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  1. #1

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    Help with delicate situation ...

    How do you date the brother of a best friend? Or do you just not date the brother of a best friend?

    The best friend is encouraging the dating, but seems like a recipe for disaster to me.

    Thoughts?

    O-

  2. #2

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    If there was chemistry there, I would date him. Are they uber-close as brother and sister? Are they the kind that confide/tell each other everything? If so, that could make it a bit sticky...
    Nubka - Unpaid Slave Laborer...

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by nubka View Post
    If there was chemistry there, I would date him. I would mention it to the freind, of course.
    Insane (as in amazing) chemistry on both sides. The friend knows. I just adore this friend so much. I would never want anything to jeopardize our friendship.

    Thanks for your response.

    O-

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by OliviaPug View Post
    How do you date the brother of a best friend? Or do you just not date the brother of a best friend?

    The best friend is encouraging the dating, but seems like a recipe for disaster to me.

    Thoughts?

    O-
    If it doesn't work out, then it could be a bit awkward. On the other hand, one of her friends/college roommates introduced her brother to my niece and they began dating. The friendship survived -- and so did the relationship with the brother. Five years later, my niece married him and so far, so good.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by skatingfan5 View Post
    If it doesn't work out, then it could be a bit awkward. On the other hand, one of her friends/college roommates introduced her brother to my niece and they began dating. The friendship survived -- and so did the relationship with the brother. Five years later, my niece married him and so far, so good.
    Thanks. The thing is ... I don't want marriage or a committed relationship right now. I'm not looking for things to work out that way. I'm coming out of a horrible divorce (happy to be out, but difficult nonetheless). I don't want to lead him or my friend to believe I will be going down that road. I figure, if I don't plan to go down that road, why bother to run the risk of hurting someone and possibly hurting a dear friendship? Then again, I like him and it would be fun. That sounds selfish, doesn't it? That's sort of my dilemma.

    O-

  6. #6

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    I wouldn't do it, basically because you are coming out of a divorce, and "rebound" dating is often temporary. Give it some time, recover from your divorce, and if the chemistry is still there in 6 months or a year, then re-consider dating him.

    If the dating doesn't work out and he has hard feelings, then things might get awkward between you and your friend.

  7. #7
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    You risk losing both people if things go wrong.

  8. #8
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    You sound like you'd like to do it, but you sound somewhat more apprehensive, and I would be as well. Why not quietly "monitor" the situation for a while; maybe things will become more clear with time. What types of interactions do you have with your best friend's brother now?

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Wiery View Post
    I wouldn't do it, basically because you are coming out of a divorce, and "rebound" dating is often temporary. Give it some time, recover from your divorce, and if the chemistry is still there in 6 months or a year, then re-consider dating him.
    This is a very good point. Not a great idea to make your best friend's brother the "rebound" guy.
    "Marge, if you're going to get mad at me every time I do something stupid, then I guess I'm just going to have to stop doing stupid things!" - Homer Simpson in the Mr. Plow episode

  10. #10

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    Thanks to everyone who has responded.

    I have a nice friendship with the brother now, but he is constantly asking for more. I think it would be better to keep him as a friend, if possible.

    Sunday is "D Day." Wish me luck!

    O-

  11. #11
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    Ok, this is complicated, but my ex-sister-in law (was married to my brother/stayed part of our family after divorce) has lived with the brother of her ex-boss and best friend for about 25 years.

    Ok, I know, I will try again. She and my brother got married way too young. They divorced amicably so she stayed in the family -- more like my sister than sister in law. Her ex-boss and best friend introduced her to her brother. They dated for a few years, broke up for a couple of years (she stayed best friends with the sister) and then got back together.

    We all call ourselves the Clampetts.
    I think I will have a snack and take a nap before I eat and go to sleep.

  12. #12

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    Rob, LOL! That *is* complicated!!

    Well, I saw him on Sunday. Just for dinner. Fun night. He lives far enough away (1 1/2 hours) that I'm hoping we can just be friends. That's probably wishful thinking, but I remain hopeful!

    O-

  13. #13
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    My friend set me up with my now husband. When our relationship got serious, she freaked out on us. Three months before our wedding, she went to our priest to try to get him to stop the wedding.

    And now she is the sister-in-law from hell. Turns out, she just wanted to have some fun controlling who her brother dated and already had his next girlfriend picked out. Her idea was to keep him from ever marrying so he would always be at her beck and call.

  14. #14
    Go Denmark!
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    I would be very frank with the relationship, and tell him you like him, but b/c of the divorce you don't want a serious relationship right now; and that you want to stay friends with the sister. Suggest then to see how you both feel in 6 months.

  15. #15

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    PDilemma: Wow, food for thought! And sorry. That's crazy, and some people are.

    maatTheViking: I agree. I think That's a really good approach. I have alluded to the fact that I don't want a serious relationship, but I think more frankness wouldn't hurt. Thanks.

    O-

  16. #16

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    Quote Originally Posted by PDilemma View Post
    My friend set me up with my now husband. When our relationship got serious, she freaked out on us. Three months before our wedding, she went to our priest to try to get him to stop the wedding.

    And now she is the sister-in-law from hell. Turns out, she just wanted to have some fun controlling who her brother dated and already had his next girlfriend picked out. Her idea was to keep him from ever marrying so he would always be at her beck and call.
    That is nuts!


    I hope everything works out the best way possible Olivia!

  17. #17

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    Thanks, shan

    2 days, no contact by either of us, and counting ... I think that's a good thing in terms of keeping things more casual. Maybe I won't have to have the "frank" talk after all!

    O-

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wiery View Post
    I wouldn't do it, basically because you are coming out of a divorce, and "rebound" dating is often temporary. Give it some time, recover from your divorce, and if the chemistry is still there in 6 months or a year, then re-consider dating him.

    If the dating doesn't work out and he has hard feelings, then things might get awkward between you and your friend.
    Very good advice, I would be honest with him. Tell him your concerns re: rebound. That you want to take it more slowly. That a relationship may be a possibility, but not yet.

  19. #19
    GPF Barcelona here I come
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    Quote Originally Posted by OliviaPug View Post
    How do you date the brother of a best friend? Or do you just not date the brother of a best friend?

    The best friend is encouraging the dating, but seems like a recipe for disaster to me.

    Thoughts?

    O-
    It works all the time and from my experience there is nothing better than a best friend who becomes your in-law Go for it..
    Thanks to PI .. I discovered I'm actually a Nontheist

    "Love is better than Anger, Hope is better than fear" Jack Layton 1950-2011

  20. #20
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    ^^ A little different, but... My daughter is dating a really great guy, for about 2.5 years now. He and my son have become really good friends. He and my son have the same taste in music and love going to concerts (as does my daughter). But, there have been concerts that my daughter either could not go to or wasn't really into, so the boyfriend went with my son. They have a great friendship, I couldn't ask for better. So, whether the relationship or the friendship starts first, there is always a risk of losing one or both. My husband was very close to his first wife's brother. They were divorced (obviously ). The ex-wife's brother came to our wedding, his daughters called me aunt cruisin, they came to our children's christenings, etc. Sadly, he was lost on 9/11 in the WTC. Devastating. So, friendships can withstand divorce. It's really dependent on how both parties handle it.

    I think that there is nothing better than having a great relationship with the in-laws. If you're not ready, that's another story. But, don't let the fact that he's your BF's brother be the reason to not be with the right guy.

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