And it actually wasn't my cousin or his wife that griped about the amount of money contained the red envelopes at their wedding - it was my aunt! We thought it was tacky she was judging guests for not giving enough. But for many Chinese weddings, you can actually MAKE money from your guests!
My friend who asked where I was registered - I don't expect her to give a gift, especially since I know she can't afford it. Some of my relatives are very generous and that's always a pleasant (or guilt-tripping) surprise. We're paying for the wedding ourselves and kept the guest list small so it'd be affordable. If we make no money from this, that's perfectly fine.
Plus, you might find yourself getting more interested in family roots in the future. Maybe Alf isn't interested, but the longer you are together the more you will feel that his family is your family, and hopefully you'll cherish things that are passed down. Years ago my husband's grandmother gave me a china tea cup and saucer (her being of the era when many women collected tea cups) - wasn't my thing then, and I ended up giving it away to someone who wanted it more, but had no connection. I regretted it later, and when my MIL gave me a tea cup and saucer that had been her mother's - a woman who died long before I met my husband - I was delighted to have it. It's a little piece of my husband's history, so it means a lot to me.
My brother gave my Norwegian grandmother's silver (service for six) to my niece, as a wedding gift
She was very glad to receive it.
Don't be so quick to refuse the accouterments of "gracious living" because they don't fit your current lifestyle.
In a few years you may need them.
I think getting a family heirloom is a bit different!
I got married 9 years ago. I haven't needed china, silver, or crystal in the years between, and since I've moved a number of times, I am very glad I did not have them. If a family member were to offer me a set now, I may take it as I now live in a large house, but I have enough dishes to nicely serve a dinner party of 12, and don't need china for that. I certainly have no interest in polishing silver! My sister was married 10 years ago and her china and crystal are still in my mother's closet. She has a beautiful house, but never got a china hutch, and never removed them from storage. What a waste.Don't be so quick to refuse the accouterments of "gracious living" because they don't fit your current lifestyle.
In a few years you may need them.
Besides if I later decide I 'need' (that is a bit of a stretch of the word need...) them, I can buy them later. If I don't need them until 20 years after my wedding, why would I get them and let them collect dust for 20 years?
I care very deeply about family history and have many of the family heirlooms (grandmother's tea cups, great aunt's sewing machine, grandfather's teddy bear). But I don't want anyone buying me gifts of these things new. They may be nice quality and expensive, but they don't suit my lifestyles or tastes.
And this is why registries are fabulous things. Because I can decide what price I spend on a gift and then if one friend wants two silver forks, I can buy her that, while I can buy another friend a massage on her honeymoon, or dish towels. (My most recent gift was a ski rack- because that's what they wanted)
Last edited by Skittl1321; 03-26-2013 at 09:06 PM.
The only drawback with registering for china et al for your wedding is that your tastes can change. I still love my crystal, but I don't particularly like my china anymore. What I loved at 28 is not what I would love at 60.
Cupid- have you considered just selling it?
Or offering it to a relative?
Remember the Antique Roadshow once commenting that they get a lot of china and silver sets brought in, but rarely do they have much value because most others are trying to unload their sets as well. So people pay a lot for a gift that is used little if at all, and has very little resell value.
Course, that tends to be the case with most wedding gifts . That's why I never understood the point of giving things instead of money, or getting upset over requests for money instead. If it's for the couple, give them something they can actually use--cash.
Skittl1321, I don't think we'll agree about this.
I'm old enough to be grateful for the heirlooms I have; particularly those things that belonged to the relatives I didn't know.
Last edited by Skittl1321; 03-26-2013 at 10:12 PM.
Years ago I worked at Macy's in the Fine China department. Once a couple came in and wanted to know if they could get more waterford stickers because the little stickers had washed off the stemware they had received as a wedding gift. When I told them those were to be removed before using and were not meant to be permanent, they wanted to know how they guests would know they were drinking out of Waterford?
I love my fancy china, by the way, but I can understand why a young couple wouldn't want it. I am lucky enough to have some built-ins in my old house so I can display it. (Until the next earthquake) I prefer to give money to newlyweds. Most people just seem to want to buy a house or pay off debt to start their new life. Can't say I blame them. They will probably inherit lots of china anyway. I did. I like to eat my Trader Joe's salads in style.
The only silver flatware I have are several forks and spoons that I picked up at garage sales (several of them were so blackened that I got them for less than a quarter, but it didn't take much time to polish away the tarnish). I enjoy eating ice cream with one of the spoons, but I usually forget I even have the forks.They will probably inherit lots of china anyway. I did. I like to eat my Trader Joe's salads in style.
Lady 2: there isn't anything about me on goooogle, I mean, I must take it off if there is.....
Lady 3: The google is a terrible thing, I mean I don't want anything on there! (Overheard by millyskate on a London train.)
I am another person with expensive china neatly packed away, along with crystal glasses, vases, and candlesticks moved from house to house. They take up storage space now (since we downsized) and will all be sold or given away before our next move (further downsizing) sometime within the next 10 years. Much to my Mom's dismay, I have gotten less formal with age, not more, and none of this can be considered heirlooms. Honestly, unless I know the newly married couple's first choice would be to buy china if they had extra money to do so, I just give them cash and let them prioritize their purchases. It has been at least 10 years since I have seen china and crystal on a wedding registry.
Anyone here looking for Lenox china, Lowel pattern?
Coincidentally, I got invited to my first wedding today, not counting the one where I got accidentally hired at the last minute as an impromptu babysitter and didn't know either the bride or the groom Unfortunately I don't think Boyfriend and I will be able to make it as it's an 8 hour drive away, but it was still super exciting to get the invite, with its pretty stamp depicting a wedding cake, the thick paper and embossed names.
I did feel bad since it was his aunt's, and it was really pretty. But for us, it felt better to pass it on to someone who would be able to use it and appreciate it.
I've inherited my Grandma's teacup collection which I love and use regularly. I've also told my mom that I want her extensive china collection when she no longer wants it. It got used a ton growing up and I have fond memories of "princess dinners" My childhood was somewhat tumultuous in a lot of respects but I have many positive memories associated with that china. When there was no money at all and my mom was feeling guilty about feeding us spaghetti yet again because it was cheap and would fill us up sometimes she'd break out the china, light candles, and make us get dressed up to make it seem special. I understand it's not everyone's taste though.
“Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength” - St. Francis de Sales