Page 12 of 12 FirstFirst ... 2101112
Results 221 to 235 of 235

Thread: Miss/Ms/Mrs.?

  1. #221

    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Seattle, WA
    Posts
    1,636
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    7676
    Quote Originally Posted by agalisgv View Post
    After reading Maat's post, I'm curious how many women who kept their surnames after marriage used their surname for their children? In my experience, it seems most women who keep their surname will use the husband's surname for the children. Have others noticed that as well?
    I find that it is quite un-common, especially in the US.

    the fact that my mom kept her maiden name was very uncommon for her generation (she was born in '43). I was the only one growing up who had parents of different last names (unless their parents were divorced and remarried).

    Of most of the people who don't change name when marrying, I find that most of them name their kids the husband's sure name (in western countries).

    Before my brother's family changed their names to be the same, the kids had the mom's name, I think it is more common in Denmark.
    But still unusual.

    I know some cultures are very different. A former boss of mine was Indian, and gave his last name history: In general, you don't use last names in the part of India he grew up in, so he had never used one when he had his passport and visa made for coming to the US. He picked his fathers first name as his last name. He later learned that his father actually HAD a family name (since some part of India uses them), but he hadn't used it much. So when he had kids (in the US) he used that name for their last name (it was easier to pronounce). His wife kept her last name, which I think was normal. So they had 3 different last names in his family, which led to much fun when travelling.
    Edited to add: He did think of changing his, but once you have visa in one name, it is just easier on yourself to not change that name. Just don't.

    btw since we had our birth certificates and marriage certificates at hand my husband and I never had any issues with visas or anything having different names. I'm sure he would need to be extra careful with documentation though, if my husband was travelling internationally with our kids alone.
    Check out my baking blog at http://morethandough.wordpress.com, and like it on facebook. Thanks!

  2. #222

    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    24,950
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    91872
    I think in some Spanish (may be Portugese too?) speaking parts of the world the kids have two last names: father's and mother's- in that order. So the literally last name was the mother's, not father's. There was a guy from Peru in my group when I was with another employer. He said that he had two last names but to avoid confusion he retained only his father's. A friend of mine was from Brazil and she had two last names, and she used both on documents but in normal situations she just used her father's.

  3. #223
    I <3 Kozuka
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Vancouver/Seattle
    Posts
    19,188
    vCash
    730
    Rep Power
    43796
    One of the Principal Dancers at Pacific Northwest Ballet is from Mongolia. He had one name. When he was hired in the corps and applied for a visa, the US government wouldn't accept that. He chose his mother's name as his first name, but is universally known as "Bold." (Except by the gummint.)
    "The team doesn't get automatic capacity because management is mad" -- Greg Smith, agile guy

  4. #224

    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    24,950
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    91872
    Quote Originally Posted by Simone411 View Post
    One way to solve that problem is to do what one of my cousins did. She met and married a man that has the same last name as hers. He wasn't kin or related to her, either. She met him where she was going to college.
    That reminds me of something. I was talking to someone on the phone- a person that knew my parents, and so he knew their last name, which was same as mine. He asked me what my last name was and when I told him it was the same as my parents, he asked- "Oh, you married someone with the same last name?" He could not believe that I would be single, and I was not that old at the time (I am still not ), but enough for people to think of me as a married woman.

    Last Saturday I went to the bank because I needed some advice on changing the type of account I had there. The person entering the list of people waiting in line asked me- "You are Mrs......" and I threw a fit over it. I don't always throw a fit over it, but this time I did. When wil people stop automatically assuming that I am married? It really irritates me (hence this thread to let some steam out - )

  5. #225
    Liberal Furry
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    Packing for REAL London!
    Posts
    2,312
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    7537
    My son-in-law to be (on Saturday!) is thinking of changing his last name to ours. (we have a nice last name- his kinda sucks). His family is quite upset about this, so I don't know if he'll go through with this. He wants his kids to have our last name too.

    I changed my name when I married, although I keep my own name as a middle name. I wish I had hyphenated, but at the time it seemed easier to do it this way.

    My birth name is my Dad's, but it's not completely patrilineal, as my gfather was illegitimate- so it was my ggmother's. On my Mom's side the last names are confusing, as before the 1920s in Finland the name went with the land, so if you married a woman and moved to her farm, you and any children would have her name. But if you moved, it would change for all of you. Confusing, but it's easy to track where people were living!
    I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.
    (Edna St Vincent Millay)

  6. #226
    Liberal Furry
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    Packing for REAL London!
    Posts
    2,312
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    7537
    A couple of my friends married recently, and they BOTH hyphenated their names (both 3 syllable names and from different ethnicities). It seems to work for them.
    I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.
    (Edna St Vincent Millay)

  7. #227
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Apr 2001
    Location
    Rejecting your reality and substituting my own
    Age
    30
    Posts
    11,005
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by DAngel View Post
    As long as they didn't come from the same village, I think you're safe
    It's a fairly common Chinese surname. It's the same as Tiffany Chin's, but neither of my parents' names are spelled that way.

    Quote Originally Posted by agalisgv View Post
    After reading Maat's post, I'm curious how many women who kept their surnames after marriage used their surname for their children? In my experience, it seems most women who keep their surname will use the husband's surname for the children. Have others noticed that as well?
    My mom kept her last name - same difference in Chinese, as mentioned above. My dad/the kids have a G at the end, Mom's does not.

