The Mom Gene--do you have it?

[TygerTyger]

Should we just automatically assume that the father does not do his bit? I mean, shouldn't that be a pretty fair assumption to make?

Ah, yeah...
That is what I just said. It is to be assumed that the father does his bit. If he doesn't, then he ought to have to testicles removed with a rusty spoon.

[leesaleesa]

Quote:
Originally Posted by OliviaPug
I was just trying to give you some insight into the whys behind other folks commenting that you are

O-

The thing is, none of the women who say things like this to me are struggling financially. Each of them could afford to take a few years off of work if they so desire.
But, they don't want to! Which, of course, is perfectly fine - or at least it should be! Unfortunately, enter the "Mommy Wars" and Bill Sears...
Women are made to feel guilty for wanting to go back to work. So they make excuses for going back, and tell themselves that they would *prefer* to stay home. If only they *could* (sigh).
My SIL just loves to tell me that she envies me so much. She wishes she could afford to stay home. She even has the option of going part time for a few years, but "can't" do that either - 'cause, well, then their household income might fall below $200k for a few years.

I know a stay at home mom who seems to have it all-Wealthy husband, housekeeper, new luxury vehicles every year or so, vacations abroad, etc. I used to sort of hate her because she had it so "easy", until I found out that one of her daughters is special needs, will likely always need specialized care, and recently developed seizures. Most of her care is provided by her Mother, so she's not fobbing that responsibility off. She'll never be "free".

The grass is not always greener. How do you think the Father of your children feels about having to bust his ass to support four people? Instead of envying others who have "more" than you do, why not make frieds with those communal Hispanic women in your area? Maybe you could meet someone you click with who could provide company and share baby sitting with.

[TygerTyger]

The grass is not always greener. How do you think the Father of your children feels about having to bust his ass to support four people? Instead of envying others who have "more" than you do, why not make frieds with those communal Hispanic women in your area? Maybe you could meet someone you click with who could provide company and share baby sitting with.

Whatever....

I get annoyed at women telling me that I'm "lucky" - women who could easily afford to stay home themselves, but choose not to (which, of course, is perfectly fine) and somehow that means that I lack empathy?
I'm annoyed at women who feel entitled to an opinion about lifestyle, in spite of the fact that they have made different choices in life.

Boy, judging other women is sure a good time! Trying to see things from someone else's point of view?
It's nice that you have so much sympathy for my "poor husband" though. I'll be sure to let him know. That ought to give him a laugh. He has a posh management job with low stress and a good salary. D

[leesaleesa]

If you don't want to be "judged" maybe you shouldn't post online how people are lucky they're not in the same room with you when they dare to comment on your public comments, wish people dead, and want to remove some poor guy's testicles with a rusty spoon.

Yeah, I do feel sorry for your husband. A lot.

[TygerTyger]

Yeah, I do feel sorry for your husband. A lot.

Honey, are you married?

[Southpaw]

TygerTyger, I would gladly watch your kiddies for a few hours in exchange for the entertainment of watching you detach some testicles with a rusty spoon. I don't mind watching kids as long as I get something useful out of the deal. Money isn't always necessary for me, I'm all for bartering and slapstick entertainment counts for a lot in my world. I don't even care whose testicles you detach, you pick.

[TygerTyger]

TygerTyger, I would gladly watch your kiddies for a few hours in exchange for the entertainment of watching you detach some testicles with a rusty spoon. I don't mind watching kids as long as I get something useful out of the deal..

DEAL!

Rick Santorum is coming to WA to speak out against the legalization of Gay Marriage. Clearly his testicles need to go!

Vote "Yes" on R-74!

[agalisgv]

Just want to say I know some couples who adopted/raised babies born with drugs in their system. While it worked out long-term, for the first couple years it was complete hell. And that's with no other children in the picture. I don't know how much that applies to tygertyger, but anyone willing to take in a baby born to a meth addict has my respect.

And yes, it does get better. So hang in there.

[numbers123]

Yes, drug addicted babies are extremely taxing. I have only taken care of those babies for a very short time with lots of other people around to give me a break or two. If you are caring for an addicted baby 24/7/365 plus another infant, you may feel like no one understands what you are going through and the amount of energy is required.

If you are caring for a drug addicted baby, you may not feel you can go out of your house/living room because you don't know what to anticipate or if you can handle everything - including the people who will tell you how you should raise your children. Comments such as "can't you control your children. You shouldn't take children out in public if you can't control them, blah,blah, blah..."

[leesaleesa]

Honey, are you married?

Not anymore, ma cher. Rather than stay and stew in misery and resent him, I left. I chose to remember the good and learn from the bad. Plenty of people have it much better than me, and plenty have it worse.

[TygerTyger]

[QUOTE=leesaleesa;. Plenty of people have it much better than me, and plenty have it worse.[/QUOTE]

It isn't a competition. Just because I'm frustrated, and a bit overwhelmed, doesn't mean that I think I "have it worse" than other people.

