When an invitation says 'No Gifts' do you still bring one?

[mag]

I think no gift should be taken quite literally. ...

I agree, but the term "gift" is defined differently in different social circles. I would never, ever, ever show up to someone's house for dinner without at least a bottle of wine and/or flowers, and most of the time both - it depends on where the dinner is to whether it is one or both. Neither would be considered a gift. Also, if it is near Christmas, I would take a hostess gift instead of flowers, and my dh would still take a bottle of wine. That is just how our group of friends operate. For a birthday party, if "no gifts" is NOT specified, then there would be flowers, wine, and a gift. Again, that is just the custom.

Now this is not to say that this custom is the "right" way to do things. It is just the way we do. That is the problem with these sorts of discussions on an internet forum. What is acceptable among one group of friends may be totally unacceptable among another.

So if the invitation says "no gifts," in some places that means take absolutely nothing at all, and in other places with other groups it mean don't take a gift, but a bottle of wine or flowers is okay if you want, and in yet another group it means no gifts, but flowers and wine are still assumed.

You can begin to see why strict rules about manners were developed. If there are strict rules that everyone in society follows, there is never any questions about what to do. I remember ready about English society during the Victorian era. Now they had RULES. Serious rules for those considered part of "society." Of course, there were lots of problems with that too so I'm pretty sure we don't want to go back to that kind of structure!

[Vash01]

I am a late comer to this thread and I agree with others. If they requested 'No gifts' you have to honor that request. Once I went to a birthday party of a friend who had completed 40 and he and his wife had requested 'no gifts'. I felt uncomfortable going there without a gift, so I took a small one- decorative plate- which the 'birthday boy' accepted graciously. However, I was the only one that brought a gift and I felt a bit embarrassed that I did.

I am wondering if an Anniversary card of good wishes may still be OK? It's not exactly a gift; just some good wishes.

[VIETgrlTerifa]

Am I the only one who hates receiving greeting cards of any kind?

I mean the designs are cute and can be really sweet and I do love it when your loved ones write something insightful or touching, but really, they just end up clutter for me to deal with. I hate throwing them away since they look nice and having something nice written in them, but I end up doing that anyway after time has passed.

So if I told people "no gifts" I would especially not want a card.

[numbers123]

no = I never know what to do with the cards once the event or occasion is over with. The exception has been the holiday cards I receive from FSUers. I do keep those and cherish them.

[Aceon6]

Going back to the original dilemma, if you're someone like me who hates to turn up without a "gift", I've started offering specific help. A general "can I do anything?" rarely elicits a response, but "is there anything I can pick up en route?" or "is there anyone needing a ride?" usually gets the hosts thinking. If the hosts are family or close friends, I call about 2-3 hours before the party, figuring the hosts have completed inventory and know what is left to be done. Most times, I get an "I'm SO glad you called, can you pick up X?" Something as small as bringing nutmeg so the hosts don't have to go out is appreciated much more than bringing something they haven't planned on.

[Dave of the North]

Am I the only one who hates receiving greeting cards of any kind?

I mean the designs are cute and can be really sweet and I do love it when your loved ones write something insightful or touching, but really, they just end up clutter for me to deal with. I hate throwing them away since they look nice and having something nice written in them, but I end up doing that anyway after time has passed.

You could do what a friend does - she stands by the garbage and she opens the card, reads it, and throws it in the garbage...

[mag]

You could do what a friend does - she stands by the garbage and she opens the card, reads it, and throws it in the garbage...

You mean she doesn't recycle?

Seriously, I don't really like cards either. I've started using the Jacquie Lawson site for sending cards to friends by email. I'm sure there are other sites, I just happen to like this one. We also don't do cards in my immediate family. Now I'm apparently not very consistent because I love sending out invitation by mail and thank you cards by mail. Not very environmentally conscious of me but I just love receiving a thick invitation in the mail. There is something so terribly old fashioned and lovely about it.

[jlai]

Am I the only one who hates receiving greeting cards of any kind?

No. To celebrate bdays, Xmases and any event worth celebrating, I'd rather just meet up with people close to me and have a good time. That's it.