What lies at the bottom of the sea and shakes?
A nervous wreck.
Thanks to made_in_canada I got tomorrow's joke from #classicjoketuesday
Figs the doorbell, it's broken.
Did you hear that joke about paper?.... It's tearable.
Little stinkercat reads his jokes before he even leaves for school!
I've been using some of these jokes in the letters I write to my 5 year old nieces. They LOVE them
“Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength” - St. Francis de Sales
I've got a new one!
What do you get when you cross a penguin and an alligator?
(I don't know, but don't try to fix its bow tie!)
Q: Why do fish live in salt water?
A: Because pepper makes them sneeze!
If you are still looking for more:
Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
What does a clock do when it is hungry? It goes back four seconds.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
They told me I had Type A blood, but it was a Type O.
When chemists die, they barium.
Broken pencils are pointless.
What do you call a pig that knows karate? - A pork chop!
Why do bees have sticky hair? -Because they use honeycombs
Why do cows wear bells? -Because their horns don't work!
How did the barber win the race? -He knew a short cut.
If this is to end in fire
Then we will all burn together
Do you know who Alexander Graham Bell is?
Do you know who Alexander Graham Kowalski is? The world's first telephone Pole
I just found this one at http://www.childhoodbeckons.com/2012...will-love.html
9. What does a snail say when it's riding on a turtle's back?
Sorry if some of these have been posted already:
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him.
How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way, unique up on it.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
What kind of coffee was served on the titanic? Sanka
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.
Probably not age-appropriate, but hopefully they will make one or two of you adults chuckle:
What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall? Dam!!!
What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A bad golfer goes, whack, damn. A bad skydiver goes damn, whack
What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate clauses.
How are a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same? Somebody's gonna lose a trailer
How do you get holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psychopath.
Used in little skateycat's lunch for tomorrow:
What do you say to a frog who needs a ride?
Heard at little skateycat's dentist office:
Why does Snoop Dogg need an umbrella?
What do you call a cow with two legs?
What happens when you run in front of a car?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a car?
You get exhausted.
Why were some people staring at the ceiling and clapping?
They were ceiling fans.
BARK LESS. WAG MORE.
Then the policeman says, "So, can you describes these turtles?"
And the snail says, "Why no sir...it happened all so fast!"
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Because if it had four doors it would be a sedan.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
What would Abraham Lincoln say if he were alive today?
"LET ME OUT OF THE BOX!!!!"
Why is 10 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9.