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  1. #321
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    Just so you know Jayar, I stopped bitching for quite a while. And was even looking forward to setting it with a pretty custom wedding band. I only started again this week when the ring fell apart when I was simply washing my hands. And the ring is less than a month old. You'd bitch too if a $2200 item fell apart in less than a month.

  2. #322
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jayar View Post
    A month later, and you are still bitching about this ring? Your fiance should head for the hills.
    That's not fair. Woodstock had stopped talking about the ring, until it broke.

    Woodstock, your fiancee is right. Take it back tomorrow night. Whatever sentimental value the ring has will disappear, if you continue to have problems with it. Spending the money to have a custom wedding band made to fit this butterfly ring is just throwing more money at a ring that is impractical. And, as you already said, you won't be able to wear the wedding band alone. If you do decide to keep the ring, wear it on your right hand after you get married. Don't have the wedding band made to accommodate the butterfly ring.

    Be honest with yourself - In 20 years will you really want to wear the cutesy butterfly ring? Will you regret not getting a more traditional, wearable ring?
    You are struggling with this needlessly. Even your fiancee realizes it was a mistake. Take it back, and move on.

  3. #323

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    It's such a shame that you have so many troubles with this darn ring. Some day though, let's hope you both can look back on this with some semblence of humor as you "remember when." I can understand him wanting to just return it and be done with it.

    Might I suggest that, before you return it, you get a picture of it, you wearing it, or better yet, the two of you in some sort of pose with you wearing it. At least then you have some sort of memory of it. You do have some "good" to remember about this whole thing, along with the "bad."

    That photo might be an interesting addition to your wedding album in fact. Or, better yet, start a scrapbook of sorts. Take pictures throughout the year of special moments you want to remember. Then, on your anniversary sit down and do a "year in review" and make additions to your scrapbook every year.

  4. #324
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    Quote Originally Posted by Flatfoote View Post
    It's such a shame that you have so many troubles with this darn ring. Some day though, let's hope you both can look back on this with some semblence of humor as you "remember when." I can understand him wanting to just return it and be done with it.

    Might I suggest that, before you return it, you get a picture of it, you wearing it, or better yet, the two of you in some sort of pose with you wearing it. At least then you have some sort of memory of it. You do have some "good" to remember about this whole thing, along with the "bad."

    That photo might be an interesting addition to your wedding album in fact. Or, better yet, start a scrapbook of sorts. Take pictures throughout the year of special moments you want to remember. Then, on your anniversary sit down and do a "year in review" and make additions to your scrapbook every year.
    Nice ideas!

  5. #325
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jayar View Post
    A month later, and you are still bitching about this ring? Your fiance should head for the hills.
    This.
    3539 and counting.

    Slightly Wounding Banana list cont: MacMadame.

  6. #326

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    Quote Originally Posted by woodstock View Post
    All he wants to do now is return it and be done with it. And he insists we return it tomorrow night and get it over with.
    I think he's got a point. This is going to keep bothering you both until you do.
    Charter member of the "We Always Believed in Ashley" Club and the "We Believe in Ricky" Club
    Old, lonely, pathos-hungry, and extremely gullible

  7. #327
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    Quote Originally Posted by woodstock View Post
    And, I finally found out how much this ring cost. What people were calling cheap and not a "real engagement ring" to my face in fact cost my fiance $2200! Even I thought he only spent about $700 max, because it really doesn't have much "bling" factor.
    OH DEAR LORD! I've been doing research online and you can get a ideal-cut half-carat diamond with a platinum band for HALF that! He got SO ripped off!

    Quote Originally Posted by woodstock View Post
    We got 15 days left in the return period (if resizing didn't nullify it). I just don't know what to do. I resigned myself to the ring so early that now it's gotten sentimental and I was looking forward to seeing how it would look with a custom yellow sapphire wedding band. I just want to fix the durability and fit issues. I'd tried talking to my fiance to bring it to a proper jeweler this week and see if he could replicate something like it but with more durability (perhaps a different "wing" stone other than yellow mother of pearl? And maybe something that would show better on my pale skin-yellow really doesn't show well on my pale coloring with pink undertones) and set the one wing so it doesn't dig my finger when it catches on something. Heck, it might even be priced the same as Littman's jacked up costs, and would probably fit a wedding band better if we make them at the same time as a set. (or it could cost more, who knows).

