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  1. #1
    Minecraft Widow
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    Post your favorite kid-friendly joke (I put jokes & in little skateycat's lunchbox)

    Instead of writing lovey dovey notes, I find a good joke, write it on a little note card and put it in little skateycat's lunchbox.

    He loves them! He gets really grumpy on the rare day when I forget to post a little joke or a riddle for him.

    If you post your favorite kid-friendly joke here, I'll try to use it in his lunch. He loves riddles too.

    Thanks!
    Cigarettes are like squirrels. They are perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire. -- @ciggybuttz on Twitter

  2. #2
    Registered User
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    I don't have any off the top of my head, but that is a fantastic idea.

  3. #3

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    Did you hear that corduroy pillows are making headlines?

  4. #4
    Just me
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    From my Laffy Taffy jar:

    How do you make an orange laugh? Tickle its navel.

    How do you make an egg roll? Push it.

    Why do fish swim in schools? Because they can't walk in schools.

    What is another name for a sleeping skeleton? Lazy bones.

    What do you get when you mix paint together? A mess.

    How did the farmer move his cow? In a moooooving van.

    Which side of a mug should you put the handle on? The outside.

    pa-dum-dum
    If this is to end in fire
    Then we will all burn together

  5. #5
    INTJ
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    Here's my childhood favourite...

    What do you call a fish without eyes? Fsh.

    If you have twitter Ellen does #classicjoketuesday and there's some gems.
    "Beautiful things don't ask for attention." -The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

  6. #6
    Saint Smugpawski
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    Why couldn't the cyclops open a school?

    Because he had only one pupil.
    The fastest thing out of New Jersey since Tricky Nicky in a Muscovian handbasket

  7. #7
    Argle-Bargle-ist
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    Why were all the baby strawberries crying?
    Because their mommy was in a jam.

    If you are an American outside of the bathroom, what are you in the bathroom?
    European.

    What did the flea say to the other flea?
    Should we walk or take a dog?

    What animal should you never play cards with?
    A cheetah.

    Why did the lion spit out the clown?
    Because he tasted funny.

    At what time do most people visit the dentist?
    Tooth-hurty.

    What did Ernie say when Bert asked him if he wanted ice cream?
    Sure, Bert.

    What do you get when you cross a motorcycle with a joke book?
    A Yamahahahaha!

    How does the man in the moon cut his hair?
    Eclipse it.

    What is the hardest thing about skydiving?
    The ground.

    What do sea monsters eat for lunch?
    Fish and ships.

    What does a ghost call his mother and father?
    His trans-parents.

    What do cats eat for breakfast?
    Mice krispies.

    Why couldn’t the pony talk?
    He was a little horse.

    What happened to the mouse that fell off the shelf and into a glass of Mountain Dew?
    Nothing, it was a soft drink.

    What kind of animal can jump higher than the Empire State Building?
    Any animal - the Empire State Building can’t jump!

    What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
    Finding half a worm.

    What happens when a frog is parked illegally?
    It’s toad away.

    Why do airplane pilots always fly past Peter Pan’s home?
    They see the sign “Never Never Land”.

    What kind of car does Luke Skywalker drive?
    A Toy Yoda.

    Why did the chicken cross the playground?
    To get to the other slide.

    Why did the football coach go to the bank?
    To get his quarterback.

    Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
    In case he got a hole in one.

    A dad went into a pet store and asked the owner if he could have a cat for his son.
    The owner said, “Sorry, we don’t do trades.”

    Did you hear about the man who stayed up all night trying to find out where the sun went?
    It finally dawned on him.

    Why did the candle fall in love?
    He met the perfect match.

    Where do little cows eat?
    In the calf-ateria.

    Why does a bike need a kick stand?
    It’s two-tired.

    Did you hear about the two nuts walking down the street?
    One was a-salted.

    What happened when the ship full of red paint crashed into the ship full of blue paint?
    All the sailors were marooned.

    What did the mother buffalo say to her baby when he went off to school?
    Bison.

    What do you call a crate of ducks?
    A box of quackers.

