of them, and divide “house rent/mortgage”, food bill and utilities by this number of people – you X/1 share of each expense is what you pay.

    Rent/Mortgage 3000/month, and you have 5 people – you pay 600.
    Food 600/month – you pay 120

    That’s what I always did when I lived with parents, on and off. It makes you feel “equal” and you have just as much rights in the house as adults, and you’re not burdening your parents financially.
  10. Cheylana

    Cheylana Well-Known Member

    ^^ Don't feel bad; I didn't pay rent either. I lived at home for 2 1/2 years (commuting into NYC for work), but my parents refused to let me pay them real rent, so I paid around $200 per month, plus chipped in for groceries and certain other miscellaneous stuff. I was very frugal though, and I took all the money I would have paid on rent and paid off my $185,000 student loans (college and law school) and put some money into savings before moving back to NYC. Thanks Mom & Dad! :)
  11. Clarice

    Clarice Well-Known Member

    When I got my first teaching job and lived at home, my parents charged me $100/month in rent (sounds really low, but that actually was 10% of my income, which is pretty much why I was living at home in the first place!). Unbeknownst to me, they saved it all and used it to pay for my wedding. I'm very grateful to them for their assistance as I learned to make my own way in the world.
  12. skatemommy

    skatemommy Well-Known Member

    Such great advice...so many unique situations. I love the idea of rent going towards a savings account (as a parent). When I was in college and came home back in the day we only had land lines and long distance calls cost $ I too would scoop up the telephone or gas bill and pay it for my parents. They didn't argue but wondered where it was! Thanks all.
  13. Norlite

    Norlite Well-Known Member

    My parents did that with my brother too. He was the only one who lived at home after school. We girls bolted asap. ;)

    All his rent went into an account, it was presented to him after his marriage, and he bought a boat. No house, a boat. :lol:
  14. Twilight1

    Twilight1 Well-Known Member

    wow, I didn't pay rent at all. I purchased all the groceries though. I moved out at 23. I was making $9 an hour at that time and could only find part time employment averaging roughly 24 hours a week. (I didn't get into social services for the money lol!!)

    When my now husband and I moved in together, I did end up being able to get another part time job and contributed to the expenses each month. I just didn't have the money to give to my dad while I was living with him. if I had given him 35%, I would be paying him $302 a month, add that to the $350 for student loans...plus travel expenses to work and food I wouldn't have been able to do anything or save anything.

    So glad my dad was the way he was...

    I got my first job at 14 and have worked ever since and paid my own way for everything. If I wanted to go somewhere I saved up for it...school trips, clothes, school supplies. If I didn't have the money, I didn't get it. My parents just couldn't afford it, esp after they divorced.
  15. MOIJTO

    MOIJTO Banned Member

    My children also have worked since they were 14, my husband and I started at 11. I babysat and my husband mowed lawns and was able to buy his first car at 14.

    Anyway, I think this is a very personal decision between parents and kids, I for one have never expected or asked for rent (I said this a few posts up) but I did expect my kids to "contribute" the best they could in areas they could.

    My daughter has been out for 2 years and my son has moved back, but he does have financial responsibilities with his business so, thats enough!
  16. mmscfdcsu

    mmscfdcsu Skating Pairs with Drew

    My mother did not charge me rent, but I chose to contribute quite a bit. I did all of the yardwork/snow removal, most of the laundry, etc. I picked up many of the utility bills, and no comments on this one, paid for cable television for myselkf and my mother. I was just out of school with a B.A. in Social Work and so was making really, really bad money. Still, within a couple of years I was able to pay cash for a car and to pay for two years of graduate study at Case Western Reserve University. (My mother did want to help out and did pay for my books for grad school). My mother did not need the money and enjoyed having some company in the large house after my father died. I was also a built in house-sitter while she traveled. It worked for us.
  17. Twilight1

    Twilight1 Well-Known Member

    Mojito- well if we count babysitting then I started at 11 too. LOL!! I remember babysitting and thinking that $20 was the most awesome thing ever. Haha.

    I also delivered papers when I was 10?? (Can't remember) I just know I opened up my first bank account when I got my first paycheck from the paper route and I was pretty young and my signature was just gawd awful!! :lol:
  18. mkats

    mkats Well-Known Member

    Thank you everyone for all the advice and sorry for the late response!!

    I've been spending a lot of time calculating out my new budgets. I've been talking to some friends who are renting (not from parents) and so have worked out a rough sum in my head of how much I plan to offer. My parents are very financially well off and I'm incredibly lucky that I have no loans to pay off from my :)yikes: expensive) undergraduate tuition, but money is always money and I definitely feel that I should contribute something. The other reason I really want to do this is that I feel like it would give me a bit more leverage in my own decisions and really becoming an adult.

    I'm not making much at all since I got into this job for the experience, but most of what I make will definitely go into savings - I'm only planning to be here for about 2-3 years maximum since I want to go back to school as soon as possible. Judging from the costs listed on the grad schools I'm looking at, I think in that time I should be able to save up enough to pay for at more than a year's worth out of the two years, so it shouldn't be too bad.

