I use Ms., for two reasons:
- Like quartz says, I am not my marital status, so there is no reason to choose a title or honorific based on whether I'm married or not.
- Mrs. Overedgehusband is wrong because I didn't change my name when I got married, and Mrs. Overedge is wrong because I am not married to someone who has my birth surname.
As to whether it is a pet peeve, it actually doesn't come up that often. The only people who call me Mrs. Overedgehusband are some of Mr. Overedge's relatives when they address Christmas cards to us, and by now it's been going on so long that it's not worth getting worked up over, or trying to get them to change. But I would blow a gasket if somebody I just met tried to call me Mrs. Overedgehusband.
You should never write words with numbers. Unless you're seven. Or your name is Prince. - "Weird Al" Yankovic, "Word Crimes"
I prefer Ms.
I never changed my last name when I married so my telemarketer trick is to say "she doesn't live here" when they ask to speak to Mrs. Husbands-last-name.
I'm not spoiled...I deserve all my stuff.
I prefer nothing, but if I had to choose, it would be Ms. I have been referred to as "ma'am" more often than not nowadays. It started happening a few years ago, so maybe 25 is the breakpoint? Though I've also always looked older than I am...
Mrs. sounds like I'm more matronly than I feel, and I don't have my husband's name anyway. I still keep on getting asked about it, but I don't think it's that unusual anymore?
Like I want to be referred to as "I need a polka," besides the inconvenience of getting everything changed.
I prefer Ms. for all the previously mentioned reasons.
What is even worse than Mrs. is when people call you Mrs. HIS LAST NAME without your first name in the title.
Even worse, Mrs. HIS FIRST NAME HIS LAST NAME.
Last edited by Japanfan; 06-10-2014 at 12:37 AM.
I'm a teacher and it does my head in when kids repeatedly refer to me as Mrs... instead of Miss. Even kids I've taught for several years do it occasionally - which normally leads to my class yelling "She's not married!" in chorus at whoever the offender is!
To make it all the more annoying, I never even changed my last name to my husband's last names.
Telemarketers used to call asking for Mrs. MY FIRST NAME - based on the name that used to be listed in the phone book - I always enjoyed telling them there was no Mrs. here!
My family's used to it. The only people who call me Mrs. Alf are Alf's friends who don't know what a feminist I am, or my relatives who don't know us all that well.
Ms. Period. I changed my name in my first marriage but used my own professionally, which was confusing. Changed it back at divorce and never changed it again and never will.
Oh I do hate ma'am from retail clerks but I can't blame them, I'm certainly old enough to be addressed that way.
In Hebrew all women if all ages are called Giveret or their first name. Makes sense to me. On the other hand the word for husband also means 'owner.'
"Youth and vigor is no match for age and deceit." -- Prancer
If I ever get married, I will not be changing my last name. I intend to always be Ms. Michiruwater.
I get called 'Mrs.' by the little ones all the time (I teach K-8). They just can't keep all the titles straight. Sometimes I get called Mr.! I just remind them that I am not married. For the most part they all get it.
What drives me nuts is when fellow teachers constantly call me Mrs. Michiruwater, and then their whole class does so as well. I have no idea what about me would give an adult who has never asked the impression that I am married. Very few of my fellow teachers are older than 30 or so (high turnover here) so I am surprised they don't all just default to Ms., especially when all of them go by Ms.!
I get cranky with anything other than Ms. Miss is for girls, Mrs. is for my parents generation or older. Men aren't expected to disclose their marital status with their title so why should I? I changed my name to my husband's when I got married and back to my maiden name when I got divorced. I'll never change it again. Things are fairly serious with my current bf and I told him there was no way in hell I was changing my name again or being referred to as Mrs. He wasn't surprised
"Beautiful things don't ask for attention." -The Secret Life of Walter Mitty
I am married, but kept my last name. As others have said, it doesn't generally bother me when people who don't know me well address me by Mrs. HusbandsLastName. But, when my MIL does it, or even worse Mrs. HusbandsFirstName HusbandsLastName, I am . She knows better, but is making a point. But I bite my tongue for the sake of my husband.
Overall, it is easier and fine-with-me if you just call me by my first name. Unless, of course, you insist on shortening it, as many people do, to a commonly used nickname that I can't stand and have never used. Somehow, that bugs me, particularly from people who don't know me well. If I meet you and introduce myself as JeffisJeff, why would you immediately switch to calling me Jeff?
"Nature is a damp, inconvenient sort of place where birds and animals wander about uncooked."
from Speedy Death
You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't
I've been reamed out for calling someone by their first name (which I usually do because even professionally I prefer to use first names and be as informal as possible).
I've been reamed out for calling someone Mrs X for the reasons given in this thread.
I've been reamed out for calling someone Ms. Y because they were married and were offended, because they weren't married and thought I was being sarcastic or making some kind of point.
Since i seemed to get into trouble regardless I go for offending people with their first name because it's more in keeping with my own style. Also meeting someone face to face or over the phone with "can I call you [first name]" usually turns out ok, even if they say no, because they then tell you what they want to be called.
I've never been so happy to work for a Japanese company where you just call everyone san and they're happy
If I'm uncertain about a woman's marital status, I'll use Ms.