Tim Gunn: "I Haven't Had Sex in 29 Years"

[Japanfan]

I agree, I could see someone masturbating but considering themselves asexual. I could also see someone never masturbating. I am sure, as is so often the case with sexuality, there are many shades of gray.

But masturbation is a sexual act. If one were asexual one would without sexual desire (or perhaps in denial of it), hence no need to masturbate.

[BigB08822]

If you want to get all technical then is one being a homosexual every time one masturbates as well?

[escaflowne9282]

But masturbation is a sexual act. If one were asexual one would without sexual desire (or perhaps in denial of it), hence no need to masturbate.

No, asexuality is generally the lack of sexual attraction to either gender and the lack of desire for intimacy with another . One's hormones/libido may be perfectly intact in spite of this.

Then there are those who perhaps have low libidos and see no reason for intimacy but do have romantic notions of being with another person. There are those who may have normal sex drive, normal romantic feelings, but just not be into the idea of being intimate with someone else.

Sexuality is many different things to many different people, there are many shades of gray.

[ribbon]

Perhaps TMI, but I'm 30 and never have had an interest in a sexual relationship. Even as a little child, when others would pretend to get married or have cabbage patch babies, I could care less and preferred to have my toys have adventures and friendships without romantic relationships. Perhaps even more surprising - I went through adolescence without any crushes or romantic desires. I've never been on a date or kissed anybody or anything and it may seem bizarre, but it would seem bizarre for me to want that. It would seem like I was acting in a role for a movie or play.

My parents - happily married, my sibling is happily married with kids...

I have a good life - like my job, love my family & friends, have a lot of different interests. I don't really feel like anything's missing.

Unusual, yes, but we're all unique in our own way. Vive la difference!

And, my family is pretty baffled by it, but they think maybe in a few years, I'll change - late bloomer, I guess they think.

[oleada]

I go back and forth on this. OTOH, being asexual won't negatively impact your health or finances the way substance abuse issues or a gambling problem would. OTOH, being asexual probably means you're not going to have a romantic partner since never having sex would probably be a deal breaker for most people. I don't think people have to be paired off in order to be happy but I also think a good love relationship adds much to a person's life.

Ditto. I just cannot imagine going an entire lifetime without being interested in sex. Maybe it's just me, but I think that never having that kind of connection with someone is extremely sad.

[my little pony]

i think it is admirable when people can accept things about themselves that contradict society's expectations and live accordingly.

[milanessa]

Ditto. I just cannot imagine going an entire lifetime without being interested in sex. Maybe it's just me, but I think that never having that kind of connection with someone is extremely sad.

Understanding that someone can be happy and fulfilled in a situation that you can't imagine being happy and fulfilled in is the true test of tolerance and acceptance, IMO.

[ribbon]

Ditto. I just cannot imagine going an entire lifetime without being interested in sex. Maybe it's just me, but I think that never having that kind of connection with someone is extremely sad.

Yes, it seems sad to you because you desire it...whereas for me, it would be sad to pursue a romantic connection with someone since it would really feel like I was trying to be somebody else or be something I'm not.

If I were completely alone, I would be sad. But, I hang out with friends and family, have a good group of co-workers, get out and about, etc. My life is pretty full.

I don't advertise my lifestyle since I know most people think it's unthinkable and I must really be depressed at heart, even if I don't admit it. I used to worry that something was seriously wrong with me since I got pestered by friends/family about why I wasn't showing interest in seeing other people as potential romantic partners. My doctor was all worried and ordered tests to check my hormones, upon my mother's request, when I graduated from college. It was actually my gynecologist who made me feel better when I was in my early 20s when I asked her if I should go on a hormone pill even if my results were fine. "No, why bother? You ask that because everyone else is asking you that. It's your life, not up to your friends or family or society. You're healthy and if you stop worrying about other people's perceptions, you'd be happy too, so just be confident enough to be yourself." Best advice ever.

[danceronice]

Ditto. I just cannot imagine going an entire lifetime without being interested in sex. Maybe it's just me, but I think that never having that kind of connection with someone is extremely sad.

Point: Sex can be utterly without any kind of meaningful connection. It's a mechanical/biological act. If ribbon, or Tim Gunn, or anyone who defines themself as asexual, choses not to engage in sexual behaviors, it does not mean they have no emotional connections to other human beings.

Likewise, absence of 'romantic' love does not mean a person cannot love other people or have a deep, meaningful connection to them. If anything, it's more common and probably more harmful for people to have infatuations with and sexual intimacy with people while *substituting* or *mistaking* that for meaningful emotional connections, leading to a lot of problems when the hormone rush ends and there's nothing else there.

[vesperholly]

i think it is admirable when people can accept things about themselves that contradict society's expectations and live accordingly.

Understanding that someone can be happy and fulfilled in a situation that you can't imagine being happy and fulfilled in is the true test of tolerance and acceptance, IMO.

[manleywoman]

The comedian Paula Poundstone identifies as asexual as well.