Names You Will NEVER Give Your Children

[TheGirlCanSkate]

Okay I would never do a Chris Christopher, John Johnson, Michael Micheals. It's just...silly.

And I would never choose Barbie or Ken.

[Zemgirl]

I think the name is Nevaeh, which is heaven spelled backwards. Of course some people can't spell and don't know better, like Oprah was from the bilblical name Orpah. I've seen a Disteny (ouch), Serinety (double ouch).

I love how Oprah was born Orpah and since no one could pronounce it, Oprah is what they called her and she kept it. I doubt most would get it right anyway.

What about the parents who get so lazy they just name their boy 'Guy'?

I don't know about Oprah specifically, but both Orpah and Ofra (which is how I had assumed she got her name) are Biblical names.

If Guy's parents are not from English-speaking countries, I may be inclined to give them a pass. For instance, Guy is a very common name in Hebrew, it means dell or glen.

[KHenry14]

Much like teachers, us people who work in HR encounter weird names all the time too. The strangest I found was a guy who's legal name was Little Johnny Jones. I saw his birth cert. and it was actually Little. Needless to say he went by L.J. Jones as an adult.

[Sparks]

I knew a guy named Christian Christianson.

[KikiSashaFan]

I know someone named Emma that named her daughter Amy, but spelled Amme, so they could have matching names.

[danceronice]

I don't know about Oprah specifically, but both Orpah and Ofra (which is how I had assumed she got her name) are Biblical names.

If Guy's parents are not from English-speaking countries, I may be inclined to give them a pass. For instance, Guy is a very common name in Hebrew, it means dell or glen.

Pronouced "Gee", it's also an old French name.

Similar to Oprah, my friend is named Marium after a great-grandmother. They're not sure if the original name was INTENTIONAL, or someone misspelled "Miriam" in the family bible and it stuck.

[skatingfan5]

I think names are ridiculous if they have apostrophes in them. Those are usually used when letters are missing, like in don't for do not... so what is missing in those names? I also dislike names starting with La or Le... like LaShawn... it makes it sound French and not even the French do that unless it's a last name and has a purpose.

Actually that one I believe has a reason - as I understand it, the prefix le or la and I think also de is of African origins and means "of god" - thus the popularity among African Americans for names that begin with those letters.

I had never heard that explanation of this -- le and la mean "the" and de means "of" in French. Here is a paper ("Naming and Linguistic Africanisms in African American Culture") which contains some explanation of naming practices among African Americans (and links to similar traditions in Africa). Not sure how accurate it is, but it states that

In creating names, people take the forms with which they are familiar, and play with them in a creative way to formulate new structures that fulfill their needs in a more satisfying and meaningful way. Thus, they take a name-stem and give it a prefix such as “Le-,” or “La-” that evokes for African Americans their historical connections, or contains the flavor of their French or New Orleans roots. The fact that they are adding a French prefix to an English word is of little concern.

[skateycat]

I went to school with Tom Sawyer Finn and Tarzan Obadiah Greenberg.

Mr skateycat wanted to name our son after any of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I might have been okay with Rafael, but at the last minute, we found a name we could both agree with.

[Zemgirl]

Similar to Oprah, my friend is named Marium after a great-grandmother. They're not sure if the original name was INTENTIONAL, or someone misspelled "Miriam" in the family bible and it stuck.

I think Mariam is the Arabic variant of Miriam, maybe? I've met at least one Mariam.

[Marge_Simpson]

I posted this in another thread recently, but it applies here, so I'll repeat: a new mother at my hospital wanted to name her baby girl "Neisseria" because she heard one of the RN's saying it and thought it sounded pretty. She didn't realize the RN was probably talking about a Neisseria Gonorrhea culture. The nurse managed to talk her out of putting that name down on the baby's birth certificate.
I went to high school with a girl named Candy Barr.

[Rob]

I worked with a girl named Experience. I wouldn't name my kid that. Apparently she was descended from someone named Experience back in the 1700s when virtue names were popular. Not so sure Experience would be considered a virtue in all regards.

[my little pony]

i know someone named travel. his mother hoped he would grow up to travel. he has not.

