Prayers for my mom...

[Bailey_]

Hi Everyone,

Sadly, I need your help today... My mom was diagnosed with myeloma on Friday - in incurable form of bone cancer. She has only been sick for a month, but in that month we have made four trips to emergency, she has had multiple tests, and a major surgery. She has been told it was a gastrointestinal bleed, then ovarian cancer, then a tumor in her small intestine that had "shed" to the ovaries, and now the bone scan has come back to show myeloma. She is so weak, she is having trouble rising from lying to sitting position and walking to the bathroom - yet she won't go back to the hospital. She is just having her first treatment with the oncologist this week who is talking about chemo and stem cell transplant - very aggressive treatment because my mom is only 62 years old. Only, she is so weak, I can't imagine how she will do the treatment.

This has all happened in a month. And, to add the the stress - my grandfather (my dad's father) passed away last Tuesday and the funeral was Saturday.

I have been so strong through this all but I feel like I'm really struggling with this last news. I dread calling my parents home because I know the news is not going to be good. When I see my mom each day, I just want to cry because she is so pale and so weak. I'm supposed to go back to work today and I can't fathom going to work this morning. I can go from being fine to crying in seconds, and I'm exhausted.

So, I'm asking sincerely, does anyone have any advice from personal experience or any resources that may be helpful in coping with serious illness?

[rudi]

I can't think of any advice, but I will keep you and your mom in my prayers. (((hugs)))

[soxxy]

I'm so sorry. I'll certainly say a prayer for your mother now.

[KikiSashaFan]

I have no advice, but I'm very sorry to hear that {{{hugs}}}

[Holley Calmes]

I will really pray for you this morning, Bailey. I know how hard this must be. The only thing I can tell you is that I have a friend who had aggressive chemo and stem cell transplant, and he did fine for a long, liong time! It gave him years longer. And he was so weak and frail, we didn't think he would survive the treatment, but he did! The fact that your Mom is at home and not HAVING to be in the hospital says a lot about her strength and determination. I know she looks weak, but I bet she can come through the treatment and have more time! Years....maybe total remission. I am 61 myself, and it's far, far too young. Her youth will help her.

[BittyBug]

So, I'm asking sincerely, does anyone have any advice from personal experience or any resources that may be helpful in coping with serious illness?

I'm so sorry about your mom, Bailey. Here are a few things that you might try:

- Have you met with her doctor? If not, could you go to one of her appointments so that you could ask questions about your condition and treatment plan directly (without having it filtered through her or your dad). AFAIK (which admittedly, isn't a lot), myeloma is a blood cancer, not a bone cancer, but it is typically treated with stem cell transplants and chemo as you described. It's my understanding that it's also a condition that is frequently chronic rather than acute, meaning that patients can live with the disease for quite some time.

- Research the disease yourself. Once you have direct and accurate information about her condition, read up on it to get a better understanding of what she's facing. Someone I know was recently diagnosed with a disease in the family of myeloma and I found it very helpful to dig past surface information to try to better understand the situation. For my friend's disease, I stumbled upon the personal blog of someone who also had the disease and it contained a wealth of information as well as a very interesting perspective - that much of the life expectancy information is out of date and not always applicable to an individual situation. First and foremost, because it's an average and someone has to be on the high end of the data that went into that average, so why not you (or your mom, in this case)? Second, it doesn't always adequately reflect the latest treatments that have been developed. And third, blood cancers are most commonly found in older people, so it's not always clear whether survey subjects succumbed to the disease or whether their life just ran it's natural course.

- Find a support group. There are societies and research foundations for just about every disease. Once you have your mom's actual diagnosis, look for related societies and research foundations and check their web site for support groups that can put you in touch with other people like you who have a loved one with the disease.

- Consider taking time off from work. I don't know what your job situation is, but if you're in the U.S., you may be eligible to take time off under the Family Medical Leave Act. If that might be an option for you (i.e., your job has at least some flexibility and you could forgo the pay), you may want to investigate that option.

- Don't forget about yourself. You are under a lot of stress right now, so make sure you try to take some time for yourself where you can to recharge - yoga, meditation, a long hard run, any kind of exercise, a bath with a cup of herbal tea, immersing yourself in a good book - anything to take your focus away from worrying about your mom.

Hang in there, and please post back and let us know how both your mom and you are doing. ((((((hugs))))))

[Holley Calmes]

Excellent advice, BittyBug. Knowledge is power.

[Wyliefan]

All great advice. Adding my prayers for your mom and you, Bailey.

[attyfan]

Bailey ... you and your mom are in my prayers.

[Holley Calmes]

What is your Mom's first name, Bailey?

[love skating]

(((Bailey))) My prayers and best wishes to you and your family. My father passed away last year from a four year battle with colon cancer (that we knew from the start was incurable). My only advice would be to treasure your moments with your parent. I think your being there for your mom is the best thing for her. And trying to make things as normal for her in abnormal circumstances is helpful. But know that there is no one right way to do things - everybody is different and wants different things. Some people want to fight their disease hard and for as long as possible, while some would rather have a shorter time with more quality of life. Some want a lot of people around them, while some only want their closest family around. I will keep you in my prayers.

[skatesindreams]

You and your family will be in my prayers and thoughts.

[victoriajh]

how stressful for you =( I have no expericnce with this type of condition but my thoughts are with you and your family

[barbk]

Bailey - I will keep you and your family in my thoughts -- that is a big blow on top of your grandfather's death last week.

LiveStrong has free one-on-one counseling and support for those affected by cancer -- it doesn't matter if you are the patient or a family member -- lots of support is available, and I have heard it is very good. They're not open today, but they will be open tomorrow morning:
http://www.livestrong.org/Get-Help/G...On-One-Support

Hugs.

[PAskate]

(((Bailey))) - I will be thinking of you and your family.

Here's another website for you - http://www.scottcares.org/ - Scott Hamilton's CARES Initiative. They also sponsor the Fourth Angel program which matches interested cancer patients and/or caregivers with mentors that have been through similiar experiences.

[skipaway]

Your mother and your family will be in my prayers. I'm sorry for what you are going through. (((Bailey)))

[Gypsy]

Your Mom, You & All your Family are in my thoughts & prayers!

[overedge]

<<bailey and family>>

[ChelleC]

(((Bailey)) praying for you and your mom!

[Cachoo]

My prayers for you and your mother and your family.