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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by MacMadame View Post
    The idea that women are somehow "wasting" their college years because they aren't going after their relationships the way you go after a career implies that relationships can be planned and plotted out like a career and they can't. Well, you can try. But you are just going to frustrate yourself IMO.
    This! I can, at any point in time, decide I want to get a degree, a house, a job, move to another city, lose weight, gain weight, buy some nice clothes ... all these things I can do myself (with time and money). What I can't do is convince another person to ask me out or marry me simply because I want it to happen. It's not like there are 15 eligible bachelors knocking down my door, and I'm all "nooo gentlemen, not until I am older and wiser." Relationships are comprised of two people.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Angelskates View Post
    My original post stands, and I can say exactly the same thing to your reply. Firstly, I think people do this at every age. I'm 33 and working out what I want at 33. Secondly, there's nothing to say having a partner prevents you from doing this; a partner may actually help.
    I got married while I was in college and wouldn't have kept going had it not been for my husband.

    There are things my husband would not have done had it not been for me.

    I don't think that a lot of people should get married in their early 20s, but it worked out well for us. We were both insecure, but that was okay--we bolstered each other up. And when we changed, we did it together.

    Things work out or don't for all kinds of reasons.
    "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."-- Albert Einstein.

  3. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by Prancer View Post
    I got married while I was in college and wouldn't have kept going had it not been for my husband.

    There are things my husband would not have done had it not been for me.

    I don't think that a lot of people should get married in their early 20s, but it worked out well for us. We were both insecure, but that was okay--we bolstered each other up. And when we changed, we did it together.

    Things work out or don't for all kinds of reasons.
    Yeah my ex-bf and I brought each other down. There's also insecure with yourself and being insecure being with someone "better" than you.

  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by susan6 View Post
    You know, I thought I was perfectly happy not being married. I've never wanted children so I don't really have much motivation to get married. But thanks to Princeton lady, I realize that I should be slitting my wrists right now, because my happiness is supposed to depend on what kind of man I marry. Good to know. Off to find a razor.
    I think her warning is more about smart, educated ladies marrying the WRONG type of man than no man at all.

    Quote Originally Posted by kwanfan1818 View Post
    My takeaway from this is that that she was either bullied/ridiculed by the husband into giving up all that Princeton "nonsense" or that she self-sensored, and that's what she resents more than the fact at he didn't go to a fancy college. If he painted his body and went to every football game about his "no-name" brand college, they would have had more in common, values-wise, because then she could have donned tiger paraphenalia to her heart's content.
    My takeaway is that her marriage fell apart and she couldn't deal with it, so the problem was the school her husband went to, not anything to do with their growing apart or (certainly not!!) anything she did. It's telling that she was married when son#1 went to Princeton, and now she's not - I suspect that she started getting more engaged as an alumni parent as her marriage was disintegrating, and some combination of her deciding she had "settled" in choosing a mate, and her desperate reclaiming of her glory days may have hastened the demise of the relationship. Now, the school and her sons are even more important to her.

    Son #2 may still get dates, but can you imagine what any poor girl would have to go through at a meet-the-mom dinner?!?
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  5. #45

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    What's that saying? "No ring by spring, get your money back?"

  6. #46
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    Silly woman. There's plenty of fish in the sea. Always has been, always will be at any age. You needn't settle for a dumbass.

    My cousin has an annoying Facebook friend whose posts end up on my wall on occasion. For all that her PH.D husband has an IQ of 165, (Why is it that everyone who brags about IQ usually says it's 165?) they're miserable and poor, surviving instead of thriving. They apparently spend lots of time condescending to others not of their intellectual ilk instead of using their purported intellect to better their own lives.

    I'd rather a plumber who could pay the bills and fix clogs. Compromising isn't always settling. There are a lot of intelligent people out there who never achieved an Ivy league education. My ex is quite intelligent and educated, but he's also something of a miserable scut who never leaves the house. Yeah, give me a plumber.

  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by leesaleesa View Post
    There's plenty of fish in the sea.
    Sure, but for every king salmon, you have to sort through 100 chums.

  8. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by Skittl1321 View Post
    I wonder if some of this depends on where you live. I recently went to a cousins wedding (she was 31) and my friends were all SHOCKED it was her first wedding because "she's GORGEOUS, smart, and nice". They couldn't believe she hadn't been married sooner. But she lives in the Northeast. I don't think it is really common for 22-23 year olds to get married there. Like me, a huge portion of my friends got married upon graduation. In Texas- that is really really common. Most of my friends who weren't married out of college, still aren't married (we're about 31 now), though a few have gotten married this year, mostly ones who left the state for careers.


    So to see this attitude from a Princeton graduate is weird, becasue I don't expect it from the region. But in my experience the MRS degree is alive and well in Texas, though I think -most- women don't go to college ONLY for that.
    Yes, as one from the Boston area, I can say it would be raise a lot of eyebrows if someone got married before 30! If someone were 22 and wanted to get married, I think the parents would actually try to talk them out of it! That's too young! Actually, I don't think marriage is even on the minds of college women. You don't even know who you are at that age.

    It may also be a factor that the Northeast is the least religious part of the country. There is no socio-religious standard to conform to.

