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  1. #141
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    Quote Originally Posted by agalisgv View Post
    So he made the video to show to her what her behavior looked like from his vantage point, and posted on youtube so she couldn't erase it as she had in the past. He didn't know it would go viral, but it did. He's not upset that it did, because know he feels others know what he has had to go through this past year.
    There are so many different options available to him that broadcasting the video on youtube while claiming "it wasn't his intent to make a public posting and humiliate her" is ridiculous.

  2. #142

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    He hasn't *had* to go through anything this past year. He could have filed for divorce a day after they were married, or after the first tantrum. He didn't have to put up with anything. He could have left as much as she could have.

  3. #143
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    Quote Originally Posted by agalisgv View Post
    He's not upset that it did, because know he feels others know what he has had to go through this past year.
    And why is that important? If she truly acts like this all the time, then his friends and family already know unless she somehow only loses control when she is alone with him. Why the need to create a public YouTube video for, oh, everyone else? Even if he didn't intend for it to go viral, he certainly intended for people who aren't familiar with her behavior to view it. After all, people who are familiar with her behavior are already familiar with her behavior.

    Quote Originally Posted by agalisgv View Post
    If you view that as an inherent wrong, then you are disagreeing with me, not agreeing.
    No!

    Except I did agree that context made a difference and there are times when it would be perfectly acceptable to post a video on social media. Wasn't that your point about context?

    Quote Originally Posted by agalisgv View Post
    But I do. Why you keep commenting on my posts that explicitly say I'm using her actions as the barometer for judgment on her reaction to the situation and retort you aren't interested in that is beyond me.
    I guess because you are arguing with people here who aren't making arguments supporting her reaction to the situation. No one else particularly cares what she thinks about the situation.

    Instead, we are all saying that her behavior does not justify his and you keep arguing about our points, which have nothing to do with whether or not she has the right to cry foul. They have to do with whether or not he had the right to do what he did. Our judgments of his behavior are not based on what she thinks of his behavior, but rather what WE think of his behavior.

    In a nutshell, we find his behavior far more wrong than you do. This does not in any way mean that we endorse her behavior.

    Quote Originally Posted by agalisgv View Post
    In case you missed it (which clearly you did), I clarified to say I was making TWO points with that--neither of which depended on mutuality. The first was about the inherent wrongness of an action. I said that depended on context
    Yes, I read what you said. And in spite of the fact that you keep insisting that your arguments do not depend on mutuality, the examples you used all depended on mutuality.

    Quote Originally Posted by agalisgv View Post
    You may want to make other points, but I'm not at all interested in that. Nor am I at all interested in the Hatfields or McCoys as it doesn't apply in this case (and no, I'm not interested in hearing you make the argument for why it does).
    Well, I feel just terrible about that, but you will have to cope with your boredom like everyone else and scroll by what bores you.

    Quote Originally Posted by agalisgv View Post
    But I do think the solutions you mentioned are interesting, because they just so happen to be what the husband actually did--he sought legal protection from her by getting a restraining order, and left the environment to go live with friends. And how was he able to get that restraining order? By showing the video that proved his claims against her.
    Indeed. Good on him. If only he hadn't posted that video on YouTube. Except he did. Which is the issue.

    Quote Originally Posted by DAngel View Post
    There are so many different options available to him that broadcasting the video on youtube while claiming "it wasn't his intent to make a public posting and humiliate her" is ridiculous.
    Indeed.
    "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."-- Albert Einstein.

  4. #144
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    Quote Originally Posted by agalisgv View Post
    But I do think the solutions you mentioned are interesting, because they just so happen to be what the husband actually did--he sought legal protection from her by getting a restraining order, and left the environment to go live with friends. And how was he able to get that restraining order? By showing the video that proved his claims against her.
    i've no doubt that this slug will continue to abuse privileges meant for those who really need it.
    Do people think repeated temper tantrums akin to the one shown on the video count as emotional/verbal abuse? If not, why?
    i believe that like most toxic couples, they both willingly participated in the cycle of mutual abuse. The fact that you can only see one person in that video being abused speaks volumes.

