How would you react?

[Aussie Willy]

Thanks everyone. Some of you responses are brillant. It is moments like this that I wish I had the quickness of mind to come up with something really devastatingly Oscar Wilde funny. But it always happens after the event.

ETA: while we're on the subject, I can't stand to be called little lady, youngun', honey, darling, or the like. These are also demeaning, just like assuming all women are gaga for sales & shopping is. I despise shopping & I have to be forced into a mall. If I was rushing into an elevator it would probably be because I was rushing to get out of there.

Oh you are not the only one sweetie honey love darling (sorry! ). Those people just really bug me. I let them do it three times and then I tell them how much I hate being called it. Usually in light hearted way, never in a pissed off way, but they usually get the message.

The other one is a particular nickname that people give me (a variation on my actual name). There are some people I can accept it from but others I can't. I think it is those who assume a sense of familiarity with you that you would much rather them not have, who are the ones I hate doing it and I usually end up telling them so.

[Norlite]

Ugh, he's an ass of the worst kind. One who thinks he's clever but is just patronizingly stupid.

I would have either ignored him, or given a


Also hate the honey, sweetie, dear names from a stranger.

I hate people who make asinine comments because they think they're being funny

Comments which are more often than not insultive. Yet say something equally rude in return, and they get all offended.

Fools.

[skateboy]

From what I can gather, he thought he was being funny. After all, he was inside the elevator and here you come, madly dashing to make it in there before the doors closed. He probably thought the whole thing was funny--if I saw you hightailing it in to the elevator, I might have thought so, too.

[Aussie Willy]

From what I can gather, he thought he was being funny. After all, he was inside the elevator and here you come, madly dashing to make it in there before the doors closed. He probably thought the whole thing was funny--if I saw you hightailing it in to the elevator, I might have thought so, too.

Ah but the question is - would you say what he did?

[marbri]

Ah but the question is - would you say what he did?

You are female. You were in a shopping centre, a place people go to spend money. You were racing to get on an elevator. I would have laughed it off or ignored him, I wouldn't have dumped my issues on him

[Aussie Willy]

You are female. You were in a shopping centre, a place people go to spend money. You were racing to get on an elevator. I would have laughed it off or ignored him, I wouldn't have dumped my issues on him

And your point is that the circumstances just lead to the inevitable conclusion that all I do in life is go shopping and spend money?

I wouldn't construe challenging someone with a stereotype of a comeback to a comment that they placed on me without even knowing me as "dumping my issues on him". If I really wanted to dump on him I could have told him to f*ck off and stop being a pig ignorant sexist sh*thead. But I don't think that would have achieved much would it?

[Holley Calmes]

You are female. You were in a shopping centre, a place people go to spend money. You were racing to get on an elevator. I would have laughed it off or ignored him, I wouldn't have dumped my issues on him

Why not? He was dumping his issues on AW!! Really! I can't believe you'd let this guy off the hook and chastise, though gently, AW for being disturbed by the encounter.

OK, my response was to treat him like the insect he was and ignore him with frigid countenance, letting him know he's beneath contempt and not worth a sentence however clever or pithy. And I stand by that.

[orbitz]

I wouldn't care if he was joking or not. I don't like when total strangers think they have the right to joke with me, plus his comment was not funny in the least. I think Aussie Willy reacted like I would except I wouldn't have thought of as good a comeback as she did.

When you take a risk and make a joke at/toward a stranger then you also take the risk that the intended might not take it well also. It happens. Big deal.

[triple_toe]

I probably would have laughed, unless his body language and tone clearly indicated he wasn't joking and was being a jerk. It was probably funny seeing you run towards the elevator in a big rush, and he was just trying to make a friendly joke.

I don't know, YMMV obviously, but I can't imagine getting upset over a harmless little comment made in a joking fashion. Even if the joke wasn't funny, or you think it's in bad taste... are you ever going to see the guy again? Why bother to "put him in his place" or let him know you thought it wasn't a good thing to say? It's not like he flashed you his naughty bits or went on some rant about how women are inferior to men. I think your response came off more rude than his initial joke, to be honest.

Mind you, I don't really think saying rude things to strangers is the way to go even if they said something rude to you first. Why fight rudeness with more rudeness? Be above that and just don't respond if his comment really bothered you that much. And then forget it and move on with your life.

Also, maybe it's a Canadian thing, but I don't mind dear/honey/love at all, nor do I mind saying hello to strangers or striking up a conversation in the elevator. I almost always get a "What can I get for you, dear?" from the Tim Horton's server. I also usually talk to the cashier at the grocery store about the weather, tell him/her to have a nice day, etc. I find it more pleasant that way. Spread love not hate people!