[skatingfan5]

I worked with a girl named Experience. I wouldn't name my kid that. Apparently she was descended from someone named Experience back in the 1700s when virtue names were popular. Not so sure Experience would be considered a virtue in all regards.

Certainly not now. It's a far cry from Charity, Faith, and Patience, but I think that I personally would prefer to be named Experience than Temperance or Reverence if it came to that.

[numbers123]

4.) Friend went to high school with two brothers name Limonjello and Orangello.

5.) Same friend has a friend who's a 911 dispatcher. Friend got a call one night: "MY DAUGHTER MISSING."

"Ma'am, how long has she been missing?"

"OVER 24 HOUR."

"All right, could you spell her name for me?"
" ... ... female?"

"NO! FEH-MAWL-LAY!"

These stories have been going around since I was in nursing school ~ 41 years ago. I would call them urban legends.

[Rob]

4.) Friend went to high school with two brothers name Limonjello and Orangello.

5.) Same friend has a friend who's a 911 dispatcher. Friend got a call one night: "MY DAUGHTER MISSING."

"Ma'am, how long has she been missing?"

"OVER 24 HOUR."

"All right, could you spell her name for me?"

"F"

"Uh huh."

"E"

"Yeah."

"M"

"Go ahead."

"A"

"Got it."

"L"

"Yup ..."

"E!"

" ... ... female?"

"NO! FEH-MAWL-LAY!"

I have a friend who claims to have taught brothers named Lemonjello and Orangello in dance school in Texas. I also have a friend who claims to have gone to high school with brothers named Lemonjello and Orangello, but not in Texas. There must be a lot of them or its an urban legend.

I have a friend who swears he had a student named Female Penus (not "is"). Pronouced Feh-maw-lay Pen-nooz.

[screech]

My sister, who is pregnant with her first child, has always wanted to name 2 sons 'Huckleberry' and 'Finn'.

A family member knew of a young, attractive, single female whose last name was Dick. The worst part: Her first name was 'Anita'. Yup, 'Anita Dick'.

I'm a teacher, so I think that when I eventually have children, I'm going to try to avoid names of students. A fellow-teacher I know had parents who were teachers, and that was their main criteria in picking his name. They ended up with 'Kent'.

I'm rather fond of the name Elsa - love that it's normal enough to to get raised eyebrows, but unique enough to not be the same as everyone else.

I actually like a lot of the Scandinavian names, though one I could never pick is Hildegard. I knew one in high school and it made her sound like the stereotypical obese female opera singer with the viking horns on her head. Funny thing - she did actually have an operatic voice when she sang.

[mkats]

Oh my gosh, we had a Hildegard at my practice. She was TERRIBLE and all the MAs dreaded working with her. We told our respiratory therapist once and he shrugged and said, "well, if I were named Hildegard I'd be a pretty unhappy person too."

[DarrellH]

My grandmother's given name was Brazzie. Her sister was LaVada, and her brother was Freelin. Grandma named her first son, Stancil ... her first daughter, Lowell... and another daughter, Dixie. These were the names on the birth certificates, not nicknames.

[Clarice]

La-a, Female, Lemonjello, etc. are urban legends. But there are still plenty of legitimately awful names out there. Check out www.bigbadbabynames.net.

[Jenny]

I had never heard that explanation of this -- le and la mean "the" and de means "of" in French. Here is a paper ("Naming and Linguistic Africanisms in African American Culture") which contains some explanation of naming practices among African Americans (and links to similar traditions in Africa). Not sure how accurate it is, but it states that

I knew I should have found the reference before I posted and of course it was years ago and now I can find it. Searching now though I did learn that a) there are a lot of pointless baby name sites out there that are just lists of names, and b) the ones that offer origins and meanings looks like they were all copied from the same 2-3 sources, so who knows what's accurate.

Many references to French, suggested connections to slavery in the south, but a lot of guesses too. Other sites say many of the same names are Hebrew in origin.

Also found an article that studied unusual names, specifically in the African American community, and often the explanation had nothing to do with culture, history etc, and everything to do with "we liked the sound of it" and we spelled it differently so that our kid would stand out and be unique.

At this point, I'm inclined to chalk it up to fashion.