Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 21 to 40 of 46
  1. #21
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Posts
    1,204
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    0
    I have read about GPS tracking devices which can be attached to dementia patients, I don't know if they are readily available or not.

  2. #22
    Cruder than you thought
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Location
    All choked up
    Posts
    19,302
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    40036
    I don't have any productive advice to add to this thread; much has already been provided and I don't specifically have experience with this issue, but I want to express my support and hugs to all dealing with this difficult situation in their lives. I have dealt with terminal illness, failing capacity, and eventual loss, of both my parents, but dealing with this in the context of dementia in your loved ones must make it that much harder. My thoughts are with each of you.
    Disclaimer: The post contained herein represents the opinions of a fan and may or may not bear any relation to reality.

  3. #23
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    535
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by judiz View Post
    Something very important I forgot to mention, put a lock on the house door that your mom can't reach so she can't leave the house alone. My grandfather forgot what a key was but he was still able to unlock the door and walk out while everyone was asleep.
    I agree, make sure house keys and car keys are hidden and that all doors are locked with a key bolt lock. My father was demented the last 3 years of his life and my mom (12 years younger than him) was his primary caregiver. He died at age 92. She hired male help during the day to get him dressed and bathe him. One morning she found him outside the front door at 6AM - he had imagined he was going to get from CA to St. Louis to see his mother (dead for 50 years). Thank God he didn't wander onto the L.A. streets! Another time he got up at 3AM and walked (with a walker) to a phone and called 911 repeatedly for an hour trying to get the police to remove my mother (who he thought was a stranger living in his house). Fortunately the police called the number back and my mother answered the phone in her bedroom, when the operator told her an elderly demented person had been calling for an hour from her number. It's sad to see the strange things demented people can do, but you need to keep one step ahead of them and protect them from leaving the house or doing any other harm via phone, computer, etc. If you have weapons in the house, lock them up. One of the hardest things my mother had to endure was verbal abuse when my dad imagined she was someone else. It was heart-breaking to watch this intelligent, very successful man deteriorate this way, but somehow my mom was able to appreciate what he had been all his life and not focus on the last 3 years. Thankfully he never became physically abusive. If the situation had driven my mother to a nervous breakdown, my brothers and I were prepared to put him in a senior care facility.

  4. #24

    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    3,172
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    4024
    Same exact situation, my grandfather would drag my grandmother out of bed and push her out of the apartment thinking she was a stranger. We would get phone calls in the middle of the night from my grandfather yelling there was a stranger in the house and it would turn out to be my grandmother.

  5. #25

    Join Date
    Apr 2001
    Location
    Where the wind blows
    Posts
    9,681
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    5033
    I feel for everyone who has or is going through this. I watched my grandfather and my uncle go through this. It is so very hard on the family. I can not add to the good advice already given, just going to reiterate take care of yourselves. It is not easy being the caregiver.

  6. #26
    snarking for AZE
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    katbert greenhouse
    Posts
    30,171
    vCash
    2068
    Rep Power
    50062
    Quote Originally Posted by Prancer View Post
    Another way to keep them calm is to try to never set them straight. Arguing with them creates stress. Agree and redirect.
    this is really good advice

    however, my grandmother is convinced that her neighbor is trying to kill her. i have yet to come up with another subject as pressing as murder to redirect her to
    I feel like I'm in a dream. But it can't be a dream because there are no boy dancers!

  7. #27

    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Posts
    13,527
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    42165
    Find out what the senior care/residential options are in your area.
    The possibility may be difficult to face.

    However, it's best to know about them before - and in case - they become necessary

  8. #28
    snarking for AZE
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    katbert greenhouse
    Posts
    30,171
    vCash
    2068
    Rep Power
    50062
    i'd love to put her in one but i cant even trick her into seeing a doctor or social worker so i'm up a creek for now
    I feel like I'm in a dream. But it can't be a dream because there are no boy dancers!

  9. #29

    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Driving the Han Yan Fan Van
    Posts
    9,190
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    35499
    Hugs to all who are dealing with this. Dementia/Alzheimers is a terrible, terrible illness and so tough on family members.

    My grandmother-in-law had dementia for years. . . finally got to the point where she was leaving things out on the counter & the burners on in the kitchen (as her life was organized around preparing meals for the family). Just wasn't safe; we were waiting for food poisoning or a major burn or fire. Once we got her into the nursing home (which, fortunately, we were able to do) she talked many times a day about how she "just wanted to go home."
    BARK LESS. WAG MORE.

