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  1. #61
    Beach Bum
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    Man drives into a fast food drive thru with 2 small penguins in the back seat of his car. Store owner asks him "why do you have penguins in the back of your car?" Man says "they were running around in my yard, and I don't know what to do with them so I put them in the car." Store owner says "why don't you take them to the zoo?" Man says "that is a great idea!" and drives off. Next day, man drives into the drive thru again with the penguins in the back seat, but this time, they have little sunglasses on. Store owner says "I thought you were going to take them to the zoo." Man says "I did, and we had so much fun, today we are going to the beach!"
    I think I will have a snack and take a nap before I eat and go to sleep.

  2. #62

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    Little skateycat may be done with school by now, but here are more for next year!

    From the 1978 Scholastic classic "101 Hamburger Jokes," a favorite of mine and my cousin Liza when we were about 10. Entertainingly enough, the author is Phil Hirsch (not "Hersch")

    When do hamburgers most enjoy watching TV? During prime time.

    Can you name two hamburgers who are royalty? Sir Loin and Burger King.

    Is there a way to make a hamburger hula dance? Sure, order a burger and shake!

    How does a burger acquire good taste? With a little seasoning.

    How do we know hamburgers have high IQs? They loin fast!

    Are hamburgers male? Yes, because they're boygers, not girlgers!

    Is it proper to eat a burger with your fingers? No, you should eat your fingers separately!

    Can a hamburger marry a hot dog? Only if they have a very frank relationship.

    What is the hamburgers' motto? If at first you don't succeed, fry, fry again!

    How do they prevent crime in hamburger country? With burger alarms!

    Which burger is famous for a long nose? Cyrano de Burgerac!

    What kind of girl does a hamburger like? Any girl named Patty!

    How do you make a meat loaf? Send it on vacation!

    Okay, I can't stand any more right now. These are incredibly awful!
    BARK LESS. WAG MORE.

  3. #63

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    LilJen, I'm sitting here at work giggling away at your contributions to this topic. Thanks for that!

  4. #64
    Minecraft Widow
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    Post your favorite kid-friendly joke (I put jokes & in little skateycat's lunch

    Little skateycat is trying to tell me a joke where the punchline is Michelle Prawn, but he hasn't quite figured out the first part. I like the punchline, it has promise.
    Cigarettes are like squirrels. They are perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire. -- @ciggybuttz on Twitter

  5. #65
    Argle-Bargle-ist
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    Quote Originally Posted by skateycat View Post
    Little skateycat is trying to tell me a joke where the punchline is Michelle Prawn, but he hasn't quite figured out the first part. I like the punchline, it has promise.
    Never give up.
    It's official. I am madly in love with Meryl Davis.

  6. #66
    Registered User
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    :Somebody said you sound like an owl.

    ::Who?

  7. #67
    Minecraft Widow
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    Quote Originally Posted by skateycat View Post
    Little skateycat is trying to tell me a joke where the punchline is Michelle Prawn, but he hasn't quite figured out the first part. I like the punchline, it has promise.
    Quote Originally Posted by PeterG View Post
    Never give up.

    Q: Who is the greatest figure-skating shrimp of all time?

    A: Michelle Prawn!
    Cigarettes are like squirrels. They are perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire. -- @ciggybuttz on Twitter

  8. #68
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    Post your favorite kid-friendly joke (I put jokes & in little skateycat's lunch

    I told little skateycat that not everyone would agree that Michelle was the best skater, and that Yu Na Kim has very dedicated fans. So he composed a joke for them:

    Knock knock!

    Who's there?

    Yu Na.

    Yu Na who?

    Yu Na going anywhere!
    Cigarettes are like squirrels. They are perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire. -- @ciggybuttz on Twitter

  9. #69

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    OMG. We have made so many knock knock jokes featuring YuNa, and a few with Mao.

  10. #70
    Argle-Bargle-ist
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sparks View Post
    OMG. We have made so many knock knock jokes featuring YuNa, and a few with Mao.
    Meaning somebody...somewhere...is laughing?
    It's official. I am madly in love with Meryl Davis.

  11. #71
    Minecraft Widow
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sparks View Post
    OMG. We have made so many knock knock jokes featuring YuNa, and a few with Mao.
    Ooh, please share!
    Cigarettes are like squirrels. They are perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire. -- @ciggybuttz on Twitter

  12. #72
    Minecraft Widow
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    Quote Originally Posted by siouxdonym View Post
    :Somebody said you sound like an owl.

    ::Who?
    I'm using this one in his lunchbox tomorrow. Some of the summer programs he goes to provide lunch, but this marine sciences program he's going to this week does not.
    Cigarettes are like squirrels. They are perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire. -- @ciggybuttz on Twitter

  13. #73

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    Where do kings put their armies?

    In their sleevies.

  14. #74

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    My seven-year-old goddaughter has discovered jokes now, and is demanding more and more for her hoard. This thread will be a valuable resource, I can tell!
    Charter member of the "We Always Believed in Ashley" Club and the "We Believe in Ricky" Club
    Old, lonely, pathos-hungry, and extremely gullible

  15. #75
    Argle-Bargle-ist
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    Canadian knock-knock joke:

    Knock knock

    who's there?

    sorry

    no, i'm sorry

    no, i'm sorry
    It's official. I am madly in love with Meryl Davis.

  16. #76

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    Quote Originally Posted by skateycat View Post
    Little skateycat is trying to tell me a joke where the punchline is Michelle Prawn, but he hasn't quite figured out the first part. I like the punchline, it has promise.
    "What do you get when you combine a figure skater with a shellfish?"

    ETA: Sorry, I see you already came up with one!
    "I hit him with my shoes... if he had given me the medal like I told him to, I wouldn't have had to hit him!" -- 8-year-old Rhoda Penmark in "The Bad Seed"

  17. #77
    Minecraft Widow
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    Why did the turkey cross the road?

    (It was the chicken's day off!)
    Cigarettes are like squirrels. They are perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire. -- @ciggybuttz on Twitter

  18. #78
    Argle-Bargle-ist
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    What is red and is bad for your teeth?

    Spoiler



    It's official. I am madly in love with Meryl Davis.

  19. #79
    Argle-Bargle-ist
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    Kids science test question: Why are there rings on Saturn?

    Kids answer: Because God liked it, so he put a ring on it.

    (Teacher's response: Saturn was NOT a single lady.)
    It's official. I am madly in love with Meryl Davis.

  20. #80
    Minecraft Widow
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    What happened to the mama cat after she ate a ball of yarn?

    She had mittens!

    (tip your waitstaff, I'll be here all week!)
    Cigarettes are like squirrels. They are perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire. -- @ciggybuttz on Twitter

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