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  1. #181

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    Apparently he woke up one Saturday a few weeks ago and decided to buy a ring. Went the the MALL (yikes, problem number one), store to store thinking "butterfly butterfly". Went alone (problem number two).No previous ring research (problem number 3). Finally entered Littmans/Fred Meyers jewelers and found this butterfly. Went "it's a butterfly, that's it!".
    Gee, you're really not willing to give your fiancé any credit at all, are you? Almost all of those I know who have engagement rings had them bought by their (now) husbands alone at mall jewellers. I think you should cut your fiancé some slack, he obviously takes an interest in what you like (butterflies) and made some effort going store to store. You seem intent on slamming everything about his buying you this ring, missing the point that he actually wanted to buy you a ring and wants to marry you.

  2. #182

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    Quote Originally Posted by Angelskates View Post
    Gee, you're really not willing to give your fiancé any credit at all, are you? Almost all of those I know who have engagement rings had them bought by their (now) husbands alone at mall jewellers.
    My husband bought my ring alone at the mall too!
    However, I love my ring.

    Quote Originally Posted by woodstock
    Apparently he woke up one Saturday a few weeks ago and decided to buy a ring. Went the the MALL (yikes, problem number one)
    Just because a ring is purchased at a jewelry store in a mall doesn't make it inferior.

  3. #183
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    Congrats on your engagement!

    I hope that you are able to exchange the ring today. You shouldn't have to wear a ring that hurts your hand in order to protect your fiance's feelings. It was a nice gesture of him to put thought into the butterfly idea; however, it sounds like he is on board with exchanging it, which is cool.

    Sorry that your parents have been less than supportive. As others have said, forget about them (those are their issues) and enjoy your engagement and the fact that you have found someone special who you want to spend the rest of your life with.

    And as cliche as it may sound, I will say this: I am (somewhat ) older, and one of the things I have learned along the way is that the material stuff doesn't mean anything. The commitment and the marriage are what matters, not the ring. I know people that have killer rings, but don't have relationships that are built on love or respect. If you have a relationship built on love, trust, and mutual respect, you have a treasure that most people want and that money can't buy.

    Congrats and wishing you all the best!

  4. #184
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    Quote Originally Posted by Habs View Post
    Just because a ring is purchased at a jewelry store in a mall doesn't make it inferior.
    Yes. It almost always does.

    But I agree, exchanging the butterfly for gold bands is a FAB idea. Even a mall store can't screw up plain bands.
    Make sure your guy tries on a few comfort fit bands. Guys love comfort fit.

    Are you really this crazy about butterfly's WTF?
    Last edited by TygerTyger; 12-29-2011 at 10:37 PM.

  5. #185
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    Quote Originally Posted by rudi View Post

    And as cliche as it may sound, I will say this: I am (somewhat ) older, and one of the things I have learned along the way is that the material stuff doesn't mean anything. The commitment and the marriage are what matters, not the ring. I know people that have killer rings, but don't have relationships that are built on love or respect. If you have a relationship built on love, trust, and mutual respect, you have a treasure that most people want and that money can't buy.

    Congrats and wishing you all the best!
    woodstock never implied that she wanted a "killer ring". She specifically said she'd like a traditional 1/2 carat solitaire. In a world where most women won't settle for anything less than one full carat, she's certainly not being materialistic about it. I have a 3/8 carat and got a lot of unwanted sympathy about it. Never mind that I picked it out and rejected his offer to go as large as a full carat. Then I got more unwanted sympathy after the wedding as my wedding band is a wrap with sapphires, deemed a "cheap alternative" by those offering sympathy. The reality is that I chose it because I love them.

    Of course, I'm the silly person on the thread that wears my ring.