    What kind of suit does a duck wear?
    A duck-seedo.

    What did the monster eat after the dentist pulled out his tooth?
    The dentist.

    Knock-knock.
    Who’s there?
    Zombies.
    Zombies who?
    Zombies make honey and zombies don’t.

    Knock-knock.
    Who’s there?
    Jess.
    Jess who?
    Jess me.

    Knock-knock.
    Who’s there?
    Avenue
    Avenue who?
    Avenue heard this joke before?

    Knock-knock.
    Who’s there?
    Someone too short to ring the bell.

    And these ones aren't for kids, but funny things I remember from the TV show Friends:

    “Oh, sweet Lord – this is what evil must taste like!”
    - Phoebe, sampling Mockolate-chip cookies

    “Okay, what kind of a sick doggie snuff film is this?”
    - Phoebe, at Old Yeller’s tragic conclusion

    It's official. I am madly in love with Meryl Davis.

  8. #8
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    Have to add my classic -

    April showers bring May flowers,
    What do May flowers bring?

    Answer: Pilgrims (it doesn't work when it's written down because May and flowers are separated, so you have to do it out loud)

    And clear into adulthood I would tell that joke to my dad, and he'd answer "june bugs" (April, May, June, get it?)

    Anyway, my other favorite one is
    What's Winnie the Pooh's middle name?
    Answer: The

  9. #9

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    What's the capital of Mississippi?
    M!

  10. #10
    engaged to dupa
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    There once was a lady from Kent
    Whose..................oops, never mind.
    3539 and counting.

    Slightly Wounding Banana list cont: MacMadame.

  11. #11
    recovering Oly-holic
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    The first joke I remember hearing was .. Where do kings keep their armies? In their sleevies.

    I used to pml over that when I was tiny.

  12. #12
    Argle-Bargle-ist
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    Quote Originally Posted by milanessa View Post
    There once was a lady from Kent
    Whose..................oops, never mind.
    Is she the chick who used to live in Nantucket?
    It's official. I am madly in love with Meryl Davis.

  13. #13
    engaged to dupa
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeterG View Post
    Is she the chick who used to live in Nantucket?
    It's her mother.
    3539 and counting.

    Slightly Wounding Banana list cont: MacMadame.

  14. #14
    Minecraft Widow
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    Quote Originally Posted by KCC View Post
    Did you hear that corduroy pillows are making headlines?
    I used this one this morning! Two thumbs up!
    Cigarettes are like squirrels. They are perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire. -- @ciggybuttz on Twitter

  15. #15
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  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alixana View Post
    The first joke I remember hearing was .. Where do kings keep their armies? In their sleevies.

    I used to pml over that when I was tiny.
    That made me LOL NOW!

  17. #17
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    my son came home and told me this one-

    how do you wake up lady gaga?
    you poke her face....



  18. #18
    Argle-Bargle-ist
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    Quote Originally Posted by victoriajh View Post
    my son came home and told me this one-

    how do you wake up lady gaga?
    you poke her face....


    It's official. I am madly in love with Meryl Davis.

  19. #19
    aka IceSkate98
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    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Dwaine
    Dwaine who?
    Dwaine the tub, I'm drowning.

    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Orange
    Orange who?
    Orange you tired of waiting? Let's go.

    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Abby
    Abby who?
    Abby Birthday to you.

    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Henrietta
    Henrietta who?
    Henrietta a worm that was in her apple.

    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Roach
    Roach who?
    Roach you a letter. Did you get it?

    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Police
    Police who?
    Police hurry up. It's chilly outside.

    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Ben
    Ben who?
    Ben knocking for ten minutes.

    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Scold
    Scold who?
    Scold enough to go ice skating out here.
    Angie
    “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” ~ Thomas A. Edison

  20. #20
    Minecraft Widow
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    Post your favorite kid-friendly joke (I put jokes & in little skateycat's lunchbox)

    I'm making his lunch for tomorrow now...which joke next?
    Cigarettes are like squirrels. They are perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire. -- @ciggybuttz on Twitter

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