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  1. #41

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    Quote Originally Posted by MacMadame View Post

    I had a boyfriend once who liked to poke until you reacted. Once he poked at me verbally until I gave him the finger. He timed it so that I was giving him the finger at exactly the same time as everyone in the room was looking in our direction. We were at a Contra dance so it was about 100 people and we were at the front of the line and the caller said something that caused everyone to look at the front of the room in our direction just as I did it. I was mortified (it was a different time with different standards) even though I wasn't really doing anything too horrible. I certainly wasn't having a meltdown or anything. But I definitely felt manipulated. (If I'd had any sense, I would have left him then and not 2 years later, but that's another story.) If I was a different person, perhaps he could have goaded me into having temper tantrums on a regular basis instead of that being the only time he got me.
    Your ex was able to time this with the "caller" and make sure you did this right as the caller was drawing everyone's attention to the front, where you happened to be standing. Don't you think that sounds a little ridiculous? Maybe you shouldn't have flipped the bird to him in public. I have a hard time believing your ex was so masterful at manipulating you and large crowds of people. This sounds like something from a movie, or more likely, this is how it went in your head but was not reality.
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  2. #42

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    Quote Originally Posted by heckles View Post
    I'm all for privacy and employers not overstepping their bounds into one's personal life, but this woman's an anesthesia nurse. The last thing a patient needs when put in a vulnerable position--which is what general anesthetic will do to you-- is to have a nutjob in charge.
    Again - is there any indication that she has behaved unprofessionally and/or let her personal issues with her husband affect her work? Having a meltdown like she did in a private situation does not necessarily have bearing on the ability to do a job, even a high-responsibility one like she apparently has.

  3. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigB08822 View Post
    Your ex was able to time this with the "caller" and make sure you did this right as the caller was drawing everyone's attention to the front, where you happened to be standing.
    The timing was likely coincidental, but the behavior was probably not. My sister and I did not get along as children, we were both at fault, but she was very passive-aggressive to her bullying. She knew exactly what buttons to push, and would do it for hours while I tried to run through everything my therapist had told me to ignore it (I was the only one who went to therapy. I was more aggressive, so I was the one who always got in trouble, while she was clearly an angel.) There is only so long a person can go before snapping.

    One day, my sister did this to me for hours. I tried to separate myself from the situation, and she'd follow me. We were around other friends, and I tried not to make a scene. After seriously hours of being tormented, I punched her. Right as my father drove up the street from work.

    Her baiting did exactly what she wanted it to (well, I don't think she expected to be hit. Usually it caused a tantrum and crying), it caused me to snap, and it caused me to snap in front of the right witness; though whether my parents witnessed it or not, she would have 'won'.

    I haven't watched the youtube video, as I refuse to give such nonsense a statistic count, but it is likely the woman is literally crazy, is just acting crazy, or she has been put in a position where she was baited to the behavior. Yes, it is easy to say to just not do it. But if you have never been in that sort of position, it is very very hard to not react. Especially when it is someone close to you that you should supposedly trust. I have never hit someone since hitting my sister as a young girl, but still members of my family (not my sister, who thankfully as adults we get a long) still know exactly what buttons to push to make me snap, and then exactly how to turn the tables so it was my 'fault'. To the point where my husband would prefer we not associate with those people, but unfortunately, that isn't really an option.
    Last edited by Skittl1321; 07-26-2013 at 09:10 PM.

  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by danceronice View Post
    ...In a civil suit? Sure. This isn't a criminal trial. If they're in divorce court it's a civil proceeding. And I always kind of laugh at "entrapment" anyway-you wouldn't get trapped if you didn't take the bait (in this case pitch a raging screaming fit like a child). I don't understand the rush to defend her and vilify him-just because she's female doesn't mean automatically she must be an innocent victim. More likely she's a tantrum-throwing harpy (or drunk; again, DUI) and he got fed up, especially if she's good at hiding it in front of others.
    It always takes two to tango.

    If he was REALLY sincere in relieving the conflict, he wouldn't have put her in the situation to begin with (taken her along on the car ride knowing they disagreed on the destination), let alone goad her further, film her and put it on YouTube. He's no saint. He manipulated her. Throwing a tantrum is like, the most elementary form of manipulation, that I don't even know if it can be called manipulation because that implies it was pre-planned.