  10. #30

    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Posts
    13,527
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    42165
    Quote Originally Posted by my little pony View Post
    i'd love to put her in one but i cant even trick her into seeing a doctor or social worker so i'm up a creek for now
    Could you explain the situation, invite the doctor/assessor to come; and let them handle it?
    Most of them have experience with similar cases.

  11. #31
    snarking for AZE
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    katbert greenhouse
    Posts
    30,171
    vCash
    2068
    Rep Power
    50062
    i had the social worker come to the house and her spidey sense went off and she decided to go dye her hair and didnt say anything
    I feel like I'm in a dream. But it can't be a dream because there are no boy dancers!

  12. #32

    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Posts
    13,527
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    42165
    Keep trying; so she can be evaluated - and both of you can get appropriate help.

  13. #33

    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    5,962
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    7850
    Quote Originally Posted by LilJen View Post
    Hugs to all who are dealing with this. Dementia/Alzheimers is a terrible, terrible illness and so tough on family members.

    My grandmother-in-law had dementia for years. . . finally got to the point where she was leaving things out on the counter & the burners on in the kitchen (as her life was organized around preparing meals for the family). Just wasn't safe; we were waiting for food poisoning or a major burn or fire. Once we got her into the nursing home (which, fortunately, we were able to do) she talked many times a day about how she "just wanted to go home."
    For those who are still coping with this, perhaps it would be a good time to get the childproof covers for the stove controls.

    And I've already had the discussion -- if I get dementia like that, please check me into a safe facility -- I don't want my spouse or kid burdened with what I've seen when someone becomes a danger (physically or emotionally) to others.

    MLP -- Start writing up documentation. Has anyone else seen these behaviors? I hope you can get the social worker back in.

  14. #34
    snarking for AZE
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    katbert greenhouse
    Posts
    30,171
    vCash
    2068
    Rep Power
    50062
    Quote Originally Posted by barbk View Post

    MLP -- Start writing up documentation. Has anyone else seen these behaviors? I hope you can get the social worker back in.
    she calls the police non stop
    i asked them for the police reports but they havent put anything in writing
    I feel like I'm in a dream. But it can't be a dream because there are no boy dancers!

  15. #35

    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Posts
    13,527
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    42165
    And I've already had the discussion -- if I get dementia like that, please check me into a safe facility -- I don't want my spouse or kid burdened with what I've seen when someone becomes a danger (physically or emotionally) to others.
    This!
    Why should the illness destroy the lives of the people I care about, also?

    ETA:

    mlp, document everything she does and give the information to her doctor and the social worker.

  16. #36

    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Location
    "Winterpeg"
    Posts
    4,836
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by LilJen View Post
    Hugs to all who are dealing with this. Dementia/Alzheimers is a terrible, terrible illness and so tough on family members.

    My grandmother-in-law had dementia for years. . . finally got to the point where she was leaving things out on the counter & the burners on in the kitchen (as her life was organized around preparing meals for the family). Just wasn't safe; we were waiting for food poisoning or a major burn or fire. Once we got her into the nursing home (which, fortunately, we were able to do) she talked many times a day about how she "just wanted to go home."
    My father suffered brain damage from a ruptured cerebral aneurysm and about 13 years later, another stroke. Both caused mostly mental damage. He passed away last fall after 18 years of losing himself.

    Until her passing 1 1/2 years earlier, my mother was his primary care giver though I lived with them and provided support when not at work. He needed 24/7 supervision. Right from the start, he spent most of his energy and thought processes on trying to "go home", even though he was in the same house he had lived in for 40 years. Jo Jo, undoubtedly you will hear this often after the re-location. You must do your best not to let it give you feelings of guilt. As in my father's case, home may simply mean they are having trouble recognizing even familiar things and are sure that feeling would go away if they could only get home again. For years we had trouble getting my Dad to go to bed because he was always waiting for us to take him home first. Sometimes he would tell us that home was in Thunder Bay, though he had never even lived in Ontario.

    In his case the progression was very slow until his final weeks, so I understand there are many differences to your situation, but I agree that doing your best to achieve a regular schedule is very important. I firmly believe that they find comfort in that, even if they don't seem to be co-operating or understanding.

