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  1. #21

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    Patrick was diagnosed with two fractured ankles, but the ISU judges quickly flew in Dr. Debi Thomas to operate.

  2. #22
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    Dr. Thomas will fix those ankles and while she's at it...cure that verbal diarrhea of Chan's. Hmm, said Rachel Flatt, who was doing a career shadow before deciding about a pre med major. Maybe we should also...

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by SidelineSkater View Post
    Dr. Thomas will fix those ankles and while she's at it...cure that verbal diarrhea of Chan's. Hmm, said Rachel Flatt, who was doing a career shadow before deciding about a pre med major. Maybe we should also...
    But it's not Chan's FAULT - he has very severe ADHD and because of doping regulations he can't take his adderall at competitions, so the result is word vomit, no filter, he says what he wants and his impulsivity rages untamed.

    "I don't care about broken ankles." said Chan. "I can still win Olympic Gold, and deserve to win Olympic Gold, even skating on broken ankles. So no surgery, it's too expensive anyways and the surgeon will probably sabotage me during it if I let her operate."

    Brian Orser, presumably visiting, pops into the coffee shop. "Hey Patrick. So, now that it's offseason, any thoughts about getting a new *cough* real coach?"
    "What are you talking about?" explained Chan. "I have a REAL coach and she has taught me how to feel the music and truly dance on ice. I'm not going to anyone else and that's what I've DECIDED, B. "

    Orser waited for his espresso and paced in silence, unsure what to make of Chan's outburst...

  4. #24

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    ...when Johnny burst through the door, wearing stiletto heels and swinging a Birkin bag.
    "I'm here, darlings!" he trilled, as he sashayed into Patrick's room.
    Silence reigned, as Patrick, Brian and Rachel gaped at him in disbelief.
    Brian looked at Patrick menacingly and demanded, "Don't tell me you hired this poseur as your coach!"
    "Hell, no!" shouted Patrick, trying not to gag.
    "WTF are you doing here?" asked Rachel.
    Jonny surveyed the room before replying, "I'm here for my photo shoot. What are YOU doing here? You are hardly camera-worthy!"
    "A photo shoot in a hospital room?" laughed Brian. "Are you modeling designer hospital gowns, then?"
    "Well, actually," said Johnny, "I am..............

  5. #25

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    Before Johnny could finished his sentence, there was a loud deafening bang. Everyone turned to the direction. A metallic figure appeared. Robocop.. screamed Johnny. Oh Victor .. where's my darling Victor, help.
    Don't be silly my baby Johnny. It's just me. As he took off the helmet, Johnny exclaimed with delight, "Oh that's my Zhenya".
    Why are you here? Everyone asked in unison.
    Just then, a convoy of robo-soldiers marched in. "Now guys, listen, the throne is mine, MINE", he roared. The robo-soldiers seized shell-shocked Evan and Patrick and pushed them into a robo-truck.
    Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them. – Publilius Syrus

  6. #26
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    Patrick pushed back at Johnny. wrenched himself free and took off at a surprising pace. Johnny knew he couldnt catch up on land ( or on the ice!) but was happy to have Evan as his prisoner.

    Patrick's ankles were repaired. But what he didnt know was that the so called ISU judges were actually his detractors masquerading as judges and the screws were not titanium but jellanium. Once he began to skate the jellanium would rapidly dissolve and cause permanent damage. His friend Max Aaron had heard the rumour from Kralls's student. In a panic Patrick dialed Scott's number. Scott arranged for Patrick to visit Tessa's doctor and practice in secret in the Ilderton rink.

    Imagine their surprise when Tessa's doctor told Patrick that because he had a superbody, jellanium made his feet extra flexible yet strong at the same time. Not only was he able to fly across the ice in 2 strokes, which he could usually do, but he was able to land all his jumps perfectly... even a Quad Axel!

    How to keep this knowledge of his superpowers away from the rest of the world?

  7. #27

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    A bright light flashed before Patrick's eyes. A familiar voice echoed from above ..... "Patrick my son. Fear not the tentacles of jealousy and evil. Go with your heart and courage for those who stood steadfast in their purest beliefs is the spine of the living soul".
    Patrick choked back his tears and fell on his knees. He looked up and whispered, "Thank you Mr Coulson. I will never forget what you have painstakingly taught me".
    Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them. – Publilius Syrus

  8. #28

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    Flash forward to 2032, the Almaty (Kazakhstan) Olympics. The jellanium (though requiring annual surgical replacement) is still going strong. Patrick, age 42, has won his 20th World title in addition to 4 OGMs (having lost only twice, to Evan Lysacek in 2010 and to Daisuke Takahashi in 2014). His only possible rivals for a 5th are the astonishing teenagers Michael Kwan Pell and Hongbo Zhao Jr of China. It is believed that Pell owes his astounding talent to DNA and hard work but the USFS is darkly suspicious of young Hongbo's ability to do a quintuple flip-quad loop combo on the final beat of his free program.

  9. #29

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    Dick Button, 103, was wheeled into the virtual reality rink at his nursing home. He spotted a seat next to Frank Carroll, whose white hair had turned Lysacek orange tan, and had the attendant wheel him there.

    "Back in my day, you had to watch the Olympics on television," tittered Uncle Dickie through his extra-narrow-toothed dentures.

    "Yes, and everyone had to listen to you call the programs," groaned Uncle Frank.

    The feed came through just as ISU president Evgeni Plushenko was taking his bow. The pairs SP was about to begin.