    They should have divorced sooner, or taken some classes on communicating at the very least. They fail even the most basic communication skills.

    And....I have a relative who's apparently such a terrible parent, extremely emotionally manipulative, that her daughter ended contact with her entirely. She'd get panic attacks if her mother was in the same room. She even asked me not to tell anyone in my family where she lived, she was THAT afraid of her mother finding out. The mother is a renowned plastic surgeon, and people fly all over the country to be treated by her. Does that affect her job? I don't think so.

    This woman threw a tantrum. She didn't take revenge on her husband by sabotaging the boat or poisoning his drink. If she had done THAT then yes, I'd consider her unfit to be a nurse. At work, at least she could remove herself from a situation before she lost it. In this situation, she couldn't.

  5. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigB08822 View Post
    Your ex was able to time this with the "caller" and make sure you did this right as the caller was drawing everyone's attention to the front, where you happened to be standing. Don't you think that sounds a little ridiculous? Maybe you shouldn't have flipped the bird to him in public. I have a hard time believing your ex was so masterful at manipulating you and large crowds of people. This sounds like something from a movie, or more likely, this is how it went in your head but was not reality.


    This is called a Strawman argument. I never said he and the caller entered into some big conspiracy in order to humiliate me. You are the one making up fanciful scenarios so you don't have to entertain the idea that you might possibly be wrong in your interpretation of what happened.

    In fact, it was more like what Skittl's described except that he, being experienced with the situation (it was my first time), also knew that it was right around the time when the dance was about to start and the caller would speak so he picked that time on purpose hoping for what happened. He was lucky I bit at the exact right time but not as lucky as Skittl's sister.

    Note: to get back to the issue at hand, I'm not saying the woman had no fault at all. I think, at a minimum, she has poor coping skills.
    "Cupcakes are bullshit. And everyone knows it. A cupcake is just a muffin with clown puke topping." -Charlie Brooker

  6. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zemgirl View Post
    Again - is there any indication that she has behaved unprofessionally and/or let her personal issues with her husband affect her work?
    Considering that many professional associations have a habit of covering for their members as opposed to weeding out the bad apples, I wouldn't assume that a "clean" record--presupposing she has one--means everything. Bottom line is that as a consumer, I have choices, and I would not want my life in that loon's hands. You can choose to have her assisting with your anesthesia if that video doesn't alarm you.
    Last edited by heckles; 07-26-2013 at 09:18 PM.

  7. #47

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    Temper Tantrum Wife - "I just want to go to the lake!"

    Quote Originally Posted by MacMadame View Post


    This is called a Strawman argument. I never said he and the caller entered into some big conspiracy in order to humiliate me. You are the one making up fanciful scenarios so you don't have to entertain the idea that you might possibly be wrong in your interpretation of what happened.

    In fact, it was more like what Skittl's described except that he, being experienced with the situation (it was my first time), also knew that it was right around the time when the dance was about to start and the caller would speak so he picked that time on purpose hoping for what happened. He was lucky I bit at the exact right time but not as lucky as Skittl's sister.

    Note: to get back to the issue at hand, I'm not saying the woman had no fault at all. I think, at a minimum, she has poor coping skills.
    I never ever said he made any agreement with the caller. Where did you get that?! I took what you said, that he timed it with the caller. As in, made sure his timing matched that of the callers. I never said they colluded and I did not mean that.
    -Brian
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  8. #48
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    I feel for her. I wouldn't want my ugliest moments recorded and posted on youtube by my husband.

  9. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by danceronice View Post
    That's because a toddler can't control themselves yet. An adult should. It doesn't matter if you're in private or not. I'd have slapped her.
    That would certainly show her how one who is mature and in control of one's emotions should behave.

    Quote Originally Posted by heckles View Post
    I'm all for privacy and employers not overstepping their bounds into one's personal life, but this woman's an anesthesia nurse. The last thing a patient needs when put in a vulnerable position--which is what general anesthetic will do to you-- is to have a nutjob in charge.
    Then I strongly advise you to avoid all medical care, because the medical profession is full of nutjobs and you never know what you are getting.
    Trolling dates all the way back to 397 B.C. - People began following Plato around and would make fart noises after everything he said.

