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  1. #1
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    How important is a good engagement ring?

    A question for both genders. Guys, do you feel the need to go all out and spend thousands on an engagement ring to please the girl? Ladies, does the ring or amount spend actually increase how much love you feel for your man? do you care about size of the ring?
    I don't think size is an issue, as long as it fits your finger, right? But my gf doesn't think so. The other day, I bought this ring for her.
    Who knows, she said it not big enough. And she even implied the size is sort of matters.. If I don't get a good ring- then what does that say for the rest of the relationship or marriage... It predicts bad things! I'm so confused now. So, what's your opinion?

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  2. #2

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    Quote Originally Posted by vivid2012 View Post
    Ladies, does the ring or amount spend actually increase how much love you feel for your man? do you care about size of the ring?
    Some do, some don't. But the size of a ring can't impact how much love a person has for another in any meaningful, enduring way. It's just an object ultimately, although it certainly does have sentimental or symbolic value.

    But you really can't buy love. It's true that some relationships are about men with money and status buying a woman's beauty, companionship, and devotion. But in relationships like that the deal or exchange is pretty obvious and the man should pay a competitive price in the marketplace, so to speak.

    The other day, I bought this ring for her.
    I think it is a beautiful ring and spending almost 2K on a ring is a lot of money in my view.

    If I don't get a good ring- then what does that say for the rest of the relationship or marriage... It predicts bad things! I'm so confused now. So, what's your opinion?
    To be honest I don't think it's a sign of a promising relationship. The actual dollar value or size of the ring is quite immaterial - what is important is the emotional value attached to it. If both parties are in agreement that the size and dollar does or doesn't matter - or matters to a certain extent in terms of $$ - it's a sign that you share similar values.

    If your fiance has an issue with you not spending enough money on her ,maybe that will always be an issue. Does she place a dollar value on herself? Do you place a dollar value on her?

    And perhaps it signifies a serious difference in terms of what you both value and what you want do do with your money. If she wants lace and lingerie, while you care more about down-to-earn and pragmatic things or want to save your money for the kid's education (or whatever), you have a serious difference.

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  3. #3

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    I can only speak for myself - I am a woman. If I would get a man I really love and want to share my life with, I would not care less of the size and prize of the ring. But I know other ladies have other opinions. My engagement ring, as my husband´s, were the simplest. I got emerands and diamonds on our 10th anniversary.

    It is, of course, nice to give beatifuls things to a person you love and make them happy. But, in engament, the ring is not the important thing, says this old romantic.

  4. #4
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    Woman here and an engagement ring means nothing to me. I don't have one and my wedding ring is a plain gold band. I could have had one but just wasn't interested. That's probably not a common opinion but works for me.

    I do think you bought a beautiful ring and agree it doesn't bode well that she complained about the size.
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  5. #5
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    My husband picked out my ring and presented to me. He had designed it and had it specially made. Did I love it? Not really. The diamond has an obvious dark spot on it and the band is not something I would have picked out on my own He said he was choosing the engagement ring because he was buying it and it would take me foreever to choose something. But of course I told him I loved it.


    HIS wedding band was another story. HE wanted to pick it out and chose an expensive one with his birthstone and diamonds. Very unusual as I have never seen another man with such a ring and it cost me a lot back then considering I had to pay for practically the entire wedding with no help from him.

    Yes, he is a controlling person.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by vivid2012 View Post
    But my gf doesn't think so. The other day, I bought this ring for her.
    Who knows, she said it not big enough. And she even implied the size is sort of matters.. If I don't get a good ring- then what does that say for the rest of the relationship or marriage... It predicts bad things! I'm so confused now. So, what's your opinion?
    My opinion is that, if she is this shallow and materialistic NOW, it's only going to get worse later on.

    IMO, the best kind of person to make a life with is one who doesn't give a shit about "keeping up with the Joneses". They understand the word "budget" and the difference between things one truly needs vs. things one merely wants. My family did just fine without lavish vacations, new cars, cable TV (we didn't even have a color TV) and whatever technology was considered "cutting edge" when I was growing up.

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  7. #7

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    I don't care for rings, however if you do decide to buy one my only request is that you don't go el cheapo on it or I'll be offended, doesn't have to cost a fortune but I don't want a piece of tin either.

    I'll give an example, a friend of mine recently broke up with her boyfriend, he had given her a ring, he was also so nice that he left her when she was beginning treatment for depression and was unemployed ... Anyway, I was with her when she sold the ring, which was just gold with no stones as they usually are here, and she was given €10... I felt angry, stupid and cheap, what a nice combo. What was the point of offering that? I usually buy shoes more expensive than that ring at retail cost.

