The Mom Gene--do you have it?

[Aceon6]

^^^ This Japanfan. I grew up in a post WWII development. My mother was the oddball in the neighborhood who worked, yet she was expected to have floors clean enough to eat off of and to completely eliminate the grime from my father's work clothes. Remember the "ring around the collar" commercials? It was the woman's job to get rid of the problem, not the man's to shower!

[TygerTyger]

Update: The next woman to tell me I'm so lucky that I "get" to stay home with my kids, is going to die a horrible death of a most gruesome variety.

Prancer: you are not accounting for the role of religious fundamentalism on population, both domestically and internationally. Also, Monsanto is doing its best to feed us all round up, and aren't we overdue for a good plague?

[OliviaPug]

Update: The next woman to tell me I'm so lucky that I "get" to stay home with my kids, is going to die a horrible death of a most gruesome variety.

Prancer: you are not accounting for the role of religious fundamentalism on population, both domestically and internationally. Also, Monsanto is doing its best to feed us all round up, and aren't we overdue for a good plague?

Well, TygerTyger, you ARE indeed lucky if you don't have to juggle the way so many woman to do survive and support their families by not only working, but also being the sole provider and caretaker for their children. The grass is always greener.

I'm certainly not saying you should feel happy and satisfied as a stay-at-home mom. I know I wouldn't! And it probably doesn't help to point out that things could always be worse, but that's the reason why folks may tell you you're lucky -- because, in truth, lots of folks may envy your position over their own.

O-

[TygerTyger]

Well, TygerTyger, you ARE indeed lucky if you don't have to....

O-

And you are lucky not to be in my living room right now.

Being unable to leave the house EVER, because you cannot afford care does not make me "lucky."

Is "it could always be worse" ever a helpful thing to say to someone isolated and overwhelmed?

[heckles]

My mother always says "it's different when it's your own" and I believe her because she's not particularly maternal (don't get me wrong, she was a good mother, but I take after her in terms of lack of maternal instinct).

Eh, look at the number of parents who abuse, abandon or neglect their kids. It wasn't different when it was their own.

[TygerTyger]

In our small city, there is a large Hispanic population.
It is a wonderful thing to watch extended families working together, and friends helping friends. I know that a lot of toys and clothing get passed around as well.
I do, at times, feel a bit sad for the teenage girls saddled with the care for younger brothers and sisters - but I would imagine that such siblings generally enjoy close lifelong relationships?
LOL though - last month I was at the park with my guys, and I got to talking to several such teens who were babysitting younger siblings. Those girls were pretty darn clear that they wanted 1-3 kids, and not the 5-7 of their parent's generation!

[vesperholly]

Being unable to leave the house EVER, because you cannot afford care does not make me "lucky."

Do you have a lot of small ones? Or no car? I'm asking honestly. I see babies and small children out and about all the time, though I'm sure it's a hassle.

[TygerTyger]

Do you have a lot of small ones? Or no car? I'm asking honestly. I see babies and small children out and about all the time, though I'm sure it's a hassle.

Two under 18m on completely different schedules.

[heckles]

France, which recognized this all a long time ago, has the most overt pro-natal policies in the world, and their birth rate, while the highest in Europe, is lower than ours and still declining.

Ireland has a higher birthrate than France. Every sperm is sacred, and all that.

[TygerTyger]

Personally, I feel that half the problem would be solved by shipping the Sears clan to Siberia.

[heckles]

Two under 18m on completely different schedules.

Congrats on all the sex.

[TygerTyger]

Congrats on all the sex.

Second child was a nephew that we adopted

[cruisin]

I felt a lot like you. Never gushed over babies, never got the hooplah. However, it all changed once I had my own. Of course I considered him (and still do!) the cutest thing ever and felt all the right emotions and urges when it came to him. Also, after that I noticed that other babies are sort of cute too.

Hormones are a powerful thing as well as the maternal instinct. Also, I've read that genes can be turned on and off. Perhaps I'd had mine off my whole life before Mini Ice.

I never gushed over babies either. I wasn't sure I wanted children, when I was younger. It wasn't until I was around 30, that I realized that I did want children. Whatever the research says, when my babies were born and placed in my arms, the love I felt was overwhelming and powerful. Something I didn't know I was capable of feeling so intensely. So, I don't think you have to be baby crazy as a child to adore and nurture your own children s an adult.

[heckles]

Second child was a nephew that we adopted

Congrats on the good deed, then!

[Aussie Willy]

I think my sister is regretting being a mother today. She is taking her daughter to the Tinkerbell movie. Luckily Aunties only have the responsibility for taking nieces and nephews to cool movies.

[Hannahclear]

And you are lucky not to be in my living room right now.

Being unable to leave the house EVER, because you cannot afford care does not make me "lucky."

Is "it could always be worse" ever a helpful thing to say to someone isolated and overwhelmed?

That sucks. I'm sorry.

[OliviaPug]

Is "it could always be worse" ever a helpful thing to say to someone isolated and overwhelmed?

Perhaps not, but that's what a lot of women are thinking. And that's what I was trying to get across in my post to you. You've been told a number of times that you are lucky (so many times, in fact, that you've joked about wishing such people horrible deaths). Others tell you this because they feel they have it much worse. (Hence my "grass is greener" comment.) I have no idea what your situation is like. I was just trying to give you some insight into the whys behind other folks commenting that you are lucky.

This is obviously a very sensitive subject for you, and I hit a nerve. I wouldn't have responded if I didn't think your original post was to be taken somewhat "tongue in cheek." I doubt you wish anyone dead, for instance. Sorry you feel your situation is so grim. I hope you and your family are healthy. That's a great place to start. Time will pass and getting the kids out and about will become easier. Then, they'll be off to school and you will hopefully see more freedom and be happier.

O-

[TygerTyger]

I was just trying to give you some insight into the whys behind other folks commenting that you are

O-

The thing is, none of the women who say things like this to me are struggling financially. Each of them could afford to take a few years off of work if they so desire.
But, they don't want to! Which, of course, is perfectly fine - or at least it should be! Unfortunately, enter the "Mommy Wars" and Bill Sears...
Women are made to feel guilty for wanting to go back to work. So they make excuses for going back, and tell themselves that they would *prefer* to stay home. If only they *could* (sigh).
My SIL just loves to tell me that she envies me so much. She wishes she could afford to stay home. She even has the option of going part time for a few years, but "can't" do that either - 'cause, well, then their household income might fall below $200k for a few years.

[TygerTyger]

That sucks. I'm sorry.

Thanks
They are both walking a bit now, and starting to do a lot more. I'm sure that things will vastly improve in a year or so. It is just getting there...

[Southpaw]

I don't have any kids but having been an audience member to more than a few mommy conversations over the years it just cracks me up at how much mommies all HATE each other. Holy crap, they can't STAND each other and yet they sit there and smile and pretend to like each other and pretend to like each others' kids just because nobody wants to be ostracized from the playdate circuit and then they turn around and lecture their kids about being honest about their feelings. The kid needs to be honest but mommy? Nope. Mommy can't be honest, mommy must sit there with clenched jaw and take it. At least when I'm at a mixed gathering and a mommy starts yammering at me about stuff that makes me nutso I can simply walk away from her and go talk to her husband instead without any social fallout. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Not the mommies, though. If they hightail it away from a mommy the way I do they may as well be booking a one-way ticket to Siberia for their kid.

And then sometimes the mommies will tell me how lucky I am that I don't have to deal with any of that and I say nope, not lucky at all. This is nothing but a result of strategic decisions and birth control.