  10. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigB08822 View Post
    I have a hard time seeing anything he did wrong because I can't get over her disgusting behavior.
    ITA

    I don't see him goading her in any way. And I don't think there's ever, *ever*, a justification for the behavior she exhibited. Period. She subjected another human being to completely unacceptable behavior. The fact that others beside her SO weren't there doesn't make it a completely private moment--he was there and had to endure that. And no one, ever, should have to endure that.

    If people think that's understandable behavior in certain circumstances (like having a bad day), I think they have some serious issues.

  11. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by agalisgv View Post
    ITA

    I don't see him goading her in any way. And I don't think there's ever, *ever*, a justification for the behavior she exhibited. Period. She subjected another human being to completely unacceptable behavior. The fact that others beside her SO weren't there doesn't make it a completely private moment--he was there and had to endure that. And no one, ever, should have to endure that.

    If people think that's understandable behavior in certain circumstances (like having a bad day), I think they have some serious issues.
    actually, he didn't have to do anything. He didn't have to marry her. He didn't have to agree to give her a ride. He didn't have to refuse her requests, and he didn't have to sit in the car and listen to her. It's a free country and he could walk away at any moment. Instead, he chose to do this.

    Two wrongs never make a right and these two asshats deserve each other. What's nice about two such awful people being together, is it prevents either of them from potentially inflicting their "charms" on actual nice people.

  12. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by berthesghost View Post
    actually, he didn't have to do anything. He didn't have to marry her. He didn't have to agree to give her a ride. He didn't have to refuse her requests, and he didn't have to sit in the car and listen to her. It's a free country and he could walk away at any moment. Instead, he chose to do this.
    Absolutely!

    Quote Originally Posted by berthesghost View Post
    Two wrongs never make a right and these two asshats deserve each other. What's nice about two such awful people being together, is it prevents either of them from potentially inflicting their "charms" on actual nice people.
    I don't think they have to be awful with other people though. In my first relationship, I was a jealous b*tch because I was very self-conscious about my looks and I didn't think I was attractive enough to keep a guy, any guy. I was totally insufferable. I want to go back in time to old me and slap her for being so immature, it was that pathetic.

    I was afraid I would be a jealous b*tch to Alf when we got serious too. And guess what? It never happened. For not even a single second. Part of it is that I was 6 years older and just grew up, but part of it was also that Alf never made a comment about my looks having to do with the relationship we had. He never dwells on other women or compares me to anyone. We let each other look, but we know what we have together.

    So part of it's me, but part of it's also the relationship. If Alf was more like my ex, I might have gone back to my old ways despite my growth. If you act badly around one person, it isn't a guarantee that you'll always act badly around every other given human on the face of this earth.

    Like I've mentioned before, tantrums are much more easily controlled if you're able to get somewhere where you can calm yourself down. She was trapped and directly interacting the person who vexed her - there was no escape. I would have MUCH more of a problem had she retaliated against him maliciously into the future (again, like sabotage) instead of just throwing a tantrum. Tantrum is acting out in the moment. Retaliation shows premeditative malice, which is a lot more dangerous in a nurse, IMO.

  13. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by berthesghost View Post
    actually, he didn't have to do anything. He didn't have to marry her.
    He was already married to her, and presumably she wasn't this way prior to the wedding. Now, if she acted this way prior to the wedding and he married her anyway, I'd question his sanity.
    He didn't have to agree to give her a ride.
    They went out to eat together at a fast food place without issue, and he was driving. It was only later that she flipped out. That's on her--not him.
    He didn't have to refuse her requests
    Spoiled children think all their requests shouldn't be refused. But that's what makes them spoiled children, innit?
    and he didn't have to sit in the car and listen to her.
    Well, yeah, once they're in the car while he's driving, he pretty much has to listen to her--either that or kick her out of the car. And I suspect people here would find that cruel if he did that.
    It's a free country and he could walk away at any moment.
    It was his car. He doesn't have to walk away from his own property.

    And he did walk away the next day by getting a restraining order against her--something he was able to secure by showing this video to a judge. Apparently an impartial judge thought the woman's behavior was such that a RO was warranted.

    Two wrongs never make a right
    Showing someone their bad behavior isn't a wrong--it's accountability. She doesn't like it, don't act that way. Period.

    Adults shouldn't be having tantrums, ever. I cannot imagine being a person that has to worry about losing control and throwing tantrums in public or private. That's seriously messed up behavior, and completely unacceptable. Don't blame others for pushing your buttons or goading you--it's all on you if you act like that.

