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  1. #61
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    Quote Originally Posted by Prancer View Post
    The sex ratio among marriageable aged people in China is 120 males to every 100 females. With those odds, you'd surely be screwed, although maybe not in the same sense of the word .
    3539 and counting.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Prancer View Post
    The sex ratio among marriageable aged people in China is 120 males to every 100 females. With those odds, you'd surely be screwed, although maybe not in the same sense of the word .
    You did read the NYTimes article that was posted earlier, no?

    One afternoon when we met, the normally animated Ms. Yang slumped onto the sofa, exhausted. She had just spent an hour with a rich Chinese businesswoman in her late 30s. The woman proposed spending $100,000 on a campaign to find a husband who matched her status.

    “I had to tell her we couldn’t take her case,” Ms. Yang said. “No wealthy Chinese man would ever marry her. They always want somebody younger, with less power.”

    We sat in silence a minute before Ms. Yang spoke again. “It’s depressing to think about these ‘leftover women,’ ” she said. “Do you have them in America, too?”
    A rural migrant and door-to-door salesman, [Mr. Zhao] struggled to find a shared topic of interest with the woman, a 35-year-old entrepreneur and Beijing native who had arrived driving a BMW sedan.

    The lack of chemistry didn’t seem to bother the woman, who told him about her profitable photo business and the three Beijing apartments she owned. Mr. Zhao didn’t find her unattractive, but how was he supposed to respond? Then, even before broaching the possibility of a second date, he said, the woman made a proposition: if they married, he wouldn’t have to work again.

    “She said she made enough money for the two of us,” he said. “I could have anything I want.”

    The marriage proposal stunned him. He had never heard a woman talk in such blunt, pragmatic terms. A life of wealth and leisure sounded tempting. Still, in the end, he couldn’t imagine being subordinate to a woman. “If I accepted that situation,” he asked me, “what kind of man would I be?”

    It took Mr. Zhao several days before he worked up the nerve to tell his mother he had rejected the offer.
    http://www.nytimes.com/2013/03/10/bu...pagewanted=all

    Both stories made me , but especially the second one. Most men simply do not want a wife who is more intelligent and more capable than they are. Even if there are no women to go around.

    Plus my sister and I are not pale, and I don't have double eyelids. I'd probably have to make do with a migrant worker, and then I'd have no luck because I'd make more money than him.

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  4. #64
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anita18 View Post
    Most men simply do not want a wife who is more intelligent and more capable than they are. Even if there are no women to go around
    I didn't say you'd get married.

    But if we're going to be all humorless and serious about it, how many women want to marry a man who is less intelligent and capable? Same coin, different sides.
    "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."-- Albert Einstein.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Prancer View Post
    I didn't say you'd get married.

    But if we're going to be all humorless and serious about it, how many women want to marry a man who is less intelligent and capable? Same coin, different sides.
    Tons of women marry men who are less intelligent and capable. (Mrs. Robert Caro comes to mind, although the gap there isn't great.) Traditionally, they had to hide that they were and often still do.
    "The team doesn't get automatic capacity because management is mad" -- Greg Smith, agile guy

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    Quote Originally Posted by kwanfan1818 View Post
    Tons of women marry men who are less intelligent and capable. (Mrs. Robert Caro comes to mind, although the gap there isn't great.) Traditionally, they had to hide that they were and often still do.
    I didn't ask how many did it; I asked how many want to.

    But I am glad to know that that tons of women do so; that means that tons of men marry women who are smarter and more capable, rather putting paid to the whole idea that men don't like such things. You can hide a lot of things from the world, but it's pretty hard to hide brains and capability from a spouse.
    "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."-- Albert Einstein.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Prancer View Post
    I didn't say you'd get married.

    But if we're going to be all humorless and serious about it, how many women want to marry a man who is less intelligent and capable? Same coin, different sides.
    I don't think any Chinese man wants to touch my non-double-eyelided body with a 10-ft pole.

    No idea about the second point, but it doesn't seem like there's a huge cultural stigma toward it. Even my parents didn't bat an eyelid when I told them Alf quit his job and was freelancing.

    They were probably happy someone took their too-smart daughter off the market.

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    I know plenty of Chinese women who are married who don't have double eyelids...

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    Quote Originally Posted by michiruwater View Post
    I know plenty of Chinese women who are married who don't have double eyelids...
    Married to Chinese men?

    I kid, I'm sure there are. But having a double-eyelid is usually the trait that is sought out, not the other way around. Even in the US among my ABC social group, there are multiple women who have had the double eyelid surgery done....

  11. #71
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    Quote Originally Posted by Prancer View Post

    But if we're going to be all humorless and serious about it, how many women want to marry a man who is less intelligent and capable? Same coin, different sides.
    They do on occasion. I know two women like that, one went to Harvard and one to Princeton. Not sure how common this is.
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    Quote Originally Posted by manhn View Post
    For all we know, the "no name, no respect" college the husband went to was Harvard. I'm siding with the husband. I don't even know my school's colours, let alone have any desire painting them on my body.
    Word. I actually AM a bit rah-rah about my (rather prestigious in its own way) undergraduate university, as we have a rather strong identity as a student body, if not about my grad school (which despite having half the same name is completely opposite) but just because someone is not shouting their head off about their school (let alone their IVY! LEAGUE! SCHOOL!) does not mean they don't care about it. My mother went to UofM through dental school back when that was a major deal for a woman (I think she was one of only two women in her dental school course) and I don't think she's been in Ann Arbor in years, she doesn't follow the sports teams, and she doesn't go around constantly reminding people where she went to university.

    I don't know that school rep being equal is important in a relationship, but I think educational or at least intellectual (not necessarily reflected in educational record) compatibility is important.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Prancer View Post
    I didn't ask how many did it; I asked how many want to.
    Most of the women I know wanted to marry their spouse, most of the women I know are more intelligent (in most ways) than their husbands, and some are more capable than their husbands. So while it might not be on anyone's theoretical paper list of what they want, it doesn't seem to matter in terms of the trade-offs, attractions, and emotions.
    "The team doesn't get automatic capacity because management is mad" -- Greg Smith, agile guy

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    Quote Originally Posted by leesaleesa View Post
    I don't wait for men to line up and notice me, but approach the ones I'm interested in. If they say no, big deal. Move on. There's more than enough to go around. It seems very sad that you have the attitude that you got lucky because one man finally noticed you.
    Yes, I understand that my attitude may seem sad to you, but that is my reality. My childhood circumstances left me with the belief that I was unworthy of love and my self esteem has been pretty much zero for most of my life. It is only in the last couple of years that I have been able to successfully battle through my depression and sense of worthlessness and am actually developing a bit of self confidence. The bitterness and anger of my past will always be with me, but I am finally stronger than the pain.
    I am happy for you that you have self confidence and a sense of value; perhaps some day I will too.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Anita18 View Post
    Both stories made me , but especially the second one. Most men simply do not want a wife who is more intelligent and more capable than they are. Even if there are no women to go around.
    Is that what you got from the second story? Cause what I got was most men don't want to marry a control freak asshat who wants to make sure everyone knows who's got the power in the relationship any more than most women would (er...wouldn't?).
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    snoopysnake, that is lovely story and I am so happy that you found your someone special. I hope you have many wonderful years together.
    And Southpaw, you keep on lovin' your Kenmore! Mine is a cute little lime green canister, it's the only brand of vacuum I will ever buy! Loyalty and commitment; its the only way to be!

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    Quote Originally Posted by genevieve View Post
    Is that what you got from the second story? Cause what I got was most men don't want to marry a control freak asshat who wants to make sure everyone knows who's got the power in the relationship any more than most women would (er...wouldn't?).
    What I got is that this guy didn't want someone who didn't at least make him think he was in charge. Being married to someone who puts his/her cards on the table isn't always Rebecca telling Max de Winter what's what: it's the way most arranged marriages are done, although usually the intermediaries do the negotiating.
    "The team doesn't get automatic capacity because management is mad" -- Greg Smith, agile guy

  18. #78
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    Quote Originally Posted by IceAlisa View Post
    They do on occasion. I know two women like that, one went to Harvard and one to Princeton. Not sure how common this is.
    So by virtue of where they went to school, they are smarter and more capable than their spouses? Or are you just saying that they went to more prestigious schools and thus "married down"?

    Quote Originally Posted by kwanfan1818 View Post
    Most of the women I know wanted to marry their spouse, most of the women I know are more intelligent (in most ways) than their husbands, and some are more capable than their husbands. So while it might not be on anyone's theoretical paper list of what they want, it doesn't seem to matter in terms of the trade-offs, attractions, and emotions.
    Smarter in what way? Capable in what way? How do you assess such things?

    Most of the married couples I know have a balance between smarts and abilities, where each partner has strengths and weaknesses. I can think of only one couple where there is an overt and noticeable imbalance. I can think of several couples where it appears that one is a lot smarter or capable than the other, but that's because one is always more extraverted and out there than the other. Underneath it all, they're pretty much even, just different.

    I always seem to know very different people than most of the posters on this board.
    "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."-- Albert Einstein.

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    Quote Originally Posted by genevieve View Post
    Is that what you got from the second story? Cause what I got was most men don't want to marry a control freak asshat who wants to make sure everyone knows who's got the power in the relationship any more than most women would (er...wouldn't?).
    The Chinese culture can be very...direct. In other more traditional matters, communication can be very obtuse, but most of my relatives have no qualms about telling someone to their face that they've gained weight. (Except when you're Caucasian. Then they talk about it behind your back. )

    I did have an aunt who was disappointed I didn't marry a rich doctor at the research hospital I've been working at for 6 years. So, yes, in some cultures, it certainly isn't unusual to ask for exactly what you're looking for. Even if it has nothing to do with personality or compatibility.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Prancer View Post
    So by virtue of where they went to school, they are smarter and more capable than their spouses? Or are you just saying that they went to more prestigious schools and thus "married down"?

    Smarter in what way? Capable in what way? How do you assess such things?

    Most of the married couples I know have a balance between smarts and abilities, where each partner has strengths and weaknesses. I can think of only one couple where there is an overt and noticeable imbalance. I can think of several couples where it appears that one is a lot smarter or capable than the other, but that's because one is always more extraverted and out there than the other. Underneath it all, they're pretty much even, just different.

    I always seem to know very different people than most of the posters on this board.
    What I mean is, on paper. Of course it is absolutely normal for partners to complement each other's strengths and weaknesses, and for career successes to switch between the two partners. Just because one partner graduated from an Ivy League doesn't mean they're geniuses about everything, but on paper, that's how it looks to society. And for a lot of people, that's still very important.

    I know very few couples where the woman has more degrees than the male partner. (And in all cases, the man still makes more money. ) The happy relationships in that aspect, are ones which are vastly untraditional in terms of power structure. There's bound to be animosity when the wife wants to go to medical school, but the husband wants her to stay home and take care of the kids and clean the house...

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