  6. #186
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    Quote Originally Posted by woodstock View Post
    Apparently he woke up one Saturday a few weeks ago and decided to buy a ring. Went the the MALL (yikes, problem number one), store to store thinking "butterfly butterfly". Went alone (problem number two).No previous ring research (problem number 3). Finally entered Littmans/Fred Meyers jewelers and found this butterfly. Went "it's a butterfly, that's it!". Looked at it more closely (apparently taking a second thought wondering of suitability of ring for engagement) and asked the sales lady "Will this work as an engagement ring?". Her response, "why of course, ANY ring can be an engagement ring"....and took his money. (sarcastic side note-big surprise on her response.)No consult on durability. No consult on future wedding band.
    Wow, yeah I guess I did sound ungrateful with the paragraph and how it was worded. I have nothing against mall jewelry quality, I have much against the poor consultation and expertise they provide, especially to my fiance who went shopping without researching. And I love my fiance dearly. I literally expected him to just run in, get a solitaire, and head out with mission accomplished. In fact, he had broken out with a little bit of hives a few weekends back, and we figured it may have been a sweater or perhaps something he ate. But today I joked and asked if he got the hives after he had spent 2-3 hours in the mall buying my ring. Which he replied..."you know, now that you mention it....." The man literally hates the mall. He did 99% of his christmas shopping online. THe fact that he spent as much time as he did looking for such a specific idea he had is very endearing to me.

    Now me, my blender broke a while back and this is how I shop: look online at several retailers and compare styles, prices, and reviews. Got to the stores and see my narrowed down choices in person. Go home and think about it. Look at the reviews and styles again of my narrowed down choices. Make my choice and go spend my money. Yes, I'm nuts. It's probably also why I don't have a lot of clutter and also managed to save up 20% down payment on my house all by myself by the age of 30. So the fact that my fiance dropped probably $1000 on a non-traditional ring after just looking around for a few hours just is beyond my comprehension.

    And....I like the ring again.

    We went to the proper jeweler (and boy did my fiance realize the difference in knowledge and service!). It will require a custom band. Plain gold will cost (very general estimate) about $800. The jeweler actually reccomended if I wanted a bit more jewels (um, more bling? yes please!) that he could put in small yellow sapphires, set similar to the diamonds in the butterfly "spine", in the wedding band. That way it would contrast from the butterfly itself so that the butterfly effect was still very noticeable and intact, and add a bit more sparkle. The jeweled version will run roughly $1000. To which my fiance said "well that's not bad at all". (side note by me, love him, but that's a cr**load of money IMO! One of my bookmarked wedding SETS was just under $1000! It makes me sad that in total he's spending probably $600 more than the cost of materials for this ring set due to it requiring custom work and being non-traditional). But I like this jewelers suggestions. We both do. The jeweler also came up with some ideas to adjust the one wingtip that should remove the problem of it poking against my finger, so that should be fixed soon enough.

    I also met my best friend for lunch and she saw the ring. She's known me since 1990, knows my family and knows exactly how they can be to me, and also had a very non-traditional engagement ring, so she knows what kind of reactions I'm getting as I show it off. She also knows me well enough that as much as my mind tells me that others opinions don't matter, I still do feel the sting.

    SHe ooohed over my ring! She ahhed over my ring! She called if beautiful and said it was prettier that the one her now ex-husband had given her. And she looked at me and asked "how often have you taken this ring off?" . To which I replied "just to shower" and she said. "yeah, you're keeping this ring".

    And she's right. If I truly hated it, I wouldn't be wearing it practically 24/7.It's already more sentimental to me than I really was admitting to myself. I just need to wrap my mind away from the mental image I've had for years of my wedding set being this 1/2 carat solitare with a sparkly diamond band or wrap.

    Instead I have a very pretty golden mother of pearl and diamond butterfly ring with most likely a yellow sapphire wedding band to match. And my fiance loves me so much that he risked breaking out in hives at the dreaded mall to find it for me.

  7. #187

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    Quote Originally Posted by TygerTyger View Post
    Yes. It almost always does.

  8. #188
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    Quote Originally Posted by PDilemma View Post
    woodstock never implied that she wanted a "killer ring".
    I realize that; I wasn't implying that she did. I was just siting an example of some people that I know to show that (IMHO) the relationship is what matters most, not the ring. Sorry if it did not come across this way.

    woodstock,
    It sounds like you got it sorted out today, and that both you and your fiance are happy with the result. Glad that you both are cool with it, and that the ring can be fixed so that it doesn't hurt your finger as well. May you enjoy the ring and the marriage for many years to come!

  9. #189
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    Quote Originally Posted by TygerTyger View Post
    Are you really this crazy about butterfly's WTF?
    I like butterflies. But no I'm not over the top. I have a handful of butterfly magnets on my fridge (sort of something I collect), I have one butterfly pendant, and I have a set of porcelien butterflies displayed in my bedroom that once belonged to my grandmother (very sentimental, we used to looked at them together when I was little). And I have a butterfly cover on my cell phone. That's about the extent of it.

    Oh, I have a butterfly bush planted outside the house...does that count too?

    I think he was just trying to make the ring very unique and grasped on the theme.

    And part of what drove me nuts is the thought that he plunked all this money down on a ring (and will spend even more on a custom wedding band), when the materials it's made of are not that gemstone-heavy. This set will be appraised for much lower than it will cost him, I'm almost certain. And as a savvy shopper that I am, I twitch about that waste. But it's his money he is spending on me, so I really can't complain too much.

    I think what I will miss is the chance to try on all those different diamonds to find a band. I really didn't want anything too grand. But man I would have had fun standing next to him trying on all those pretty sparkly rings knowing I just had to say the word and he would buy one for me. Having to get a custom band means that I lose out on all that fun. Cest la vie.
    Last edited by woodstock; 12-29-2011 at 11:14 PM.

  10. #190

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    Quote Originally Posted by Habs View Post
    My husband bought my ring alone at the mall too!
    However, I love my ring.



    .
    So did my husband.
    I love my ring, but when I showed it to my jewelry- knowledgeble friend, I learned some hard truths about mall jewelry stores Made no difference in our life, whatsoever.

    Would not the store take the ring back if it actually hurts your hand?
    My first response to the post was to weigh how much the fiance's feelings would be hurt vs. family's opinion ( if it were just aesthetics, I would most likely choose to keep the ring; but inconvenience and pain are big considerations, unnecessary to put up with) . But once you are already discussing getting a different ring, and if he is open to change ( nice guy!!!), try to get what you want while being extra nice to him. Returning the ring for the store credit, getting the bands there using that credit and getting the butterfly diamond ring that you like ( like that in the picture) seems ideal. Do something nice to him in return to show him that rings are secondary to your relationship.
    improving my ballad- like lines

  11. #191
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    Quote Originally Posted by Habs View Post
    Just because a ring is purchased at a jewelry store in a mall doesn't make it inferior.
    It depends on which mall jewelry store you go to. There are some high end jewelry stores in the mall near me - Tiffany, Cartier, Bulgari, DiModolo, Van Cleef & Arpels, Links of London - I dare anyone to declare any of those stores inferior ! But, there are some chain mall jewelry stores that do not have the same quality. They may have some lovely things, but the diamonds, most likely, will not be top grade, color, or cut. That doesn't make the jewelry from those places poor, but there is a difference. On the other hand, a small, privately owned jewelry store may not have top quality either. You have to know what you're buying.

  12. #192
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    Quote Originally Posted by cruisin View Post
    You have to know what you're buying.
    I can't tell the difference between cubic zirconia and diamond- probably one of the reasons why any oohing and ahhing I'd do over someone's ring is fake. I love shiny sparkly jewelry though, and I'd be able to genuinely admire woodstock's ring. If my husband were to buy me an expensive ring, I'd be expecting a fire opal, not a diamond.
    ‎"You emerge victorious from the maze you've been travelling in." Oct 21,2012- Best Fortune Cookie Ever!

  13. #193
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    Quote Originally Posted by woodstock View Post
    I like butterflies. But no I'm not over the top. I have a handful of butterfly magnets on my fridge (sort of something I collect), I have one butterfly pendant, and I have a set of porcelien butterflies displayed in my bedroom that once belonged to my grandmother (very sentimental, we used to looked at them together when I was little). And I have a butterfly cover on my cell phone. That's about the extent of it.

    Oh, I have a butterfly bush planted outside the house...does that count too?
    Yes. Sounds like you like butterflies a lot.
    To think that fun is simple fun, while earnest things are earnest, proves all too plain that neither one thou truthfully discernest.

  14. #194

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    My husband gets all of my jewelry in a mall jewelry store. I am not a big jewelry nut but I love tanzanite and topaz. I wear jewelry when we have a special night out. It is impractical for me to wear a lot of jewelry at work so it is just my 3 rings from hubby.

    I want a tanzanite necklace and ring as well as a family ring and then I am good. The family ring is gonna be hard though...all the styles are so 'granny' like. LOL!
    ~I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.~ (Charles R. Swindoll)

  15. #195
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    Quote Originally Posted by woodstock View Post
    Wow, yeah I guess I did sound ungrateful with the paragraph and how it was worded. I have nothing against mall jewelry quality, I have much against the poor consultation and expertise they provide, especially to my fiance who went shopping without researching. And I love my fiance dearly. I literally expected him to just run in, get a solitaire, and head out with mission accomplished. In fact, he had broken out with a little bit of hives a few weekends back, and we figured it may have been a sweater or perhaps something he ate. But today I joked and asked if he got the hives after he had spent 2-3 hours in the mall buying my ring. Which he replied..."you know, now that you mention it....." The man literally hates the mall. He did 99% of his christmas shopping online. THe fact that he spent as much time as he did looking for such a specific idea he had is very endearing to me.

    Now me, my blender broke a while back and this is how I shop: look online at several retailers and compare styles, prices, and reviews. Got to the stores and see my narrowed down choices in person. Go home and think about it. Look at the reviews and styles again of my narrowed down choices. Make my choice and go spend my money. Yes, I'm nuts. It's probably also why I don't have a lot of clutter and also managed to save up 20% down payment on my house all by myself by the age of 30. So the fact that my fiance dropped probably $1000 on a non-traditional ring after just looking around for a few hours just is beyond my comprehension.
    Are you my long-lost twin? That's almost exactly how I shop, aside from the "looking at items in person to narrow things down" because gas is expensive. Amazon reviews are a lifesaver.

    Your fiance sounds very similar to my bf too. If we stepped foot in a mall I'm sure he'd get a panic attack and need to go to the hospital. He haaaates it! Thanks to this thread, I linked him to a local jeweler that had several products shown online to show him what I liked and didn't like. Hopefully he'll get the hint - I'm sure he'd eventually find his way over to that one if he felt the need, he hates the mall THAT much and the local jeweler has all 5-star reviews on Yelp.

    Quote Originally Posted by woodstock View Post
    We went to the proper jeweler (and boy did my fiance realize the difference in knowledge and service!). It will require a custom band. Plain gold will cost (very general estimate) about $800. The jeweler actually reccomended if I wanted a bit more jewels (um, more bling? yes please!) that he could put in small yellow sapphires, set similar to the diamonds in the butterfly "spine", in the wedding band. That way it would contrast from the butterfly itself so that the butterfly effect was still very noticeable and intact, and add a bit more sparkle. The jeweled version will run roughly $1000. To which my fiance said "well that's not bad at all". (side note by me, love him, but that's a cr**load of money IMO! One of my bookmarked wedding SETS was just under $1000! It makes me sad that in total he's spending probably $600 more than the cost of materials for this ring set due to it requiring custom work and being non-traditional). But I like this jewelers suggestions. We both do. The jeweler also came up with some ideas to adjust the one wingtip that should remove the problem of it poking against my finger, so that should be fixed soon enough.

    I also met my best friend for lunch and she saw the ring. She's known me since 1990, knows my family and knows exactly how they can be to me, and also had a very non-traditional engagement ring, so she knows what kind of reactions I'm getting as I show it off. She also knows me well enough that as much as my mind tells me that others opinions don't matter, I still do feel the sting.

    SHe ooohed over my ring! She ahhed over my ring! She called if beautiful and said it was prettier that the one her now ex-husband had given her. And she looked at me and asked "how often have you taken this ring off?" . To which I replied "just to shower" and she said. "yeah, you're keeping this ring".

    And she's right. If I truly hated it, I wouldn't be wearing it practically 24/7.It's already more sentimental to me than I really was admitting to myself. I just need to wrap my mind away from the mental image I've had for years of my wedding set being this 1/2 carat solitare with a sparkly diamond band or wrap.

    Instead I have a very pretty golden mother of pearl and diamond butterfly ring with most likely a yellow sapphire wedding band to match. And my fiance loves me so much that he risked breaking out in hives at the dreaded mall to find it for me.
    Yaaay helpful expert to the rescue! I'm really glad you're getting this worked out.

    Did you ask the jeweler about the durability issue? We're similarly savvy shoppers, and the stuff I buy had better LAST.

  16. #196
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    Quote Originally Posted by cruisin View Post
    There are some high end jewelry stores in the mall near me - Tiffany, Cartier, Bulgari, DiModolo, Van Cleef & Arpels, Links of London - I dare anyone to declare any of those stores inferior
    In Richmond BC, there's a mall in which there's a two-story Daiso -- almost everything in it costs $2 -- almost next to a Lamborghini dealership. So malls have all kinds of things, but I agree that often the expertise isn't there and malls are generally best for people who know jewelry and/or have done their homework. On the other hand, the mostly privately-owned jewelry store people in the Aberdeen mall know their stuff, I'd bet.
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  17. #197
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    Quote Originally Posted by Twilight1 View Post
    I want a tanzanite necklace and ring as well as a family ring and then I am good. The family ring is gonna be hard though...all the styles are so 'granny' like. LOL!
    How may kids do you have?
    I really like the settings by this company: http://www.uniquesettings.com/produc...y_rings?ref=33 . Yes, they have plenty of "granny-like" settings - but they also have some great contemporary molds as well.
    For example, I have this ring in sapphires :http://www.uniquesettings.com/products/show/10833

    Mall Tanzanite can be scary. Which of the mall stores does your husband frequent? Mall stores are usually very high, given the gold weight and stone quality of what they sell.

    Yes, some of the luxury malls do have Tiffany and Co. and some of the other high end chains. But these stores are still 2X to 3X as expensive as your local jeweler. Think about what mall stores spend on floor space, marketing, and six+ sales persons to follow your every move. Do the math.

    Do you belong to COSTCO? I've seen some decent stuff there at times. Some lesser quality stuff also - but at least it was priced appropriately.

    Do you do sterling? I've heard that this stuff is decent: http://www.poshmommyjewelry.com/

  18. #198

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    Quote Originally Posted by TygerTyger View Post

    It really sucks that cartel prices are in effect with diamonds. They are not as rare as their cost would indicate.
    Aquas look great in engagement settings. But they scratch easily. Sapphires/Rubies have a high refractive index - but a big stone is pricey. Some of the more exotic garnets are nice also - but they are rare in anything over 5mm. The Quartzes are too glassy IMO.
    And, really, durability is a big issue with anything other than diamonds. Even Sapphires will show wear eventually. Of course, one does have the option of replacing the stone after 5,10,25 years....
    My engagement ring is an over 5mm garnet. I love that ring. Not as much as the man who bought it for me, no, but... nice ring, gets a lot of positive comments, as it's unusual. It has received some scratches on its top flat surface, as I wear it daily, but I'm good with that. I figure I can have it polished once they start bothering me.
    Use Yah Blinkah!

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    FWIW, Mr. Kiki and I had talked about getting engaged and he planned on going to a "real" jewelry store to get the ring. We have very different tastes, so before he did that, he took me to a mall jewelry store so I could point out a few things I liked so he could have an idea of what I'd really love. Well it just so happened that I saw this ring and fell in love. A few weeks later he proposed with that very ring and I couldn't be happier with it. Some people love it, some it's not their taste at all, but I don't care. It's my ring and no one elses.

    Congrats on your engagement
    Last edited by KikiSashaFan; 12-30-2011 at 03:33 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by GarrAarghHrumph View Post
    My engagement ring is an over 5mm garnet. I love that ring..
    Cool. What sort of garnet do you have?
    I love Tsavorite Garnets

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