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  1. #101
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    I agree with backspin. Turn on the Olympics anyway. Habits get us day to day without thinking too hard about how we feel about them. And that's what you need right now - something to get you from day to day.

    I'm so glad you're checking in with us. Are there any family and friends in the area who can come over and support you? It's so much harder when you're handling it all by yourself, especially when you have physical therapy appointments riding on it. You don't have to face this alone.

  2. #102

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    I'm glad you checked in again, but so sorry things aren't any better. I don't have any useful advice, but I do care about how you're doing.
    "Liking this sport is ridiculous, so you’re a little different for liking it, she explained. But you’re allowed to like what you like." - Robert Samuels

  3. #103
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    Gazpacho, we are all so thankful that you have posted. We love you!

  4. #104
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    I'm glad you let us know whats happening. We wondered where you were! Plz tune in Olympics and watch along with us! :-)
    Have a nice day!

  5. #105

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    So glad you have posted, Gazpacho.
    I know that all you want to do right now is to curl up in bed and shut the world out, but please try to make yourself at least turn your tv on and put the Olympics on. It may just spark a bit of interest, and at this point, even a tiny flicker of anything positive will help, even if it's just for a few fleeting moments. Grab on to whatever you can....healing at this point is going to be in teeny tiny baby steps. And that's okay.
    Who are your favorite skaters? What are you looking forward to the most at these Olympics? Are you following any other threads here on FSU?
    sending you more positive thoughts,
    Peace and love,
    Judi

  6. #106

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    Thank you for posting, Gazpacho. Take care of yourself and take it a day at a time. We're rooting for you, and someone's always here to listen and to let you know how much we care about you. Hang in there.
    Charter member of the "We Always Believed in Ashley" Club and the "We Believe in Ricky" Club
    Old, lonely, pathos-hungry, and extremely gullible

  7. #107

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    I watched a little of the Olympics but completely wasn't interested and stopped watching after about half an hour, went back to bed, and cried. Don't know the results and don't care. So uncharacteristic, and I know I'll regret it because the next chance to watch a Winter Olympics is four years away. I wish so much that I could trade places with Jesse, as I'm sure he would have loved to be here to see these Olympics.

  8. #108

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    Gazpacho, I love to paint, but I too run into lethargy from time to time and don't feel like taking out the things- paints, canvas, brushes. So I do a lot of sketching. Is this something that interests you? All you need is a paper and pencils.

    I still think that if you call a help line and get a live person at the other end, you could get out of the box you find yourself in. Don't try to do too much. Just one small step at a time.

    I hope you feel better.

  9. #109

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    Gazpacho -- praying for you.

  10. #110

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    I'm praying for you too. *hugs* You can get through this. Keep seeking help and don't give up. You are worth it.
    Charter member of the "We Always Believed in Ashley" Club and the "We Believe in Ricky" Club
    Old, lonely, pathos-hungry, and extremely gullible

  11. #111

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    ^^What Wyliefan said. You *are* worth it!!
    You should never write words with numbers. Unless you're seven. Or your name is Prince. - "Weird Al" Yankovic, "Word Crimes"

  12. #112
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gazpacho View Post
    I watched a little of the Olympics but completely wasn't interested and stopped watching after about half an hour, went back to bed, and cried. Don't know the results and don't care. So uncharacteristic, and I know I'll regret it because the next chance to watch a Winter Olympics is four years away. I wish so much that I could trade places with Jesse, as I'm sure he would have loved to be here to see these Olympics.
    Every little step helps. It doesn't even matter if you're interested or if you feel like doing it. Every little step will help.

    Can you call your psychiatrist again? Or your therapist? They must have protocols in place for a patient who's so down she can't come to her appointments.