    In the first few years he was still very physically capable and as he had always been a bit of a night owl, my mother would not hear him when he got up and tried to leave the house. The result was she basically didn't sleep until we got the keyed deadbolt locks put in. Just a word of caution though. Due to fire safety concerns, in some places it is not legal to have this kind of lock. You may have to try for something else that she alone cannot operate, or put on a door alarm that will instantly alert you if she attempts to leave. There are travel alarms or ones you install that work like the bing-bong ones you hear sometimes when you enter a store. We had one like that which could be set with various sounds right up to a full siren.

    We were very fortunate in that the local regional health authority was gearing up with support just as we were needing it. He was able to go to day care for about 4 hours, 3 times a week, or with them providing the transport. He never wanted to go and always made my mother feel bad about insisting, but always came home all smiles and much more stimulated and with it. On days he was home he would wear us out with the effort of just trying to get him to take any physical activity. I am afraid in the end he wore us down and had his way but it was taking more of a toll, especially on my mother, than it was doing good for him. At the day programs he would join in with the others much more readily. The programs spend time also keeping them oriented to the seasons and the world around them. This was important for my father as he seemed to be unable to figure out if it was summer or winter (on the Canadian Prairies - are you kidding me), or sometimes even day or night.

    Another problem as with many was hygiene. From the guy who had a shower twice a day and always kept the family waiting to go out while he decided on just the right tie, shoes, belt, etc., he became someone who needed about 6 hours of wearing down to get him to have a weekly bath, if we were successful at all. In this area as well, as time progressed and he needed more help, we were able to get a care giver in to take on this task as my mother aged. We also had a respite worker come in one afternoon a week.

    Though his short term memory was consciously gone, and he could not have told you anyone's name that he met or who looked after him in those 18 years, he did recognize them and become familiar with them. The regional health authority did regular reviews and helped us get Dad into respite in the last couple of years, as well as the paneling process for permanent care and placement when my mother passed away. Fortunately their mandate was to provide whatever support available to them to help keep Dad at home for as long as reasonably possible. A couple of years ago we were told that we were entitled to up to 50 hours of help per week, free of charge, not even counting the day care. Of course this came with the caveat that they had had to have sufficient staff, which was always a struggle for them, and that said staff had to have their own transport, (we lived out of town), not something a lot of the care workers have due to the relatively low wages they receive. But at least is shows that the idea of proper support is out there in this province. Since this type of care is under provincial authority you would need to check to see what the story is in your area, but I would urge you to get assigned a case worker. For us initially there was not a lot on offer but we were on the files and as programs improved they were made available to us.

    At the time of my mother's passing things had come to a head with him and the day programs were beginning to find him too difficult to manage. He was becoming increasingly agitated and for fear he would hurt one of the other clients by unintentionally shoving them, and also because his agitation was causing them anxiety, we ended up having to add medication that would make him too sleepy. I don't know if this was a natural progression with him or if he sensed the problems with my mother, subtle as the signs were. At any rate, if we lost these day programs the additional wear and tear on my mother caring for him 24/7 in the home would have been too much. My support was more for my mother than my father as he had his mind set on doing the opposite of whatever I tried to get him to do. At least he focused his rebellion mostly on me and gave his trust to my mother so I guess in that way it was some help.

    On a more positive note, as someone else mentioned, finding something that they respond positively to is very helpful. In my father's case in the early stages, having a very simple cross-word puzzle book always at hand would keep him happy for hours. This was especially important as he lost the ability to understand waiting for something to happen, like sitting in a doctor's waiting room, or waiting for food in a restaurant. These times would typically lead to problem behavior before we found the crossword solution. Music was also a big thing for him and was probably the very last thing he ever responded to. He was also a fan of silly physical comedy, like a pre-teen boy. Actually he had very good recall of his years growing up, but lost most memory of his later years. The mind works very mysteriously indeed.

    Now that he is gone, I am trying my best to stop thinking of him only from the last 18 years and start remembering the smart, inventive and vibrant person he used to be. I am hopeful that as time goes on these memories will become stronger. As my siblings and I met with the celebrant who would conduct his memorial we talked of many things I hadn't thought about in years. I think it is harder for me as I was the only one who lived close enough to see him on any regular basis during the 18 years. I think it might be a good idea for me to try to write out some of my memories of the earlier years now. I think it is very important to hold on to what he was when he had control of his life.

    My thoughts are with you and all our members who are going through this.

