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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by Matryeshka View Post
    I'm glad it doesn't resonate with you, but I do think it would for others. It would for me. I remember when Nicholas Cage and one of the Arquettes got divorced--I think they said in several years of marriage, they were only actually together six months? I'm glad there are couples, especially military couples, that can survive that kind of distance, but I don't think most people can.
    I think most people can't but not because they feel the way you speculate. What I see and my friends tell me is that the homecomings are actually super-sexy and very romantic and a lot of them feel like they are dating again.

    The problems they tell me about come more from the fact that while they were away from each other, all these day-to-day things happened that the other wasn't aware of (even if told about it's not the same thing as seeing them) and so after the initial romantic re-connecting, they find they are kind of strangers and there is a lack of context that you get when you see someone more often.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rex View Post
    Y'all know how I despise Hollywood gossip, but have said that he may be the babydaddy of January Jones' child.

    It ain't about May/December, kids - it's JANUARY .
    Rex, goodness knows I despise the gossip blogs as much as you do () but I did happen to run across a couple of blind items about January Jones. I wondered why most seemed to think it was Ashton. I was thinking James Marsden (supposedly it was an X-Men co-star).

    I always thought Ashton was overrated. Kelso was somewhat funny but he hasn't done anything really memorable (to me) since. Even his old modeling footage was blah.

  3. #43

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rex View Post
    Y'all know how I despise Hollywood gossip, but have said that he may be the babydaddy of January Jones' child.
    Distant memory, but didn't he date her before he became famous? When I heard her name in the context of Mad Men, I immediately wondered if she was that old flame of his because it's such a distinctive name. (I know, weird thing to remember.)

    I suppose I should check the link where I'm sure it's all laid out clearly.

    Quote Originally Posted by Carmen Ovsiannikov View Post
    Rex, goodness knows I despise the gossip blogs as much as you do () but I did happen to run across a couple of blind items about January Jones. I wondered why most seemed to think it was Ashton. I was thinking James Marsden (supposedly it was an X-Men co-star).
    I thought the main rumour was that it was a director married to a supermodel. (I forget all names but January Jones apparently.)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rex View Post
    Y'all know how I despise Hollywood gossip, but have said that he may be the babydaddy of January Jones' child.

    It ain't about May/December, kids - it's JANUARY .
    I dunno, some have said it may be James Marsden.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MacMadame View Post
    But marrying a younger man doesn't necessarily help. My step-dad is only 6 years older than me and 14 years younger than my mom but he has the health of someone her age or even older.
    My friend found herself in a similar situation with her late husband. He was 15 years younger than her but had an arm injury that caused him chronic pain his doctors were never able to get a handle on. Then he developed vasculitis. He died after 4 years of marriage when he was 48.

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    Quote Originally Posted by milanessa View Post
    Sorry for laughing, Matry, but my husband and I were separated many times for anywhere from days to months (actually 2 years once but we saw each other during that time). Dual military couples put up with that a lot but your characterization of it just doesn't resonate with me.
    Maybe so, but the divorce rate in the military is quite a bit higher than it is for civilians, and even higher when both husband and wife are in the military. I realize that other stressors are involved in such marriages (and I think that is also true of celebrity marriages), but I think Matry might have a point.
    "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."-- Albert Einstein.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Matryeshka View Post
    I can't imagine trying to keep the romance going when you're routinely gone for weeks or months at a time. It must be like strangers meeting over and over again, only one you had sex with a long time ago, so there's that weird awkward factor as well.
    Romance is a relatively modern requirement for marriage. Throughout time, many couples have been separated. Two key reasons for this were: 1) men traveling for business or exploration - back when people traveled by
    horse and boat, inter-continental or international travel took a long time, sometimes years, and 2) war. WWII was not so long ago and men were away from their wives for years. My dad was gone for a whole seven years.

    These days a lot of couples from poorer countries are separated because of work. Talk to Filipinos you meet, you'll be surprised by how many have a wife or husband back home that they're supporting and haven't seen for years.

  8. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by Prancer View Post
    Maybe so, but the divorce rate in the military is quite a bit higher than it is for civilians, and even higher when both husband and wife are in the military. I realize that other stressors are involved in such marriages (and I think that is also true of celebrity marriages), but I think Matry might have a point.
    Maybe. Particularly for younger couples who've spent little time together before deployments or TDY's but, IME, it's overwhelmingly due to other factors.

    My main point was that it wasn't my reality - not that it wasn't true of others.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Carmen Ovsiannikov View Post
    Rex, goodness knows I despise the gossip blogs as much as you do () but I did happen to run across a couple of blind items about January Jones. I wondered why most seemed to think it was Ashton. I was thinking James Marsden (supposedly it was an X-Men co-star).

    I always thought Ashton was overrated. Kelso was somewhat funny but he hasn't done anything really memorable (to me) since. Even his old modeling footage was blah.
    He could be funny, but his charms work better on the small screen. I did like The Butterfly Effect, but really, anyone could have played that part. As far as modeling, I can see why they picked him for that, but yeah, I can think of at least a dozen other guys, famous and not famous who are handsomer.

    Quote Originally Posted by TygerLily View Post
    Distant memory, but didn't he date her before he became famous? When I heard her name in the context of Mad Men, I immediately wondered if she was that old flame of his because it's such a distinctive name. (I know, weird thing to remember.)

    I suppose I should check the link where I'm sure it's all laid out clearly.

    I thought the main rumour was that it was a director married to a supermodel. (I forget all names but January Jones apparently.)
    Quote Originally Posted by escaflowne9282 View Post
    I dunno, some have said it may be James Marsden.
    Ahhhhh, James. So beautiful, such a dull actor.

    Quote Originally Posted by Prancer View Post
    Maybe so, but the divorce rate in the military is quite a bit higher than it is for civilians, and even higher when both husband and wife are in the military. I realize that other stressors are involved in such marriages (and I think that is also true of celebrity marriages), but I think Matry might have a point.
    I know that the divorce/separation rate was pretty high when I was in, especially amongst the SEALS and Seabees...don't know the statistics but know some horror stories. Military life for couples and their kids can be challenging at best. I was on three ships and at the end of every deployment, someone ended up getting divorced. One of my favorite cousins joined right after I did and she got married to a fellow hospital corpsman in 1985. They are still together, he's a master chief and she's a warrant officer. They have one son, and she said that one was enough because with their jobs (BOTH of them were sent to Iraq at the same time for six months!), more children would have made things impossible. It hasn't been easy - her husband is insufferable - but they love each other.

  10. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by topaz View Post
    I don't know, I think it depends on the woman. I have friends who married older men(i.e 12 to 17 years older than them). I genuinely think women age better than men. Lots of straight men neglect their appearance and Calista is a better woman than me. I'm sure looking at a pair of sagging testes is not sexy.

    One such friend, the age difference between her and her husband is 13 years(he's older). It was fine when she was 27 and he was 40. But now, when she's 45 and he's 58 its an issue now. He does not want to go anywhere, he wants to the same ole' things, doesn't want to try new things and wants to stay home most of the time. And we don't even what to go into their "non existent" sex life. Its actually more common than alot people think, men having "low libido" issues. Especially straight men.


    My friend is in best shape of her life, she has had a few non surgical/non evasive procedures(i.e peels and some fillers) but she looks great. The young guys hit on her way more than the men her husband's age.

    My other late 30 and early 40 something friends, all talk about their boring husbands who do want to do anything or try anything new. They basically start acting old in the forties.
    I know a lot about this. My ex-husband is 17 years older than me. When I was 35 and he was 52 he was an attractive, young-for-his-age silver fox. By the time we split up, I was 51 and he was almost 70. The age diference was not the reason we split but it didn't help, especially since he was retiring and I was still being my workaholic self. And the "low libido" issues...

    Something made me think about this last night. I was eating dinner in a retro restaurant and the water is served in what looks like an old quart glass milk bottle. I actually (barely) remember those from when I was a small child. I don't want to date someone so much younger that he doesn't remember the glass bottle, the Kennedy assassination or other cultural markers. As you get older, it's nice to have company in your own generation.

    But it sure is hard to find an adventurous man over 40, I agree. We get stronger and more daring and they get more timid and needy, is what I have found (as a huge generalization.)
    "Youth and vigor is no match for age and deceit." -- Prancer

  11. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by PRlady View Post
    Something made me think about this last night. I was eating dinner in a retro restaurant and the water is served in what looks like an old quart glass milk bottle. I actually (barely) remember those from when I was a small child. I don't want to date someone so much younger that he doesn't remember the glass bottle, the Kennedy assassination or other cultural markers. As you get older, it's nice to have company in your own generation.
    I read once that in matters of age difference, the years are not the real factor. The key thing is if you are of the same generation and therefore have common cultural markers and values. My husband is younger than me, but we are of the same generation.

    The prejudice against relationships where the woman is at all older is absurd, in my opinion. When my friend married to a man 13 years older (and in a different generation) is being judgmental of my husband's and my age difference simply because I am the one who is older...that's kind of ridiculous.

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    Quote Originally Posted by escaflowne9282 View Post
    I dunno, some have said it may be James Marsden.
    I think James or Ashton would want to be in the baby's life if he fathered it. January Jones probably went to a sperm bank like many single women who desired to get pregnant.

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    Maybe Ashton should have read the book by Timothy Keller on marriage. Marriage is not for the fulfillment of the individual.

  14. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by PRlady View Post
    I don't want to date someone so much younger that he doesn't remember the glass bottle, the Kennedy assassination or other cultural markers.
    Mr. Mac wasn't even born when Kennedy was assassinated. Somehow we've survived for 25 years of dating and marriage.

    Quote Originally Posted by DickButtonFan View Post
    Maybe Ashton should have read the book by Timothy Keller on marriage. Marriage is not for the fulfillment of the individual.
    You are assuming it's all his fault, of course. It's possible that there is plenty of fault to spread around especially if the rumors of Demi's drug and alcohol use are true.
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  15. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by MacMadame View Post
    I think most people can't but not because they feel the way you speculate. What I see and my friends tell me is that the homecomings are actually super-sexy and very romantic and a lot of them feel like they are dating again.

    The problems they tell me about come more from the fact that while they were away from each other, all these day-to-day things happened that the other wasn't aware of (even if told about it's not the same thing as seeing them) and so after the initial romantic re-connecting, they find they are kind of strangers and there is a lack of context that you get when you see someone more often.
    Yeah, that definitely depends on the person. I only see my bf once every 3 weeks or so (he was gone for a month on a trip to Europe) and it was fine. But he detests day-to-day small talk anyway. Our lives are mostly boring and nothing of note happens in them. I mean, explaining what happened at work for me would require explaining a lot of biology, which he has no interest in. And he's very secretive about his current job, which is probably unnecessary but something he's retained from working in defense. So we end up talking about the antics of the cat.

    And actually, having him only around for one weekend every month makes me manage my time better. I know I have to leave that weekend free so I can't be working on my projects then. Whereas when we were living together, I'd take him for granted and never go out on date nights, etc etc. But YMMV.

  16. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by milanessa View Post
    Sorry for laughing, Matry, but my husband and I were separated many times for anywhere from days to months (actually 2 years once but we saw each other during that time). Dual military couples put up with that a lot but your characterization of it just doesn't resonate with me.
    IMO if the marriage is strong, it can survive periods apart. I had a job in another city for three years, and only saw my husband on weekends (we spent a fortune on flying back and forth - at least my phone was company paid!). In the end, the experience made us stronger, and made us value our time together even more.

    I also know very happily married couples who spend a lot of time apart for various reasons, and that works just fine for them.

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    My parents spend a lot more time apart now that my mother took a teaching position about 3 hours away from their house. I don't remember them ever getting along as well as they do now. Jenny's right, sometimes the time apart makes couples value the time they spend together even more. Obviously, YMMV, not true for everyone, disclaimer, disclaimer, blah blah.

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    Quote Originally Posted by PRlady View Post
    But it sure is hard to find an adventurous man over 40, I agree. We get stronger and more daring and they get more timid and needy, is what I have found (as a huge generalization.)
    I'm guessing that the single, adventurous over 40 men are dating women in the 28-36ish range.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Coco View Post
    I'm guessing that the single, adventurous over 40 men are dating women in the 28-36ish range.

    Life's a b!tch!
    Some of them. Some of them already have children, sometimes their children are grown, and the last thing they want is a young woman who wants a family. I've even had much younger men tell me they want older women because they're really nervous about the ticking clock syndrome.

    Me, a fiftysomething woman with an adolescent streak, a grown daughter and a hysterectomy, I'm devastatingly attractive.
    "Youth and vigor is no match for age and deceit." -- Prancer

  20. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by ioana View Post
    My parents spend a lot more time apart now that my mother took a teaching position about 3 hours away from their house. I don't remember them ever getting along as well as they do now. Jenny's right, sometimes the time apart makes couples value the time they spend together even more. Obviously, YMMV, not true for everyone, disclaimer, disclaimer, blah blah.
    Well, yeah. Nothing is true for everyone except the essentials of existence.

    The issue isn't really whether something is true for everybody, but whether it is true for more people than not. Matry was making a general statement that long separations are hard on marriages, not that every single couple that spends time apart is going to divorce over it. That would clearly be untrue.

    And since we were talking about military spouses in particular, longterm separations is one of the three most common reason cited in military divorces. That doesn't mean that all military spouses who spend a lot of time apart will divorce by any means. But I think it's a pretty fair indication that for many military couples, longterm separation causes strain in the marriage.
    "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."-- Albert Einstein.

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