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  1. #21
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    My impulse is to help tho I don't know how much help I could be. I only have a degree to practice fine art but I'll pm you my phone number and leave the phone on all night if you want to call. Meantime go to the er. The experience may be different this time and you'll never know til you go.
    Have a nice day!

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by made_in_canada View Post
    I wasn't actually thinking someone to talk to really. Just someone that can make sure you're okay, maybe stay with you until you can get through to a professional.
    I second this. I've never experienced it myself, but I can imagine how utterly awful a hospital is for someone who's on the cusp of seriously and not-seriously suicidal. They don't have a concrete plan for you, so you get bounced around and then spit back out. I think it is awful that many (most?) hospitals don't have the resources to help even though IMO you DO need it.

    Having someone with you might make the whole experience easier, if you choose to go to the hospital. If you don't have anyone and/or you choose not to go, please call the hotline that barbk mentioned.

    I'm so glad you decided to reach out to us, Gazpacho. You aren't alone. We're listening, and we care about you. We'll be here as long as you need. But please reach out a little more to get the help you need.

    ((HUGS))

  3. #23
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    Bipolar disorder runs on both sides of my family, and I have heard about the devastation it causes. My cousin has been in out of the hospital for the past few years....but he is coping.

    It isn't easy to cope. It is hard. But please don't give up. Call someone, anyone. Sometimes you just need another voice to hear.

    If you think you might do something...don't hesitate to go to the hospital. That is infinitely better than not going if you're in a bad place.

    You'll make it through this.

  4. #24

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    Sending more hugs and loving thoughts your way Gazpacho. Do not despair. The tough times will pass.

  5. #25

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    I honestly don't have any advice to offer, but I'm thinking about you. Please let us know how you're doing.

  6. #26

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    Quote Originally Posted by Anita18 View Post
    I second this. I've never experienced it myself, but I can imagine how utterly awful a hospital is for someone who's on the cusp of seriously and not-seriously suicidal. They don't have a concrete plan for you, so you get bounced around and then spit back out. I think it is awful that many (most?) hospitals don't have the resources to help even though IMO you DO need it.

    Having someone with you might make the whole experience easier, if you choose to go to the hospital. If you don't have anyone and/or you choose not to go, please call the hotline that barbk mentioned.

    I'm so glad you decided to reach out to us, Gazpacho. You aren't alone. We're listening, and we care about you. We'll be here as long as you need. But please reach out a little more to get the help you need.

    ((HUGS))
    Seconding all of this.
    Please. let us know how you are doing. when you can.

  7. #27

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    Was thinking of you last night and this morning, Gazpacho. Hope you are doing OK and you have found someone to help.
    BARK LESS. WAG MORE.

  8. #28

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    (((Gazpacho)))

    Thinking of you, and hoping you will soon find the help and support you need. Please keep reaching out and trying to connect with an agency or service that can help you cope. Hopefully you have already tried some of the numbers provided for you.

    Keep in touch with us here.....there are so many comforting and open hearts here on FSU who will listen and be a shoulder to lean on.

    Peace and love,
    Judi

  9. #29
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    Thinking of you today, Gazpacho. ((HUGS))

  10. #30
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    I know exactly how you feel about certain Professionals and Hospitals. I have gone through my own fair share of experiences I would not wish on my worst enemy. I really hope you've found someone to talk to and you're. Getting help. Hang in there!! We're here for you!!

  11. #31

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    Thank you so much for all your support. I wish I could thank each of you individually, but they won't allow me to give that many reps. If you've sent me a PM, thank you so much, and sorry I haven't replied.

    Today wasn't any better. I spent almost the whole day in bed again. Was supposed to have a physical therapy session this morning but couldn't make it out of the home to get to the physical therapy center. When I put on my shoes to go outside, I started panicking and sobbing hysterically. When I'm depressed, being in open spaces is near unbearable.

    I tried to do a little work on an article I'm writing and called one of the interviewees. I contacted him last week, and he couldn't talk then and said to try back. So today I called him again, and he was SO RUDE. Didn't even get past the first question. It's not like it was an offensive question. The question was, "Does your company use any unpaid interns?" He knew the topic of the interview based on our previous conversation, so it should have come as no surprise. He started answering and then was like, "You know, I don't want to do this interview" and hung up without saying anything more. WTF? Even though I rationally know that he's the asshole and not me, when you're this depressed, something like this can hurt terribly, and no amount of rational thinking can change that.

    For the past month, I've been meaning to work on my job search, but it hasn't happened. There's a position that looks like it would be good for me, and the application is due at midnight. It's an extensive application with essays, and I haven't even started because I've been so depressed, especially after that phone call.

    I called the number barbk posted and spoke with a nice lady. It was a pleasant surprise given some of my past experiences with suicide hotlines. She ended the call after about 15 minutes because she needed to take the next caller. At first she suggested going to the hospital, but then she said maybe not, based on what I'm looking to get from the hospital. She said I might not be able to see a psychiatrist for an extended evaluation until Monday because of the weekend. They have a weekend psychiatrist on call, but it's only for the dire cases.

