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  1. #21

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aceon6 View Post
    Stuff like why oral sex is a bad idea
    I get all the other stuff, but can elaborate on this? Why is oral sex a bad idea?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Angelskates View Post
    I get all the other stuff, but can elaborate on this? Why is oral sex a bad idea?
    I am guessing but I think that a lot of kids seem to not consider oral sex actual sex. In fact, it seems some kids think that only vaginal intercourse is sex.

    The point is, STIs can be transmitted by oral sex. That's the part that seems to get past a lot of kids.
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    Quote Originally Posted by IceAlisa View Post
    I am guessing but I think that a lot of kids seem to not consider oral sex actual sex. In fact, it seems some kids think that only vaginal intercourse is sex.

    The point is, STIs can be transmitted by oral sex. That's the part that seems to get past a lot of kids.
    I get all that, but the next thing mentioned in the list is that sex without a condom is a bad idea (which can be true). Why teach that oral sex is a bad idea rather than, if you want to have oral sex, be safe, just as you should be with vaginal intercourse?

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    Quote Originally Posted by IceAlisa View Post
    I am guessing but I think that a lot of kids seem to not consider oral sex actual sex. In fact, it seems some kids think that only vaginal intercourse is sex.

    The point is, STIs can be transmitted by oral sex. That's the part that seems to get past a lot of kids.
    And that kids sometimes do anal sex first BEFORE vaginal sex because anal sex isn't "real sex" and I'm like, "Dear God WHYYYYY???"

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    Quote Originally Posted by Wyliefan View Post
    It's a generalization, I'll grant you. I was just pointing out that not being sexually active, for whatever reason, doesn't automatically equal no sex drive.
    Except Prancer was talking about her son, who she knows better then you do. I don't think she should be giving him advice based on the entire continuum of possible human behavior. In fact, that would be kind of dumb.

    Secondly, saying you are a virgin at 30 proves absolutely nothing one way or another about your sex drive.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Angelskates View Post
    I get all that, but the next thing mentioned in the list is that sex without a condom is a bad idea (which can be true). Why teach that oral sex is a bad idea rather than, if you want to have oral sex, be safe, just as you should be with vaginal intercourse?
    In our area, there's pressure on girls as young as 6th grade to "offer" oral sex to get the attention of a boy they like. My brother warned both kids that this isn't the way to get a boy/girl friend and that casual sex could be both physically and emotionally dangerous. My brother stressed saving any sex for a committed, mutually monogamous relationship.
    AceOn6, the golf loving skating fan

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    Thanks for the responses everyone.

    I'm probably a bit more conservative in this department than most here. I try to be realistic, but I also want to convey the importance of waiting. We do talk about the subject, but it seems like other kids are just progressing very rapidly in this department, so we're kinda swimming against the tide. Or at least that's how it feels.

    Tangent, but since it was brought up--if kids are binge drinking and/or sexually active, does that necessarily mean a certain level of tacit approval from parents? How would kids have the opportunity to do such things unless parents chose not to carefully supervise?

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    The way I see it work where I teach is that there are usually a couple kids who have either very lax or absent parents and the parties are at those houses. I guess the best thing to do would be to insist on talking to the parent/guardian at the house in which the party is taking place before letting the kid go.

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    At the last school I taught at, it was almost the same thing PL says...a few parents who were very lax or absent. There were also usually a few parents around who weren't lax or absent, rather they were throwing the parties themselves and providing the alcohol. They considered it a rite of passage. Many of them were under the impression that serving alcohol to minors in their house is not illegal, that it would only be illegal if they did it in a business or charged the kids to come. To make it all even better, one parent was a police officer who saw to it that no student from his kids' school would ever get an MIP.

    I agree with PL, know where your kids are going and what those parents' views are.

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by agalisgv View Post
    Tangent, but since it was brought up--if kids are binge drinking and/or sexually active, does that necessarily mean a certain level of tacit approval from parents? How would kids have the opportunity to do such things unless parents chose not to carefully supervise?
    My son and his gf (of a year) are both 16. They both have cars. Both my husband and I work 40 hours during the week, so do her parents. They have zero supervision all summer, and every day after school until parents get home.

    At this point, all we can do is hope that they are smart about things. Both sets of parents have given the information and guidance I hope they will follow, but there is no guarantee.

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    Quote Originally Posted by PDilemma View Post
    There were also usually a few parents around who weren't lax or absent, rather they were throwing the parties themselves and providing the alcohol. They considered it a rite of passage. Many of them were under the impression that serving alcohol to minors in their house is not illegal, that it would only be illegal if they did it in a business or charged the kids to come.
    In some states that is true as long as a parent or guardian is present and gives permission.
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    Quote Originally Posted by milanessa View Post
    In some states that is true as long as a parent or guardian is present and gives permission.
    When parents are having 50 kids over and buying kegs for them, what are the odds that all of those kids' parents came along and gave permission?

    Last time I checked, the law here is that they may serve their own kids. Not other people's kids. But I went to a graduation party thrown by a local police officer for his kid where I counted 12 minors drinking in the presence of the host and a uniformed officer. So there is little hope for the law being enforced. The worst part of this is that as long as this officer has kids at that school, there will be a free pass for underage drinking for its students and the parents who buy for them. Meanwhile, the local paper often reports MIP arrests at local college parties and parties involving students of the other high school. It is a bad situation.

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    When binge drinking is involved, in adult or a teen, you have to wonder why they are self-medicating. That's what I consider binge drinking: the reality is unbearable in sober state so they drink/do drugs to make it more acceptable.

    It's one thing to have an (illegal) beer at a party, it's another to binge drink.

    I was told by another mom that the latest trend at parties, as young as 6th grade, is to go through the parents' medicine cabinet, take out all the pills, mix them up and take them randomly.

    This made me want to buy a safe.

    Recently there was a case in Santa Rosa where there was a sleepover involving 14 year old girls. At night several girls got violently sick so the hosting mom thought it was food poisoning. Tragically, in the morning the girl who was hosting the sleepover was found dead. The tox report is pending but it seems girls added something (alcohol?) to the soda bottle they were passing around. This terrifies me.
    ETA:
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/0..._n_894753.html

    and http://www.pressdemocrat.com/article...cles/110829695

    I am not surprised additional tests were ordered.
    Last edited by IceAlisa; 10-02-2011 at 06:53 PM.
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  14. #34
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    I was only responding to your original post. How the hell would I know if 50 parents showed up? My point is that drinking laws vary by state and in some of them a kid can drink if they are in a private establishment and their parents are there and give them permission. I'm not making a value judgement either way - just saying what the law is.
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    Quote Originally Posted by IceAlisa View Post
    When binge drinking is involved, in adult or a teen, you have to wonder why they are self-medicating. That's what I consider binge drinking: the reality is unbearable in sober state so they drink/do drugs to make it more acceptable.

    It's one thing to have an (illegal) beer at a party, it's another to binge drink.
    A teen having a drink illegally is not a huge deal. I agree. But I know in this area, binge drinking among teens is a huge problem particularly in the more rural parts of the state. And some parents are telling them it is something they should be doing. We had a speaker at school once to talk about alcohol poisoning...because you can drink yourself to death and teens have. Some parents complained to the administration that we were trying to take all the fun of being young away from them.

    And I'm told that when a student was killed in a car accident last year, some parents got the affected class together to drown their sorrows in alcohol--effectively teaching them that binge drinking as self-medication is a solution. It is all very scary.

    Info on alcohol poisoning:

    http://www.samspadyfoundation.org/samstory.html

  16. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by agalisgv View Post
    I'm probably a bit more conservative in this department than most here. I try to be realistic, but I also want to convey the importance of waiting. We do talk about the subject, but it seems like other kids are just progressing very rapidly in this department, so we're kinda swimming against the tide. Or at least that's how it feels.
    I know that's how it feels (and I think it feels even more so to the kids), but if you look at the survey data--all of it--kids are, in general, waiting longer to have sex and being more careful when they do. The impression is that everyone is doing it, but if the data is to be believed, that's not so.

    Which is not to say that teens having sex isn't common, it's just that it's not as common as people seem to think. And it certainly isn't common at 12 or at 14 or whatever ages people like to cite as "They're having sex at [fill in blank with outrageously early age]."

    In fact, I have from time to time discussed the stats with my kids to demonstrate that just because it seems like everyone is talking about doing it doesn't mean they actually are.

    Studies also indicate that parental approval is important to most kids, and that their behavior, while not controlled, is often curbed by parental beliefs and teachings.
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  17. #37

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    Quote Originally Posted by sk8er1964 View Post
    My son and his gf (of a year) are both 16. They both have cars. Both my husband and I work 40 hours during the week, so do her parents. They have zero supervision all summer, and every day after school until parents get home.
    I am scared to death at the thought of being the parent of a 16 year old, but at this point (never having been the parent of a 16 year old) I would say that most 16 year olds ought to be given some unsupervised time. After all, many these kids are going to be living on their own (in one way or another) in 2 short years! Sure, parents can try to require that they are told what the kids are doing, who they are doing it with and where they are doing it. But that won't really stop drinking/sex, will it? Being independent and responsible and learning limits doesn't happen overnight when a kid turns 18 (or whatever age) - it needs to happen gradually.

    I've always thought that the best approach to that after school unsupervised time is to hope that the kid can get involved in some kind of sport or club or activity or job, something they like to do and will want to do after school. But then again, that isn't really going to stop drinking/sex.
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  18. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by jeffisjeff View Post

    I've always thought that the best approach to that after school unsupervised time is to hope that the kid can get involved in some kind of sport or club or activity or job, something they like to do and will want to do after school. But then again, that isn't really going to stop drinking/sex.
    Playing sports seems to have a positive effect on girls in terms of delaying sex and lowering risky sexual behaviors. There have been several studies about the correlation. Here's a summary of one:

    http://www.wcwonline.org/Archived-Pr...exual-behavior

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    Or they should join band

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    I think that it is a good idea to make sure your kids know your beliefs on various subjects -- and why -- but a bad idea to assume that simply because you, or your church, or your school reinforces those beliefs that your kids will necessarily behave in conformance with that. That's the primary reason I'm not a fan of the abstinence-only sex education that is used in so many places. It is also why I shared a fair number of stories on binge drinking (and in a college town there are plenty of tragic stories on the subject) to emphasize the potentially life-altering consequences. And why I think it is a good idea to let your kid know that you will always come and get them if asked, and that it was always okay to use your "mean mom" as the excuse for why you couldn't do something you didn't want to do but didn't feel comfortable saying directly.

    D actually used the "mean mom" thing a number of times to avoid sleepovers she didn't want to stay for and other situations.

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