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  1. #21
    drinky typo pbp, closet hugger
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenny View Post
    I'm not sure I'm with the donation idea - other guests might feel upstaged...
    the other guests shouldn't even know about it. there's nothing to give, a letter comes from the charity after the fact (or before, if you give far enough in advance), directly to the honorees. I suppose someone could come in brandishing an envelope or card and making a big deal about having given in the couple's honor - but anyone who would do that would probably be just as loutish if it were a traditional party with gifts.

    As for the recipients feeling uncomfortable...I would hope the giver would select a charity that is in line with their politics or whatever, but I can't see any other potential pitfalls there. If the charity is remotely on top of things, the recipients don't know the level of the gift - it could be $5, or $500.
    Q: Why can't I read the competition threads?
    A: Competition forums on the board are available to those with a Season Pass or a premium membership How to View Kiss & Cry

  2. #22
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    If they said "no gifts" then...don't bring a gift.

  3. #23

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    Even better than flowers that need a vase is the ones that come in boxes with moist foam. There's no need for a vase, the whole thing is disposable. I'd take food and maybe flowers, wine, or even a nice juice or box of chocolates.

  4. #24

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    My in laws had their 60th on Sunday. Most people gave them cards, some gave money/gift cards, they got a few gifts. We had said no gifts on the notices at the place they live, but forgot about putting it with the announcement in the paper.

  5. #25
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    Look at it this way. A 60th wedding anniversary is a remarkable achievement. The pot luck aspect tells me that they prefer a low-key celebration. They're probably just grateful that they're both still alive and that their marriage has endured. They want to celebrate this rare milestone with their family and friends but they don't want a lot of fuss. Honor their request. Forget about a gift.

  6. #26

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    A nice card would be OK if you want to give them something tangible, instead of just saying "Happy anniversary".
    You should never write words with numbers. Unless you're seven. Or your name is Prince. - "Weird Al" Yankovic, "Word Crimes"

  7. #27
    Spin Alissa Spin!!!
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    I've read somewhere that most people on their 60th Anniversary don't want gifts. At this time in their life, they are looking/trying to get rid of things. Not collect more.

    The "No gifts" policy should be honored. Like others suggest, flowers, wine or a card is acceptable.

    I find the elderly love their "red" wine.

  8. #28

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    No gift but definitely bring a card & write something personal inside. My mother said those were the best gifts she ever got. She got over 200 cards & absolutely loved reading all the messages.

  9. #29

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    I always take a card. It gives me the opportunity to express how much that person means to me. It's not a gift. It's a sentiment. If you've already sent one, you are more than done with your obligations.

  10. #30

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    Another nice gesture is to put a picture of the happy couple, taken as far back as you can find, in the card. If you're in the picture, even better. We asked for photos for my grandparents 50th anniversary and then put them all in an album. A few years later when my grandmother was in the hospital she spent hours looking through the album.
    A good rant is cathartic. Ranting is what keeps me sane. They always come from a different place. Take the prime minister, for example. Sometimes when I rant about him, I am angry; other times, I am just severely annoyed - it's an important distinction. - Rick Mercer

  11. #31

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    mag, that's a wonderful idea.

  12. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by JasperBoy View Post
    By all means honour the No Gift request. However, if you have a good photo of the couple, especially with you, put it in an inexpensive frame and give it to them. That is meaningful and personal but not really a gift.
    Quote Originally Posted by manhn View Post
    Then they have to put the frame in their house. STUFF!
    Manhn I agree. My parents are trying to downsize all the time. Any picture in a frame is one more thing to deal with.

    Quote Originally Posted by gkelly View Post
    If they are wine drinkers, you could bring a nice (but not extravagant) bottle of wine along with whatever food dish you bring. Then they can open it and serve it to the group as part of the potluck, or they could consider it a gift and put it aside.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kasey View Post
    By all means, no gifts means no gifts. Flowers, wine, food (especially since it is a potluck) and good company are all welcome additions I'm sure.
    Again, you need to know the people really well. My mom and dad don't drink wine and my mom is allergic to flowers. For them, just the pot-luck and interaction with family and friends is more than a gift, it is a treasure.
    Quote Originally Posted by overedge View Post
    A nice card would be OK if you want to give them something tangible, instead of just saying "Happy anniversary".
    I thought that a card was already sent.

