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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by barbk View Post
    D actually used the "mean mom" thing a number of times to avoid sleepovers she didn't want to stay for and other situations.
    We were able to use the "mean mom" excuse as teens. I vividly remember holding a phone in one hand more than once while I asked my mother if I could do something and shook my head "no". She always obliged and said no. I think a lot of parents are concerned with being cool parents and don't want to do that anymore. I had a student once who would come to me and ask me to tell her she couldn't do stuff because her mother set no boundaries and had no rules and she desperately wanted an adult to just give her the out of telling her no.

    All of that said...I recently asked my mother to tell me I couldn't go to a dinner party and she refused. Apparently she thinks that she no longer has to be the mean mom now that we are both well past 35. So not helpful.

  2. #42

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    Mean mom/dad is the greatest out on earth. Parents who don't give their kids permission to use it are missing a good opportunity.
    AceOn6, the golf loving skating fan

  3. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by barbk View Post
    I think that it is a good idea to make sure your kids know your beliefs on various subjects -- and why -- but a bad idea to assume that simply because you, or your church, or your school reinforces those beliefs that your kids will necessarily behave in conformance with that.
    That wasn't what I was saying to do. What I said--and I can support it--is that most kids are curbed, if not controlled by their parents' beliefs.

    I got those stats from the CDC report you linked.
    "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."-- Albert Einstein.

  4. #44
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    ::makes note to repeatedly express disapproval of sex before age 30::

  5. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by jeffisjeff View Post
    I've always thought that the best approach to that after school unsupervised time is to hope that the kid can get involved in some kind of sport or club or activity or job, something they like to do and will want to do after school. But then again, that isn't really going to stop drinking/sex.
    I absolutely believe in this. I have seen too many boys in our neighborhood who were not involved in after school activities and who found other, less desireable things to do. My son has played hockey since he was five, travel hockey since he was nine. It grounds them, gives them time mangement skills, and most importantly, kept him too busy to get into too much trouble. Well worth every penny I spent.

  6. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by agalisgv View Post
    ::makes note to repeatedly express disapproval of sex before age 30::
    Might work. Of course, they may decide to marry early.
    3539 and counting.

    Slightly Wounding Banana list cont: MacMadame.

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    Quote Originally Posted by agalisgv View Post
    ::makes note to repeatedly express disapproval of sex before age 30::
    The problem with doing that is that it makes them try to hide it if they ARE doing it, and then where are you?

    It's a real tightrope. Don't underestimate the hormones. Even if there were absolutely no peer pressure, teenagers are biologically driven to have sex. You can't watch them every minute; you can't lock them up; you can't trust them to always be honest with you if it means disappointing you or earning punishment....this is why parents start developing gray hair. If your child does start having sex, you will want to know, and if there are negative consequences, you will want to help, no matter how upset you might be. My parents told me all the time that they would be REALLY unhappy if I came home pregnant, but would help me. But they would be REALLY UNHAPPY, both because they would be severely disappointed in me and because it would RUIN MY LIFE.

    That won't work for everyone, but it sure worked for me.

    The last time I got my hair cut, I told my stylist that my son was on a date. She asked me if I was giving him condoms. I've had some very lively discussions with my friends who have teenagers about this since then. "So my stylist asked me the other day..." has been a real ice breaker at lunch, let me tell you. And responses have ranged from "Yes, absolutely" to "HELL, NO!"

    One of my friends just found out that her 15 year old has been having sex for almost a year. She found out when said 15 year old was diagnosed with a disease. Until then, she had been rationalizing all kinds of things with "Oh, but X is a good girl, really, and she goes to church with us every Sunday and we're so close that she would tell me if she was thinking of doing it."

    I will say that I wasn't at all surprised, even if her mom was, because this child has been in a race to "grow up" since she was five years old and all the signs were there, but it's hard for a parent to look objectively at her own child. Keep an eye on your kids' friends; offer to drive your kid and friends everywhere; they all forget you are there and blather on like you will not believe, so just shut up and try not to flinch, and you will learn a lot. Your child's friends are a pretty good indicator of what is going on with your child--even the ones who are all smarmy and fake with adults.
    "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."-- Albert Einstein.

