Feeling very, very down today....

[skateboy]

Bailey, if it might help, I would like to suggest listening to this video (with headphones, if you have them). It's just a little over 13 minutes long and I have found it very effective during stressful times.

Sending you best wishes during this difficult time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEfBEv9QnYQ

[Gypsy]

(((Bailey))) I am so sorry to hear you are going thru so much right now.

Just take it one day at a time and be kind to yourself.

[danceronice]

I'm going to suggest slightly different things. Once you're in the clear after surgery, seriously think about a vacation if at all feasible. I'd booked a trip before I found out the museum I worked for was closing (for no reason other than the college decided they wanted the space for a bookstore, meaning I and the exhibit designer, who'd been with the college's museum NINETEEN YEARS, flat-out lost our jobs while the director is sort-of working for the city, mostly finding grants to try and get a new museum location going). I thought about cancelling my trip, and everyone, including my parents, said don't do it. Go, have fun, relax, worry about it when you get back. And they were right--that was the first time in months I actually slept every night without acid heartburn trying to eat its way up my throat. I was relaxed, I enjoyed myself, I was able to not think about it for a while. Being on the water helped, too, I think--I find lakes and the ocean soothing. Getting away helped me just NOT STRESS for a while, far more than hearing "Have you found a job yet?" "I'm sorry about the museum," "What happened?" from people constantly. (It's a small town. We had a lot of seniors who volunteered with us. They meant well.) Changing the scenery and the routine can really, really help reset your body and mind to deal with the dress better.

Also, unlike the modern overexamining trend, which I've dealt with and found ineffective, I find the Stoics helpful, especially for someone prone to overthinking depressing situations or needing to be in control all the time. You can only control what you can control. Sometimes that's just your own mind and body. Sometimes it's not even those. Accept that you can't. Categorize that which you can't control, and accept it for what it is. Work with what you can (that doesn't include anyone else's feelings, health, life or death, state of mind, financial situation, or even necessarily your own health.)

[skatesindreams]

(((((Bailey)))))
I'm so sorry that you are going through such a difficult time.

It's no wonder that you are overwhelmed.

Suggestions:

Give yourself permission to feel whatever you feel.
Be kind to/don't blame yourself.

Find someone to talk to, including a professional, if appropriate.
It will give you perspective; and in my experience, burdens are less awful, if shared.
Take it one day at a time.
The "darkness" does lessen, and fade.

Recognize that you are not alone.
Many people care for you.

Thank you for sharing/trusting us.

[Really]

I hope your world gets better soon!

[skipaway]

Bailey, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Meredith]

I'm sorry to hear life has thrown so many pitchforks your way, Bailey.

When my mother-in-law (with whom I was very close) passed away last year, my BIL and I sat down and talked about how we would remember her. This was probably brought about by the photographs all around us. There were specific mental images that he shared with me and I with him. As a result, my mental image of Mom is the vibrant, funny, loving women she was for nearly all her life. I think of my parents and sister in the same way - younger, stronger versions of themselves when they died.

I hope you can will your mind travel to the happy places, Bailey. Be well.

[Bailey_]

Hi All,

Thanks you so much for your very kind words of support. My week has been a little brighter. The news this week of my friend's death was very difficult. Given all that I've carried this year, I just don't feel like I have much emotional reserve to deal with much more. But, I've been back to work and things have been a little better. I really do appreciate all of your suggestions. Your kindness means so much.

Oliviapug, I just wanted to express my sympathy for the terrible year you have had. Thank you for sharing. I wish you brighter days in the future too!!

[skatesindreams]

Bailey, I'm glad that you are beginning to feel better,

[Scrufflet]

We hear ya Bailey!
This summer, I realized that only one person among my wide circle of friends had been healthy and relatively issue-free! We celebrated with a glass of wine.
As someone who daily battles serious health concerns, I have realized that there will be good and bad times and that I have only partial control over which ones will show up. I have to roll withit and truly appreciate those good moments when they arise and then buckle down to the best of my ability when the bad ones hit.
Sometimes it IS the best idea to just go to bed for a while! Cuddle a cat, keep going to the counsellor, stay around those with positive energy, indulge in your passions (skating, of course) and prepare as best you can for your operation. Hang in! Keep talking!
From the responses here, you can see that there are many who have never met you but respect your struggle and truly wish you well!