    All he wants to do now is return it and be done with it. And he insists we return it tomorrow night and get it over with.

    Only problem is I tried on a few other engagement rings when I picked mine up today and none of them really looked right. Because I kind of like the idea of my different looking ring. But, my different looking ring isn't made for daily wear, just the one break upset me. (And to add on top the Littman ladies insisted that he never said it was for an engagement, or else they would have guided him to "something more appropriate for daily wear". uh, huh. Sure you would have ladies.)

    My engagement announcements got junked on with nasty ring comments. I hated the ring at first, but now I kind of like the ring most of the time, but dislike it still sometimes. But still I don't want to get rid of my engagement ring. He said he's embarrassed and humiliated. I'm hurt, he's hurt.

    I'm starting to think no engagement ring at all might be the best solution.
    It's really up to you. If you insist on having an unusual engagement ring, take some photos of it before you return it, and show a jeweler those photos and see if they can custom-make one for you that's more durable. If there's not a lot of bling, I can't see how it could be any more expensive than the jacked-up Littman price!

    But be sure you can get your money back first! YMMV, but it doesn't seem that you have the money to spend $2200 for a little sentimentality.

    At this point I definitely don't suggest keeping it. Your fiance will be likely feel humiliated and be reminded of his mistake every time he looks at the thing. Return it ASAP.

    Quote Originally Posted by Flatfoote View Post
    It's such a shame that you have so many troubles with this darn ring. Some day though, let's hope you both can look back on this with some semblence of humor as you "remember when." I can understand him wanting to just return it and be done with it.

    Might I suggest that, before you return it, you get a picture of it, you wearing it, or better yet, the two of you in some sort of pose with you wearing it. At least then you have some sort of memory of it. You do have some "good" to remember about this whole thing, along with the "bad."

    That photo might be an interesting addition to your wedding album in fact. Or, better yet, start a scrapbook of sorts. Take pictures throughout the year of special moments you want to remember. Then, on your anniversary sit down and do a "year in review" and make additions to your scrapbook every year.
    Absolutely. I've said from the beginning that this will be a HILARIOUS story to tell your grandkids one day.

    I know that this whole experience wasn't what you wanted, but you know what they say: when life hands you lemons, make lemonade.

  8. #328

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    Quote Originally Posted by woodstock View Post
    We got 15 days left in the return period (if resizing didn't nullify it).
    Seriously woodstock, grow up! You don't even know if the resizing voided the return policy? Have you even asked?

    You seem to be doing a whole lot of umm-ing and ahh-ing and very little questioning and talking that may result in some actual results. Talk to your fiancé, make a decision and move on.

    I think you should get a refund and use the money on a pre-marriage counsellor.

  9. #329
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    Quote Originally Posted by woodstock View Post
    All he wants to do now is return it and be done with it. And he insists we return it tomorrow night and get it over with.

    ...He said he's embarrassed and humiliated. I'm hurt, he's hurt.
    Don't know why you're hurt--you've been the one making sure your fiance would feel embarrassed and humiliated since day one, all but ensuring your fiance's life would be miserable ever since. No wonder he wants to be done with it--I would too.
    Because I kind of like the idea of my different looking ring.
    I've noticed your appreciation of the ring has correlated pretty directly to how much you've thought it was worth.
    But still I don't want to get rid of my engagement ring.
    No, of course not. You want this:
    at $2200 there is no way I can ask him keep this for the future as a "special occasion band" AND get another more suitable engagement ring now for daily wear.
    IOW, you want to keep this ring, AND you want your fiance to buy you another engagement ring set.