  10. #30
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    It was just a dream as flash forwards tend to be...... Patrick awoke to find he was still in 2013 and with the olympics still to come.

    He smiled to himself and thought yes that would actually be nice. 4 OGMS , 2 OG silvers and 20 world titles. But then he remembered Mr Coulson and the usual humility asserted itself. He didnt understand why some people misinterpreted his plain speaking for arrogance. He shrugged his shoulders and got ready for breakfast with Tess.

  11. #31

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    Unbeknownst to Patrick, however, Frank Carroll had cunningly leaked word of his breakfast plans to both Rosie DiManno and Pritha Sarkar. The next day, the horrifying news was out: Patrick Chan hates maple syrup and hockey.

    With so much negative press surrounding Patrick, a super-secret meeting of Skate Canada's leadership was called to consider making Kevin Reynolds the new Canadian number 1. The meeting, however, was crashed by...

  12. #32

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    none other than Mr. Speedy himself.

    "Now listen here, SC fed. I am in charge of figure skating and it is I who deems which persons are worthy of being a country's #1 skater. I have much power in my position and I say that Reynolds will NOT be your #1 skater here in Canada. Neither will it be Chan. I have chosen Brian Joubert!! He is French and with Canada being bilingual, I am positive he will do quite well here. So I have said, so it is written".

    Everyone in the room was gobsmacked at such an outrageous "suggestion". One brave SC official stood to face the master planner and began his rebuttal with ...
    Crazy about sports!

  13. #33
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    NOOOOO, Joubert is too sexy for Canada. Didn't you hear of the outrage over Osmond's photo? Please I beg of you, don't do this to us.

  14. #34
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    Though he tried to brush off the Joubert news as no-big deal, Patrick was concerned...Brian was just well, way hotter than he could ever hope to be, and he was afraid that Joubert was cooking up a plan to exploit his sex godliness as much as possible to win over the judges. Patrick and his boyish bug-eyed charm stood no chance. Word on the street was that Joubert had a new James Bond FS and a unitard that was 90% sheer black mesh to go with it. Also, upright spins were now worth extra points and could garner a new bonus level 5, unique to only this type of spin, with +GOE awarded for fugliness, and well, those kinds of spins are Babou's specialty.

    Suddenly, it dawned on Patrick. To beat Joubert, he needed to steal his mojo, in other words...he needed to skate to the Matrix, in a unitard, and look sexy while doing it. But as a small, dorky asian with a distinctly classical style...how was he going to do this?

  15. #35

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    Meanwhile, back in Detroit, Debi Thomas was operating on Jeremy Abbott. Meryl and Charlie were pacing nervously in the waiting room (well, occasionally throwing in a perfectly synchronized pair of twizzles just because they could), when Alex and Maia rushed in, wild-eyed but elegant as always.

  16. #36
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    Dr. Thomas took out Jeremy Abbott's scare nerves. And told Meryl to tell Jeremy when he woke up from the anesthetics that from now on, he would be fearless.

  17. #37

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    Meryl was wrong. Jeremy couldn't take the nerves anymore, so he gave up skating and started working at the local Weenie Hut. Meryl couldn't care less because she is at Disneyland with Charlie, Patrick and Joubert...
    Nubka - Unpaid Slave Laborer...

  18. #38
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    Meanwhile, Jeremy was getting bored, and began to think about a signature spin that no one had ever attempted before. Jeremy named the spin the "Torturama" Spin. Jeremy knew it was a dangerous risk as he raised his leg and stuck his foot over behind his head. As he started spinning, Jeremy realized he was stuck in that awkward position. He started yelling for help while he was trying to remove his foot and leg from the position. Jeremy ended up with a groin injury, and seeked the help of the good Dr. Debi Thomas.
    Last edited by Simone411; 03-27-2013 at 07:30 PM.
    Angie
    “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” ~ Thomas A. Edison

  19. #39
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    While standing in the line ups for Disney Brian Joubert had only one thought in his brain CANADA, CANADA. The word reverberated almost echoing the chant for Tessa & Scotts win at the Vancouver Olympics. After some time the word became magical and he felt invested with super powers.

    WHY NOT - he thought! His former coach Andrei Berezintsev now lived in Richmond Hill and coached Andrei Rogozine. Why ever not. He wouldnt need to learn a language and he could even learn to like Poutine. Besides it is doubtful that Michael Slipshuk would shout at him as Didier did.

    What a wonderful adventure - his James Bond would rival Yuna's and Lance Vipond would choreograph it wihout transitions. Brian's face broke out a smile.

    He laughed aloud and grabbed Patrick's hand who was a bit shocked at this forward frenchie who also shouted CANADA aloud. Meryl and Charlie were embarassed. They had gone through this in Vancouver already and although they did win the last worlds it was clear who were the crowd's darlings. They walked on ahead trying once again to show their so called newfound connection.
    Last edited by Emdee; 03-27-2013 at 07:47 PM.

  20. #40

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    Meanwhile, back in Russia Dr.s were trying to figure out a way to surgically alter Evegeni Plushenko so that he could skate in both the men's and women's competitions at Sochi. Perhaps removable parts....

    Tatiana Tarasova eloped with Alexander Zhulin and Bobrova and Soloviev turned to Morozov for coaching, except that there was no room in the parking lot when they got to his rink, so they decided to quit skating and go to Tim Horton's in Detroit for a latte, where they were spotted by Igor Shpilband.
    Last edited by aliceanne; 03-27-2013 at 09:49 PM.

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