  13. #33

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    Quote Originally Posted by numbers123 View Post
    .

    I thought that a card was already sent.
    It was, but I read it as a card to mark the anniversary. I was thinking of a card for the party, e.g. "Thank you for inviting us to be part of your special celebration".
    You should never write words with numbers. Unless you're seven. Or your name is Prince. - "Weird Al" Yankovic, "Word Crimes"

  14. #34
    podcast mistress
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    No gifts here too. My son's birthday is on a big holiday, so we always throw a bbque that's a combo of celebrating his birthday and just having people over. We have 1000 square feet, so when we say no gifts, really, we mean it! But people love buying for kids so they bring them anyway. Sigh.
    In my spare time, I like to interview figure skating legends.

  15. #35
    Grooving!
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    ^^^ I wouldn't even take flowers. That would be considered kind of gift-y in my crowd.

  16. #36

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    I honor the no-gifts request but may take a bottle of wine along with any pot-luck food. The problem with bringing flowers is that if a lot of people have that idea it could be a problem! Plus, where I live we are not allowed to put yard waste or flowers in the regular trash. It has to be part of a separate pick up (which I don't have) or you take it to the nearby county compost instead. So it is kind of a pain for me now if people bring me flowers. That said, a friend brought me flowers a couple months ago when he came for dinner and that was very sweet. Because it was just one person.

    When I threw a birthday party for myself a few years ago, I asked people to bring non-perishable food items for the food closet at my church, because I know people hate to show up empty-handed. They brought a lot of food! It was great. A few people still brought me small gifts and it was okay. Two of my skating friends had put two tickets for freestyle time in a card and they said, "We know you said no gifts, but we thought it would be okay to support your skating habit!"

  17. #37

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    OK, I take it back. Don't put the photo in a frame. Put it in in your card.

  18. #38

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    Quote Originally Posted by sk8pics View Post
    ...When I threw a birthday party for myself a few years ago, I asked people to bring non-perishable food items for the food closet at my church, because I know people hate to show up empty-handed. They brought a lot of food! It was great. ...
    Slightly OT, but this is what my kids do for their birthdays now. They really don't need anything and they realize they are very fortunate. Everyone brings non perishable food and then I take the birthday girl down to the food bank after the party. The first time we did it it was a big eye opener for them. My teenager recently asked people to bring small personal care items (toothbrushes, shampoo etc) and part of the party was to make up small bags for the local shelter. We found some cute toiletry bags at the dollar store and the girls spent almost an hour figuring what should go in each one.
    A good rant is cathartic. Ranting is what keeps me sane. They always come from a different place. Take the prime minister, for example. Sometimes when I rant about him, I am angry; other times, I am just severely annoyed - it's an important distinction. - Rick Mercer

  19. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by mag View Post
    Slightly OT, but this is what my kids do for their birthdays now. They really don't need anything and they realize they are very fortunate. Everyone brings non perishable food and then I take the birthday girl down to the food bank after the party. The first time we did it it was a big eye opener for them. My teenager recently asked people to bring small personal care items (toothbrushes, shampoo etc) and part of the party was to make up small bags for the local shelter. We found some cute toiletry bags at the dollar store and the girls spent almost an hour figuring what should go in each one.
    I wish more people would do that instead of buying the nth toy car or toy train or Barbie doll for kids, even if it's their bday.

  20. #40

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    I think no gift should be taken quite literally. I do think you could get away with bringing a card, though, so long as there was nothing in it to constitute a gift. You mentioned being afraid of showing up and other people having gifts and then you would feel bad. This is part of the reason some people request no gifts, because they don't need anything and they don't want people to feel bad if they can't or don't bring something. The ones who bring stuff anyway are breaking the rules and causing others to feel bad. Follow the rules and no one gets hurt, lol
    -Brian
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