- Rep Power
Who was sitting at a table with Maia and Alex discussing his plan for a pair of programs based on Barack and Hillary that would take the skating world by storm. Maia had already dyed her hair blond and was dressed in an elegant pink pantsuit.
Bobrova and Soloviev, out of luck, were ready to pitch themselves into Lake Michigan when his cellphone rang. "Dima, my darling, it's Marina Klimova."
Michal Brezina was in town chatting with Shiplband about how Pasquale always seemed to give him crap programs. Since the epic Untouchables/DeadMau5 mash-up, Carlemango had choreographed two more obscure programs for him - one set to the Spiderman soundtrack to which Michal wore a half short-sleeve tee/half Van-Der-Perren-tard getup to reflect the two sides of Spiderman, and another to the song "Bedrock" which was intended to portray the womanizing side of Tiger Woods, and made use of yet another sweater vest, Brezina's favorite article of clothing ever.
Speaking of pretty girls, when Bobrova walked into Horton's, Brezina could not stop staring at her - it was seriously a little frightening and intense, almost as if she had hypnotized him. He only managed to snap out of it when Elena Ilynikh walked through the door and marched up to Shilband, insisting outright that he become the coach of her and Nikitia from this day forward. When Igor asked about what had happened with Morozov, Elena rolled her eyes and said he left her because she was becoming too mature and boring and was now dating Julia Lipnitskaya, and had reportedly made advances on Anna Pogorilaya during a choreography session that had caused her to run away in terror. It was a shame too, because he was in the middle of choreographing a very voidy program inspired by Twilight in which Anna portrayed a misunderstood vampire confused and overwhelmed by love...certainly her exotic features and penchant for gutwrenching musical scores were a good fit for this.
By this point, Brezina was dizzy from all the beauty in the room, looking back and forth between Ilynikh and Bobrova, feeling his heart race, dazed and confused, until suddenly, he collapsed.
"This is why you need to eat more protein, you gangly-armed boy!" Shpilband said...
And so Brezina went to seek diet advice from...
- Rep Power
Mai-Berenice Meite, who was in Detroit for costume and dance coaching from Tanith Belbin, and was free in the evenings... especially for that cutie Michal. She could just eat him up....
But when Mai-Berenice took Michal to dinner at Pronto*, they ran into...
*Pronto is an actual restaurant/bar/bakery located in the suburb of Royal Oak. It is a pillar of the Detroit area's gay community, although it attracts straight patrons as well as gay ones. Lots of trendy, artsy, creative class types hang around there.
Brian Joubert, who was actually crouched under their table! Mai only spotted him when she leaned down to pick up her napkin, which had fallen to the floor.
"Mon dieu!" she gasped. "Why are you under zee table? Explain yourself, rapidement!"
Michal leaned over to see why Mai was talking to the tablecloth. What the hell? Joubert was under their table. "You spy!," he said. "You are an eavesdropper! Depart! At once!"
Brian looked panicky and said in a whisper, "No, please listen! I am hiding. S'il vous plait, do not expose me!"
"Expose you?" Mai scoffed. "Expose you to who? You act like zee sneak!"
"Please!" begged Brian. "I will tell you, but please do not laugh! I am hiding from Maman!"
Michal laughed uproariously. "Maman? Who is zees maman?"
"Aha!" said Mai. "He hides from Maman Joubert! Zees woman eez a terror, une horreuer!"
"Jeez, what a wimp!" snorted Michal.
"Please!" Brian begged again. "Do not give me away, she is nearby!"
"Well....." Mai began, but just then a horrible screech resounded through the restaurant.
"BRIAN! WHERE ARE YOU, MA PETITE?"
Mai and Michal looked up to see the dreadful sight of Mama Joubert, bearing down on them at rapid speed.
"Mai, mon cheri! Have you seen ma petite Joubidoo?"
"Errr..." Mai hesitated.
"You have seen him! Tell me at once!" demanded Mama Joubert.
"Oui, we have seen him, said Michal. "He is............."
"He went to the zoo", cut in Mae Berenice, "you know how much Bibi likes the animals, no?" As ridiculous as the story seemed to her, Maman seemed appeased and took off with Didier Gailhaguet in tow.