    And I'm sure Jesse would tell you to stay right where you are. ((HUGS))

  13. #113

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gazpacho View Post
    I watched a little of the Olympics but completely wasn't interested and stopped watching after about half an hour, went back to bed, and cried. Don't know the results and don't care. So uncharacteristic, and I know I'll regret it because the next chance to watch a Winter Olympics is four years away. I wish so much that I could trade places with Jesse, as I'm sure he would have loved to be here to see these Olympics.
    Gazpacho, I'm so sorry for the pain you're enduring and hope that you feel better soon.

    I know this isn't much, but I want to tell you that I do enjoy your posts and they make me smile on many occasions.
    "I hit him with my shoes... if he had given me the medal like I told him to, I wouldn't have had to hit him!" -- 8-year-old Rhoda Penmark in "The Bad Seed"

  14. #114
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    Gazpacho, I am so worried about you. Is someone with you? Are you eating? Please call your psychiatrist again. Tell him you are in an emergency situation. He needs to either refer you to someone else or do something for you. I know what it's like to not even want to bother with things that I typically love to do. That is significant. To address that you might miss the Olympics, can you DVR or record it some other way? That way you won't feel bad, when you feel better. Does exercise help you, at all? I know that when I feel really bad, going out and power walking helps. Especially if it's cold outside. It helps to clear my head, and gets the body's natural antidepressants going.

    As to Jesse. He would be right here encouraging you to do everything it takes to get better. He would want you to be here and happy. Fight for yourself, in his honor. Maybe that will help you push through.

    We all care about you! XOXOXOXO!

  15. #115

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    (((Gaz))) You made me happy today by posting!
    AceOn6, the golf loving skating fan

  16. #116

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    Hi Gazpacho,

    I know this is so hard. The hardest. Please consider calling the helpline again. We care, and we want to see you get the help you deserve.

  17. #117
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    Hello. I'm sorry you are feeling low. It's horrible thing to go through because you know others technically have it worse and that it's not fair for them. Life is never fair Don't think about Jesse or anyone else in a time like this. Only think about yourself and your loved ones (including your internet stranger friends ) who care about your well being.

    Keep talking to your dr. And if you're not improving, change drs before you even think about self harm or any potential harm.

    When I feel sooo low I force myself to go out. I don't handle people well so I go places I don't have to talk but there are people around. I go to the library and go on their computers there (even though I have internet here at home) or sit and try to enjoy a light read (a small romance novel or a bunch of fashion magazines). Or I go somewhere else public. Go To White Castles and drink a bunch of coffee reading a book I brought with me. Or I go sit at the hospital cafeteria and do the same.

    If you are at a very bad place and really need someone to talk to who might have a few similar interest as you perhaps you can get some of our numbers just to talk.

    Remember you have people who care about you. Even if we might not know you outside the internet.

  18. #118
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    I know it's frustrating to make art when you feel you can't make art but it's also possible on those days to discover new ways to make art. Art can help even when you least expect it. Can you make some new art today?

    I wish I could help more. Let us know how you're doing.
    Have a nice day!

  19. #119

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    Just stopping in to say "hi." I too enjoy your posts and hope that you can find your way through this darkness. I'm thinking about you.
    A good rant is cathartic. Ranting is what keeps me sane. They always come from a different place. Take the prime minister, for example. Sometimes when I rant about him, I am angry; other times, I am just severely annoyed - it's an important distinction. - Rick Mercer

  20. #120

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    The psychiatrist is back. He's added Latuda, an anti-psychotic I've never heard of. Does anyone know about this? He prescribed a low dose that has been found effective for bipolar rather than the normal dose that's used for schizophrenia. I'm scared because of the potential for weight gain and because it's a pretty new drug. I asked if I could stop one of the other drugs, and he said no.

    Along with all the other drugs I have to take for my autoimmune disorder, it's embarrassing going to the pharmacy. Not to mention expensive.

    I refuse to take yet another drug, and I also refuse to continue to take drugs that haven't been effective. So I'm going to stay on Lamictal but stop Lexapro and Wellbutrin. I don't care what the doctor says. I'll read up a little more about Latuda and decide about that.

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