Like many posters here, I find Sandra Lee deeply disturbing and unintentionally hilarious. Her recently published novel, The Recipe Box, wasn't the trainwreck I had hoped for, but after reading it (library book--I didn't buy it) I thought it might be amusing to collect hilariously bad writing, particularly--but not necessarily exclusively--published fiction: a sort of FSU version of the Bulwer-Lytton Awards.
Here are my initial contributions:
"Dancing with Mike, holding his muscular fireman's shoulders, feeling his cheek rough upon hers with the twinkly chandelier overhead and the moon rising over the park outside, Grace felt a glow, and she was pretty certain it wasn't the champagne. Mike dipped dramatically, his hand firmly pressed to the small of her back. Yes, he was a man who literally had her back."
-Sandra Lee, The Recipe Box, page 218
"Almost any sausage will do."
-Sandra Lee, The Recipe Box, page 197
The opening sentence to the short story "X" by Bernard Cooper (a well-respected contemporary writer) would've made me choke if I had been drinking something while I read it:
"The DJ is sampling new cuts by Migraine and Rank Amateur when Nelson comes on to the drug."