    Now that's chutzpah!

    I'm with Jayar:
    Quote Originally Posted by Jayar View Post
    A month later, and you are still bitching about this ring? Your fiance should head for the hills.
    Word

  10. #330
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    Thirty years after my roommate told me I wasn't really engaged because I didn't have a ring, it still makes me laugh that she thought the important part of deciding to marry was getting jewelry.
    ‎"You emerge victorious from the maze you've been travelling in." Oct 21,2012- Best Fortune Cookie Ever!

  11. #331
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    My fiance has all the paperwork, I refuse to snoop in his house. And right up until the ring fell apart on my finger he very much loved the ring and was pretty touchy to any negative commentary from me. And we all know I tried to hint that it wasn't good for an engagement ring, he just wasn't hearing it. Should I have thrown it back in his face while he was still on one knee? He's stubborn, I know it, I was trying to be delicate to him about a very sensitive issue.

    Only TODAY did he finally tell me cost when I pushed it, he got very bristly when I asked further. (And I was horrified to find out that he spent that much money. Like I posted previously, I had marked a SET for him to see that was under $2000- so those insinuating that I only now value it for money, you're dead wrong, just note how I mentioned sentimental value prior to todays posts for proof)

    Littman refuses to tell me anything when I ask because only his name is on the paperwork. Shall I go grind the knife deeper into his ego right now and ask for the papers? I'm trying to be respectful to his feelings. A lot of you seem to think that every comment here I'm saying to him, when I'm keeping most of my thoughts vented on here only. And yes, I'm venting anonymously on here because to full out on him would be cruel. He proudly bought me an engagement ring that he erroneously thought was the best ring and I would love it deeply. It took him four weeks to realize its completely innapropriate for daily wear. Don't think he wasn't upset when it broke already too. I'm doing my best to keep his emotional damage minimal. (And after the first week venting here and mentioning practicalities to him, until it broke, I kept my mouth shut about this ring, both here and in real life).

    To the supportive posters with good wishes and helpful information and opinions, I thank you. As for the others....

    THIS IS ABOUT THE JEWELERY,NOT MY RELATIONSHIP! I'd appreciate all posters keep this topic to the jewlery and not mention marriage counseling or any other crap like that. I find it offensive and insulting and find those making such comments no better than the jerks that called my ring cheap right to my face. No one is running for the hills. I didn't even fling the ring back in his face when he was still on one knee, AS SOME WOMEN APPARENTLY HAVE as mentioned in other prior posts. In fact, I may forgo an engagement ring entirely since it's just not worth hurting his feelings further. I love him, and I will marry him with or without a ring. I'm just sad and upset right now because something so special as our ring is kind of crappy.
    Last edited by woodstock; 01-26-2012 at 04:21 AM.

  12. #332

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    Quote Originally Posted by woodstock View Post
    In fact, I may forgo an engagement ring entirely since it's just not worth it.
    Excellent idea. (But it will never happen since you care a lot about what other people think, and you've made it clear to your fiance that you want a better/different ring.)

    Don't kid yourself that this is about jewellery and not your relationship. It has affected your relationship. You actually insult your fiance quite a lot in the above post. You didn't even fling the ring back in his face? Do you expect credit for that? Well done for not flinging the ring in your fiance's face while he was on his knee proposing to you! Only it took him four weeks to realise it was completely inappropriate for daily wear?

    woodstock, you wore the ring for four weeks. If you thought it was completely inappropriate for daily wear, why wear it and not return it then? You didn't have as much attachment to it, you didn't like it, but you wouldn't return it and instead chose to wear a ring you thought was completely inappropriate (not to mention sometimes hurt you and was according to you also inappropriate for work) for daily wear, every day. Did you want so much to prove it to your fiance that you were right, and it was inappropriate? Because you've done that now, and you STILL can't decide what you want to do.

    ETA: You don't need to be a customer to ask about policy. Simply ask if resizing voids their refund policy (when bought with a store card, if that's how he paid). Pretty easy, really.
    Last edited by Angelskates; 01-26-2012 at 04:06 AM.

