I thought the most important thing about my engagement/wedding were my vows, so I made sure that my husband knew that and that we spent the most time and paid the most attention to the vows. My husband was most concerned with the food at our reception! And we spent a lot of time and $ to there to make sure our guests were happy.
Maybe the most important thing to remember here is communication. Honest communication with each other.
Woodstock should make sure she shares her feelings about the ring in a kind way and perhaps treat this whole thing as a learning lesson. Let her fiance know that she likes to be included in important decisions.
Moving on ...
Good advice. My husband also hates to shop. He also knows that he's not good at picking out things for me. He appreciates it, that I pre-shop for him. Makes his life easier. And he gets to feel good that I enjoy what he gave me. On the other hand, he lets me pick his things out. He knows that I really know what he likes and that I'm a better shopper . He even checks with me to be sure that what he's wearing looks good .
Woodstock; Congratulations on your engagement; I won't offer any advice or opinions because it sounds like you and your fiance might be working things out.
Sometimes, people use expressions ... "loving the ring as much as the fiancé" is an expression that isn't mean't to be taken literally.
This ring is obviously very important to Woodstock. I don't see a problem with that. The fact that I don't have, and didn't want, an engagement ring is irrelevant. The fact that I or other posters here don't wear theirs everyday is irrelevant. I do think most people assume they will wear their engagement ring the majority of the time - even if that doesn't end up being the case.
It sounds like Woodstock and her fiancé are working things out, which is great. I'm glad that she has talked to him about this decision. IMHO it is important to go into a marriage with the understanding that important decisions will be made together and that stuff like " but I wanted to surprise you, be romantic, etc" should not be used as a method of making a decision without consultation. I find it interesting that there is lots of criticism about the De Beers influence on engagement rings (and, IMHO, rightfully so) but less criticism of the equally crazy tradition of a man proposing to a woman and presenting her with a ring of his choosing. What about two mature adults discussing marriage and deciding together that they would like to marry? What about going together to choose rings that fit their tastes and JOINT budget, or not if they don't want rings?
A good rant is cathartic. Ranting is what keeps me sane. They always come from a different place. Take the prime minister, for example. Sometimes when I rant about him, I am angry; other times, I am just severely annoyed - it's an important distinction. - Rick Mercer
It is a slow day here at work, so I sent this question to several women with a picture of a “costume jewelry” style butterfly ring.
If your fiancée got you this ring as an engagement ring, would you:
a) Be thrilled with the ring and the engagement.
b) Hate the ring but still by happy he asked you to marry him.
c) Throw it at him.
-Probably B, possibly C. Maybe both.
-D. Ask him what the hell he was thinking. Have you ever seen me wear butterfly stuff. No. Then drag is @$$ back to the jeweler to get a real engagement ring.
-It depends. Did we meet at a Butterfly Conservatory?
-What is the backstory? If it is just “I thought it was pretty and rings are overrated anyway,” then definitely “c” and I would throw it at him via some sort of weaponry, like a gun or slingshot.
-Is this a promise ring? As in I promise to buy you a real engagement ring later?
-I’d have to say none of the above. I would nicely tell him I don’t like it and would go with him to pick out a new one. And if he wouldn’t get me a new one, then I wouldn’t marry him .
What would Jenny do?
I was just over reading at the Tablet Magazine site, and here is a cartoon that they have about engagement rings: http://www.tabletmag.com/life-and-re.../in-the-rough/
What are "blood diamonds?"
Nubka - Unpaid Slave Laborer...
When Natalie Portman got engaged, there was a lot of publicity about how Benjamin Millipied gave her a ring with "conflict-free" stones and a recycled platinum band:
"The team doesn't get automatic capacity because management is mad" -- Greg Smith, agile guy
Her finance' spent a lot of money reinventing the wheel.
In my opinion, the Halo is a great way to make a modest quality 1/2 carat stone look fantastic. But, it is important to choose a decent quality setting, or else the "Halo" will not stand up to daily use.
First off, I want to thank Bailey for her kind words and support. Bailey, you are a most wonderful woman and I hope you find your soulmate out there too (If my fiance had a single brother I would certainly send him your way. His genetics may be wired to be jewelry inept, but everything else he does is perfect).
