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  1. #1
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    Smile Ok FSU folks,your opinion,personal matter

    Ok,I wanted to get your opinions on something I am dealing with at the moment and have made a decision on.And I am now being told I am being silly about.

    Ok back story.I befriended a girl at church about a year ago who is very much the opposite of me,but that was fine.We got along well,I only see her once a week.So aside from what I had seen at church,that's all the insight I had into her character.Well recently,we changed to a different Life Group and she joined Facebook.(probably a bad idea) A few weeks ago she started complaining that this or that person offended her in the life group.I honestly didn't see her basis for being offended,so she switched to a different life group.Well upon her exit she posted a rant on fb,mind you most of the people from her former group are on her fb.And she ranted about people offending her and she became hostile towards the entire group,I am still in that group. I was shocked.On top of that,she apparently angered and insulted someone I've known longer than her resulting in her being blocked by that person. I spoke to her about her behaviour and she ignored me and made excuses. Her behaviour really bothered me alot because most of those people had never done anything to her and in reality,none of them had really done anything truly offensive.And it gave me a not so pleasant glimpse into her character.So I tried to distance myself from her and sit elsewhere during services etc...Not working. So after discussing this over with a few people whom I have great respect for their opinions,I decided to end the "friendship". I told her that what she did really bothered me and that I don't want to hang out anymore.

    What do you think?Honestly.

  2. #2

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    I hope she doesn't go balistic when you tell her...
    Nubka - Unpaid Slave Laborer...

  3. #3
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    I already did.I wrote an email rather than a face to face confrontation. I normally deal with that stuff in person but I already confronted her once in person about what she did. I did not want to create a scene because I will not tolerate someone going balistic on me.

  4. #4

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    I don't think there's anything wrong with ending a friendship in a case like this. It's obvious you don't want her as a friend anymore, so by keeping her as a friend, you'll just make yourself miserable, and you will likely end the friendship at a later point anyway. Besides, a friendship is a give & take deal. It sounds like she's not giving much in return.

  5. #5
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    Just don't drag it out. You've made your decision, it sounds to me like the right one given the circumstances.

  6. #6
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    I think it's much better to be honest and tell her why you are letting her go as a friend...rather than cutting her out of your life. I hate it when people cut you out with no explanation.

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    I gave her an explanation.

  8. #8
    gold dust woman
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    Quote Originally Posted by Andrushka View Post
    I gave her an explanation.
    I know, I was praising you.

  9. #9

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    I don't think you're being silly, and even if I did, so what? It's your call who you want in your life. If you've tried to talk things over with her (and it sounds like you did) and she's not receptive, I don't really see why breaking things off is a bad thing.
    "Liking this sport is ridiculous, so you’re a little different for liking it, she explained. But you’re allowed to like what you like." - Robert Samuels

  10. #10

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    I don't see the problem. It sounds like you were more acquaintances than friends, anyway. This is what happens when we meet people. We learn more about them and decided they are or aren't right for us and we either pursue the friendship or move on. Usually you can do so without saying anything but since you tried this and it wasn't working, you had no choice but to speak up or continue trying to dodge her every week at church.
    -Brian
    "Michelle would never be caught with sausage grease staining her Vera Wang." - rfisher

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Veronika View Post
    I know, I was praising you.
    Thankyou

  12. #12
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    Cool

    Quote Originally Posted by BigB08822 View Post
    , you had no choice but to speak up or continue trying to dodge her every week at church.
    yeah I am running out of people to make excuses to have serious conversations with."I'll see you later,I need to talk to someone!".

  13. #13

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    Sadly, Facebook has become a place for some people to vent when they have no interpersonal skills. It is a cowardly way to lash out at those around you. You have given her ample opportunity to explain herself and or make amends. You have taken the high road...perhaps you can point her to someone in the church who has experience in counseling those with marginal personalities.
    "awwww....shades of Janet Lynn" - Dick Button on anyone who makes more than one mistake in their program.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Andrushka View Post
    What do you think?Honestly.
    You need space.
    To think that fun is simple fun, while earnest things are earnest, proves all too plain that neither one thou truthfully discernest.

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by skatemommy View Post
    Sadly, Facebook has become a place for some people to vent when they have no interpersonal skills. It is a cowardly way to lash out at those around you. You have given her ample opportunity to explain herself and or make amends. You have taken the high road...perhaps you can point her to someone in the church who has experience in counseling those with marginal personalities.
    She knows where to get counseling at church.The problem being,she doesn't think she has a problem.I tried to point out her actions were not ok,so it's not my problem anymore.

    Quote Originally Posted by allezfred View Post
    You need space.

    Exactly!And I am taking it! lol

  16. #16
    Port de bras!!!
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    Quote Originally Posted by allezfred View Post
    You need space.
    "Nature is a damp, inconvenient sort of place where birds and animals wander about uncooked."

    from Speedy Death

  17. #17

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    What in the hell is a "life group"?

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by CynicElle View Post
    I don't think you're being silly, and even if I did, so what? It's your call who you want in your life. If you've tried to talk things over with her (and it sounds like you did) and she's not receptive, I don't really see why breaking things off is a bad thing.
    I agree. You don't need negative people in your life.

    Who's saying this is silly? I think this is perfectly rational.

  19. #19

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    Andrushka -- What your former friend did sounds an awfully lot like what one of my family members did when she was in a bad place with respect to her mental illness. At other times she could be quite sweet and loving, and then wham - you'd get a letter in the mail, or she'd write something in her blog or on facebook that would just be awful. I just had to keep telling myself that it was the disease talking.

    Just something you might consider as a possible explanation ...

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rafter View Post
    What in the hell is a "life group"?
    It's the latest name for a Sunday School class or Bible study group. Sometimes they meet in homes and on days other than Sunday.

    Regarding the poster's original question, it's been my observation that people who are easily offended will eventually leave whatever church they're in and attend another one until they get offended there. They're rarely interested in forgiveness--seeking or giving--and don't care anything about mending relationships because they seem always to see themselves as the wronged, never in the wrong. Maybe she'll move on to her next church soon.

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