  14. #54

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    "Showing someone their bad behavior isn't a wrong--it's accountability."

    He didn't video it to show her her behaviour for accountability. That could have been useful. He could have shown it in couple's therapy, or the privacy of their own home, in a different setting you could say it could be used for accountability. He made it public. He videoed it in order to post it to YouTube and deliberately humiliate her.

    Do you think that was warranted?

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    In an interview, he said he videotaped it with the intention of showing it to her to show how ridiculous she was. But I think he got pissed when she started texting and facebooking everyone to badmouth him, so he returned the favor.

    So the initial motivation for videotaping her to me wasn't terrible. And I don't know that his posting the video was any different than what she was doing to him--something she had apparently been doing constantly before. She didn't mind doing that to him, she only minded it being done to her. You don't like it, don't do it to others then. And if you've been doing it to others, don't cry foul now.

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    Quote Originally Posted by liv View Post
    I think her tantrum is worse. I think he checked out of this marriage before this and is showing what she is probably always like just in case people think she's the damaged party. That being said, I don't have much respect for him either for putting this up on youtube. nasty.
    ITA!
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    Quote Originally Posted by agalisgv View Post
    In an interview, he said he videotaped it with the intention of showing it to her to show how ridiculous she was. But I think he got pissed when she started texting and facebooking everyone to badmouth him, so he returned the favor.

    So the initial motivation for videotaping her to me wasn't terrible. And I don't know that his posting the video was any different than what she was doing to him--something she had apparently been doing constantly before. She didn't mind doing that to him, she only minded it being done to her. You don't like it, don't do it to others then. And if you've been doing it to others, don't cry foul now.
    Because if something is wrong, it becomes not-wrong if someone else does it to you first?

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    They are both a piece of work!
    "Cupcakes are bullshit. And everyone knows it. A cupcake is just a muffin with clown puke topping." -Charlie Brooker

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    Quote Originally Posted by agalisgv View Post
    Adults shouldn't be having tantrums, ever. I cannot imagine being a person that has to worry about losing control and throwing tantrums in public or private. That's seriously messed up behavior, and completely unacceptable. Don't blame others for pushing your buttons or goading you--it's all on you if you act like that.
    Really? Cause my sister witnessed our father having a "tantrum" because our mom had been experiencing a lot of pain and had visited numerous doctors. Nothing had worked and it had been like this for 2 years. There was nothing he could do to help his wife of almost 30 years.

    He locked himself in his study and screamed. It scared my sister pretty bad, since my dad so very rarely shows even any emotion, but there it is.

    I wouldn't call that seriously messed up behavior. The only difference between my dad and this woman is that his emotional outburst stemmed from not being able to help someone he loved, not something that he wanted for himself. I bet everyone would say that his was a much more warranted emotional outburst. But he lost his cool. It was my mother's illness that pushed his buttons. The result is still the same: an uncontrollable emotional outburst.

    In either case, you know what loving, intelligent people do when someone near them is losing emotional control? Let that person have his space. We didn't accuse Dad of being a child or having unacceptable behavior or tell him to grow up. Something tells me he wouldn't have reacted very well at all if we'd told him that in the heat of the moment.

    But that's what the husband in this video does. He tells her it's not his fault. He tells her she's a spoiled brat. He laughs at her. She doesn't need to hear any of that stuff. What she needs is space. Even if he'd pulled over to the side of the road so that she can have a change of scenery and calm herself down is better than what transpired. He could have offered that they go to the lake the day after or something, anything than what he did.

    Yes, she has terrible coping mechanisms and from what we've seen in this video, has a selfish approach to their relationship. But he egged her on, no doubt about it. If he'd really wanted to make himself out as the good guy, he could have offered to take her to the lake later and actually tried to calm her down. But he doesn't. And then he laughs into the camera as he basically says he's going to ruin her.

    They are terrible for each other and SHOULD be getting divorced. But if either of them keep up the terrible communication skills we see here on both their parts, any future marriages for both of them won't last.

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    I think it would've been OK to videotape his wife and just show it to her or a therapist but to release it publicly shows that his only intention was to publicly humiliate his wife. That is cruel and while her behavior was wrong, it was private and should have been dealt with in that manner.

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