And thanks to those who have sent kind wishes and congratulations.
Snoopy-LOL, I think your poll results pretty much matched the reactions I got when I showed off my ring.
I'll be more than happy to post a picture of the ring if someone can tell me how. I looked for it on the jewelers website and it's not there, and I have no idea how to post a picture here that isn't facebook linked.
We've settled down a bit. My fiance understands and knows I had no intentions to hurt his feelings. Now that I'm further from the announcements and reactions (and a lot less raw emotionally) I realize that although I stil don't care too much for the ring design, I think it was that fact combined within hours getting negative comments and tepid reaction.....I think I put all the blame onto the ring. When in reality, it wasn't the rings fault that people behaved poorly to me. It was the people themselves who I should blame for hurting and ruining my special moment.
And the moment is gone forever. Changing the ring won't change that. It is what it is. And it isn't that my family doesn't like my fiance. In fact they like him very much. It's that I have two parents that have been miserably married for 20 years, won't divorce for reasons I can't comprehend, and I think just plain old like wallowing in misery. (If you showed my Mom a rainbow, she would complain that the yellow stripe wasn't bright enough). My non-traditional ring was a great big target for my mom to shoot her poison tongued arrows straight at. My aunt is my saving grace. Shortly after the announcement (and subsequently getting completely and emotionally ripped to shreds) she pulled me aside, gave me a great big hug and said "I'm so sorry you're stuck with such F****ed up parents. You deserved better than that". And she and my uncle sent me and my fiance flowers today. They knew I got hurt really really badly. And since my fiance wasn't there, I think it took him a bit to realize my pain was more than based just on the ring.
As for the ring, I'm developing some sentimental attachment to it, even if I don't really care that much for it aestheticall- as an engagement ring. And since I've wadded some paper towel under the band on my palm it no longer scrapes my finger and catches a lot less, it still presses a dent into my finger on the one wingtip, but it's not quite as painful as constant scraping. And it does have one positive that since it doesn't really have any raised stones it actually works fairly well with hospital gloves.
Sadly though, I think my fiance is begining to realize that when one makes such significant purchases, research is necessary (or at least bring a female friend/relative along). If I want any chance of wearing this ring forever, it will require a custom wedding band. And it really can't be customized to fit the top of the ring since it will definitely kill the aesthetics and require more gold than the bottom (and he looked at me funny when I said that the wedding band should be worn closer to the heart. He had never heard that, and if we custom band this ring, my wedding band will probably be on the other side of the engagement butterfly due to cost). I think he realizes he got really really poor store consultation, since he says the person who sold him this ring said "any ring can be an engagement ring" and she did not tell him that you needed to consider where the wedding band would fit with the ring and how it would alter the look of the ring (and I personally think adding a band will turn the butterfly look into an unrecognizable abstract mother of pearl design, and ruin his initial idea). I'm also thinking the dealers are hoping we go through them to pay big bucks for a custom band, just based on the bad advice given to him. I also showed my fiance the general cost of a nice white gold wedding band, and then told him how a custom wedding band is going to cost at least (and I emphasized the "at least") $1000 more. He started twitching. I may have to bring a defibrillator along when we go to the jeweler tomorrow and get a real quote on a custom wedding band. I also told him wearing it on my right hand after the wedding really isn't an option for me, as I'll be busy enough taking care with one ring and gloves all day, to manage two rings with dozens of hand washes and glove changes will be a pain (and increase the chances of losing one). And I told him it would be rather sad to have paid money for this ring that would only get worn for a few months and then dissapear into a box in order to make room for the wedding band. I don't really wear much jewelery due to work needs, but I am one of those girls that definitely wants to wear my wedding set daily.
So tomorrow we go to the jeweler and see what can be worked out.
Last edited by woodstock; 12-28-2011 at 11:02 PM.
Congrats and good luck.
I have to admit that I stopped wearing my engagement ring because I caught it in and on EVERYTHING. I just have a very wide wedding band.
Good luck Woodstock! Hoping for the best for you and BF!
"awwww....shades of Janet Lynn" - Dick Button on anyone who makes more than one mistake in their program.
Actual bumper sticker series: Jesus is my co-pilot. Satan is my financial advisor. Budha is my therapist. L. Ron Hubbard owes me $50.