    I already help out with a lot of chores around the house and definitely expect that to continue - things like helping with making meals, yardwork, cleaning, driving the sister around, etc., so that shouldn't be a problem. And I think they like having me around ;)

    Keep the stories and advice coming... I'm really enjoying reading them!
  19. genevieve

    genevieve drinky typo pbp, closet hugger Staff Member

  20. AxelAnnie

    AxelAnnie Well-Known Member

    I have 5 kids, and 4 of them came back home (one with a fiance to study for the bar exam) and I had a stand that I would never charge my children rent. I had three daughters all move back at once, I thought we were all going to shoot ourselves!

    In hind sight, it was a mistake. I think my attitude was not the best thing for them. If one is out of college, and working IMO it is appropriate that they use their income to cover their expenses.

    Definitely the parents should establish what the rent should be. Then you have an opportunity to accept or decline. Whatever they establish, I betcha, is way below what that amount of money would get you on your own. I assume they have a lovely home, in a nice neighborhood, washer/dryer, dishwasher, and all the conveniences or....well....home.

    If they are smart (and I wasn't) they will have an end date on the agreement. Adults are adults, and I think it is best to treat them as such.

    Voice of experience here.
    milanessa and (deleted member) like this.
  21. cruisin

    cruisin Banned Member

    My parents also did something similar. Though my brother and I were only expected to work summers while we were in school. My parents took 50% and put it in investments. My Dad also matched 50% of what we gave him and invested that as well. He turned the accounts over to each of us when we got married, to put toward a down payment on a house. Neither of us knew he was doing that, we just thought we were paying rent. I was very, very lucky to have had that advantage.

    We have not had our kids pay rent. The economy has been rough and neither are making a huge amount. My daughter just moved into her first apartment with a roommate. she has an inheritance from my Dad to supplement her if she gets caught short, but hopefully that won't happen. My son is starting law school in the fall and has taken out a loan for tuition, etc. (though the school is giving him more than half - thank goodness). We talked and told him he should live here (the school is 40 minutes away). We won't charge him, we want him to graduate with as little debt as possible - then he can take care of us :lol:.
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2010
  22. milanessa

    milanessa engaged to dupa

    Really? Your retirement plan is your children?
    AxelAnnie and (deleted member) like this.
  23. uyeahu

    uyeahu Agitator. Sharpie lover (figuratively speaking).

    That is my feeling as well. My son lived with me rent free after finishing school for a couple of years and I finally realized I wasn't doing him any favors by allowing it. It slowed his personal growth and his peers were passing him by in terms of maturity and what they were accomplishing because they had taken on more responsibilities. When living at home is TOO comfortable and easy, there is little impetus to get out into the world and live on one's own. My son and I have a better relationship now that he is pulling his own weight and he feels a lot better about himself and has more confidence.
  24. snoopy

    snoopy Team St. Petersburg

    Yes, this was me. I lived with my parents for a couple years after graduation. But I really didn't start to grow up until I was living on my own. And funny but yes, I was more comforrable taking on more work responsibility when I took on more personal responsibility as well.
    AxelAnnie and (deleted member) like this.
  25. cruisin

    cruisin Banned Member

    Oh, come on, don't you know what the :lol: is for? It was a joke. We'll probably be taking care of them until we land in nursing homes :lol:. Another joke.
  26. milanessa

    milanessa engaged to dupa

    Sorry - My everyday life is so far removed from yours that I never know when you're kidding or serious.
  27. cruisin

    cruisin Banned Member

    Why do you think your everyday life is so removed from mine? You really don't know me or what my everyday life is like. We are probably not as different as you believe. We may have some differences of opinion on some topics, but essentially we are decent people who want to do the right thing. Sometimes the right thing is hard to determine.

    Even though I have decorative towels :lol::rofl::lol:! I'm cracking myself up with that last line!
  28. skatemommy

    skatemommy Well-Known Member

    This is a tough subject because I see more and more young people at home when I think they should be striving to be on their own. That said, I waited tables and realize I don't want my DD doing what I did to earn a living. I put myself through college but at the expense of brain cells along the way. But my mom and dad grew up in the Depression went thru 8th & 6th grade respectfully before they had to work full time on the farms. My how time has changed things!
  29. milanessa

    milanessa engaged to dupa

    I absolutely should not have posted what I did. I apologize.
  30. cruisin

    cruisin Banned Member

    Yes they have. And most generations want to be able to give their kids a better life. At this point, with this economy, it is tough to do. I don't know that our kids will be able to improve their lot to the extent that past generations have. But then, I suppose it is all relative. The tough part is to know where to draw the line. It is one thing to enable your child to have a better life, it is another to enable your child to feel entitled.

    With the scholarship money that my son is getting from his law school, we probably could pay the balance. But we feel that it is important that he get loans and pay for it himself. We will support his living expenses, but he needs to understand that not everything will be given to him. He wanted to move into an apartment, rather than live at home. He was being rather a twit about it too. We made him sit down and really figure out whether or not taking out a bigger loan to pay for housing would be worth it in the end. It was not an easy decision for him, he really wants to be on his own. But, he is going to law school full time and working part time would not provide enough money to pay for his expenses. He came to realize that, at least initially, living at home would be the best financial decision.