    (For the record, I am a college-educated woman and was 39 when I got married--for the first and hopefully only time. I am still ambivalent about the idea of marriage, although I love my husband very much and very glad we're married. In fact, I broke off one relationship at the age of 25 because my then-boyfriend thought we should get married. He was a great guy, but I didn't want that kind of pressure. I had no clue who I was and I knew I had no clue. However, my mother had brought me up to get an education and be financially independent; she said that having a relationship was extra. There was never any family pressure to get married or have children. I think a lot of women around here grew up like that.)

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    For some of us, there are most definitely NOT plenty of fish in the sea. I had one guy in my entire life ever take notice of me. I just got real lucky and he was the one. Not all women have countless guys lined up to pick and choose from.

  10. #50
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    I should add that in the Northeast, we are the oldest upon first marriage; we also have the lowest divorce rate. It would seem that people who marry in their 30s or later for the first time know who they are and who they want in a partner and are likely to understand what type of person really suits them. I think people at this age probably have a better understanding of how to deal with relationships also.

    With this in mind, I find it interesting that the crazy Princeton mother married young and is now divorced--and I doubt it had anything to do with the fact that her ex-husband did not go to Princeton. They likely grew apart and realized they just weren't compatible, just like many people who marry young. Marrying someone from an Ivy League school does not guarantee a good relationship.

  11. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by J-Ro View Post
    Marrying someone from an Ivy League school does not guarantee a good relationship.
    Nothing guarantees a good relationship. As I've said before, if you want a guarantee, stay away from people and buy an appliance at Sears.
    "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."-- Albert Einstein.

  12. #52
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  13. #53

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    Quote Originally Posted by leesaleesa View Post
    I'd rather a plumber who could pay the bills and fix clogs. Compromising isn't always settling. There are a lot of intelligent people out there who never achieved an Ivy league education. My ex is quite intelligent and educated, but he's also something of a miserable scut who never leaves the house. Yeah, give me a plumber.
    One of the smartest people I've ever met is a plumber ( one of my husband's best friends). He is a true intellectual, he just chose not to get a formal education.
    I think having a somewhat similar outlook on life is often important in a marriage, but it has nothing to do with degrees. And there are exceptions to everything in human relationships.
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    My life would be much poorer without NYT.
    http://www.nytimes.com/2013/04/07/op..._20130407&_r=0
    improving my ballad- like lines

  15. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by dinakt View Post
    My life would be much poorer without NYT.
    http://www.nytimes.com/2013/04/07/op..._20130407&_r=0
    Love it!

  16. #56
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    I don't disagree with the idea that one should aim to marry one's intellectual equal. I just don't see why it has to be done in college. If one is graduating from an Ivy League, chances are good that one would encounter other prestigious university grads in the course of one's career and social life. Getting married while in college is not for everyone, not everyone is ready for a serious, hopefully lifelong commitment.
    "Nature is a damp, inconvenient sort of place where birds and animals wander about uncooked."

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  17. #57

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    Quote Originally Posted by quartz View Post
    For some of us, there are most definitely NOT plenty of fish in the sea. I had one guy in my entire life ever take notice of me. I just got real lucky and he was the one. Not all women have countless guys lined up to pick and choose from.
    This is true, but another thing that is true is that you may have to wait a very long time to find the right fish, but it can happen. I was very lonely until I met the love of my life at age 47. We married three years later. He is two years younger than me and went to grad school at my undergrad alma mater, where I took several graduate level courses in my junior and senior years, and we had the same major, but the timing was off such that our paths never crossed before. I am proof that there is hope to meet the right one in one's 40's (or later.)

  18. #58
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    For some of us, there are most definitely NOT plenty of fish in the sea. I had one guy in my entire life ever take notice of me. I just got real lucky and he was the one. Not all women have countless guys lined up to pick and choose from.
    I don't wait for men to line up and notice me, but approach the ones I'm interested in. If they say no, big deal. Move on. There's more than enough to go around. It seems very sad that you have the attitude that you got lucky because one man finally noticed you.

  19. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by leesaleesa View Post
    I don't wait for men to line up and notice me, but approach the ones I'm interested in. If they say no, big deal. Move on. There's more than enough to go around. It seems very sad that you have the attitude that you got lucky because one man finally noticed you.
    Well, there ARE women who have men lining up to date them because they are beautiful, nice, and very un-intimidating (the last is a HUGE factor!). I only know one, so they are very very rare.

    But most women are not so "lucky." (Believe me, my friend would rather not have guys seeing her on the street stalk her back to her apartment!) And for a lot of men, a woman who takes charge can be very attractive! I had to reading Josh Holloway's story of meeting his wife. She's definitely not a looker of Josh's caliber (at least by most people's standards, I bet), but she saw him at a club, demanded his phone number and refused to give him hers. I wish I had her chutzpah, but that's definitely NOT me! And unfortunately, there aren't a lot of examples out there of modelesque men married to plain-looking women. But it's not impossible.

    I've had friends who wondered why I was single for so long, but for me it was a combination of being a shy introverted hermit and being smarter than most men I came across. Most men, even in the US, don't like the last characteristic in particular. I've met only one man who wasn't threatened by it (and even encourages further education), and I'm marrying him in two weeks, haha.
    My sister and I would be SCREWED if we were in China.

  20. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anita18 View Post
    My sister and I would be SCREWED if we were in China.
    The sex ratio among marriageable aged people in China is 120 males to every 100 females. With those odds, you'd surely be screwed, although maybe not in the same sense of the word .
    "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."-- Albert Einstein.

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