The Mom Gene--do you have it?

[made_in_canada]

Me too, Badams...

[Anita18]

Why do you feel sorry for her? There's nothing on that list that she didn't volunteer herself for and go into willingly. If she's wants to be a neurotic housekeeper that's her choice, just like it's your choice if you want to spend an afternoon napping contentedly. Should your co-worker feel sorry for you because you enjoy napping?

I understand feeling sorry for someone if they catch a bad break or run into a streak of bad luck or are the victim of forces beyond their control or even if they made a stupid decision somewhere along the line that negatively impacted their life, but volunteer soccer coaching? She can quit. That would give her more time to run the vacuum cleaner 5 times a day.

I feel bad for people who are harming themselves. She didn't sound very happy at all on Friday, when I talked to her. Part of it, I imagine, is feeling like she HAS no choice. She cannot bring herself to say no, ever. (You bet I told her to blow off the soccer coaching!) She has to say yes, because saying no will make her a bad person. Even our boss will keep her in the dark about certain experiments or whatnot, so she won't volunteer to do them. Her family is IMO walking all over her, so I'm glad that at least she has some aspect of her life that is supportive.

I feel like she has the "women can have/must do it all" mindset, except x10000000. Don't get me wrong, I find it very admirable that she can do all of it pretty thanklessly and not ask for exceptions....but enough is enough! Time for a vacation that she can't give herself!

I'm more of a compulsive exerciser now too, but when I'm 50, I'll be glad that I built up my bone mass (that's when my mom developed osteoporosis), instead of cleaning my house on a daily basis. That's how I look at it!

[Southpaw]

I feel bad for people who are harming themselves. She didn't sound very happy at all on Friday, when I talked to her. Part of it, I imagine, is feeling like she HAS no choice. She cannot bring herself to say no, ever. (You bet I told her to blow off the soccer coaching!) She has to say yes, because saying no will make her a bad person. Even our boss will keep her in the dark about certain experiments or whatnot, so she won't volunteer to do them. Her family is IMO walking all over her, so I'm glad that at least she has some aspect of her life that is supportive.

It's her choice to feel like she has no choice in these matters. I say enjoy your napping and don't worry about her, eventually she'll get a therapist or she'll run off to Tahiti with her hair on fire.

I'm more of a compulsive exerciser now too, but when I'm 50, I'll be glad that I built up my bone mass (that's when my mom developed osteoporosis), instead of cleaning my house on a daily basis. That's how I look at it!

Good for you! I'm not a ruthless housekeeper, either, but that's because I choose to spend my time doing other things instead. Like exercising. When the housekeeping part (or lack thereof) really starts to skeeve me out I bump it up to the top of the priority list and then something else gets knocked to the bottom.

[TygerTyger]

Since you seem like the sort of married couple who knows how to negotiate with a free agent like me, tell your husband that if he lets me watch you detach HIS testicles with a rusty spoon I'll buy him the pressure washer myself.

(Laughs)
That won't work. He would need several weeks to recover from the testicle removal - during which time I would really have my hands full!
Besides, he is fairly well-behaved, for the most part
Also it occurs to me that all the spoons in this household are Stainless Steel, and rust-free.

[Southpaw]

Also it occurs to me that all the spoons in this household are Stainless Steel, and rust-free.

I go to a lot of flea markets, I'll hook you up with one. Bet I can even find a rusty pie server, too. Mere details, TygerTyer, mere details.

[modern_muslimah]

Just want to say I know some couples who adopted/raised babies born with drugs in their system. While it worked out long-term, for the first couple years it was complete hell. And that's with no other children in the picture. I don't know how much that applies to tygertyger, but anyone willing to take in a baby born to a meth addict has my respect.

And yes, it does get better. So hang in there.

It really depends on how badly the drugs affected the baby in utero. I have a friend who was adopted. Her mother did crack when pregnant with her. The crack did a lot of damage to my friend's brain. Things like impulse control, the ability to do basic math, etc. are really hard for her. So even though she is an adult, her parents still worry about what may happen to her when they get much older or pass away. Her parents are awesome because they adopted her and her sister (who has Asperger's syndrome). So I guess in some ways it gets easier (i.e. the really loud crying that takes place when the baby is being weaned off the drugs) but in other ways it gets more difficult. That takes a lot of love.

[UGG]

I never played with dolls, never dreamed of being a mom.I totally HATED being pregnant. And being in labor before I received an epidural. After I got it, I was on facebook for 4 hours LOL.

I totally have a mom gene though-I completely shocked myself!

On another note...Women judge each other way too much. Everyone is wayyy to involved in everyone else's parenting life style.