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He Wants Sex, She Doesn't. Are Beads the Answer?

Discussion in 'Off The Beaten Track' started by ilovepaydays, Apr 25, 2011.

  1. ilovepaydays

    ilovepaydays Well-Known Member

    Time article: He Wants Sex, She Doesn't. Are Beads the Answer?

    Thoughts? Even though I know that women (or men) may not want to have sex exactly when their partner wants to, I had a problem with this article (and book) feeding into the stereotypes that men always want sex and women don't really want (or need) it.

    I also think that an arrangement like this wouldn't solve serious issues in a relationship and may just prolong the inevitable: that someone may not be good for you and you need to end the relationship.

    I also think that this is not a good idea if you partner has a background of rape/sexual abuse and intimacy may be more difficult for them as it is.
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2011
    LuckyCharm and (deleted member) like this.
  2. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

    I had...different ideas as to what the beads would be used for, given the thread title. :shuffle:

    I think communication is paramount, of course. And some guys are just very picky. Honestly if you're really horny and your partner isn't in the mood, you can take care of yourself. That's what hands are for. :eek: It would disturb me if my partner would freely go at it knowing full well that I wasn't in the mood. Being coerced into sex would definitely bother me to the point where I'd think of ending the relationship.
  3. jamesy

    jamesy shut in

    eys, what a manipulative way to get your article read! :lol:
    PeterG and (deleted member) like this.
  4. allezfred

    allezfred Master/Mistress of Sneer Staff Member

    Thank goodness I wasn't the only one. :rofl:
  5. Skittl1321

    Skittl1321 Well-Known Member

    Yeah, surely they could have said token, or something that didnt make this article nsfw sounding.

    I don't like the idea though... it is still essentially one partner demanding, even if they have to wait a bit.
  6. Beefcake

    Beefcake Guest

    :lol: Despite the mild assurances, I'm still wary of clicking that link here at work.
  7. numbers123

    numbers123 Well-Known Member

    I am glad that I wasn't the only one

    I think it is just a "cute" way to market "how I fixed my marriage by sex" book. any guy whose 40th birthday wish is to have sex 40 days in a row is pretty selfish and really not considering what makes a relationship good in the first place. He wants sex, he communicates with words and actions not damn beads.
  8. Spinner

    Spinner Where's my book?

    We're all filthy pigs. ;)
    jamesy and (deleted member) like this.
  9. JerseySlore

    JerseySlore Active Member

    Me too. My mind belongs to gutter.

    Friend of a friend dated a guy who would just scream out of blue his gonads are turning blue and expect to be presented an orifice. Hear the guy keeps getting dumped and has no clue why. :scream:
  10. Prancer

    Prancer Slave to none, master to all Staff Member

    Hmm, well, there's the reverse of this, too. What if you were with someone who never wanted sex, as at least one person quoted in the article said? Hands do in a pinch, but it isn't at all the same.

    But even if there's no perfect definition for a "sexless" marriage, everyone seems to agree that they're common. Newsweek estimates that about 15 to 20 percent of couples are in one

  11. Cheylana

    Cheylana Well-Known Member

    I don't totally understand the whole 40 beads thing. What happens when the 40 beads are used up? What's to stop the husband from dropping a bead in the bowl every night? :confused:
  12. IceAlisa

    IceAlisa discriminating and persnickety ballet aficionado

    No, you weren't. :p
  13. Cyn

    Cyn Well-Known Member

    Apparently not :lol: . I thought the same thing as well :lol: .

    Should that old adage "great minds think alike" apply here? ;)
    IceAlisa and (deleted member) like this.
  14. KikiSashaFan

    KikiSashaFan Well-Known Member

    I didn't open this thread at work just in case. I'm glad I wasn't the only one who was mistaken :rofl:
  15. dbell1

    dbell1 Well-Known Member

    ^^ This. :shuffle:
  16. IceAlisa

    IceAlisa discriminating and persnickety ballet aficionado

    Um, it looks like pretty much everyone who opened this thread thought the same thing. :shuffle:
  17. LuckyCharm

    LuckyCharm Well-Known Member

    Of course. That's why we opened it. The actual article is rather nauseating.
  18. jamesy

    jamesy shut in

    I think a lot of people left the thread pretty disappointed.
  19. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

    Yeah being married to a truly asexual person would be a quandary, but I don't think demanding it is gonna fix the issue. :eek:
  20. Southpaw

    Southpaw Saint Smugpawski

    I thought it was an article that promoted crafts over sex.
  21. IceJunkie

    IceJunkie Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I'm pretty sure we all thought the same thing coming in here. :lol:
  22. Spinner

    Spinner Where's my book?

    Looking for tips? :p
  23. jamesy

    jamesy shut in

    Yes, I was hoping to learn how to save a troubled relationship by cramming beads up my partner's ass. :saint:
    BigB08822 and (deleted member) like this.
  24. Prancer

    Prancer Slave to none, master to all Staff Member

    Give it a try and let us know how that works out for you.
  25. jamesy

    jamesy shut in

    Unfortunately that wasn't the type of article so I will have to wait until the next time I see Living Saint and ask her.
  26. Prancer

    Prancer Slave to none, master to all Staff Member

    Geesh, you helpless kids today. Can't figure out anything on your own.
  27. genevieve

    genevieve drinky typo pbp, closet hugger Staff Member

    yep, I didn't even open the thread until I got home because I thought the beads would be put to a different use.

    I wonder if the guy who gave this author the idea gets any royalties from her book?
  28. Cupid

    Cupid Well-Known Member

    So the bead remains in the jar or is it take out after sex? If it's kept in the jar, how do you know that one had been recently dropped in? What happens after all 40 beads are used? What time frame are the 40 beads supposed to be used?

    And I don't get all the private jokes about "beading". Call me naive, but I'm sure I'm not the only one.

    I also think maybe it would be fun for couples who don't set time aside for sex, but I don't think it would work for couples who have a deep resentment about something in the relationship.
  29. Twilight1

    Twilight1 Well-Known Member

    I went a month and a half without sex...and that was because I had just given birth. I couldn't imagine going over a week maybe 2. The idea that only men want sex...is simply not true.

    Can I also add myself to the list that totally took a perverse turn when I saw the title. So funny that this was the first thread I just HAD to look into...hehe.
  30. allezfred

    allezfred Master/Mistress of Sneer Staff Member

    Google "sex beads" if you're really interested. :p