  13. #333
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    Quote Originally Posted by woodstock View Post
    I didn't even fling the ring back in his face when he was still on one knee.
    And what--you want a prize for that? Who WOULD do that?

    If your fiance is feeling embarrassed and humiliated (your words, not mine), then I think it's pretty clear you've been communicating a lot more of your true feelings on the matter than you realize. When people adopt passive-aggressive approaches to communication rather than being direct (which is what you've described in your communications to him about the ring), that usually is the result.

    If he's feeling embarrassed and humiliated, it's because you've communicated that to him whether you realize it or not.

    Instead of blaming your family, Littman's, your fiance, insensitive coworkers, and anyone else I may have forgotten, you need to look in the mirror and own up to your role in all this, which IMO is where it all starts and ends--with YOU. What should have been a simple issue (you either like the ring or you don't, and if you don't, you say that and return the ring) has been turned into one dramafest after another--all at your fiance's expense. Your seeming inability to take any personal responsibility for all this is troubling, and may be why some are suggesting counseling.

  14. #334
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    angelskates and agalisgv, when you can tell me how many years you've been successfully married, without a single issue, then you can tell me how behave in my relationship. Try rereading the last paragraph in my previous post.

  15. #335
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    Quote Originally Posted by woodstock View Post
    THIS IS ABOUT THE JEWELERY,NOT MY RELATIONSHIP! I'd appreciate all posters keep this topic to the jewlery and not mention marriage counseling or any other crap like that. I find it offensive and insulting and find those making such comments no better than the jerks that called my ring cheap right to my face. No one is running for the hills. I didn't even fling the ring back in his face when he was still on one knee, as some women apparently have. In fact, I may forgo an engagement ring entirely since it's just not worth hurting his feelings further. I love him, and I will marry him with or without a ring. I'm just sad and upset right now because something so special as our ring is kind of crappy.
    To be fair, pre-marital counseling isn't the worst idea in the world for anyone. You really want to make sure you're on the same page about important unromantic things like finances and kids. You cannot tiptoe around such issues. I'm considering it for us and we've NEVER had a problem communicating. Ever. I never shy away from touchy issues, and he's never embarrassed or terse with me when I'm honest with him. I'm just concerned we may have missed something along the way.

    IMO it isn't about the ring. At all. I'm more concerned about both your hesitations about communicating openly (and I mean TRULY open) than what you/he thinks about a bauble.

    Quote Originally Posted by Angelskates View Post
    ETA: You don't need to be a customer to ask about policy. Simply ask if resizing voids their refund policy (when bought with a store card, if that's how he paid). Pretty easy, really.
    Exactly. You can call as an anonymous customer and ask. It's really all about being resourceful. And a little devious at times.

    To be honest, I'm not really sure why you're so torn about this. You know your true feelings already - it's time to make a plan of action instead of hemming and hawing and drawing out the drama. When you get down to it, it's really just a bauble, and IMO not worth this much stress.

  16. #336

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    I'm a little horrified at the cruel personal remarks. If you are bored with woodstock's posts there is an easy solution for that. I'm not sure how anyone thinks they are qualified to tell an internet acquaintance that she needs any kind of counseling, esp when none of them are psychiatrists or psychologists.

  17. #337
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    Had my fiance been willing and open, I would have been returning the ring on December 26th. Plain and simple fact, he wasn't. How badly does one crap on their fiance to force a return right after the engagement? It wasn't worth it enough for me at the time to push the issue. Plain and simple. I didn't want our very first argument to happen right after our engagement over a ring. Burn me at the stake for not completely gutting him with blatant honesty during a moment of pride and joy.

    Time passed, I grew to like the ring and love the idea of how to adapt a wedding band to it. In fact, I still like the idea, I'll be sad to let it go. Unfortunately, the ring still has the comfort/durability issues that it had all along.