    Like I mentioned before, my MIL didn't change her surname and Alf's original birth certificate had a hyphenated last name (mom+dad's surname, in that order), but the paternal grandparents had a fit and disowned them so they changed it back to dad's name only.

    I'm not sure if they got un-disowned, but Alf has never mentioned his grandparents back in Hungary, so....

  8. #228

    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    24,950
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    91872
    Quote Originally Posted by cygnus View Post
    A couple of my friends married recently, and they BOTH hyphenated their names (both 3 syllable names and from different ethnicities). It seems to work for them.
    I knew one couple that did that, but later they both just retained the husband's name. I guess for simplicity/ease?

    I remembered a funny story this morning. Madame Curie's daughter Irene married Frederick (sp?) Joliot, another scientist. M. Curie was not entirely pleased with her son in law, particularly when he took on his wife's hyphenated last name Joliot-Curie (or may be they used Curie-Joliot; I am not sure which). She felt that he should not use the name 'Curie'.

  9. #229

    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Posts
    7,458
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    43165
    I changed my last name when I got married; my family's name was extremely unusual and EVERYONE always asked how to spell and how to pronounce it... my husband's family name is one syllable and very easy to spell and pronounce without being super-common (not Smith).

    My brother's wife did not change her name; hers is much more common and easy to spell/pronounce. For their kids, they decided to use my brother's last name for that side of the family, but the kids were both given middle names recognizing her side of the family.
    Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the universe.

  10. #230
    Registered User
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Age
    34
    Posts
    7,487
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by Vash01 View Post
    That reminds me of something. I was talking to someone on the phone- a person that knew my parents, and so he knew their last name, which was same as mine. He asked me what my last name was and when I told him it was the same as my parents, he asked- "Oh, you married someone with the same last name?" He could not believe that I would be single, and I was not that old at the time (I am still not ), but enough for people to think of me as a married woman.

    Last Saturday I went to the bank because I needed some advice on changing the type of account I had there. The person entering the list of people waiting in line asked me- "You are Mrs......" and I threw a fit over it. I don't always throw a fit over it, but this time I did. When wil people stop automatically assuming that I am married? It really irritates me (hence this thread to let some steam out - )
    I'm not sure that's better than the alternative, which is people being surprised that you could possibly be married, to another person, and not just a Keeper of Cats.

  11. #231

    Join Date
    May 2002
    Posts
    5,319
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    9947
    [deleted]
    Last edited by Gazpacho; 06-20-2014 at 11:52 PM.

  12. #232

    Join Date
    Apr 2001
    Location
    Connecticut
    Posts
    4,731
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    14921
    I just received an invitation on Linked In - that made me realize - I do not care what you use.

    The Invite on Linked In was 'Dear Mr/Mrs' Trolling for links. Better to write 'Dear Jane Doe' than Mr/Mrs.
    Cracks me up, but also just sad.

  13. #233
    snarking for AZE
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    katbert greenhouse
    Posts
    30,170
    vCash
    2068
    Rep Power
    50062
    Quote Originally Posted by vesperholly View Post
    Keeper of Cats.
    that's a form of address i would like to make happen, it sounds so important and old fashioned, Keeper of Cats Pony
    I feel like I'm in a dream. But it can't be a dream because there are no boy dancers!

  14. #234
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    At the airport.
    Posts
    129
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by Artemis@BC View Post
    No, you're not alone!

    I prefer no title at all -- but I know there are some contexts where users feel it inappropriate to call me by my first name, so in those cases Ms is the only option. Do not call me Miss, do not call me Mrs. Why would anyone think they can make assumptions about my, or anyone's, marital status?

    But I'm not sure which bugs me more: people who call me Mrs or people (usually men) who sarcastically over-emphasize the Ms -- especially when corrected after calling me Mrs. "Oh, I'm sorry, Mizzzzzzz Hunter."
    I am so with you on this! I am married but DO NOT CALL ME MRS. Ever. Got it? Good. Mrs. just implies that I am an appendage of my husband, which I most certainly am not. I love him dearly, but I am not about to subsume my identity to his. I am not my grandmother. Ms. is the generally accepted term. Fortunately in Massachusetts, one doesn't have to deal with the Mrs. issue often. I think I have only been called "Mrs." on the Christmas card from my husband's company. I don't think they know my name. Aside from that, people are pretty good with Ms.

    I also didn't change my name when I got married--and I have an unusual last name that I have to spell for everyone. My husband's name would have been easier but hey, my name is my original equipment and that's who I am, spelling complications and all.

    Oh, on a tangent: I loathe when people I don't know call me by my first name.

  15. #235
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    532
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    0
    I have been married for 37 years and am very glad that I use my maiden name in front of my husband's last name, without hyphenating it. I sign checks and legal documents with my 4-word full name, which consists of first name (which is two words) + maiden name + married name. Keeping my maiden name as part of my full name allowed me to retain my former professional identity (I had a graduate degree and publications under my maiden name). It has also turned out to be very handy when dealing with my parent's estate dealings, as no one questions my having Power of Attorney when my maiden name matches my parent's name. One reason I did not hyphenate my last name is because I would be listed under a different letter of the alphabet in phone books, reservations, etc. It's just a lot easier to be listed together. Also, the first year we were married I had to file taxes in 4 states, and the IRS came after me for not paying because they were looking for me under my maiden name, not my married name. Don't ask me why they didn't figure this out using my SSN.

Page 12 of 12 FirstFirst ... 2101112

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •