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  1. #281

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    Hoping that today will bring you a little glimmer of hope and light.
    Sending you more hugs of support.
    Peace and love,
    Judi

  2. #282

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    I'm feeling too upset to write too much other than to tell altai_rose that your comments upset me. Do you really think I'm oblivious to the fact that there is so much suffering in the world? Do you really think I don't feel enormously guilty for feeling bad and wanting to die when many people are dying but want to live? Those are major triggers for my self-harm. Other people who engage in self-harm may have different triggers. I'm speaking only for myself.

    I also believe that those are among the major triggers for the high depression and suicide rates seen in helping professions.

    A few weeks ago, those comments may not have upset me so much that I would express them. In the past week, since tweaking the medications, I've become irritable and agitated.

    Does anyone know about electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) for depression? It sounds scary, but it does have a strong record of helping very depressed people. It also has a strong record of bad side effects, some of which can be permanent.

  3. #283

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    ECT can be effective...for some, not all. Is that an option for you?
    ECT is not like it was 'back in the day'.

  4. #284
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gazpacho View Post
    Does anyone know about electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) for depression? It sounds scary, but it does have a strong record of helping very depressed people. It also has a strong record of bad side effects, some of which can be permanent.
    I've had ECT 24 times (two courses). It's usually given when medication and therapy have failed to alleviate a patient's mental illness, including depression. I had mine in a psychiatric hospital in the UK. Is it an option for you if you want it? There's no need to be scared by the process itself; you are given a general anaesthetic and you're only unconscious for a few minutes. The treatment lasts literally about a minute. It's true that it does help some people, but if you can get access to an ETC course, don't pin all your hopes on it. It doesn't work for everyone; nevertheless I have known people who have benefited greatly from having it.

    As for the side effects, at some point during the first course I seemed to lose all knowledge of the place in which I lived and was unable to remember the local geography. However, when I left the hospital, it all came back to me. I was afraid of losing memories of my childhood, but I didn't. My reaction to the second course is more difficult to explain, but I felt that I had lost some of my mental sharpness, and while I remembered the geography this time, I still have a lot of trouble remembering day to day things, and also in grasping abstract ideas that I'd found easier before.

    I hope that this treatment works for you if you're able to obtain it. Very best wishes to you at this terrible time.
    I hear outside a million panicking birds, and know even out there comfort is done with; it has shattered even the stars, this creature at last come home to me.

  5. #285
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gazpacho View Post
    I'm feeling too upset to write too much other than to tell altai_rose that your comments upset me. Do you really think I'm oblivious to the fact that there is so much suffering in the world? Do you really think I don't feel enormously guilty for feeling bad and wanting to die when many people are dying but want to live? Those are major triggers for my self-harm. Other people who engage in self-harm may have different triggers. I'm speaking only for myself.

    I also believe that those are among the major triggers for the high depression and suicide rates seen in helping professions.

    A few weeks ago, those comments may not have upset me so much that I would express them. In the past week, since tweaking the medications, I've become irritable and agitated.

    Does anyone know about electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) for depression? It sounds scary, but it does have a strong record of helping very depressed people. It also has a strong record of bad side effects, some of which can be permanent.
    I'm not altai_rose but I didn't doubt that at all about you. You seem too intelligent and cognizant to be clueless about others' suffering. Part of me wonders if being a part of the medical field can do that to people, because they often have "seen worse" and it becomes difficult to truly empathize with each individual patient, especially when they're not extreme. I admit I'm likely projecting onto altai_rose - I nearly flipped my lid when my cousin, who's in medical school, ranted that "patients are stupid."

    Becoming irritable and agitated probably means your brain is readjusting to the meds. It can be good or bad. You have to give your future self the chance to ride it out and see what comes next.

    I have no idea about ECT but I agree with Sparks that the technology has very likely improved. Looking into and being open to ECT is good - not necessarily about the specific treatment, but you're still looking for help. That's a good sign.

    ((HUGS)) Still in my thoughts, Gazpacho.

  6. #286

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    You continue to be in my thoughts, Gazpacho.

  7. #287

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    (((Gazpacho))) I hope you get the right treatment and can live a happy life.

  8. #288
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    Gazpacho, please try not to be upset by anything anyone says here. I really believe everyone is trying to help, the best that they know how. Also, please do not feel guilty for anything. I consider you a person who is trying to live. The suicidal thoughts are your suffering. They are just as much a serious, potentially terminal illness as any physical one. It may not feel like you are fighting. But, every time you come here, you show that you are. No one thinks you are oblivious in any way. We have read many of your posts, you are smart, articulate, thoughtful, and many other wonderful things. Different things work for different people. Some people respond to positive encouragement. Some people (like me) respond to feeling guilty. Some of us are incredibly good at beating ourselves up.

    I have heard that ECT has changed drastically, and they are having great success with it. But, make sure you go to the BEST! Judging from what you are telling us, I don't know that your psychiatrist is the most professional doctor. Again, (OCD speaking ), you need to see your doctor or a new doctor and go over all of your options.

    I think about you all of the time. I want, so much, for you to feel better. XOXOXO
    Last edited by cruisin; 03-03-2014 at 01:49 PM.

  9. #289

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gazpacho View Post
    I'm feeling too upset to write too much other than to tell altai_rose that your comments upset me. Do you really think I'm oblivious to the fact that there is so much suffering in the world? Do you really think I don't feel enormously guilty for feeling bad and wanting to die when many people are dying but want to live? Those are major triggers for my self-harm. Other people who engage in self-harm may have different triggers. I'm speaking only for myself.

    I also believe that those are among the major triggers for the high depression and suicide rates seen in helping professions.

    A few weeks ago, those comments may not have upset me so much that I would express them. In the past week, since tweaking the medications, I've become irritable and agitated.

    Does anyone know about electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) for depression? It sounds scary, but it does have a strong record of helping very depressed people. It also has a strong record of bad side effects, some of which can be permanent.
    Thank you for telling me this. I'm sorry if my comments upset you in any way. I spoke from my personal experience, from my heart, but I know that it does not generalize to everyone. The same goes for every other user's advice in this thread--reading through it, I see many posts which may be just as upsetting, either to you or to someone else with depression. Again, everyone is just trying to help, and, as both you and cruisin just said, different people respond differently to things.

    ECT is given under anesthesia, and yes, it may be effective in certain cases. Is there a medical professional you can speak to about it?
    Last edited by altai_rose; 03-03-2014 at 12:01 AM.

  10. #290

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    A nephew of mine had ECT about 5 years ago. He was in his early thirties at the time and was an inpatient for several months. I am not sure how many actual treatments he had. It was very successful for him.

  11. #291

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gazpacho View Post

    Does anyone know about electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) for depression? It sounds scary, but it does have a strong record of helping very depressed people. It also has a strong record of bad side effects, some of which can be permanent.

    My husband had it as a teenager so we are going back 30 years. It helped him but unfortunately wiped out some good memories as well as the bad ones.

  12. #292

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    I don't know anything about ECT. But as you're exploring various options (and good for you! ), another thing to think about is talking with a good nutritionist, if you can get hold of one. Nutrition can't take the place of medical treatment, of course, but sometimes it can aid it. Everything you can do to take care of yourself, in terms of diet and exercise and rest, is a step in the right direction.

    *hugs*
    Charter member of the "We Always Believed in Ashley" Club and the "We Believe in Ricky" Club
    Old, lonely, pathos-hungry, and extremely gullible

  13. #293

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    Gazpacho, I think that the fact you are still looking into treatment options means that you are still fighting and still wanting to find your light again. Even though you are talking about ending your life, there is still a spark within you that is searching for healing.
    Please don't give in to the darkness; there is still hope within you, or else you wouldn't be asking opinions on ECT.
    KEEP FIGHTING. YOU ARE SO MUCH STRONGER THAN YOU REALIZE.

  14. #294
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wyliefan View Post
    I don't know anything about ECT. But as you're exploring various options (and good for you! ), another thing to think about is talking with a good nutritionist, if you can get hold of one. Nutrition can't take the place of medical treatment, of course, but sometimes it can aid it. Everything you can do to take care of yourself, in terms of diet and exercise and rest, is a step in the right direction.

    *hugs*
    Wyliefan has some really good advice there. I was diagnosed w/having at the very least Gluten Sensitivity last Spring and while it's a challenge/fight w/Mom to help me follow the diet, when I am able to eat the way I should for a constant period of time, the difference is stunning. It also answered why I felt so drained of energy the last few years, but my Iron levels were fine and I wasn't Anemic, so...!?!

    As my Nutritionist explained to me, when the body is dealing w/such a massive assault on itself as what happens when someone w/Gluten Issues isn't aware they do have them and needs to avoid it at all costs, that really takes a lot of energy to be able to try and fight off. However, since I wasn't aware of it, I kept eating stuff w/Gluten in it and in turn...

    When I am able to eat as I should, my energy levels just shoot skyward, my mood is far more upbeat and my Insomnia disappears. I still don't believe it's the complete answer to what's been going w/me and my tummy issues, simply because there are other things going on that link to my Gallbladder Surgery in 2001, but I do believe it's a piece of the puzzle.

    Never would known about it though if my Family Doctor hadn't ordered the blood work needed to find out. That's why ITA w/crusin about getting your Main Doctor to do a thorough and complete Blood Workup done. W/the new drugs, there could be things going on that would only show up in a complete workup.

    I really hope you can talk to him about doing this, because to me, after being put on a new drug it would make sense to check and make sure all as it should be.

    I continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers every night. Keep in touch.

  15. #295
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    Hi Gazpacho. Hope you are feeling better. Have you been able to get any information about ECT and whether or not it is appropriate for you? Have you gotten anywhere with your doctors.

  16. #296
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    Hi Gazpacho...thinking of you today. {{{HUGS}}}
    Peace & Love, Gypsy
    Even a man who is pure in heart and says his prayers by night, may become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms and the autumn moon is bright.


  17. #297

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    Gazpacho, I hope you are in touch with your doctors. Please remember that we are all sending you positive vibes. I hope you experience peace and joy in your life.

  18. #298

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    Due to something I learned about a difficult ongoing situation (don't want to get into details), I've gone from bad to worse. I met with the psychiatrist in person yesterday, and he just continued me on the medication, saying that the side effects would get better. I don't feel better. I need some relief fast.

  19. #299
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gazpacho View Post
    Due to something I learned about a difficult ongoing situation (don't want to get into details), I've gone from bad to worse. I met with the psychiatrist in person yesterday, and he just continued me on the medication, saying that the side effects would get better. I don't feel better. I need some relief fast.
    First, I am glad that you are staying in touch. We need to hear from you to be sure you are okay. I still, really think you should go to your PC doctor. I spoke to a friend, today, who is a nurse. I talked about you and what is happening to you. clearly, since I don't know who you actually are, I was not breaking any confidence. She agreed that there could be any number of drug interactions, physical chemical reactions, that could cause what is happening to you. She agreed that you should have blood work done. If, for no other reason than to rule out any physical causes. I am dismayed that your psychiatrist saw you and just said the side effects would lessen. As desperate as you sound to us, he doesn't seem to be getting how bad this is. Did you ask about inpatient treatment? Did you ask about ECT? If I had a magic wand I would wave it and make all of your pain go away. But, alas, I don't. So, I hope the fact that we all care about you and are pulling for you helps. XOXOXO

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    Yes, the doctor and the bloodwork sound like good ideas. Hang in there, Gazpacho. (I know it sounds trite, but sometimes just hanging in there, putting one foot in front of the other, is all we can do!) Hugs and prayers to you.
    Charter member of the "We Always Believed in Ashley" Club and the "We Believe in Ricky" Club
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