  8. #48

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    Quote Originally Posted by sk8er1964 View Post
    I absolutely believe in this. I have seen too many boys in our neighborhood who were not involved in after school activities and who found other, less desireable things to do. My son has played hockey since he was five, travel hockey since he was nine. It grounds them, gives them time mangement skills, and most importantly, kept him too busy to get into too much trouble. Well worth every penny I spent.
    I think it is important to help kids find something that they really care about and want to invest time in. And, ideally, it will be something that they are good at, and can benefit from later in life. But finding that something seems to be really hard for many kids.
    Creating drama!

  9. #49

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    Quote Originally Posted by Prancer View Post

    I will say that I wasn't at all surprised, even if her mom was, because this child has been in a race to "grow up" since she was five years old and all the signs were there, but it's hard for a parent to lookobjectively at her own child. Keep an eye on your kids' friends; offer to drive your kid and friends everywhere; they all forget you are there and blather on like you will not believe, so just shut up and try not to flinch, and you will learn a lot. Your child's friends are a pretty good indicator of what is going on with your child--even the ones who are all smarmy and fake with adults.
    +1 on the whole post from Prancer.

  10. #50
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    I never agreed with the whole "I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16"

    I didn't turn 16 until my junior year, but my sister turned 16 when she was a freshman I don't think sticking an age of dating is the way to go. It should be done on a maturity basis, although I know some may never start dating.

  11. #51

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    Quote Originally Posted by julieann View Post
    I never agreed with the whole "I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16"

    I didn't turn 16 until my junior year, but my sister turned 16 when she was a freshman I don't think sticking an age of dating is the way to go. It should be done on a maturity basis, although I know some may never start dating.
    Might be helpful to understand that kids don't necessarily believe they're "dating" even when sex is involved. There is a fair amount of really casual sex, and hook-ups (which can mean a lot of things, and only some of which are sexual in nature) don't seem to be associated with "dating" much at all. I think a kid could be quite truthfully saying that he/she isn't dating, and that would say nothing about involvement either way in sexual activity.

    You hear lots and lots of things at school. Or driving. Or at meets.

  12. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by barbk View Post
    Might be helpful to understand that kids don't necessarily believe they're "dating" even when sex is involved. There is a fair amount of really casual sex, and hook-ups (which can mean a lot of things, and only some of which are sexual in nature) don't seem to be associated with "dating" much at all. I think a kid could be quite truthfully saying that he/she isn't dating, and that would say nothing about involvement either way in sexual activity.

    You hear lots and lots of things at school. Or driving. Or at meets.
    That has nothing to do what arbitrary age parents decide kids can "date" like 16; like I was referencing.

    What you are bringing up is something totally different and needs to be dealt with accordingly. What actually constitutes a "date" is different for a child than a parent to be sure and varies from family to family; but what I was talking about was setting a specific age that a teenager had to be before they could date was silly in my opinion.

  13. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by michiruwater View Post
    Or they should join band
    LOL! On paper it sounds great...but man, our HS band was incestuous! Everyone was getting on with everyone else....reminds me of the scene in Mean Girls where Janis is describing all the cliques at lunch and mentions "the sexually active Band geeks." So effing true.

  14. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by IceAlisa View Post
    I am guessing but I think that a lot of kids seem to not consider oral sex actual sex. In fact, it seems some kids think that only vaginal intercourse is sex.

    The point is, STIs can be transmitted by oral sex. That's the part that seems to get past a lot of kids.
    I guess it's just me and my Victorian prudishness ( - yeah, right ), but seriously, from the first time I learned about sex and sexuality, I never once thought of oral sex as not being "actual" sex. I mean, how can someone think that putting one's face and mouth in direct contact with someone else's genitalia is not intimate or sexual? .