    And like Anita18 said, most hospitals will spit you out in a few days. So I would have to wait until Monday to see someone, accumulating expenses in the meantime, and then get released from the hospital whether I want to stay or not.

    But what cemented the decision to avoid the hospital was finding out that I may have to undergo a strip search and a body orifice search. I don't care if they use an airport type scanner on me, but no one is sticking their fingers inside my vagina and/or anus. That happened to me the first time I was hospitalized, and it was used as an excuse to sexually assault me. (Does a teenage patient really need to have their vagina checked by 3 or 4 males who laughed throughout it?) It didn't happen the other times, so I thought there had been a law passed that it wouldn't happen anymore. But actually, it's still legal, and some hospitals do it. I don't know what the local hospital's procedures are. Just the possibility alone is enough for me to avoid psychiatric hospitals forever unless I know their policy in advance.

    I don't want to go on like this any longer

  12. #32
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    When people are this depressed, brain scans show that the part of the brain that translates impulse to action is almost non-functional. You aren't able to do much because you physically can't. Don't beat yourself up over the things that you should be doing, but can't. Let yourself sleep and cry this weekend. Keep your goals/tasks really simple- like eating, stretching, etc. This is only "nearly" intolerable, and it will get better at some point.

    I have a good friend who is bipolar, and he told me that many people with his diagnosis have a horrible teens and twenties, but as they gain more experience with their condition, they can manage their medication and find what works for them. It is such a trial and error process, and the disease causes such fluctuations that it can be a long road to stability.

    eta- And get to the doctor on Monday!
    eta again (I'm sure you've heard all that stuff many times before, but I couldn't leave your last sentence unanswered)
    Last edited by rjblue; 02-01-2014 at 02:22 AM.
    ‎"You emerge victorious from the maze you've been travelling in." Oct 21,2012- Best Fortune Cookie Ever!

  13. #33
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    I came across this recently (and as far as I remember, it wasn't on FSU, but if it was, my apologies). Anyway, maybe this helps a little?

    http://tinybuddha.com/blog/7-things-...t-good-enough/

  14. #34
    having a nice day
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    I'm glad you checked in with us and let us know what's happening. I was worried. The hospital experience you had horrifies me. I'm very sorry that happened.
    Have a nice day!

  15. #35

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    Hi Gazpacho,

    I can honestly say that there is no communication I've been happier to see today than your update tonight. I'm glad the help line was a more positive experience -- keep the number handy -- call them again anytime you think you need to. Are you scheduled to see a psychiatrist on Monday?

    The orifice search sounds traumatizing, and the behavior of the staff beyond unprofessional. I can understand wanting to avoid that again.

    Weekends are tough. If you'd like to talk, pm me and I'd be happy to call you. (Not sure what part of the country you're in; I'm in Colorado -- but up for several more hours.)

    Hugs.

  16. #36

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    Gazpacho, I hope you feel better. Please take the good advice and contacts other posters have given you. I have no expertise or knowledge in this area. I just send you my good wishes.

  17. #37

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    For those who asked, I'm not scheduled to see the psychiatrist on Monday. If I went to the hospital now, I probably wouldn't get a proper psychiatric evaluation until Monday because of the weekend because I'm not an acute case. In order to see the doctor on Monday, I would have to go to the hospital on Sunday night or Monday morning and then be admitted. My psychiatrist doesn't get back until the end of next week. I think his office assistant is still working, so perhaps I'll call her on Monday and give her a message to pass to him.

    Why do I feel so shitty about the interviewee experience today? So he was an asshole--why can't I leave it at that and let it go rather than cry about it?

  18. #38

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    Gazpacho, that interview would be an upsetting experience even if you weren't feeling down already. He was an asshole, but it's hard not to take that personally when it seemed like he would be willing to talk. ((hugs))
    You should never write words with numbers. Unless you're seven. Or your name is Prince. - "Weird Al" Yankovic, "Word Crimes"

  19. #39

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    Quote Originally Posted by Vash01 View Post
    Gazpacho, I hope you feel better. Please take the good advice and contacts other posters have given you. I have no expertise or knowledge in this area. I just send you my good wishes.
    I second this. Sending you my best wishes Gazpacho and hoping your feeling better

    Quote Originally Posted by Gazpacho View Post
    Why do I feel so shitty about the interviewee experience today? So he was an asshole--why can't I leave it at that and let it go rather than cry about it?
    Always remember that there are far more good people out there than nasty individuals like that. As Eric Hoffer once put it: "Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength.”
    Last edited by Maofan7; 02-01-2014 at 06:10 AM.

  20. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by overedge View Post
    Gazpacho, that interview would be an upsetting experience even if you weren't feeling down already. He was an asshole, but it's hard not to take that personally when it seemed like he would be willing to talk. ((hugs))
    Agreed. And it's only harder when you aren't starting from a good place.

    Don't worry about that. Take care of yourself.

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