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Christmas Safety Message

Discussion in 'Off The Beaten Track' started by Aussie Willy, Dec 21, 2011.

  1. Aussie Willy

    Aussie Willy Hates both vegemite and peanut butter

    A safety message for all those who are partaking in Christmas festivities.

    All employees planning to dash through the snow in a one horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are advised that a Risk Assessment will be required addressing the safety of an open sleigh for members of the public. This assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where there are multiple passengers.

    Please note that permission must also be obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

    Benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available for collection by any shepherds planning or required to watch their flocks at night. While provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by CCTV cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation hut, all users of this facility are reminded that an emergency response plan must be submitted to account for known risks to the flocks.

    The angel of the Lord is additionally reminded that, prior to shining his/her glory all around, s/he must confirm that all shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment to account for the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory.

    Following last years well-publicised case, everyone is advised that Equal Opportunities legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr R Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence.

    While it is acknowledged that gift bearing is a common practice in various parts of the world, particularly the Orient, everyone is reminded that the bearing of gifts is subject to Hospitality Guidelines and all gifts must be registered. This applies regardless of the individual, even royal personages. It is particularly noted that direct gifts of currency or gold are specifically precluded, while caution is advised regarding other common gifts such as aromatic resins that may evoke allergic reactions.

    Finally, in the recent instance of the infant found tucked up in a manger without a crib for a bed, Social Services have been advised and will be arriving shortly.
    smurfy, pat c, Kruss and 5 others like this.
  2. overedge

    overedge Janny uber

    BWAHAHA!!! The first paragraph reminds me waaaaay too much of some of the safety planning we had to go through at work this year.
  3. Karina1974

    Karina1974 Well-Known Member

  4. suep1963

    suep1963 Well-Known Member

    Heehee--I'm sharing!
    PeterG and (deleted member) like this.
  5. Kruss

    Kruss Not Auto-Tuned

    This is so timely for those of us who work for a corporate, who work for a law office, or like me who work for the legal department of a corporation. Too, too funny!
  6. KatieC

    KatieC So peaceful

    :rofl: I'm on the health and safety committee at work. Wish I'd been able to present this at the meeting today.
  7. DaveRocks

    DaveRocks Wheeeeeeee!

    :rofl: Thanks for this!! :cheer:
  8. professordeb

    professordeb Well-Known Member

    Ohhhhh AW, may I please post this on FB? I totally love it. Some of my Christian friends might not see the funny in it, but I sure do. Thanks so much for sharing.
  9. Aussie Willy

    Aussie Willy Hates both vegemite and peanut butter

    Of course you can. :D

    I work in the health and safety area of my company. It was only natural to get this one.
  10. KatieC

    KatieC So peaceful

    I passed it around to my health and safety committee. We all got a laugh, except the manager, who told me it wasn't appropriate to send to all staff. I told him I never intended to do that. :rolleyes:

    Oh, and I consider myself a Christian and I think it's hilarious. To me it's more a comment on how ridiculous we are today with rules and regulations than against religion.
  11. Aussie Willy

    Aussie Willy Hates both vegemite and peanut butter

    Some people take these things way too seriously. And particuarly around the end of the year when most people have worked hard you need a laugh.

    Years ago when I worked in a library we had a manager who had absolutely no sense of humour. One year a friend of mine and I put together a staff newsletter (that we made sure she didn't get) which was just full of funny things. But the front cover had a cartoon with a very forlorn looking character with a sign saying "Levity is strictly prohibited in the workplace" which totally summed up about how we all felt.