  17. #37

    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Posts
    13,527
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    42165
    Now that he is gone, I am trying my best to stop thinking of him only from the last 18 years and start remembering the smart, inventive and vibrant person he used to be. I am hopeful that as time goes on these memories will become stronger. As my siblings and I met with the celebrant who would conduct his memorial we talked of many things I hadn't thought about in years. I think it is harder for me as I was the only one who lived close enough to see him on any regular basis during the 18 years. I think it might be a good idea for me to try to write out some of my memories of the earlier years now. I think it is very important to hold on to what he was when he had control of his life.
    That seems like a great idea.
    I hope that, with time, your painful memories will fade; and that you can concentrate on the good and joyful times you enjoyed with your father.

  18. #38
    Banned Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    In my bedroom flipping the light on/off
    Posts
    916
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    0
    I think many of us are having to deal with this. My father is demented, yet he does have moments of clarity, especially when he's in front of his doctor. It is not easy to see a slow death of someone, especially a parent. Fortunately my mother is a tough strong woman and doesn't put up with it or get severely depressed over it. (I sometimes do).

    It's like reverting back, and just believing you own a 'pet' that needs constant care. This 'pet' needs watching because they will urinate everywhere and then go nutso if you tell them not to urinate in the hallway. Trust me, I know your story. And it's only going to get worse.
    I will not be ignored! -Me

  19. #39

    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    new york
    Posts
    1,573
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    2066
    My 100 year old mother lived in a retirement community apartment until about a year ago. My brother and I knew she needed more care, but the nursing home attached to the complex was reluctant to admit her.

    We had the appropriate social worker evaluate her, and the report came back that since my mother was coherent and could get up on her own and go to the bathroom on her own, she didn't need further care.

    We tried having aides come in, but my mother didn't like that. Eventually one came and on the first night she was there, she called me to say my mother was hallucinating. My mother went to the emergency room, where I met her. I have to say they were very pleasant as hallucinations go, and I had a better time in that emergency room visit than any before or since.

    It was decided that my mother had hallucinated because she could no longer take care of her medications, and that was sufficient cause to get her into the nursing home. We moved her out of her apartment, and she's doing reasonably well. She gets great care.

    She has no short term memory, so when I talk to her (which I do daily) or visit her (which I do twice a week), I get to tell her the same information over and over again. It's a little tedious (especially if it happens during the same conversation), but the thing about my mother is she's an incredibly sweet person, and if anything is even more sweet now. Every single conversation I have with her, she ends by saying "thank you," and trust me, I haven't done anything particular to be thanked for.

    A few months after my mother went into the nursing home, I went to the apartment part of the complex, and ran into one of the women who works there. She commented on how good I looked, and asked if I'd been on vacation. I told her no, that the difference was because my mother was in a nursing home.

    My weight and my blood pressure have gone down this year, and while this may be coincidence, my athritis doesn't bother me anymore.

    And for all those caregiving years, I had it relatively easy, living nearby, with a sweet healthy mother who only occasionally set the microwave on fire.

    Oh, one practical old mother concern. Watch out for UTIs. They come out of nowhere, and they can lead to very weird, paranoid, hallucinating behavior.

  20. #40

    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    California
    Age
    38
    Posts
    417
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    1793
    My mom has dementia. She would often repeat herself in conversation in the past few years, but when she and my dad came down to visit me last year I realized that she had absolutely no orientation to time and place. The change in location made it impossible for her to mask the symptoms anymore. That, and the night she picked a fight with my dad, over delusions that she believed to be real. I tried to convince them to consider medication, or getting a PT caretaker, especially since me and my brother live far away, but they refused. Dad insisted he could handle it. I tried to enlist my brother to intervene, but he wouldn't. Everyone was in denial except me and I gave up the fight.

    Then my dad passed away unexpectedly in late fall. My mom's dementia worsened dramatically due to the shock and the stress. Her short term memory is practically non-existant. She'll forget that she ate breakfast within 10 minutes of eating it. We have a family member staying with her, and I also make monthly visits.

    She also has a fixation on money that worsens as the day progresses: that she doesn't have any, that she wants me and my brother to take it rather than keeping it in the bank, that I'm stealing her money, that I'm trying to sell the house, etc. She's said some very ugly things to me and so far I have not been successful at trying to redirect her. Based on this thread it sounds like I should ask her doctor about meds to control the delusions and paranoia re: money.

Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •