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  1. #361

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    Hang in there. Thinking of you and praying all will be well.
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  2. #362

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    {{{Gazpacho}}}

  3. #363

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    Things have gotten worse still. I'm close to where I was when I started this thread. The suggestion to see the GP is unrealistic because I can't even get out of the house, let alone drive anywhere. I tried two days ago, and it ended in a crying screaming panic attack one block from home.

  4. #364
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gazpacho View Post
    Things have gotten worse still. I'm close to where I was when I started this thread. The suggestion to see the GP is unrealistic because I can't even get out of the house, let alone drive anywhere. I tried two days ago, and it ended in a crying screaming panic attack one block from home.
    Okay, I have been there. Do you have someone who can take you? You can't do this alone. Do you have phobias? OCD? I still am concerned that your meds may not be the right fit. You may, need to be hospitalized to work that out, if you cannot go to the doctor. I really think having someone help you to the doctor will be much easier on you than a hospital stay. I know it feels insurmountable, but you have to find some way to do it. Having OCD, I have ritualistic behaviors that allow me to do things that cause panic attacks. Can you find some way of "protecting" yourself while you do these things? Sometimes it is the fear of panic, itself, that causes the panic. Is there anyone who can help you?

  5. #365

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    Quote Originally Posted by cruisin View Post
    Okay, I have been there. Do you have someone who can take you? You can't do this alone. Do you have phobias? OCD? I still am concerned that your meds may not be the right fit. You may, need to be hospitalized to work that out, if you cannot go to the doctor. I really think having someone help you to the doctor will be much easier on you than a hospital stay. I know it feels insurmountable, but you have to find some way to do it. Having OCD, I have ritualistic behaviors that allow me to do things that cause panic attacks. Can you find some way of "protecting" yourself while you do these things? Sometimes it is the fear of panic, itself, that causes the panic. Is there anyone who can help you?
    No, there really isn't. I could call a taxi, but the problem is being in an open space. I get panic attacks in open spaces. And with the insurance situation, I really can't afford it. I can't afford the hospital for that matter either because of the deductible and the non-covered services.

  6. #366

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    Quote Originally Posted by barbk View Post
    Gazpacho --
    This is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ 1-800-273-8255 -- it comes highly recommended by a friend who runs a foundation for suicide prevention. It is open 24x7, and the counselors are professionals, not volunteers.

    You don't need to know what to say. Just call, and speak with them. Just let them know how you're feeling.
    Might be time to call this hotline again, Gazpacho. I think you said it helped you before, right?

    I'm praying for peace and strength for you. Hang on. We're with you. *hugs*
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  7. #367

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    (((((Hugs))))) so very sad to read that you are in your black place again. Sending peace and love out to you, and hoping you will find a way to fight through this.

  8. #368
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gazpacho View Post
    No, there really isn't. I could call a taxi, but the problem is being in an open space. I get panic attacks in open spaces. And with the insurance situation, I really can't afford it. I can't afford the hospital for that matter either because of the deductible and the non-covered services.
    I understand. Can you find some way to convince yourself that being in the car is not an open space? Maybe bringing something comforting from home in the car with you can help. Spend a few days sitting in the car, in the driveway. Maybe go around the block. Try to go a little further, each day. Get to a point where your car feels safe. Where is your family? Are they far away?

    XOXOXOXOXO!

  9. #369
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    ((Gazpacho)). Praying for you and hoping you feel better soon.

  10. #370

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    Praying.

  11. #371
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    Quote Originally Posted by cruisin View Post
    I understand. Can you find some way to convince yourself that being in the car is not an open space? Maybe bringing something comforting from home in the car with you can help. Spend a few days sitting in the car, in the driveway. Maybe go around the block. Try to go a little further, each day. Get to a point where your car feels safe. Where is your family? Are they far away?

    XOXOXOXOXO!
    Second all of this. Even "training" yourself to get in the car and start driving is better than nothing. Maybe it's something sensory - I'm totally flying blind here, but maybe a hat or a visor or something that covers your head so you aren't seeing all the open space?

    Isn't there someone, anyone who can come over and help?

  12. #372

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gazpacho View Post
    Things have gotten worse still. I'm close to where I was when I started this thread. The suggestion to see the GP is unrealistic because I can't even get out of the house, let alone drive anywhere. I tried two days ago, and it ended in a crying screaming panic attack one block from home.
    Gazpacho, I am sending you best wishes and good vibes. Please keep us informed as to how you are doing.
    "I hit him with my shoes... if he had given me the medal like I told him to, I wouldn't have had to hit him!" -- 8-year-old Rhoda Penmark in "The Bad Seed"

  13. #373

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    Quote Originally Posted by Anita18 View Post
    Isn't there someone, anyone who can come over and help?
    No, there isn't. When I become depressed I withdraw a lot socially. I've also learned from experience that revealing a mental illness can have disastrous consequences.
    Last edited by Gazpacho; 03-31-2014 at 04:30 PM.

  14. #374

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    Fight it, Gazpacho. I know it's really hard, but please fight it as hard as you can. Hurting yourself isn't going to help -- it's going to make things worse.

    Please, call that hotline. Try to turn that impulse to hurt yourself into an impulse to reach out for help. I know we're not the best support group anyone ever had, being online and not there with you, but we value you and we want you healthy and whole. I know that seems a hard goal to reach, but try to move towards it one step at a time. Love and hugs and many prayers.
    Charter member of the "We Always Believed in Ashley" Club and the "We Believe in Ricky" Club
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  15. #375

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    I'm so sorry things have gotten so bad again, Gazpacho. I wish I knew how to help.
    "Liking this sport is ridiculous, so you’re a little different for liking it, she explained. But you’re allowed to like what you like." - Robert Samuels

  16. #376
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    Gazpacho, please believe that none of us are taking this lightly. Several of us have shared our own psych illnesses, so that you understand that we really can relate. I know what panic attacks feel like. I understand depression and phobia. I have been, off and on, in therapy for 25 years. I have been on different meds. Some have worked well, some not so well. I wound up doing best on meds that are not usually used to treat OCD, panic attacks, and depression. I think that most of us are worried that your meds might not be the perfect mix.

    Have you ever had therapy to help you cope with some of your anxiety? I don't now that all of my coping mechanisms are "normal", but my rituals get me through doing things that give me extreme anxiety. I am a germophobe. The world is full of germs. I have had to figure out ways to take away their power. When I go to places which make me uncomfortable, I bring sanitizing wipes, paper towel soaked in alcohol. If I have to go into a hospital, I wear nitrile gloves and change my shoes before I get into my car. I won't sit anywhere or let anyone touch me. But, If I follow my ritual, I get through it.
    Last edited by cruisin; 03-31-2014 at 10:07 PM.

  17. #377

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    (((Gazpacho)) Sending you loving vibes. Wishing you peace.

  18. #378
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gazpacho View Post
    No, there isn't. When I become depressed I withdraw a lot socially. I've also learned from experience that revealing a mental illness can have disastrous consequences.
    But you feel safe in sharing it with us. Are you comfortable with giving us your general location? I feel like someone here could help more specifically, if only we knew where you are.

  19. #379
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anita18 View Post
    But you feel safe in sharing it with us. Are you comfortable with giving us your general location? I feel like someone here could help more specifically, if only we knew where you are.
    Agree.

  20. #380

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    {{{Gazpacho}}} I have no words of wisdom for you, I can only say that I will be here for you as best I can.

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