    As for STDs and oral sex - if any naive or stupid teen needs a reality check, they need to come and have a talk with my step-brother's BIL - last month he was diagnosed with throat cancer, and the type of cancer cells found during the biopsy were the same ones found in HPV-related cervical cancer. So far, he's had surgery to remove part of his neck, throat, tongue, and lymph nodes, and is now waiting to heal up enough to have another surgery before they can start chemo and radiation.

    [QUOTE=IceAlisa;3308280I was told by another mom that the latest trend at parties, as young as 6th grade, is to go through the parents' medicine cabinet, take out all the pills, mix them up and take them randomly.

    This made me want to buy a safe.[/QUOTE]

    They're called Pharm Parties. I would strongly advice any and all parents here to keep their prescription medications (no matter how harmless they may seem) in a lockbox or safe.

    Not only is it dangerous and potentially deadly for the kids that might take them, not locking them up could leave you vulnerable to a lawsuit from angry parents.

    Quote Originally Posted by michiruwater View Post
    Or they should join band
    Quote Originally Posted by IceJunkie View Post
    LOL! On paper it sounds great...but man, our HS band was incestuous! Everyone was getting on with everyone else....reminds me of the scene in Mean Girls where Janis is describing all the cliques at lunch and mentions "the sexually active Band geeks." So effing true.
    Seriously!! On our "Away" games, of the two busses carrying the band and auxiliary corps, the one with all of the band members was nothing but a massive make-out session, complete with steamed up windows at times .

  15. #55
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    ::crosses band off list of possible extracurriculars::

  16. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by agalisgv View Post
    ::crosses band off list of possible extracurriculars::


    If you were to go by all the various clubs, organizations, and activities at the HS I attended that got their freak on, the Debate Team, the Chorale (senior mixed chorus), the Chess Club, Musical Theatre, Close-Up (an org. that does an in-depth study of how politics in Washington works), and the Foreign Language Club would have to be crossed off the list as well .

    Maybe it was all the raging pubescent hormones, maybe it was the influence of MTV bursting onto the scene in the early 80s the countless videos containing scantilly-clad video vixens, all kinds of T&A, sexually suggestive themes, and the like, maybe it was Brooke Shield who let nothing come between her and her Calvin Kleins, maybe it was movie like Porky's, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Risky Business, etc., or maybe it was just human nature helped along by the availability of so many media outlets (and advertisers who took the concept "Sex Sells" and freaking ran with it not to the end zone, but around the world (and to this day, haven't stopped ).
    Last edited by Cyn; 10-03-2011 at 10:03 PM.

  17. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by agalisgv View Post
    ::crosses band off list of possible extracurriculars::
    Quote Originally Posted by Cyn View Post


    If you were to go by all the various clubs, organizations, and activities at the HS I attended, the Debate Team, the Chorale (senior mixed chorus), the Chess Club, Musical Theatre, Close-Up (an org. that does an in-depth study of how politics in Washington works), and the Foreign Language Club would have to be crossed off the list as well .
    Perhaps agalisgv should try homeschooling .
    "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."-- Albert Einstein.

  18. #58

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    Quote Originally Posted by agalisgv View Post
    ::crosses band off list of possible extracurriculars::
    Really glad I'd just finished my coffee. Sincerely glad.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyn View Post
    I guess it's just me and my Victorian prudishness ( - yeah, right ), but seriously, from the first time I learned about sex and sexuality, I never once thought of oral sex as not being "actual" sex. I mean, how can someone think that putting one's face and mouth in direct contact with someone else's genitalia is not intimate or sexual? .
    I had a conversation with a guy once (we were both adults) who had no problem with oral sex on a first "date", but thought kissing was too intimate.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sk8er1964 View Post
    I had a conversation with a guy once (we were both adults) who had no problem with oral sex on a first "date", but thought kissing was too intimate.
    Were you on a date with him at the time?
    3539 and counting.

    Slightly Wounding Banana list cont: MacMadame.

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