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  1. #121

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    Quote Originally Posted by *Jen*
    As for Gina Dejesus's mother - I read that on the Daily Mail so don't believe for one second that they got the context right. She's probably just glad he didn't kill her daughter. She may have been quoted only partially, and or out of context. Who knows. Who cares? I don't think we can conclude from it that she's a bad mother.
    Where did I say she's a bad mother? I said she sounds like a nut. IMO her daughter doesn't need to hear kindness or spite toward her persecutor right now, esp from her mother. I know someone who was abused by a family member as a child. When her mother found out years later she did not alter her behavior toward this family member in any way. The daughter told me she had as much trouble getting over that as she did by the abuse. It made her feel that her mother either didn't believe her or else didn't think it was all that bad.

    Quote Originally Posted by made_in_canada View Post
    I think it's admirable. What's the point of directing hate at a man who clearly is messed up, and will now have to be accountable for his actions. She's not saying what he did was acceptable or denying that it's despicable just that that level of hate has no business in her life.
    I'm trying to think of what would be admirable about it, if it were true. Forgive? Yes. Hugging & blessing the perp is another thing. Since it was reported from the Daily Mail it may not be 100% true but she must have made some kind of statement.

  2. #122

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    Quote Originally Posted by taf2002 View Post
    Where did I say she's a bad mother? I said she sounds like a nut. IMO her daughter doesn't need to hear kindness or spite toward her persecutor right now, esp from her mother. I know someone who was abused by a family member as a child. When her mother found out years later she did not alter her behavior toward this family member in any way. The daughter told me she had as much trouble getting over that as she did by the abuse. It made her feel that her mother either didn't believe her or else didn't think it was all that bad.
    You said that if you were Gina, you would stay away from her.

    1 - Staying away from her mother is something a girl who was abducted and abused for 9 years is something that's probably not good for Gina's recovery or something she wants to do
    2 - If you're not saying that she's a bad mother, why do you think her Gina should stay away from her?
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  3. #123

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    Quote Originally Posted by *Jen* View Post
    You said that if you were Gina, you would stay away from her.

    1 - Staying away from her mother is something a girl who was abducted and abused for 9 years is something that's probably not good for Gina's recovery or something she wants to do
    2 - If you're not saying that she's a bad mother, why do you think her Gina should stay away from her?
    Because I think she is getting a negative message from her. It's too soon to be all concillitory & forgiving. Her mother (IMO) should be giving as much love & understanding as possible to Gina, not her abuser. The person I mentioned above distanced herself from her mother for a long time. She was in therapy with more than one psychologist & each one recommended that distance during her recovery. At the appropriate time when she was ready the current therapist told her she needed to confront her mother with how her actions made her feel. Her mother told me later that she feels guilty that she added to her daughter's stress & recovery. When bad things happen to you, you want to feel that the people you love are firmly on your side. I think if I were Gina I would be absolutely devastated by her mother's words.

    That is, IF this story is true.

  4. #124
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    Quote Originally Posted by Angelskates View Post
    Mother Forgives Daughter's Captor

    Wow. I can understand the need to forgive, but hug and say "God bless you", wow.
    Wow indeed...

    That sounds very callous to me... I wonder what her daughter thinks of that...

  5. #125

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    Quote Originally Posted by made_in_canada View Post
    I think it's admirable. What's the point of directing hate at a man who clearly is messed up, and will now have to be accountable for his actions. She's not saying what he did was acceptable or denying that it's despicable just that that level of hate has no business in her life.
    I think forgiving him is admirable. I think the comment about hugging him and saying "God bless you" is weird. To me, a hug is a sign of affection. I also think it's weird that her mother would go on TV and say ANYTHING about the captor, especially since the reports are that she didn't have a great relationship with her daughter, I would think he focus wouldn't be on the criminal, but on her daughter. I have far more respect for the families just asking for privacy than this woman who is giving interviews but (at least at the time of writing) hadn't seen her daughter yet.