A grateful Brian finally emerged from under the table to find Mae and Michal gone and everyone staring at him, and escaped on his motorcycle in the direction of the Detroit Skating Club, to seek the protection of Nathalie, Valentina and Krylova.
Meanwhile at the zoo, Maman Joubert and Gailhaguet ran into none other than...
"At the library on 11 Mile Road!" Michal remembered passing the place on the way to Pronto. In an effort to impress Mai-Berenice, he had struck up a conversation about literature. Fortunately, the library was only a few blocks from Pronto, so their coversation was a short one.
"Library???" Maman made a grand gesture, causing one of the servers to drop the tray he'd been carrying to a nearby table. Soup spilled everywhere. The diners at Pronto pointed and giggled. Some muttered who-the-hell-ARE-these-people under their breath. But Maman ignored them all. "What is my little Baboo doing at the library???"
Mai looked her straight in the eye and said, "He is checking out zee book about..."
"...the Irish novelist, Edna O'Brien, who once dreamt that she saw two pages from two different stories laying side by side, and that it was her task to bring the two seemingly incompatible narratives together. She decided to use her lucky rose quartz for this purpose."
"Isn't this all a bit meta?!", snapped Mama Joubert.
...."Eys! Michal makes zee joke. Brian looks for book about zee ballet!" said Mai.
"Zee what?" demanded Mama Joubert. "Mais non! You misunderstand him!"
"Oui, le ballet!: agreed Michal, guffawing loudly. "He says he thinks to skate to Giselle for Olympics!"
Underneath the table, Brian let out a squawk of horror. As Mama Joubert looked for the source of the sound, Michal laughed louder and Mai gave Brian a sharp kick to shut him up.
"GISELLE!" roared Maman. "Quelle horror! My Brian is a manly man, he does not prance and pose to ballet, he is real man!. Where eez zee library, tell me at once! I find him and set him straight!"
Michal stopped laughing long enough to say............
So far Maman Joubert has been sent to the zoo, the library and the ballet. In honor of this...
"You will need to go to the Russian scientists, Mrs. Joubert; they are the only ones who will be able to locate Brian and sort out his... issues." After pondering this for some time, Maman appeared pleased with a response that would mean no books, ballet, or additional pets to care for, and left them to their dinner.
As he sent Maman Joubert on her way, Michal realized that a trip to the Russian scientists might not be such a bad idea for his own Olympic prospects, and a free skate to Giselle could be quite brilliant indeed, if choreographed by someone more talented than that shady Pasquale. As he searched through his contacts for the right person to set it up, a shadow fell across the table...
Last edited by Zemgirl; 03-28-2013 at 08:03 AM.
....it was, of course, maman Joubert, who had gotten as far as the door when she realized that Mai and Michal were having her on.
Mai and Michal were perusing the menu, and Brian was still crouched underneath the table.
"Hmm, the duck sounds good. And a bottle of wine" said Mai. Leaning down, she said, "Shall we order something for you, Brian? We can slip it under the table."
"Oui, under the table!" Michal laughed uproariously again. Privately, Mai wondered if he hadn't had quite enough wine before he'd taken her to the restaurant.
But Maman Joubert was back and glowered at them evilly. "He eez 'ere!" she declared. "My Brian eez here, and you know where he eez! You tell me immediatement!"
"Voila!" cried Mical, whipping the tablecloth off the table. "Here he is!"
Brian gasped and gaped at them for a second before saying..........
"Mais Non Mamman, je nes suis pas votre petit Baboo!" he spoke with a newfound self assurance. "Je suis...Je suis...Je suis GISELLE!" He swiftly leapt from under the table and stood proud in perfect arabesque position. Mamman Raymonde put her hand over her mouth in horror, for what have they done to her her superhero matrix boy? Mae Berniece and Michal put hand over their mouths too. "MMM gimme some of that!' whispered Mae Berniece as she admired her compatriot's form fitting tights and prominent codpiece.
"I'll have none of that!" deadpaned a voice from across the room. It was none other than Queen Yuna, her face as serious and without expression as it was during her the entire week of the World Championships. "*I* am Giselle!" she asserted. "And Giselle does NOT need to point her feet or turn out her legs! Go back to landing your jumps, B! and everything else you desire will follow." As evidence she non-chalantly opened her purse, and two little figurines tumbled out....
Were they little Asian barbie dolls? Everyone came closer to take a look. To the amazement of all, they were alive and they could speak!