My husband wants to know if the concern shown him on this thread translates to dollars. He would like to buy a pressure-washer

Thanks to the ladies who have cared for drug exposed infants. So far our little guy is healthy. He does have a few minor physical issues. But, of course, there is no way to definitely pin them on the BM's Meth use.

His behavior has been fairly normal so far. Though is is higher energy than our biological son. Most of the stress has been waiting for the results of various tests (BM has HIV and HEP C) and also the prolonged and expensive process of terminating the BM's parental rights (she refused to sign him over.)

[Southpaw]

My husband wants to know if the concern shown him on this thread translates to dollars. He would like to buy a pressure-washer

Since you seem like the sort of married couple who knows how to negotiate with a free agent like me, tell your husband that if he lets me watch you detach HIS testicles with a rusty spoon I'll buy him the pressure washer myself.

[susan6]

His behavior has been fairly normal so far. Though is is higher energy than our biological son. Most of the stress has been waiting for the results of various tests (BM has HIV and HEP C) and also the prolonged and expensive process of terminating the BM's parental rights (she refused to sign him over.)

What was your brother (or was it your husbands brother) thinking, and is he at least helping with this?

[TygerTyger]

What was your brother (or was it your husbands brother) thinking, and is he at least helping with this?

The little guy was born to my husband's sister. She has no idea who the biological father was. She assumes that he was conceived via a act of prostitution. Who ever he was, he didn't come forward in the time legally given after being served by publication, and so his rights were terminated.

[Badams]

The little guy was born to my husband's sister. She has no idea who the biological father was. She assumes that he was conceived via a act of prostitution. Who ever he was, he didn't come forward in the time legally given after being served by publication, and so his rights were terminated.

That poor baby. Thank God he has you.

[manleywoman]

Well, I for one would hate to be a SAHM, even if I had the money to do it. It's not in me to be maternal all day every day. And I don't feel one ounce of guilt over it. My nanny is amazing with the baby, and our older one goes to a great school that he loves and is working well for him. If I were home with them all the time I'd go nuts.

I adore my kids, but don't feel that maternal, and never did. As Miranda on Sex and The City said, " I don't like anyone's kids but my own." I've been told by a few people that I'm a great mom, and my kids are healthy and happy.

[Anita18]

It isn't a competition. Just because I'm frustrated, and a bit overwhelmed, doesn't mean that I think I "have it worse" than other people.

Very true. I think some people do have it harder (or make it harder on themselves ), but it doesn't make them better people for suffering more. Suffering sucks no matter what the cause or extent.

Well, I for one would hate to be a SAHM, even if I had the money to do it. It's not in me to be maternal all day every day. And I don't feel one ounce of guilt over it. My nanny is amazing with the baby, and our older one goes to a great school that he loves and is working well for him. If I were home with them all the time I'd go nuts.

I adore my kids, but don't feel that maternal, and never did. As Miranda on Sex and The City said, " I don't like anyone's kids but my own." I've been told by a few people that I'm a great mom, and my kids are healthy and happy.

My mom is like this. She was sooo glad once we were out of the house. She spoils her dogs more than she ever did us. She was never an exemplary example of a traditional housewife, but was caring and able to teach us good values and IMO that's really all that's required of being a "good" parent.

I feel so bad for my coworker. I asked her what she was doing this weekend, and she sighed and said, "Kid stuff. Soccer games, soccer coaching, gymnastics, cooking, cleaning..." I'm sure she could let up on say, her ridiculously high standard of cleanliness for just one weekend, but she feels like a terrible mother if she lets a single speck fall on the floor anywhere in her house. I wish she could give herself a break.

[TygerTyger]

That poor baby. Thank God he has you.

It's kind of you to say that.

[Southpaw]

I feel so bad for my coworker. I asked her what she was doing this weekend, and she sighed and said, "Kid stuff. Soccer games, soccer coaching, gymnastics, cooking, cleaning..." I'm sure she could let up on say, her ridiculously high standard of cleanliness for just one weekend, but she feels like a terrible mother if she lets a single speck fall on the floor anywhere in her house. I wish she could give herself a break.

Why do you feel sorry for her? There's nothing on that list that she didn't volunteer herself for and go into willingly. If she's wants to be a neurotic housekeeper that's her choice, just like it's your choice if you want to spend an afternoon napping contentedly. Should your co-worker feel sorry for you because you enjoy napping?

I understand feeling sorry for someone if they catch a bad break or run into a streak of bad luck or are the victim of forces beyond their control or even if they made a stupid decision somewhere along the line that negatively impacted their life, but volunteer soccer coaching? She can quit. That would give her more time to run the vacuum cleaner 5 times a day.

[Badams]

I WISH I had the compulsive cleaner gene! But instead, I have the compulsive exerciser gene.