Pre-engagement (weeks ago when he started making comments on my small hands). "yes dear, I have small fingers, size 6. I can't really wear big jewelery so anything larger than a 1/2 carat solitare would be too big for me". And on my favorites toolbar, right on top of my computer, for 3 months now, I've had three different rings linked. On the toolbar it even says "diamond" and "bridal". I mentioned that to him today, and for all the times the man was on the computer with it staring in his face at the top of the screen...he never clicked on those sites. Other than placing a printed picture right in front of his face, I put out a lot of indicators on my preferences for a ring.
I couldn't find the exact ring online but this is the most similar design to what he got me only that the wings are smooth crescent shaped with pointy tips and the spine is small diamond chips and the band wraps around from the lower tip of the body and connects into the middle of one wing.
Plain and simple, it's fashion jewelery. I want to beat the salesperson who told him any ring can be an engagement ring. NOBODY even realizes I'm engaged, I wore it for a whole hour at Christmas dinner before my aunt even asked about my new ring. Nobody has said anything more than "um, that's nice. It's pretty". My mother called it costume jewelery from QVC (first thing out of her mouth when I had to POINT OUT to my family that I was engaged, not "congratulations" , not "it's beautiful, I'm so happy for you". Nope the FIRST thing out of my mothers mouth was "it looks like costume jewelry from QVC"). Another person said TO MY FACE that technically people have gotten engaged with rings from bubble gum machines. One of the patients at work (not dementia, just bluntly honest in the way some old people are since they're too old to care) said "what, was he too cheap to buy you a real ring?". My fiance is not the one getting these remarks. He's nowhere around when it's being said. He says he doesn't care, but he's not the one trying to excitedly show off an engagement ring and getting hurt repeatedly in return. It's ruining the moment in a big way. Maybe he'd feel different if it was his family who saw what he gave me and was blatantly derogatory about it to his face. But he's far away when I'm getting these comments about something that is supposed to be one of the most special pieces of jewelry in my life.
And even worse it the very first thing I told him after I said yes, as he was still on one knee and opened the box and proudly asked "do you like it?" was a lie. The very first thing I did to my fiance was lie to him. What else was I to do?
The one poster summed it up perfectly...I like figure skating too, but it doesn't mean I want a skate for my bridal set. I'm traditional, my fiance knows that. He got an idea and got stuck on it and all my words and comments prior to the engagement fell on deaf ears.
I'm playing up the "the one wing tip is shredding my finger" card. He's upset and hurt. He insists the jeweler can fix it. I pointed out how much a wedding band will probably cost to custom set to this ring. He admitted that he didn't think of that. He says he wanted something special for me and is really stuck on me having this ring, even after I was literally crying to him about how people are saying not nice things about my ring and I'm having to specifically point out to everybody that I'm engaged since nobody has a clue due to the fashion style of the ring. He still insists that we should try to make this ring work and fix the finger shredding. He said no way could we get engaged without him having bought me a ring first, and insists on this one. I said it's okay if we had looked together for something that would be on MY finger for the rest of my life, but he said that it wouldn't have been romantic and he wanted to choose something perfect for me himself.
It's so perfect that I'm crying alot. And I'm tired of all the hurtful comments. And all my engagement memories now involved shocked/pity faces, "what do you mean your engaged? where's the ring?" and mean comments. Especially from my own mother-"you need to get a lawyer before you get married to protect your finances, as obviously money is tight for him by the looks of your ring".
He wanted to buy me a butterfly engagement ring. He obviously didn't search the internet as I found this within five minutes yesterday. http://www.callacut.com/viewitem.asp...9999&curPage=2 If it fits well, then it is PERFECT for me. I think it looks plenty bridal enough for my taste, it has the butterfly for what he wants me to have. It comes with a simple wedding band. The band and engagement can easily be worn separately or together, I won't always have to wear them together as I would a custom wrapped wedding band. And the main setting is around a 1/2 carat of diamonds.
I told him I found a really nice ring. He refuses to even look at it. He says its only romantic if he chooses my ring. I was really close to telling him how unromantic it is that I've been in tears several times now over the romantic ring he chose for me. I love my fiance. I love that he truly doesn't give a crap at what people think or say- I wish I could be as self confident as that. But right now all my memories tied into this ring are: a lie to him, people looking upon it poorly and making rude comments or just giving "looks" that you just know are negative, a painful finger, and (I love my mother, but she can be a rude negative person, and despite me knowing she is rude and negative-her opinion still has great sway on my emotions) my memories of announcing my engagement to my family are all negative because they all reacted in a "what kind of engagement ring is that?" kind of way.
I look at this ring and it makes me sad.