    Now that it broke, my fiance is finally willing to return it. The man has no clue about jewelery (fair enough, I have no clue about home depot. we are each knowledgeable in our own preferential domains). It had to break within a month of wear for him to accept returning it as an option. Plain and simple.

    But now in my mind it MY engagement ring. It got sentimental while it was on my finger each day (and envisioning him on one knee with it in the box). Sue me for having a hard time with returning it now too, even though it will cause us endless issues with repairs if we try to keep it.
    Last edited by woodstock; 01-26-2012 at 04:37 AM.

  18. #338
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anita18 View Post
    To be fair, pre-marital counseling isn't the worst idea in the world for anyone. You really want to make sure you're on the same page about important unromantic things like finances and kids. You cannot tiptoe around such issues. I'm considering it for us and we've NEVER had a problem communicating. Ever. I never shy away from touchy issues, and he's never embarrassed or terse with me when I'm honest with him. I'm just concerned we may have missed something along the way.

    IMO it isn't about the ring. At all. I'm more concerned about both your hesitations about communicating openly (and I mean TRULY open) than what you/he thinks about a bauble.
    ^^^This

    Just fyi woodstock, when you start a thread asking for advice, you'll sometimes get that. If you already know what you want to do and only want people telling you 'atta girl', then you should say that. Otherwise people will post what they see as problematic with the picture you've described.

    I'll also say I remember way back when, another poster started a thread asking for advice regarding her fiance, and Jayar popped in to tell her to get a grip or her fiance should find someone else. You know what happened? That poster didn't get defensive--she thought about what she was saying and doing to provoke the situation with her fiance, and then she changed her behavior. She even came back and thanked Jayar for being blunt about her actions.

    She's now quite happily married, and still posts here.

    So maybe people aren't trying to rain on your parade--maybe people are trying to say they see some problematic behaviors on your part, and are urging you to address them. Some are being blunt about it, others more round about. You can choose to get defensive about it, or you might consider that perhaps you aren't being the reasonable one in all this, and perhaps that some changes in your expectation of others and how you communicate with them are in order.

    Take it how you will...

  19. #339

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    Quote Originally Posted by taf2002 View Post
    I'm a little horrified at the cruel personal remarks. If you are bored with woodstock's posts there is an easy solution for that. I'm not sure how anyone thinks they are qualified to tell an internet acquaintance that she needs any kind of counseling, esp when none of them are psychiatrists or psychologists.
    I suggested pre-marital counselling. So? Plenty of people have pre-marital counselling even without having obvious issues. From what's she's posted, woodstock has communication issues. If she didn't want comments, she shouldn't have posted. This is a forum for all. Friends and acquaintances suggest counselling all the time - the suggestion almost never comes from a psychiatrist or psychologist, since they're already in mental health and once you get that stage, you're already helping yourself.

    This is an internet forum, taf, people take the "advice" as it suits them. Most of the time, people know what they want to hear before they post. If woodstock only wants to read the posted that she likes, there's an easy solution for that, too.

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    Woodstock, I am sympathetic to your situation, but if this was happening me I would be questioning why my fiancé was completely unwilling to even discuss returning something I not only didn't like, but found uncomfortable and was impractical. Now that it has broken, or your concern has been confirmed by outside forces, he is willing to listen. Why wouldn't he listen and believe you in the first place? IMHO it would be less concerning if he was still insisting on the you keeping the ring because at least then he would be consistent. It might be worthwhile having a discussion about the value of your opinion quite separate and apart from this ring issue.
    I love my dh and can't imagine my life without him, but we do have that discussion quite often. It goes along with the discussion that starts out with "if I was your boss, would you speak to me that way?" when he gets that somewhat condescending tone with me. I know he doesn't mean to, but it is important that I call him on it when he does it.
    A good rant is cathartic. Ranting is what keeps me sane. They always come from a different place. Take the prime minister, for example. Sometimes when I rant about him, I am angry; other times, I am just severely annoyed - it's an important distinction. - Rick Mercer

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