What sport would you have your daughter do if she was equally good at all she tried?

[mkats]

Yeah I'm a little befuddled why everyone jumping on the "serious athlete" bandwagon so soon.

I loved to skate when I was in high school. Didn't have money for private lessons (let alone anything for comps or shows) so I just took group lessons and skated on public sessions. Never tested, never competed, but it was something I wanted to do for myself. My parents never supported me. In fact, my mom even criticized me one year for "wasting so much time skating" when I had no accomplishments to tout for it. In retrospect, I could have said the same thing about piano, which she put me into, because I never tested or competed in that either. We were never a sports-oriented family, and I think my sister and I turned out fine.

It was just something I could do for me. And I did write about why I loved to skate for my college essay so that worked out in the end.

...are you me? This sounds exactly like me, even down to the college essays.

Yeah, my mom also decided that I would play piano at a young age. It turned out that I never liked it, never enjoyed it, and never really had any desire to progress in it, but it sort of became a "we bought you a big expensive piano so shut up and practice and be grateful" kind of thing. It didn't really end well, and I was never any good at it. I realize that a little kid is probably going to change their mind quite frequently about what they want to do, but there's something to be said for not forcing the kid to do something because it's your dream.

And in high school, when I first learned to drive and started working, I started taking learn-to-skate lessons. Never got any encouragement from my mother (also frequently got the waste-of-time line), but I really did enjoy it. And sure, I was never spectacularly good at that either, but I did it because I genuinely wanted to do it, so it was a LOT of fun

[Anita18]

...are you me? This sounds exactly like me, even down to the college essays.

Yeah, my mom also decided that I would play piano at a young age. It turned out that I never liked it, never enjoyed it, and never really had any desire to progress in it, but it sort of became a "we bought you a big expensive piano so shut up and practice and be grateful" kind of thing. It didn't really end well, and I was never any good at it. I realize that a little kid is probably going to change their mind quite frequently about what they want to do, but there's something to be said for not forcing the kid to do something because it's your dream.

And in high school, when I first learned to drive and started working, I started taking learn-to-skate lessons. Never got any encouragement from my mother (also frequently got the waste-of-time line), but I really did enjoy it. And sure, I was never spectacularly good at that either, but I did it because I genuinely wanted to do it, so it was a LOT of fun

Aren't you in med school? You're certainly more ambitious than me!

I was actually very good at the piano, but I didn't have any accomplishments for it on paper. I have no idea what "level" I am, even. Put me in front of one though, and I'll play Rachmaninoff and show you exactly what I can do. And my mom played too, so there wasn't the "we bought this big expensive thing FOR YOU so you'd better use it!" I will say that I enjoyed it more when I got older and could apprecite the emotional nuances. I'm not sure if I could have come to that conclusion if there had been a lot of pressure to compete or test.

My fear is that if a parent pushes the "serious athlete" thing on their kid too soon, there's going to be a lot of pressure to participate and keep at it even if you don't like it anymore. There's an implicit obligation - if you've spent so much money on it, you can't just back out. And there is a huge difference between "I want to quit because this trick is too hard and I'll never get it" and "I want to puke if I ever see the training site ever again."

The solution then, is to make the kid prove that they want it badly. Then you can give them the good coach or horses or fees to compete nationally. Then you'd be supportive instead of pressuring.

I find it doubtful that the daughter really loves ALL her sports equally. My sister loved mock trial and speech & debate "equally," but when push came to shove and she had to give one up (because she couldn't physically be in two places at once), it was mock trial. I mean, there has to be one that she'd fight to keep participating in, even it took a big chunk out of her day and several solo bus rides. Has she proven she wants a sport that much? The decision should be easy if she's overcome obstacles to keep pursuing a sport.

[Badams]

My daughter likes to run. She really enjoys just running. The solitude of it, the non-competitiveness of it, the time to think...she loves it. But it would kill her to be on a track team and have to compete. So I let her run. For the love of it. I wish I had that love.

[Dragonlady]

Our daughter started out with a range of activities - not just sports, really anything she wanted to try. When she was little, she played T-ball, did gymnastics, swimming lessons, choir, ballet, Brownies and figure skating, over a period of about 6 years.

She LOVED to skate. Every year, as she moved up, she skated more. Since we had a house rule - only one activity per day. We tried going from skating to T-ball one year and that was a disaster, and she was too tired at the end of the day. So if she wanted to skate more days, she had to give up what she was doing on those days, but the choice of what to give up was hers. By the time she was 10, she was doing skating and ballet.

But always, she the choices were hers to make, because it was her life.

[rjblue]

She LOVED to skate. Every year, as she moved up, she skated more.

That was my oldest daughter. Skating was her love, and she skated to quite a high level.

My younger daughter tried skating, swimming, and soccer, but curling was the only sport that she loved, and she curled to quite a high level, and plans to return to curling when she is finished university.

My son just likes to play. He enjoys physical activity and playing with his friends, but has no desire to practice outside of team time, and will never be on a high-level team. It's a shame because he's 6'5" and not fully grown, and quite smart, so with a medium amount of practice he would be able to get an athletic scholarship to a small school. However, as long as my kids are/were active and involved, I never make them focus on something that isn't their own choice.

[Dragonlady]

I was a swimmer. I rode horses, played basketball, volleyball and badminton, but swimming was my favourite. I was a summer swimmer as there were no indoor pools in the town where I grew up. I was on the town swim team and every week we competed at meets with other small communities. I was at the pool from the time it opened in the morning, until swim team practice ended at 7:00 p.m. We went home for lunch and dinner and then back down to the pool.

To this day, when I want to exercise, I go to the pool and swim.

[Cachoo]

I never understood why girls were given softballs when hardballs were smaller and fit their hands better. I think I would want my daughter to be a good pitcher with a hardball. Of course that is only if she had no natural interest in anything else...

[TheGirlCanSkate]

It was "mostly" a hypothetical question.

You can't make a child do any sport they don't want to do without negative effects.

[mkats]

It was "mostly" a hypothetical question.

You can't make a child do any sport they don't want to do without negative effects.

FWIW, judging from your posts in MITF, you've always seemed like a very reasonable skating parent to me.

[TheGirlCanSkate]

This injury has me really shaken up. It's not the end of the world - she will heal, but I can't help but wish she didn't love skating so much. Who knew it would bother the parent more than the kid? I wish she loved something less dangerous more. Yoga maybe.

But thank you!