"I'm So Young" said the first one. "You're so tiny too!" said Mae Berniece in total disbelief, as she hulked over the little Korean girl.
"No, no, no my name is So Young Park!" squeaked the little Korean girl. "Im So Young , and I'm going to the Olympics!"
"Me too, me too!" Kwaked the other little girl.
"Three spots, mission accomplished" the Queen said to her now gathered court, her face frozen with confidence.
"Did I hear somebody say Three Spots?" A voice was heard entering the restaurant...
Last edited by FunnyBut; 03-28-2013 at 11:33 AM.
It was Patrick Chan strutting in with his new and improved ankles.
" We have three spots in all but the womens. Though Kaetlyn was great and got us two spots -- if I didnt already have Tess maybe I would have thrown my hat in the ring."
"Let me see the menu" he continued. "Do they have Escargot? I love Escargot !"
"Mais oui" Mae Berenice replied " but I only eat Escargot in France. There is something about French Butter and french men".
Phil Hersh walked in with Christine Brennan. "Nobody cares about Canadian ladies, Patrick," explained Phil. "We need a US lady who won't get chacked in order for anyone to pay attention".
"And who is the poor girl who will have to do without butter for the next year?" asked Mae Berenice.
It was then that they all noticed a commotion at the door...
It was Lu Chen and Tiffany Chin, ready to conjugate with Patrick.
"Phil, you're a disgrace to US skating!" huffed Tiffany. "You're fired! So are you, Christine. Go away and let Phil coach you and see if you can make it out of regionals."
"You can't fire us!" snapped Hersh.
"No, but I can! I'm Chan!" retorted Patrick, sticking out his chin. Chin and Chen stuck out their chins as well.
"Patrick says it, Patrick does it, it is so!" affirmed Chen.
"Yes we Chan! Yes we Chan!" chanted Michal and Mai, Yuna and the mini-skaters, and Brian.
Just then Marina Zoueva walked in. "I am just flat out of ideas for new programs" she complained. "All the time I hear give us something new, give us something innovative, so for the Olympics I am going to have Scott skate with Meryl and Tessa skate with Charlie."
"No, no, no" yelled out Joubert. "You have the pairings incorrect. You MUST have Scott with Charlie and Tessa with Meryl. Only THEN you will have innovative Dancing On Ice and I shall do the choreography for it! Naturally, it will be music from the Matrix."
Everyone in the room stared at Brian in disbelief. The thoughts that were going through their minds ranged from "What!!!! Change up dancing? He can't be serious. Is he really serious? The Matrix again? What kind of lame brain idea is that?" to those along the lines of "hmmm, how hot would THAT be? couldn't you just see Scott roaring at Charlie's magical hair? And the connection between Tessa & Meryl would be something to behold. Really could see the guys pulling off costumes with capes as they fly around the ice. The girls would wear that slick black outfit that Trinity wears -- you know, the one where she KICKS ASS when she's in the Matrix".
Ideas about such pairings were tossed to and fro, everyone with an opinion. Brennan was the first to come out with "well maybe THAT kind of change will bring back the fans of figure skating since it's obvious that stupid COP has been driving them away". The "discussions" continued, each person speaking louder than the last as people tired to be heard.
In all the brouhaha, no one notice Joubert slip quietly out the door that led to the kitchen.
Only to be stopped by Tanith Belbin,who had just stopped by to check on her charge, Meite. "I think not! If you're going to split Charlie from Meryl, I may as well come back and team up with him myself."
"But what about Tessa?" asked Patrick. "I cannot be expected to keep track of both Tessa and Tess."
"I can skate with Tessa," offered Brian gamely, "but I am not learning the Finnstep."
Yuna would not hear of it, however, "I have a far better idea!" she told the rapidly growing crowd...
Brain signaled Yuna to hush, and pouted,"But who will skate with ME?", still posing in his tights and tutu.
Mama Joubert screamed in horror. "Mon Dieu! Joubidoo, what has happened to you? You are not well, I take you to zee hospital!"
"Yeah, the mental hospital!" snickered Patrick.
"Mais non!" protested Brian. "I am sick of zee singles, I wish to skate pairs!"
"Hmmm," pondered Marina. "That tutu has got to go! But perhaps we could pair you with.............