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  1. #41
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    Responding to rudeness with rudeness just makes two rude people instead of one. There are ways to let people know you don't appreciate their comments that don't involve being rude.

  2. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by genevieve View Post
    Because the comment is annoying?
    If she had been in a hospital running for a lift, then I'd agree. But she was in a shopping centre running for a lift.

    Oh well, I guess that's one Australian who has learnt his lesson and won't be holding an elevator for anybody in a hurry again.
    To think that fun is simple fun, while earnest things are earnest, proves all too plain that neither one thou truthfully discernest.

  3. #43

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    Holley, I too practice the "Southern Lady Freeze" with annoying/offensive people in public places.

  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by allezfred View Post
    If she had been in a hospital running for a lift, then I'd agree. But she was in a shopping centre running for a lift.

    Oh well, I guess that's one Australian who has learnt his lesson and won't be holding an elevator for anybody in a hurry again.
    He'll probably start pushing the close door button like a fiend the next time he sees someone running for the door.

    I'd have just smiled and said nothing.
    Adelina Sotnikova defeated the curse of Esta She is indeed the Greatest Of All Time!

  5. #45

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    Quote Originally Posted by Holley Calmes View Post
    I would have given him the "Southern Lady Freeze." This consists of stopping, looking at him like he was something you found on the bottom of your shoe, putting your nose slightly upwind, and with a slight shake of your head gone on your way as if he was of too little consequence to acknowledge.
    Don't forget to say "Bless your Heart" under your breath along with the slight shake of your head.

  6. #46

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    I like to chat with people in line & in elevators too but I do it without personal comments and assumptions about them or pet names that are a subtle put-down.

  7. #47
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    While I do enjoy light-heaterd, fun banter with strangers, I tend to think humor is not funny when the person makes the joke at your expense. If the man wanted to be funny, he should have made fun of himself instead.

    I also have noticed that men in elevators seem to think they have the right to comment about women all the time: "Smile! You'll look prettier!" Or if a woman has a snack in hand "Don't eat that, you'll get fat."

    So, no, I don't think Aussy Willie over-reacted at all.

    Quote Originally Posted by jen_faith View Post
    Responding to rudeness with rudeness just makes two rude people instead of one. There are ways to let people know you don't appreciate their comments that don't involve being rude.
    Altough I do generally agree with this, sometimes it is hard to instantaneously respond in a way that both gives the person the message and doesn't sound rude. I am kind of glad Aussie Willy responded the way she did. If women kept acting nice to him if they were annoyed, he'd keep doing it. She may have done other women a favor by letting him know it wasn't appreciated. Maybe he'll stop it.

    Quote Originally Posted by allezfred View Post
    Oh well, I guess that's one Australian who has learnt his lesson and won't be holding an elevator for anybody in a hurry again.
    Or maybe he'll do what I do: hold doors for others without making jokes about them.
    Last edited by mikemba; 07-11-2011 at 04:50 PM.

  8. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by rfisher View Post
    I'd have just smiled and said nothing.
    Me, too. Or I might have said I was going to lunch and was starving. Or whatever. But I wouldn't have taken offense, even though I'm another one who hates shopping, unless I was in a really irritable "I hate people" mood.

    I don't mind being called honey or whatever, either; I sometimes honey other people. If I get a chatty cashier, I usually chat back. I smile at strangers if we happen to make eye contact, too.

    *shrug*
    Trolling dates all the way back to 397 B.C. - People began following Plato around and would make fart noises after everything he said.

  9. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by mikemba View Post

    I also have noticed that men in elevators seem to think they have the right to comment about women all the time: "Smile! You'll look prettier!" Or if a woman has a snack in hand "Don't eat that, you'll get fat."
    I don't these things are in the same category as the original comment at all.
    To think that fun is simple fun, while earnest things are earnest, proves all too plain that neither one thou truthfully discernest.