[Cyn]

Also, maybe it's a Canadian thing, but I don't mind dear/honey/love at all, nor do I mind saying hello to strangers or striking up a conversation in the elevator. I almost always get a "What can I get for you, dear?" from the Tim Horton's server. I also usually talk to the cashier at the grocery store about the weather, tell him/her to have a nice day, etc. I find it more pleasant that way. Spread love not hate people!

Are you sure you aren't really from the Deep South (or were possibly a Southern Belle in a previous life)?

[triple_toe]

Haha, maybe! I've come to realize that my attitude is not common everywhere, especially on the East Coast of the USA... I've gotten some funny looks . Although generally, people seem to think I'm harmlessly insane so they smile back!

[Japanfan]

Why not? He was dumping his issues on AW!! Really! I can't believe you'd let this guy off the hook and chastise, though gently, AW for being disturbed by the encounter.

OK, my response was to treat him like the insect he was and ignore him with frigid countenance, letting him know he's beneath contempt and not worth a sentence however clever or pithy. And I stand by that.

it would really depend on my mood at the moment. But if a man (or woman for that matters) judges me according to a negative or inaccurate gender stereotype, I might well get offended and reply with something snarky. Comments like that aren't too away from the stereotyped view that the man makes the money and the woman blows it on shopping, and I do find that offensive.

I remember telling a male worker at the neighbourhood greengrocer that I hated shopping - they didn't have an ingredient I needed and I wasn't happy that I had to go to another store. The guy, who I knew to be a bit of a jerk, replied: "No way!! A woman who doesn't like shopping?"

I just ignored him at the time, but on another day, I might have told him that in fact, yes, women exist who do not like to shop - it isn't genetic.

[Twilight1]

I hate malls and shopping in general because of the crowds and people walking slow. I go from point a to point b very fast. I never window shop. I go in, grab what I need to grab then leave. The only exception is the book store. I could spend hours (and have) in a book store.

If someone said that to me, I would look at them and tell them what I was really doing. If I needed to grab a quick bite, I would say that. I would say it in a good natured way, but stereotyping does drive me a bit crazy.

My husband and I are the same about shopping. Do it as quick and as painless as possible.

Christmas shopping is a nightmare to me...which reminds me I should start doing that asap so i don't have to deal with the crowds... lol!!

[allezfred]

I agree with marbri and triple toe. Is it really worth getting worked up over a fairly innocuous comment from a complete stranger? I mean, you were at a shopping centre.

[Angelskates]

I agree with marbri and triple toe. Is it really worth getting worked up over a fairly innocuous comment from a complete stranger? I mean, you were at a shopping centre.

ITA. Why let yourself get annoyed? It's a waste of energy in my opinion.

[marbri]

And your point is that the circumstances just lead to the inevitable conclusion that all I do in life is go shopping and spend money?

I wouldn't construe challenging someone with a stereotype of a comeback to a comment that they placed on me without even knowing me as "dumping my issues on him". If I really wanted to dump on him I could have told him to f*ck off and stop being a pig ignorant sexist sh*thead. But I don't think that would have achieved much would it?

My point was to respond to your thread titled "How would you react?" I wouldn't overreact

[FunnyBut]

I would have let it go. Even you thought it was just an innocuous attempt at humor. When people are just trying to be friendly to me, I try to acknowledge the goodwill, if I think the intent is good. I understand the sexist overtones of what he said, I just think it's such a minor event, I'd smile politely and let it pass.

Sorry, if the guy was me, I would have regretted that I didn't press close on the elevator door a bit faster. But again, I wouldn't have said 'damn, those elevator doors at this mall just don't close fast enough!' to your face. I would have given you the benefit of the doubt (had a bad day, in a rush etc), just as I think you could done that with him.

[sk9tingfan]

The biggest stereotyping happened to me when I was about 28 and living in Manhattan. My building had had gas main problems and Con Edison told the maintenance crew not to turn the gas back on until further notice. One of the maintenance turned it on before that and three apartments were severely blown out and three people died in the explosion. I was lucky enough to have been taking an exam at that time and missed the actaul explosion.

I had some significant smoke damage to my clothes and had an insurance assessor come up to give me an estimate. He looked me up and down and said, "What's the matter, isn't living with Mommy and Daddy good enough for you?" implying that my parents were paying for my apartment's rent! I replied that I had been financially independent since I had been 17 and had this apartment because I was a nurse and needed to be near the hospital. Needless to say, the guy was so embarrassed that he upped my insurance estimate.

I guess there will always be people who are judgmental.

[genevieve]

I agree with marbri and triple toe. Is it really worth getting worked up over a fairly innocuous comment from a complete stranger? I mean, you were at a shopping centre.

ITA. Why let yourself get annoyed? It's a waste of energy in my opinion.

Because the comment is annoying?

I wouldn't be ruminating over it after the fact, but a simple response to someone's ignorant joke takes no more energy than any other response.

[pilgrimsoul]

I'd have kept it short & sweet - "Heh, I wish!" I wouldn't bother to explain myself to him.