Well, this is definitely new territory for me. I am recently (a year) divorced after being in a 14-year marriage. I started dating a guy in January of this year who has two daughters (12 and 14). Yeah, I know. Tough ages. For months, we kept things quiet, and that suited me just fine. I always told the guy that it was fine not to share his private life with his daughters, but if they asked him a direct question such as, "Are you dating?" -- he shouldn't lie to them. The inevitable finally happened last month. His oldest daughter asked him if he had a girlfriend. I met the girls at a sporting event soon after that because I believe they were extremely curious and wanted to make sure I wasn't a monster.
The pluses: The guy is great. We live 1 1/2 hours away from each other (yes, this is a plus in my eyes). We have a fantastic time together. We're very compatible. He's very understanding of my work. He knew me before we dated and really knows and likes the real me. The girls are great, at least so far as I know.
The minuses: He has kids! I don't have children and never wanted children. He has an ex-wife!!!! Yes, I know I have an ex too, but since we don't have children, we don't share children and have no other ties (financial or otherwise), he isn't a factor in my life.
The kids like me, so I've heard. His oldest chose to spend the day with us last Saturday -- even though it was not her father's weekend. The ex seems ok with my existence, but who really knows.
I'm freaked out. I think I'm so freaked out because I didn't expect this relationship to get serious. I keep trying to convince myself that it's not serious (I don't even refer to myself as his girlfriend and I don't refer to him as my boyfriend), but all evidence is to the contrary. Now that the kids are involved, I feel like I've taken this impossible step forward and I'm not so sure I'm comfortable with it. I don't want to ruin a perfectly good relationship, but I'm anxious about the possibility of becoming more serious with a man with kids. Sigh.
So far, I've just taken things one day at a time, one "date" (I don't even use *that* word ) at a time, but that approach has gotten me further and further down this path almost without me even realizing it ...