  10. #50
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    I do.
    Q: Why can't I read the competition threads?
    A: Competition forums on the board are available to those with a Season Pass or a premium membership How to View Kiss & Cry

  11. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by Prancer View Post
    Me, too. Or I might have said I was going to lunch and was starving. Or whatever. But I wouldn't have taken offense, even though I'm another one who hates shopping, unless I was in a really irritable "I hate people" mood.

    I don't mind being called honey or whatever, either; I sometimes honey other people. If I get a chatty cashier, I usually chat back. I smile at strangers if we happen to make eye contact, too.

    *shrug*
    I do too. If someone had made a joke about shopping to me (even though I shop very rarely), I would have laughed and corrected him. No harm, no foul. A 5-second encounter and would have gone the rest of my day without thinking more about it.

    I was pathologically shy as a child, because I always thought (or my parents brainwashed me into thinking..which is pretty much the same thing ) that everyone would be judging me on what I said or did in public. I found as I got older that this wasn't the case at all - most people are scared of being judged too, and if you are ready with a smile or a laugh or a joke (the more self-deprecating, the better), this relaxes most people and lets their guard down. Showing that you're imperfect and okay with not being perfect spreads confidence all around.

    I believe that most everybody is a nice deep down, but they say the wrong things every once in a while. (God knows I do THAT more often than not!) And at worse, ignorance is no excuse to respond with meanness, IMO.

    Then again I'm a slim woman, whose default facial expression is a slight smile so I've had no man tell me not to eat anything or to smile more or something equally useless.

    But even with a bad or awkward social situation, I've realized that I only have enough mental energy to use per day, and obsessing negatively about my past interactions with people is never a priority. In fact, I take it off my to-do list altogether. My rule is, never get upset over a bad interaction longer than it took place. Like, if someone cuts you off, I can be mad about it for a second or two, because that's how long they interacted with me. You can bet they spent the rest of their day not thinking about it at all, so why should I waste my precious energy stewing for hours about why that jerk cut me off?

    I react with WTF driving with bemusement now. I live in LA, it keeps me sane and my cheery self.

  12. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anita18 View Post
    I've had no man tell me not to eat anything or to smile more or something equally useless.
    I haven't, either. If a man said either of those things to me, I'd probably be too startled to reply.
    Trolling dates all the way back to 397 B.C. - People began following Plato around and would make fart noises after everything he said.

  13. #53
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    I would have just given him a nice smile and thanked for waiting with the elevator.

  14. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by Prancer View Post
    I haven't, either. If a man said either of those things to me, I'd probably be too startled to reply.
    I imagine that'd be my reaction too, but I hope I'd at least manage a " Really?" look.

  15. #55

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    Quote Originally Posted by mikemba View Post

    I also have noticed that men in elevators seem to think they have the right to comment about women all the time: "Smile! You'll look prettier!" Or if a woman has a snack in hand "Don't eat that, you'll get fat."
    I live in a high rise and encounter men in the elevator all the time. Mostly we talk about the weather....

  16. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by allezfred View Post
    I don't these things are in the same category as the original comment at all.
    They're in the same category as the original post in that they are all gender-sterotyped things that some men feel free to say to women who are complete strangers.

  17. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by PrincessLeppard View Post
    I live in a high rise and encounter men in the elevator all the time. Mostly we talk about the weather....
    Well, of course, I've had these neutral conversations too. But this thread was started about one that Aussie Willy found annoying in a gender-sterotyped way. So I limited my post to other annoying-in-a-gender-stereotyped-way comments I have observed from male elevator riders. I don't get what your objection to my post is.

  18. #58
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    I would've just shook my head and chuckled and went on my way.He doesn't know me,it sounded like a lame attempt at making conversation with a woman.Fail.

  19. #59
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    Some of my best fleeting conversations started with openings like that.
    The fastest thing out of New Jersey since Tricky Nicky in a Muscovian handbasket

  20. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by rfisher View Post
    He'll probably start pushing the close door button like a fiend the next time he sees someone running for the door.

    I'd have just smiled and said nothing.
    Nice of him to hold the elevator. I hate being in elevators with strangers so I'd have pushed the close button...

    ...and then rush off to that sale
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