  5. #145
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    Quote Originally Posted by agalisgv View Post
    FYI, the husband has said it wasn't his intent to make a public posting and humiliate her. According to him, she had been doing this repeatedly during the year of their marriage, and he had requested marriage counseling to deal with it. She would simply walk out of the counseling sessions and slam the door whenever he brought the issue up, so she was never accountable for her behavior. He also said she had a habit of going through his phone and computer, deleting whatever she didn't like from it without asking him. So he made the video to show to her what her behavior looked like from his vantage point, and posted on youtube so she couldn't erase it as she had in the past. He didn't know it would go viral, but it did. He's not upset that it did, because know he feels others know what he has had to go through this past year.
    Do you have a link to the interview in which he said all of this? The interview I saw was on Right This Minute, and the only thing he mentioned from what you've written above is that he didn't regret that the video went viral.

    I will add, assuming that he's telling the truth about her habit of erasing things on his computer, there were ways he could have distributed the video to a semi-private audience that wouldn't have involved using a public YouTube channel. It's known as email.

  6. #146
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    It is also entirely possible to create a private video on Youtube that people only see if you directly distribute a link to them.

  7. #147
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    Quote Originally Posted by michiruwater View Post
    It is also entirely possible to create a private video on Youtube that people only see if you directly distribute a link to them.
    Dropbox, Facebook and a number of other video-sharing platforms have those options as well.

  8. #148
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    If you have web-based email, you can also create a draft email with an attachment and it lives in the cloud. If you don't set your computer to autofill the password (which, if someone I lived with was routinely erasing things from my computer, is a step I'd certainly take), it should be fine.
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  9. #149

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    To veer back to the cultural aspect…..I never thought about temper tantrums being cultural. The execution of this lady’s tantrum was “little girl” – she was literally in a baby position several times. I could never get away with that because even when I was a little girl I didn’t look like a little girl. If I were to have a tantrum, I’d probably throw stuff.

    I have seen other women do the baby thing though. A friend – who does kind of look like a child – pulls this, though not to the extreme YouTube lady does. But the thing is, her husband likes it. He then speaks to her like she is a little girl. Yeah, he rolls his eyes a bit but frankly, I sense there was some sexual component to it. So if it is cultural, the men are in on it and likely encourage it. Like MacMadame said earlier, people are getting stuff out of a relationship, even if it is not obvious to the observer.
    What would Jenny do?

  10. #150
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    Quote Originally Posted by snoopy View Post
    To veer back to the cultural aspect…..I never thought about temper tantrums being cultural. The execution of this lady’s tantrum was “little girl” – she was literally in a baby position several times.
    It's interesting how many yoga aficionados say they enjoy the "child's pose", which is essentially the fetal position. Instructors will tell students to rest in that pose if they find the current pose the class is using to be difficult. I suppose that a lot of people find it comforting?

  11. #151

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    LOL, I did think of yoga's baby pose when I saw her feet on the roof of the car. I think child's pose (which is different than baby pose) has the benefit of 1) being easy; 2) allowing some blood to flow to the head, which is physically beneficial and 3) being a protective position - so like you mention, it is comforting. It is not attention grabbing though, so I am not sure it is directly comparable to a temper tantrum.
    What would Jenny do?

  12. #152
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    Quote Originally Posted by Prancer;3965702Instead, we are all saying that her behavior does not justify his and you keep arguing about our points, which have nothing to do with whether or not she has the right to cry foul. They have to do with whether or not he had the right to do what he did. Our judgments of his behavior are not based on what she thinks of his behavior, but rather what WE think of his behavior. In a nutshell, we find his behavior far more wrong than you do. This does not in any way mean that we endorse [I
    her[/I] behavior.
    Indeed. Good on him. If only he hadn't posted that video on YouTube. Except he did. Which is the issue.
    Absolutely. I have not seen anyone saw that she was 100% right and he was 100% wrong. They both behaved in a questionable way and perhaps he is right to get a restraining order. However, that can mean at the same time that his decision to post a video online so others can judge his wife is wrong independently of her wrong behavior.

  13. #153
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    Quote Originally Posted by snoopy View Post
    It is not attention grabbing though, so I am not sure it is directly comparable to a temper tantrum.
    Maybe some yoga would namaste the crazy right out of her?

  14. #154
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    Quote Originally Posted by DAngel View Post
    There are so many different options available to him that broadcasting the video on youtube while claiming "it wasn't his intent to make a public posting and humiliate her" is ridiculous.
    It reminds me of that line from that Emimen song where he claims he didn't mean to hurt his mother's feelings and then proceeds to sing about what a horrible person she is. Yeah, Emimen, I totally believe you didn't mean to hurt your mom's feelings when you decided to record that song and release it for the world to hear.
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