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  1. #1

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    Michael & Debi Pearl's abusive parenting techniques

    Three children are now dead after their parents started using techniques from Michael and Debi Pearl's books. Hana Grace-Rose Williams died of hypothermia and starvation after being left outside all night. Before her, Lydia Schatz was beaten to death, and Sean Paddock was suffocated. The "disciplinary" tactics these books teach are actually abuse.

    These are horrible people, and they give Christians a horrible name. I have absolutely no patience with those -- because, believe it or not, there ARE those -- who try to argue that you should use the good parts of their books and ignore the rest, or that the parents must have misinterpreted the books. No. Three children are reported dead, and others badly injured, and they may not be the only ones. That is not misinterpretation.

    If you know someone who owns these books, please tell them about this. It's frightening how easily people can be deceived.
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    Have you actually read the books? I would encourage you to do so before you make assumptions on what it says. Many, many people can take any kind of technique or advice and twist it into their own thing that, while maybe originally rooted in the advice, is nothing like what was originally given. I have read that book, and others written by them, and I can assure you that the extreme abuse that happened is NOT endorsed or advised at all.

  3. #3

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    The Pearls specifically say to hold down the child and to whip him with a quarter-inch plumbing supply line, or some other similar instrument, "until he is surrendered." That is exactly what killed Lydia Schatz.
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    I went and read several articles right from the Pearls' site (http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/) and it all sounded pretty damned horrifying to me.

    Take this article, for example: http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/articles...d-and-updated/

    Some quotes:

    Here was a selfish, manipulative brat who had found his parents’ weakness and capitalized on it. Mom and Dad occasionally expressed just enough anger and resentment to cause them to doubt themselves. Sensing their lack of confidence, the boy found ways to further deepen their guilt. He knew just what to say to cause them pain. Did he have a legitimate basis for accusing his parents of being unworthy to be his head? In some cases, as is probably true with nearly all parents, yes. He capitalized on their sense of moral inadequacy. Granted, if they had maintained clear consciences his manipulations would have fallen flat. It was their humble sensitivity to their own failures that caused them to relinquish the moral authority of the family to this six-year-old tyrant. It reminds us of how the coming of the law increases sin (Rom. 7).
    Earlier, Pearl calls the same SIX YEAR OLD BOY "Brilliant—in a wicked sort of way."

    But this one really got to me:

    Never put yourself in the place where you may lose the contest. What if the boy didn’t stop? Would you spank him forever, or would you stop when it bordered on abuse, in which case the child would win?
    Yes, the problem with the righteous discipline becoming abuse is not the abuse itself - but that your tyrannical child would then win the contest.

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    I agree with michuriwater, the stuff on their website is terrifying. I can't imagine why anyone would ever beat their kid with a plumbing line?
    Those cases are so sad, but I also feel so sad for the kids whose parents do this with these dire consequences, they grow up in fear of their parents to be possibly quite broken adults.

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    How utterly horrific, disgusting, sad...all number of things. Those poor babies. Those horrific people.

    I cannot find any Christian love or mercy in my heart for the parents or the people who perpetuate this disgusting behavior in the name of disciplining one's children.

    I wouldn't be surprised if people I knew followed this stuff. Not at all.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by michiruwater View Post
    But this one really got to me:

    Never put yourself in the place where you may lose the contest. What if the boy didn’t stop? Would you spank him forever, or would you stop when it bordered on abuse, in which case the child would win?
    Yes, the problem with the righteous discipline becoming abuse is not the abuse itself - but that your tyrannical child would then win the contest.
    Taking this only in the context posted above, I would guess the advice being given is to NOT use spanking, because it's an unwinnable battle - giving negative reinforcement only works when the subject admits the authority is there. If the subject does not accept the authority and continues to misbehave, the person giving the punishment is stuck either punishing ad infinitem, or admitting defeat. It's a standard dog training truism - don't hit your dog for misbehaving, because you'll just end up in an ever-escalating cycle of misbehavior and punishment.

    But I can also see where someone would interpret it to mean to never stop spanking, no matter what line it crosses.
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    Quote Originally Posted by genevieve View Post
    Taking this only in the context posted above, I would guess the advice being given is to NOT use spanking, because it's an unwinnable battle - giving negative reinforcement only works when the subject admits the authority is there. If the subject does not accept the authority and continues to misbehave, the person giving the punishment is stuck either punishing ad infinitem, or admitting defeat. It's a standard dog training truism - don't hit your dog for misbehaving, because you'll just end up in an ever-escalating cycle of misbehavior and punishment.

    But I can also see where someone would interpret it to mean to never stop spanking, no matter what line it crosses.
    You're assuming the Pearls are way more intelligent than they are.

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    I just hope those parents will spend many years in jail

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    Quote Originally Posted by pingu View Post
    I just hope those parents will spend many years in jail
    Considering what often happens to child abusers behind bars, they may not.

  11. #11

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    Quote Originally Posted by genevieve View Post
    Taking this only in the context posted above, I would guess the advice being given is to NOT use spanking, because it's an unwinnable battle - giving negative reinforcement only works when the subject admits the authority is there. If the subject does not accept the authority and continues to misbehave, the person giving the punishment is stuck either punishing ad infinitem, or admitting defeat. It's a standard dog training truism - don't hit your dog for misbehaving, because you'll just end up in an ever-escalating cycle of misbehavior and punishment.

    But I can also see where someone would interpret it to mean to never stop spanking, no matter what line it crosses.
    Out of context, yes, I can see how it looks that way.

    In context, though, he's talking about taking a switch to a two-year-old boy.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spareoom View Post
    I have read that book, and others written by them, and I can assure you that the extreme abuse that happened is NOT endorsed or advised at all.
    Do you mean in the book they wrote? Most on Amazon have a problem with the book's content.

    One person told investigators the couple had a book called, "To Train Up A Child," which teaches parents to switch their children with a plastic tube, starting at the age of 1. It also advocates putting children in cold-water baths for toilet training or putting them outside in cold weather, having them miss meals and sleep on the floor as punishment, the affidavit says.
    I guess it doesn't matter if some people didn't think extreme abuse was written in the book or was endorsed or advised, they are charged with the murder of a child.

    Those parents disgust me along with anyone else who condones their behavior.

  13. #13
    drinky typo pbp, closet hugger
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    yeah, I don't know how anyone in this day and age could read that and NOT think the authors are crackpots
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