Woo I'm a godmother! Now what?

[Anita18]

I was just asked by my close college friends to be godmother to one of their recently-born twins, and I'm super-excited! But I've never had godparents so I'm not exactly sure what my responsibilities are. My friends said I just had to physically be there for the christening and then be a spiritual guide for the child, which I think I can do. I'm not religious but neither are they - they're just from an old-fashioned family. I have my own brand of spirituality which I'm happy to share, and I'd definitely want to be part of their lives.

My more immediate worries are with the actual christening. My mom thought I had to bring gifts - what's the tradition with that? Also, would it be proper to send gifts at Christmas, etc? I don't know about these things!

I'm also worried that I won't be able to tell apart my goddaughter from her sister, since the twins are identical. But it's probably not the first instance...

Woo I'm excited! Maybe I should start knitting baby booties and hats.

[PDilemma]

Congratulations!

I got my godchildren small children's Bibles at the time of their baptisms. I give them b-day and Christmas gifts and a note or other remembrance on the anniversaries of their baptisms.

[Jot the Dot Dot]

Which is their favorite sport team? Give them some towels, bath mats, doormat, baby socks, etc., with the team logo on it. Worked for my brother when he bought his first home.

[Angelskates]

Anita18 - Did you ask what it meant, regarding responsibilities, before you agreed?

Maybe it means something different to different people, but I am a godmother and I understand it to mean that if for some reason the parents can not take care of the child/children, that responsibility becomes mine (or some cases, shared with one or more other people). Not something to be taken lightly. I am named in the will as the person who will take guardianship of the children if the parents die. If the parents are alive, it basically means your responsibility is to make sure that the kids are taken care of, and guided (in the way their parents wish) spiritually. You're agreed to essentially "sponsor" the child, try and ensure she's not lead astray etc. IME, godparents are far more common in the church, as in, I agreed to make sure my godchildren are brought up in the faith.

[Wyliefan]

Congratulations!

I got my godchildren small children's Bibles at the time of their baptisms. I give them b-day and Christmas gifts and a note or other remembrance on the anniversaries of their baptisms.

I do all that too. Although in my godchildren's church, they do baby dedications, not infant baptisms. But for all practical purposes, it works more or less the same way.

Being a godmother is pretty cool. Have fun!

[my little pony]

i have godchildren. i am of the what would auntie mame do school of godmothering.

[Lanie]

My godmothers gave me little Bibles, little dresses and basically treated me like their kid because they didn't have any. Read as: spoiled the crap out of me.

My grandfather was annoyed neither were Christian but they were basically chosen because they were the two friends at the hospital when I was yanked out, along with my uncle, so it made sense... I guess...

For this baby's godparent I'm asking people I know who will be good religious examples to them in their life because that's the most important part, not so much like taking care of the kid if something happens to the parents.

[jlai]

I was just asked by my close college friends to be godmother to one of their recently-born twins, and I'm super-excited! But I've never had godparents so I'm not exactly sure what my responsibilities are. My friends said I just had to physically be there for the christening and then be a spiritual guide for the child, which I think I can do. I'm not religious but neither are they - they're just from an old-fashioned family. I have my own brand of spirituality which I'm happy to share, and I'd definitely want to be part of their lives.

My more immediate worries are with the actual christening. My mom thought I had to bring gifts - what's the tradition with that? Also, would it be proper to send gifts at Christmas, etc? I don't know about these things!

I'm also worried that I won't be able to tell apart my goddaughter from her sister, since the twins are identical. But it's probably not the first instance...

Woo I'm excited! Maybe I should start knitting baby booties and hats.

For a moment I read "You're a grandmother" and I thought "how?"

Sorry...

[Anita18]

Anita18 - Did you ask what it meant, regarding responsibilities, before you agreed?

Maybe it means something different to different people, but I am a godmother and I understand it to mean that if for some reason the parents can not take care of the child/children, that responsibility becomes mine (or some cases, shared with one or more other people). Not something to be taken lightly. I am named in the will as the person who will take guardianship of the children if the parents die. If the parents are alive, it basically means your responsibility is to make sure that the kids are taken care of, and guided (in the way their parents wish) spiritually. You're agreed to essentially "sponsor" the child, try and ensure she's not lead astray etc. IME, godparents are far more common in the church, as in, I agreed to make sure my godchildren are brought up in the faith.

Yes of course. My exact words were, "I'm not sure what my responsibilities are!" and they explained them to me. Physically being there for the christening, and then being available as a "spiritual guide." That was pretty much it word-for-word. I don't believe they're expecting me to take care of the twins considering they are much more settled in the homemaking part than I am! Plus the wife is from a VERY well-to-do family, I'm sure the children will not want for anything. Also, she did mention she had a godfather who lived on the east coast and never did anything, so I suppose the bar is low.

Note, they are not that religious and neither am I, so I wouldn't feel comfortable in giving them little Bibles since it wouldn't be me. I'll leave the old-fashioned relatives to do that part. We are all nerds and if I were to go down that route, I'd give them something comic book-related. Like baby Batman stuff or something.

[DAngel]

I am named in the will as the person who will take guardianship of the children if the parents die.

Are the grandparents still around?

Note, they are not that religious and neither am I, so I wouldn't feel comfortable in giving them little Bibles since it wouldn't be me. I'll leave the old-fashioned relatives to do that part. We are all nerds and if I were to go down that route, I'd give them something comic book-related. Like baby Batman stuff or something.

Give them Darwin's Origin of Species

[Angelskates]

Are the grandparents still around?

The grandparents are still alive. Around? Not so much. I would certainly be in a better place to take care of children.

[sk8pics]

If none of you are religious, it's just a nice way to include you (or another good friend) in the life of their child. I think years ago, it was not uncommon to be named the guardian, too, if something happened to the parents, but it doesn't seem to be necessarily true nowadays. I'm godmother to my cousin's 3rd child, and we are all pretty religious people. So I've been to her other sacraments--her first communion and I was her confirmation sponsor. It's been pretty cool. But I'm not the one who would take any of the kids if something happened to the parents.

I also think in my church, if you are going to be named a godparent you have to be a member of the same denomination. Which does make some sense given all the words in the ceremony about welcoming the new member of our faith community and so on.

But anyway, congratulations! It is a nice honor to be asked, regardless of how religious you all are.

[PRlady]

I'm going to my stepdaughter's baby shower today and my own daughter was asked to be godmother to the baby, a boy due at the end of the month.

She's so flattered and happy that her half-sister asked her, there's a 14-year-age difference between them.

But it was made clear to her that she's not the guardian, at least not at this age (24, young, unsettled and poor) if something happens to my stepdaughter and her husband. And no-one's religious in this family, either. She's just supposed to be a sort of super-aunt with a special responsibilty to help and look out for her nephew.

[cruisin]

First - Congratulations!

I have God children. You really don't have to do that much, spiritually. You stand up at the Baptism and agree to support the child. Often, for many people, it's more of an honorary acknowledgement.

Yes, you would give a Christening gift. It could be a small child's Bible, I gave my God children small gold crosses (child size), you could also buy or make the Christening outfit (I did that too, but I sew). Also, a savings bond is an option.

In general, it's sort of like being a special aunt or uncle, be sure to remember birthdays/Christmas/graduations/etc.

As for guardianship, that is designated in the will. Being a God parent does not confer that. Though, if something happened to the parents (heaven forbid), you remain the God parent, and are a constant in the child's life.

[nerdycool]

Earlier this year, I was made godmother to my best friends' daughter. At first I was concerned because she is Catholic, and I am not. But she said that at this particular church, as long as one of the godparents is Catholic, all is good. And the godfather is, so I'm in. Then I brought up the fact that although I'm Christian, I'm hardly religious. She told me that that doesn't matter to her. That my role would be similar to that of an aunt... meaning to be a good role model overall yet help guide her should she come to me with problems. To me, that would be similar to what your friend termed a "spiritual guide".

[Garden Kitty]

My godmother was my mom's friend, not a relative, but they remained close over the years and each year I got a little gift and card (nothing extravagant) for my birthday and Christmas. My godfather was also a family friend, but the friendship sort of drifted apart over the year and by the time I was old enough to understand the concept of a godfather and godmother, the families mostly weren't keeping in touch. We didn't really have any ongoing relationship.

Parents can select the same person to be a guardian and a godparent, but that's not the case for either my niece or nephew. The people named in my sister and brother in law's will as the guardian isn't a godparent.

[numbers123]

Am I right - you are the godmother of only one of the twins? It will be difficult to have the children feel like the godparents are treating the equally if you don't have some contact with the other godmother.

I might suggest a small baby ring (I have my great aunt's baby ring which has her birthstone in it. My sons had baby rings that their wives carried as part of the something old in their wedding bouquets - they became special because of that.), but only if the other godmother is in agreement.

Birthdays, holidays and just random times during the year, with cards or small gifts.

To me a godparent is one who would sponsor or ensure that the child is taken care of in the case of parents inability to care for their children. Not necessarily the guardian, but someone who would watch over them to ensure that they are being cared for appropriately by the guardian.

[milanessa]

It will be difficult to have the children feel like the godparents are treating the equally if you don't have some contact with the other godmother.

See, that's the kind of thing I disagree with you on.

The baby ring is a nice idea - don't agree the other godparents have to agree. Every child needs to feel individually special, IMO, and matching gifts are pretty much crap (also MO).

[numbers123]

See, that's the kind of thing I disagree with you on.

The baby ring is a nice idea - don't agree the other godparents have to agree. Every child needs to feel individually special, IMO, and matching gifts are pretty much crap (also MO).

Actually we do agree - I didn't explain it very well. Mostly that one would want to be somewhat equal in the amount of gifts, not so much the same things. Adults might understand circumstances/ability to provide more expensive or amount of things being different, children not so much.

[Anita18]

Am I right - you are the godmother of only one of the twins? It will be difficult to have the children feel like the godparents are treating the equally if you don't have some contact with the other godmother.

I might suggest a small baby ring (I have my great aunt's baby ring which has her birthstone in it. My sons had baby rings that their wives carried as part of the something old in their wedding bouquets - they became special because of that.), but only if the other godmother is in agreement.

Birthdays, holidays and just random times during the year, with cards or small gifts.

To me a godparent is one who would sponsor or ensure that the child is taken care of in the case of parents inability to care for their children. Not necessarily the guardian, but someone who would watch over them to ensure that they are being cared for appropriately by the guardian.

Yeah that kind of did occur to me. Luckily I know who the other child's godmother is and we're friends, so I can just ask what her plan is.

Thanks for the tips all!