    Quote Originally Posted by DAngel View Post
    Wow indeed...

    That sounds very callous to me... I wonder what her daughter thinks of that...
    Me, too. I certainly wouldn't think it's what she would be wanting to hear at the moment, and I don't see a reason for the mother to make it public at this point in time.

  6. #126

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    Maybe the mother is just so thankful that her daughter is alive that she is just happy he didn't kill her?
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  7. #127

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    Quote Originally Posted by BigB08822 View Post
    Maybe the mother is just so thankful that her daughter is alive that she is just happy he didn't kill her?
    I think hugging someone because you're happy they didn't kill your daughter is bizarre. "Thank you so much for not killing my daughter, you only kidnapped her and held her against her will, beat her so she lost babies you fathered when you repeatedly raped her for 10 years, but thank you for not killing her. I forgive you for everything." *hug*

    It's not as if she said she wants to hug the person/people that saved her daughter, but the person who put her daughter in this position. I think it's bizarre anyway, but even more bizarre that she said it to reporters, at this time. The forgiveness I get (though not telling reporters), the comment about hugging? I really do feel extra sorry for Gina, when her mum is speaking to reporters like this.

    (And before someone jumps on me, I will add "allegedly" to all the comments.)

  8. #128
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    Yeah that comment by DeJesus mother is weird.

  9. #129
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    The comment by DeJesus' mom is very strange. And way too soon. But it does come from an admirable place (even thought it's odd), at least.

    Everything I've read from Knight's family is just...off. I can see why she is not interested in reuniting with them, and while she does need support for her recovery, it certainly doesn't have to come from her bio family. If it's true Mama DeJesus is willing to open her home to Michelle Knight, that might be the best of all for Michelle. I mean honestly, people have posted discomfort with having Amanda's daughter's name and picture published, I'm thinking that Mama Knight spilling all of Michelle's childhood traumas in excruciating detail, and saying she "heard" Michelle has a mental problem, is really horrid.

    Everything about this situation is heartbreaking.
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  10. #130
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zemgirl View Post
    And yes, what milanessa said too.
    And you too can become Castro's pen pal, or use him as your platform for "no suffering in prison--even for scum".

  11. #131
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    Quote Originally Posted by taf2002 View Post
    I'm trying to think of what would be admirable about it, if it were true. Forgive? Yes. Hugging & blessing the perp is another thing. Since it was reported from the Daily Mail it may not be 100% true but she must have made some kind of statement.

    Quote Originally Posted by Angelskates View Post
    I think forgiving him is admirable. I think the comment about hugging him and saying "God bless you" is weird. To me, a hug is a sign of affection. I also think it's weird that her mother would go on TV and say ANYTHING about the captor, especially since the reports are that she didn't have a great relationship with her daughter, I would think he focus wouldn't be on the criminal, but on her daughter. I have far more respect for the families just asking for privacy than this woman who is giving interviews but (at least at the time of writing) hadn't seen her daughter yet.



    Me, too. I certainly wouldn't think it's what she would be wanting to hear at the moment, and I don't see a reason for the mother to make it public at this point in time.
    I was definitely referring to the forgiveness being admirable. The hugging thing is weird to me too, but I do know people for whom that wouldn't be weird at all. My ex-mil actually told me once that she hugged the drunk driver that killed her daughter. It's a bit of a different situation, but the point being that for some people a hug would be a visible demonstration of forgiveness.
    "Beautiful things don't ask for attention." -The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

  12. #132

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    Quote Originally Posted by made_in_canada View Post
    I was definitely referring to the forgiveness being admirable. The hugging thing is weird to me too, but I do know people for whom that wouldn't be weird at all. My ex-mil actually told me once that she hugged the drunk driver that killed her daughter. It's a bit of a different situation, but the point being that for some people a hug would be a visible demonstration of forgiveness.
    I have hugged the two people who killed someone I loved dearly (also by driving drunk). I felt sorry for them. I forgave them, but it was an entirely different situation, even though they were complete strangers. Their one stupid action (two actually, since they stole the car) caused someone else to die, and caused a huge amount of pain to others. They showed complete remorse, and were put into juvenile detention and then jail for a short amount of time. I thought the sentence was fair. One killed himself, he could not live with what he'd done, even though I forgave him. The other completely turned his life around and he is actually now a friend. Plenty of people make stupid mistakes that hurt, sometimes maim or kill, others. I can see hugging them and even feeling sorry for them. This man kidnapped three women and raped them repeatedly for 10 years - I will never understand the mother of a victim of this kind of thing wanting to hug this monster. This wasn't an accident, it was 10 years of deliberate, repeated, horrendous violence. And one women wasn't enough, it was three. I would like to think I could forgive him, but I know I wouldn't want to be near him, let alone hug or bless him.

    Everyone reacts differently, but I still think it's weird, the timing is off, and the focus, wrong.

  13. #133

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    Quote Originally Posted by duane View Post
    And you too can become Castro's pen pal, or use him as your platform for "no suffering in prison--even for scum".
    Yes, because serving a life sentence in prison is so much fun! Unfortunately for you, that pesky 8th amendment makes certain things unconstitutional, and the justice system is not in the habit of sentencing people to whichever extra punishments you see fit. Personally, I'm disgusted by anyone who feels that prison violence, including sexual violence, is something to be encouraged.

    Perhaps you should take matters into your own hands with the pen pal stuff? Then you can express your thoughts about appropriate penal policy directly to Castro, or to convicts of your choosing.

  14. #134

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    Quote Originally Posted by taf2002 View Post
    Because I think she is getting a negative message from her. It's too soon to be all concillitory & forgiving. Her mother (IMO) should be giving as much love & understanding as possible to Gina, not her abuser. The person I mentioned above distanced herself from her mother for a long time. She was in therapy with more than one psychologist & each one recommended that distance during her recovery. At the appropriate time when she was ready the current therapist told her she needed to confront her mother with how her actions made her feel. Her mother told me later that she feels guilty that she added to her daughter's stress & recovery. When bad things happen to you, you want to feel that the people you love are firmly on your side. I think if I were Gina I would be absolutely devastated by her mother's words.

    That is, IF this story is true.
    IF the story is true, indeed. Also, we don't know what's going on behind the scene. Mama Dejesus's actions may have been prompted by her daughter. Gina hasn't spoken to the media, so how do we know she didn't ask her mother to do it?

    Natascha Kampusch described conflicting emotions after her escape. She escaped, she wanted to escape, but like it or not her captor had been a huge part of her life and she was dependent on him for food etc for 8 years. It's the same with these girls. Objectively, they can hate him and know the absolute horror of what he did, but they can't help how they feel. If they do feel some sorrow or guilt because he kept them alive long enough for them to escape, are we really going to judge them?

    I doubt Mrs Dejesus is doing anything that her daughter doesn't want her to do right now, or maybe she just subscribes to the theory that holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die. Maybe she said it to end the media circus, to distance herself and her family, so they're not constantly being asked about him. I just don't think she should be separated from her daughter because a third party with no first hand knowledge of the situation doesn't like the fact that she's making an effort to leave the past behind.

    And what of Amanda, who has a child with him? There's no doubt she loves her daughter. Do you think she could do that without forgiving Castro in some capacity? And her family?

    There is nothing nice about this situation. It's incredibly nasty all over, but I think that telling these people how to grieve when we're only looking at the situation through a long lens and don't know what factors prompted the public statement is unhelpful and precisely what is described by Natascha Kampush about the public turning against her because she refused to do what they expected of her.

    Quote Originally Posted by made_in_canada View Post
    I was definitely referring to the forgiveness being admirable. The hugging thing is weird to me too, but I do know people for whom that wouldn't be weird at all. My ex-mil actually told me once that she hugged the drunk driver that killed her daughter. It's a bit of a different situation, but the point being that for some people a hug would be a visible demonstration of forgiveness.
    I suppose the difference between a drunk driver and Castro is the premeditation. While people should know that they'll possibly/probably kill someone while driving drunk, it lacks that element of pre-meditation and calculation that this case has...not to mention the length of time they had to endure his crimes.

    No one can change what's happened. By saying this (and not by actually doing this, which I think is a key point), she's distancing herself from it and showing that she wants to move on. Chances are, this is what her daughter wants.
    One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching.

  15. #135

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    Apparently the Daily Mail was correct. Mrs Dejesus was on 20/20. http://www.nydailynews.com/news/nati...icle-1.1341199

    Quote Originally Posted by *Jen*
    I doubt Mrs Dejesus is doing anything that her daughter doesn't want her to do right now, or maybe she just subscribes to the theory that holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die. Maybe she said it to end the media circus, to distance herself and her family, so they're not constantly being asked about him. I just don't think she should be separated from her daughter because a third party with no first hand knowledge of the situation doesn't like the fact that she's making an effort to leave the past behind.
    And I doubt her daughter was thrilled with her words so we'll have to agree to disagree. I think it's way too soon for something like this. If Mrs D had said her faith teaches her to forgive and stopped there I wouldn't be having this discussion. And I learned long time ago not to hold onto my anger & that hate hurts the hater more than it does the object of hate. As far as being separated from her daughter, that's not up to me - my opinion won't make a bit of difference. But what you call the past is really the present - those 3 are still living in hell. It's not over for them & maybe it never will be. So I still think she's a nut.

  16. #136
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zemgirl View Post
    That's some bizarre logic. I'm against rape, torture and murder anywhere - prison included. This does not mean I'm opposed to the existence of prisons or to sending convicted criminals to prison; it means that I don't want people to be raped or murdered or otherwise assaulted in prison. While I am well aware that it does happen, I don't think society should accept it, and I most certainly don't think society should condone it. I don't feel sorry for Castro for having to go to prison, as his crimes appear to warrant that he spend the rest of his life behind bars. But I don't believe rape and murder should be considered appropriate (informal) sentences for anyone. Even if they are scum.
    \
    Well, that's what happens in prisons for those who committed violent felonies. Unless you set it up so prisoners have no access at all to each other, that's how it is. There's nothing authorities can do to make violent felons be kind, sweet, gentle little people unless they're kept strictly away from each other and psychologically conditioned, and even then there's no guarantee it will work. The problem with Eastern Pen's experiment with total solitary was the goal was wrong--whether they become "penitent" or not is beside the point. Lock them up, cut off human contact, offer food, water, toilet facilities and a light/dark cycle, personally I'd put in a closed-circuit TV and feed educational programming all day (nothing TOO entertaining), provide limited reading material, and monitor remotely. For violent lifers, who cares if they "change" or not? They're locked away, never see the light of day again, and solitary solves the issue of other inmates imposing their own sentences. Prison is not for reforming when it comes to certain people. If you're not going to execute them, make it a very unpleasant experience.

  17. #137
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    Quote Originally Posted by taf2002 View Post
    Apparently the Daily Mail was correct. Mrs Dejesus was on 20/20. http://www.nydailynews.com/news/nati...icle-1.1341199



    And I doubt her daughter was thrilled with her words so we'll have to agree to disagree. I think it's way too soon for something like this. If Mrs D had said her faith teaches her to forgive and stopped there I wouldn't be having this discussion.
    Agreed. I think her comments about forgiving and hugging are over the top, and reading the article linked.....how many times did she say "I"? It's as if she's trying to grandstand about what an awesome, forgiving person she is. This isn't about you, lady. This is about your daughter enduring almost a decade of torture and degradation.

    I'm wondering if Castro didn't deliberately target these victims. DeJesus's mom said she knew him before the abduction. Berry was apparently friends with his daughter. Maybe he knew that their home lives were not ideal (certainly the case with Knight) and they would be more malleable, easy targets. Some sociopaths have a sense for this, they can tell who's got self-esteem issues and is an easy mark.

  18. #138

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    Quote Originally Posted by danceronice View Post
    Well, that's what happens in prisons for those who committed violent felonies. Unless you set it up so prisoners have no access at all to each other, that's how it is. There's nothing authorities can do to make violent felons be kind, sweet, gentle little people unless they're kept strictly away from each other and psychologically conditioned, and even then there's no guarantee it will work. The problem with Eastern Pen's experiment with total solitary was the goal was wrong--whether they become "penitent" or not is beside the point. Lock them up, cut off human contact, offer food, water, toilet facilities and a light/dark cycle, personally I'd put in a closed-circuit TV and feed educational programming all day (nothing TOO entertaining), provide limited reading material, and monitor remotely. For violent lifers, who cares if they "change" or not? They're locked away, never see the light of day again, and solitary solves the issue of other inmates imposing their own sentences. Prison is not for reforming when it comes to certain people. If you're not going to execute them, make it a very unpleasant experience.

    Just because the violence already happens within prison walls doesn't make it right to wish for these things to happen. For many reasons, one of them being the safety of those working that, by law, must do their best to stop these events from happening.

    On a less severe comparison, if a child that is a bully is transferred to another school, does that mean it is ok for that kid to get bullied in the new school yard? Since these things happen anyway?
    I'm honest, just not always in a nice way

  19. #139

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    Quote Originally Posted by susan6 View Post
    Agreed. I think her comments about forgiving and hugging are over the top, and reading the article linked.....how many times did she say "I"? It's as if she's trying to grandstand about what an awesome, forgiving person she is. This isn't about you, lady. This is about your daughter enduring almost a decade of torture and degradation.
    Well with that full (yet still heavily edited) version of her statement...I see this:

    "I would hug him and I would say, 'God bless you.' I would say, 'God bless you,' and I'd hug him. I did not hate him. I forgave him years ago. I said it: I forgive whoever done it, just let her go," Ruiz told ABC’s “20/20.”
    Guys, she's just repeating something she said years ago. It sounds like bargaining, to be honest, which is apparently one of the stages of grief. Forgiveness in return for letting her go.

    OR...shocking alternative...Mrs Dejesus has endured hell for the past 9 years too, and is somewhat overwhelmed with the events of the past week. The whole family has been hounded for interviews for days, she gave one and is still so happy that her daughter is back home, she said it.

    I just think you're all being pretty unsympathetic to a woman who kept the search for her daughter going for nine years...long after the police and everyone else said she was dead.

    I'm wondering if Castro didn't deliberately target these victims. DeJesus's mom said she knew him before the abduction. Berry was apparently friends with his daughter. Maybe he knew that their home lives were not ideal (certainly the case with Knight) and they would be more malleable, easy targets. Some sociopaths have a sense for this, they can tell who's got self-esteem issues and is an easy mark.
    That is the theory, yes. Gina was friends with his daughter though, not Amanda. She accepted a lift from him because she knew him as her best friend's dad. Amanda and Michele needed lifts. I think it's possible they could have known him because he was a bus driver in that area. I haven't read that he knew Berry or Knight beforehand, so it's possibly opportunistic or he had been following them for a while.
    One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching.

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    Link added

    I used to respect Montel Williams. That he would repeatedly have such frauds as Sylvia Browne on his show makes me sick: http://www.cbc.ca/day6/blog/2013/05/...-amanda-berry/ . Taking advantage of the emotionally vulnerable is beyond contempt. Here is more of her 'success' http://www.csicop.org/si/show/psychi...ry_of_failure/
    Last edited by Jot the Dot Dot; 05-13-2013 at 12:35 AM.

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