Brain-Dead Teen, Only Capable Of Rolling Eyes And Texting, To Be Euthanized

[Grannyfan]

Oh yeah? We were so poor we had to use our Jello eyeballs for dessert when we were done rolling them. Sometimes even BEFORE we were done rolling them. Mama would come by and say "Chile, you git yer eyeballs in that bowl RIGHT now!" Oh yes she did. Mama didn't cotton to no chillin who didn't eat their eyeballs.

Well, we were so poor we only had one set of eyes for the four of us kids, so we had to roll them back and forth to each other. Eight eye sockets, two eyeballs. You do the math.

[Vash01]

It's the Onion - what is there to check?

Actually I was thinking of another site that I had used in the past to check if a story was true or a hoax. I am sure it will come back to me at some point.

[Sparks]

Have you no souls, people???
Won't someone PLEASE think about the children?

[Theatregirl1122]

Actually I was thinking of another site that I had used in the past to check if a story was true or a hoax. I am sure it will come back to me at some point.

The Onion is the name of the website that published this article.

[Grannyfan]

Actually I was thinking of another site that I had used in the past to check if a story was true or a hoax. I am sure it will come back to me at some point.

The hoax checking site is Snopes.

[Jenna]

Actually I was thinking of another site that I had used in the past to check if a story was true or a hoax. I am sure it will come back to me at some point.

Bless you.

[PeterG]

Oh, Peter!

Peter, dear, you are (edited) a very sly soul.

international audience might not 'get' it.. Peter - you are very naughty, but I like it

Have you no souls, people???
Won't someone PLEASE think about the children?

Can we leave that with you?

I'm rolling my eyes right now in sympathy for this poor teen.

Bless you, oh wise moderator.

[The Accordion]

I love you all - (but Peter especially) for this thread.

Also Peter - I used the whole word "love" because I know you hate shortened versions of words - and the <3 causes you to be very much perplexed.

[Matryeshka]

So sad. We seem to be losing so many youth these days...

The parents of 13-year old Caitlin Teagart have decided to end her life, saying she can now do nothing but lay on the couch and whine about things being "gay."

I just don't know what our society is coming to. This kind of thing just didn't happen in my day!

She really should be put out of her misery now before she starts blogging. After blogging, there really is no hope at all. No one wants their life to depend solely on anonymous online comments and ad clicks.

[ks1227]

I'm going to have to go hunt that one down!!

Please let me know when you find it!

[mysticchic]

LOL...did anyone read the ticker that went across the bottom?

[skateboy]

In this case, I do think that euthanasia was the humane alternative... for all involved.

[PeterG]

I love you all - (but Peter especially) for this thread.

Also Peter - I used the whole word "love" because I know you hate shortened versions of words - and the <3 causes you to be very much perplexed.

[Vash01]

The hoax checking site is Snopes.

That's it! I used to use it regularly in the past, but it's been years since I last used it.

I checked Snopes.com and they don't have this.

Is this supposed to be a joke?

[Michalle]

That's it! I used to use it regularly in the past, but it's been years since I last used it.

I checked Snopes.com and they don't have this.

Is this supposed to be a joke?

Either you're sincere or you have accomplished the long con of extended sarcasm, and I'm not familiar enough to be sure, so I will explain just in case:

The website this comes from (The Onion) only publishes sarcastic satirical articles. They are all jokes. They poke fun at the exaggerated nature of typical news stories and the way many news stories take something that is not really a big deal (teens don't get along with their parents or want to play video games or lay on the couch instead of doing their homework) and turn it into a major catastrophe.

[Vash01]

Either you're sincere or you have accomplished the long con of extended sarcasm, and I'm not familiar enough to be sure, so I will explain just in case:

The website this comes from (The Onion) only publishes sarcastic satirical articles. They are all jokes. They poke fun at the exaggerated nature of typical news stories and the way many news stories take something that is not really a big deal (teens don't get along with their parents or want to play video games or lay on the couch instead of doing their homework) and turn it into a major catastrophe.

I am ignorant (no sarcasm involved). Thanks for explaining.

[BaileyCatts]

Hey! I know that kid!

And definitely read the news-ticker scrolling across the bottom! Damn that's some funny stuff!

[Gazpacho]

I used the term "fake story" rather than "joke" because it's in extremely bad taste, and I fail to see anything funny in it.

[antmanb]

I used the term "fake story" rather than "joke" because it's in extremely bad taste, and I fail to see anything funny in it.

This doesn't change the fact that Peter G never at any point thought he was posting a true real life story.

[Rex]

Oh yeah? We were so poor we had to use our Jello eyeballs for dessert when we were done rolling them. Sometimes even BEFORE we were done rolling them. Mama would come by and say "Chile, you git yer eyeballs in that bowl RIGHT now!" Oh yes she did. Mama didn't cotton to no chillin who didn't eat their eyeballs.

Willona, stop tellin' those stories...