hosting etiquette?

[Cheylana]

Because apparently the guest of honor wants them there, and it's his party.

The guest of honor doesn't know he's getting a party (supposedly). In any case, the OP specifically talked about which kids he/she is inviting and not inviting, effectively inviting comment on the issue. If it is such a closed issue, why even mention it?

[agalisgv]

Woodstock said "we" decided about the kids --not "I". Presumably that means she discussed the issue with bf already and they came to a joint decision.

I did wonder, though, if he's making decisions about the guest list and making strong hints about venue, just how much is this a surprise party ?

[Cheylana]

I assumed the "we" meant woodstock and the bf's friend, based on this bit:

I was finalizing the guest list with one of his friends

Of course, dunno for sure.

[woodstock]

Thanks for all the replies and feedback! The party will actually be a surprise. He's hinting for wanting one, but has no idea I'm trying to actually put a party together for him. Plus his birthday is Feb 12 (which is impossible to book/plan with Valentine's day so close). So I'm going to throw him off and have it 2-3 weeks prior to the actual birthday.

The kid thing is tricky, mainly because I know he would probably like his 4 year old son there to celebrate with him and enjoy the party. (one of the things he enjoys most in life is watching his son have fun). But to have his son there as the only child in the room would be rough on the little guy, ergo the addition of the 3 cousins to the mix to at least have some youngers to have fun with. (However,most of the attendees have kids, to allow ALL their children would basically mean fifteen children in total ages 7 and younger. At which point it turns into a kid party and not an adult event). That's why I figured I could get away with limiting it to family kids only, as they're FAMILY.

But it may be a moot point, for even though he hinted that the sushi restuarant would "make a nice location for a birthday party", it's looking to be $$. Excellent food, but a hibachi dinner there alone costs $25 per plate, sushi is around $10 for 6 pieces. It's looking to be 40 people, times say $30 per to eat, plus drinks (at probably $6-10 per drink), decorations, cake. Um, yeah- I just can't afford to foot that entire bill, but also don't want to try and ask for donations. I just don't know how I would word the invitation like that, so as not to insult/offend someone.

I would love to solve everything and do it at my house, but I live in a twin and it holds 15 people max before it's too crowded. (plus I have only one toilet). Right now with guests, their spouses, and his family its adding up to 40 people. In the summer I can have more people over as they can filter outside and hang out in the back yard and bring lawn chairs for more seating, but not for a February party. At most when I host winter things at home its about 10 people and we usually do pot luck or I just have snacks.

So my other option is to try and have it at a bar (so the kid issue is eliminated entirely). I'm looking around for one with a separate room and that has darts/pool/etc. I'll buy a bunch of appetizers and cake, people will buy their own drinks, and everyone can mingle instead of being seated for a meal. THe only trick is that most bars don't want to book things like that on Friday/Saturday, and weeknights are out as again, most people have young kids. So I'm thinking I might be able to pull off a Sunday afternoon (but once again, hopefully people don't have kid-activity obligations at that time, it may severely impact attendance).

I just feel bad as he specifically hinted about the sushi place, but then again he may not have realized the full details and cost of actually doing something like that. We'll see.

[Garden Kitty]

Maybe you and he and a few of your closest friends can have a dinner at the sushi restaurant, together with a more casual, larger party.

[danceronice]

I'd say then take him for a just-for-two dinner at the sushi place, and try for a casual party like you describe (rather than a bar per se, is there a brew pub kind of casual dining place? More likely to be willing to rent a space on a weekend?)

[Japanfan]

How about having a smaller party at the sushi place he likes and inviting people who you are comfortable asking to pay for their own meal?

If you can't afford to pay for the whole deal I'm sure people will understand and won't mind paying for their own meal.

A bar party on Sunday afternoon for folks with kids doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun to me. The mingling part is good, but if people have to worry about getting prepared to return to work and childrens' routine the next day, they won't be able to let loose.

[Cheylana]

The kid thing is tricky, mainly because I know he would probably like his 4 year old son there to celebrate with him and enjoy the party. (one of the things he enjoys most in life is watching his son have fun). But to have his son there as the only child in the room would be rough on the little guy, ergo the addition of the 3 cousins to the mix to at least have some youngers to have fun with. (However,most of the attendees have kids, to allow ALL their children would basically mean fifteen children in total ages 7 and younger. At which point it turns into a kid party and not an adult event). That's why I figured I could get away with limiting it to family kids only, as they're FAMILY.

Ahh, I see. Well, good luck with your planning!