    I guess in the end what you do offer reflects you, btw, the ring you showed looks very nice.

  8. #8

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    I don't ever want an engagement ring. I don't understand the point. Anyone who bases their answer, their view of the giver or the future of their relationship on a ring, or anything material, is not the right person for me.

    My best friend got a plastic ring from a $1 machine and she's still married and happy (her dog ate the ring later that week!), another friend got an onion ring .

  9. #9

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    The ring you picked out is very pretty. I believe most women would love it.

    But here's my question....what size diamonds does the people closest to her have? That sometimes plays in a woman's wants as far as size goes. The reason I say this is because even though I loved my 1st engagement ring that my husband picked out and even though it looked great with my wedding band (it was my great grandmother's), I was basically told it wasn't big enough and that he was "cheap".

    All of my co-workers/friends at the time had rings over a carat. Mine was a 1/4 of a carat though it was a perfect stone in the 3 c's. So the stone was better than their's and cost almost as much as their carats etc.

    So, maybe her saying that isn't a personal opinion but a way to fit in?

    ETA: BTW--I wore that ring with pride for 11 yrs. Then he upgraded it for our anniversary/Christmas on our 12th year. Then I had it made into a pedant so I can still wear it!
    Have you hugged your kids and told them you love them today?

  10. #10

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    Female here. Husband and I decided that an engagement ring was a frivolous expense for us as we were buying a house. 21 years later, I still don't have a solitaire style ring and I don't miss it.

    I somewhat agree with Karina. If the price of the ring is that important today, it may signal bigger issues later. Why not sit down and discuss it?
    - How important is it for you to have this visible sign of our engagement?
    - What is concerning you? Are you worried that others may think that I'm not "good enough", did someone you know get a big stone, or are you thinking I didn't spend enough?
    - In the overall picture of our financial future, how important is it to you that I "fix" this?
    AceOn6, the golf loving skating fan

  11. #11

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    Quote Originally Posted by vivid2012 View Post
    A question for both genders. Guys, do you feel the need to go all out and spend thousands on an engagement ring to please the girl? Ladies, does the ring or amount spend actually increase how much love you feel for your man? do you care about size of the ring?
    I don't think size is an issue, as long as it fits your finger, right? But my gf doesn't think so. The other day, I bought this ring for her.
    Who knows, she said it not big enough. And she even implied the size is sort of matters.. If I don't get a good ring- then what does that say for the rest of the relationship or marriage... It predicts bad things! I'm so confused now. So, what's your opinion?
    It's nice to pick a ring that the recipient will like, but the problem is that some recipients can have expensive tastes. I'm not in a relationship, but most of my friends who are married/engaged either don't have engagement rings or have ones on the smallish side. I'll allow that this may be a cultural difference, though - there's no expectation for huge rings here. Personally, if I ever find the man I'll want to marry, I can't imagine caring much about the cost or how many carats the diamond is; I'd rather spend the money on something else.

    I noticed that you referred to the woman you're with as your gf, not your fiancee. Is the engagement contingent on her getting a ring she feels is appropriate? I don't know you and wouldn't presume to analyze your relationship, but I do think you need to understand why your gf isn't happy with the (lovely, it seems, and by no means inexpensive) ring you chose. Maybe there's a good reason for it that you two should be communicating about, and maybe this does indicate some things about her personality and values that you should probably consider before making a more serious commitment. either way, you need to talk to her about this.

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  12. #12

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    As a woman, I say an engagement ring means nothing...it's the man she's marrying, not the ring. Would she marry you without an engagement ring? If not, then she's not worth marrying, in my opinion. She may not be a bad person; she just needs to get her priorities in order and find out what's really important in life.

    As an amateur gemologist who knows a lot about coloured gemstones and a fair amount about diamonds, I say engagement rings are a total waste of money. I'd advise any young couple to take the money they would spend on an engagement ring and put it in a savings account for a down payment for a home. It usally takes a good-sized down payment to purchase a house these days.

    If you a young person who is at the beginning or middle of their career, I'd say that ring is perfect. If you are a neurosurgeon or an executive in a very successful corporation, I'd say you were being a cheap bastard and get the lady a bigger diamond.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by vivid2012 View Post
    So, what's your opinion?
    My opinion is that there's something fishy about a new poster who comes on a board to post a thread that doesn't make much sense ("Does the size of a ring matters," really?) but does include a link to a product.

    Yeah, I noticed you made a few ad hoc general posts before posting the thread. Someone seems to know that some boards don't allow new members to post links right away.

    Oh look, you seem to have been banned on other forums and they even say your links included some malicious stuff. If you ever hope to get a girlfriend, I'd worry about being a spammer more than the ring. Just sayin'.

    You're the weakest link, goodbye!

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